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It is an antithesis of this blog to have had a BPD commenter remark yesterday that when adult infant-child abuse survivors choose to put words to their traumas and speak/write about them that we are feeling sorry for ourselves and ‘whining’.
In response to today’s commenter on the post — *THE DANGERS OF MEMORY RETRIEVAL I posted the following links to older posts written on this blog over time that address the topic of disclosure and the power that naming and giving words to trauma have to heal human beings.
It is the nature of trauma that it will repeat itself in life until the lessons contained in the traumatic experience are heard and learned. Trauma dramas repeated as disrespect, confusion and often as violence in relationships of all kinds — including in child-caregiver relationships — is a sure sign that unresolved trauma is still alive and unwell within the adults in relationship.
We are never too old to apply what we can figure out about the old adage, “Clarity begins at home.” After yesterday’s BPD extremely judgmental and condemning, ridiculing and verbally abusive comment (which I did not post), I realized this about BPD individuals (you can certainly relate to this if your abuser had Borderline Personality Disorder):
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BPD has a purpose: To keep survivors of early abuse alive. The most important way it ensures continued survival for its host is by erasing from the survivor/BPD the ability to both truly feel their own pain (and the pain of others) as it erases the ability to learn anything of any depth about cause and effect.
My mother outran her pain her entire lifetime. It is not that she didn’t suffer, but she had no ability to comprehend that fact.
Being nearly a babe yourself at your young age of 27, you will most likely be able to outrun your pain for a very long time yet to come. Those of us who survived severe abuse, and WHO ARE NOT BORDERLINES do have to feel, acknowledge and continue to learn about what happened to us and how it affects us in our life for the rest of our lives.
Unlike BPD people, we do not have an illness that makes us truly immune to pain so that we can continue to live at the same time we ignore the truths of our lives.
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It serves no good purpose to stop ourselves or anyone else from speaking the truth. Sure, there are times and places when ‘disclosure’ might not be immediately appropriate in a given social situation, but other than that we all need to find ways to give ourselves permission to communicate our truth — be it in spoken or written word, poetry, journal/blog writing, writing and playing and signing music, performing dramas, and through all forms of art creation of which our species has been gifted to be able to perform.
The important point is that we ARTICULATE trauma. As I am finding in my book writing doing so means that I find within every memory of abuse I retained from my childhood my SELF in the middle of those memories, and the GOODNESS I both was and knew at the same time I endured.
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Please check below for some additional relevant posts —
+AVOID THE PRYING EYES OF CREEPY FAMILY: WRITE YOURSELF A PRIVACY-PROTECTED BLOG!!!
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*THE MEANING OF MENDING OUR LIFE STORY
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+THOUGHT SALAD: HAVING ‘THIS’ TO SAY ABOUT ‘THAT’
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+EXCLUSIVE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OWNED BY SEVERE ABUSE SURVIVORS
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+SECURE AND INSECURE ATTACHMENT AND THE CHILDHOOD NARRATIVE
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+BEING CHEERFUL AND COURAGEOUS IN THE FACE OF A TERRIBLE REALITY
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+HOW DO WE LIVE WELL WHEN WE HAVE TOO MUCH TRAUMA INFORMATION
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+WRITING ABOUT OUR SEVERE EARLY TRAUMAS FROM THE INSIDE OUT
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+WE NEED NEW WORDS TO DIALOG WITH OUR BODY ABOUT TRAUMA
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+MARCHING ON TO VICTORY OVER TRAUMA
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+LINKS TO TODAY’S PAGES ON DISSOCIATION AND DISCLOSURE
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These are some additional older posts on the topic of the ‘adult narrative’ of our life stories:
+SECURE AND INSECURE ATTACHMENT AND THE CHILDHOOD NARRATIVE
*THE MEANING OF MENDING OUR LIFE STORY
+HEALING THE TELLING OF MY LIFE STORY – HEALING MYSELF (from infant-child abuse)
+WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR CHILDHOOD STORY: TRUE FOR THE BORDERLINE, TRUE FOR THE BORDERLINE’S OFFSPRING
+THE WARNING THAT WILL GO WITH THIS BOOK WHEN IT’S FINISHED
+A LONG POST ABOUT TRUTH AND WORDS
+OVERWHELMED BY TRAUMA, OVERWHELMED BY WORDS: LINK TO AN ARTICLE ABOUT TRAUMA DRAMA THAT CAN HELP US
+CREATING A TIMELINE OF OUR EARLIEST LIFE – PUTTING ORDER/ORGANIZATION TO TRAUMA/CHAOS
+WORDS DO NOT MEAN SOCIAL CONNECTION TO ME – THEY ARE OBJECT-TOOLS-WEAPONS
+MY LIVING PHILOSOPHY ABOUT WORDS
+LINKS – PREVERBAL COMMUNICATION and DEVELOPMENT (RISK FACTORS, INFANT ABUSE)
+HOW NICE TO SAY, “BYE! BYE!” TO TRAUMA DRAMA
+LINK TO A WHOPPER OF A TALE ABOUT TELLING OUR TALE
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+A COLLECTION OF IMPORTANT EARLIER POSTS ON ATTACHMENT
+NEEDY PEOPLE AND BUMPY CONVERSATIONS (GRICE’S MAXIMS, AGAIN!)
+ENCOURAGING A READ OF THE ADULT ATTACHMENT ASSESSMENT INTERVIEW (protocol link here)
+A COLLECTION OF LINKS ON BODY-BRAIN CHANGES CAUSED BY EARLY INFANT-CHILD ABUSE
+THOUGHT SALAD: HAVING ‘THIS’ TO SAY ABOUT ‘THAT’
+IN THE PRESENCE OF LAUGHTER WE ARE SAFE, SECURE AND FREE
+WHEN ABUSIVE PARENTS STEAL THEIR CHILD’S THUNDER
+EXPLODING MOTHER, IMPLODING ME: SOME FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US
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Stop the Storm 