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letter from grandmother to mother

May 14, 1964 6 A.M.

Darling Mildred:

Thanks a million for your Mother’s Day card and David’s “cutie.”  Bet he got a thrill in sending one of his own!  The dear.  Dying to see him and the others and you.  The very thoughts keep me moving steadily.  I’d run quickly if I could.  The Good Lord knows how to keep me down to work.  I’d have little discipline about that, if I had “wherewithal” right now.

Your very sweet and loving sentiments expressed in your own words, Mil, meant more to me than presents or flowers or anything you could find.  Truly, truly.

In my serious work, Mil, a daughter and grand children like yours are appreciated and beloved.  You and Bill have worked hard – but DO YOU both realize what you have done and created?  No.  You have no way to compare.  I have.  I know.  Enjoy the love and family and work – Mil – years go by so fast.  They are growing up as you see by Linda, John and Cindy now.

Hold the fort for “bull sessions” when I come.  But we must work on your files and outline – so you can settle down to final writing after I leave.

Of course I’d like to go all summer – BUT I have to be sensible.  Work comes in rushes in my business, as in others.  I have to take it when I get it – or lose it to others.  In the “off season” – I always panic until it picks up again.  Right now I have enough to rush me until middle of July.  I won’t take on more than I can handle before July 10^th or so, if I can figure it out right.

I have been so busy, busy I haven’t had time to send out bills, or write decent letters, Mil.  Two nights a week = interviews with parents – Saturday testing – rest of week interviews, reports and tutoring.  Just a few keep me hustling when I work alone as I do.

Speaking of being alone –

I’ll be relieved and glad when children are home with you.  That hectic driving routine must be awful.  No wonder you are tired.  No wonder you haven’t had chance to look at Bert’s manuscript.  But do, please – even 5 pages a day.  Underline and ponder on them as you work.

I have duplicate.  But we are too much alike on that.  I’ve had this book of his two years and have never read it.  Looked formidable.  Of course I had heard it all in lectures.  I’ll read 5 pages a day for both of us when I get there.  But we MUST start.  Darn it – when I see Mary Cherry.  She studied that handwriting course all through that awful siege when the girl ran away with that man.  It kept her sanity but it took determination and concentration.  She did 12 month correspondence course, (hard too) in 8 months, got all A’s and A +’s.  Now teaching.  George did not want it, but thought it a good hobby to take up her time.  Now he’s so proud.  He is boosting her and it everywhere.  Really is quite a study.  She is going on for a master’s in it.  Of course she now has to study psychology with it.

She “writes” very well and teaches well.  Never knew she could before – but tried many things before she found this.  And, Mil, she is a very strong personality!!  When she wants something she works on it.  I don’t think I could ever work with her – I assure you.  She’s a hard one too – Like her and think I understand her – but can’t be too close to anyone, Mil.  Can’t see her much – either –

It’s all business with me – too – “people are my business.”  Funny, funny how objective you can be with other people – but love and marry intentions about “your own” give you white hair.  Honestly – you’d be amazed to see how white my hair is since earthquake.  I hurt “inside” you see.  There’s proof.  You mentioned that you had some gray hairs.  Bet you have more since that old quake!  I wouldn’t wonder.

Natural for you to have bad dreams.  I had them for months after that auto accident before you were born.

It wasn’t the quake only it was the separation from the children that worried you.  Believe me – people who leave their children to grow up alone by themselves – are made of different stuff than we are!  Parents are protectors.  Too many are deserters.  I am not surprised at your carry-over feelings, dear.  I’d be the same – But it’s over and done with.  It will strike elsewhere another time – But good not to be down near river or inlets.  I’d move out of there.  Awful typhoons and cyclones etc. all over the country and the world.  “Signs of the times” – the “old minister” Carr – and others say.

Got Laila’s short letter yesterday.  She’s a nice person, Mildred, now that I have her handwriting I know.  When I get time I’ll write a short analysis of her for you.  But now I can say from it, that she is steady and reliable and diplomatic.  She has a lot to her.  Think she could be a good friend at that.

Also – if she has endured 3 years of this Bible Course she should have good faith and philosophy and attitudes.  Hope she lives them, if she can.  Anyhow she is interested enough to keep on it.

Enjoyed her comments about Carr’s letters.  Have so many reports to write now – I won’t be able to answer her questions for a little while, but I’ll do it.

Meanwhile I tell you and you tell her – that like you yourself I can’t accept “everything” that Armstrong preaches and believes.  He is very “set in his own ways” too.  But he has so much that is good.  I want to learn the Bible as both Carr, Armstrong, and others teach it.  I am after what Lutherans believe too.  I have to put it all together finally, so I can say:  “This I believe and this is why.”  All ministers provoke me when they say:  “All is wrong with anything but what they believe.”  That’s wrong attitude.  As soon as I can put down 1. 2. 3. 4. about my beliefs, I’ll know what organized church can give.  Wouldn’t care whether Baptist, Lutheran, or Episcopal.

But I am so shocked at Blake and the American Council of Church’s attitudes and changes – dominant behavior within their own church world, that Carr’s irritation with the organized churches (and Armstrong’s) has a strong appeal right now.  Have saved, for 2 years, my weekly “Clarion” from Presbyterian church which follows the American Council Lead under Blake – and Princeton follows the one-world philosophy on socialism – which has been blinded completely [can’t read word] the ‘Communistic propaganda ties’ until we on other side are shocked at their “over-liberalism.”  The American Council of Churches is crucifying Tifield [sp?] who is very liberal and world-minded on world problems, but independent too.  Will not be bossed by the big protestant machine under American council – so they have forced him off T.V. air after 15 years.  They give any protestant church ministers a tough time unless they “join” them.

Poor Laila may have or may not know this from Armstrong.

But I like Armstrong and Carr because I am so engrossed in World News and Affairs – they bring me right along in world affairs and Bible giving me peace and understanding of events as they move on.  They are not understood because people won’t read and investigate.  People have a liberal education, if they’d just read the full literature both men give out.  They put evolution – [can’t read short word here] Bible in clear language.

In fact they give so much that it takes time and study to understand and to hold it.  I want to review again.  One reading of anything is never enough to master it –

Well – I didn’t mean to go on so – But like Laila – I’m glad to find one more person interested and struggling to learn these things.  I have been writing notes on this course a la “Guess and answer” method as I go on.  Will type eventually so we both can have them.  You won’t have to refer constantly to Bible references.  I put question in blue ink and their answers if Bible quotations are in red ink = copied – Slow – but will be there for references.  Children can have things later too.  I enjoy it.  Takes ½ or 1 hour each night – last thing I do at night – Often fall asleep over it!

Now I am stealing hour from my morning sleep – to work on Alaska and one hour for writing – before work-day starts.  Found it was hopeless to try to “squeeze it in if I could.”  My “people” are like the “children” — They have to come first all day!  Anyhow I am going to “try” this plan.  Began to think I’d be like a school.  That is the only way they manage.

Thanks for papers again.  The two Earthquake issues came this week – that I ordered.  Am going to send one to Lillian and have her send it on to Joan.  They were so good to call me.  Joan had Baby girl last month.  Told me over ‘phone.  Did I tell you?

Will call Anne to-day to make a date for her to come over next week if I can match dates with her.  I am not a social person, Mil, but I’ll make myself do it.  Only thing is I do wear out after full scheduled week.  Now if I were with you all:  That’s different!!

What this Mexican dream”  How $$.  Will look up good article in Saturday Evening Post on that this past winter if I can locate it.  I couldn’t sub-let, unless I put all my papers in a bank vault or something.  Oh – we’ll talk soon!  How I want to go all summer – but – we’ll see.

Anyhow here is one statement I can and will make now:  No fare paid, please.  I can and will while I can and if need to call for it, I’ll tell you ahead.  That’s not fair.  That is my “old age fund.”  Oh I might live to be 92 like Grandmother unless this New World comes and keeps me in good health, I don’t want to be “old”!

But no fares now!  Hold everything.  You need it for cesspool!  You need it for well.

If you talk about money to me I’ll stop plans now.  You’d ruin my ambition.  You all are my “motivation” (ha!) now!

Glad you are on your mountain.  Awful about tides etc.  If Anchorage doesn’t watch out you all up on the hill will be on an island.

Awful about Portage.  See enclosure.  Have more to send.  The quake pictures in Special Paper are good.  The children can make a fine scrapbook on it this summer.  I have more to send soon too.  No “time” for myself.

Hastily but lovingly.  Let me know at once how that cold is.  Love, Mom

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