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I just came across some school pictures and report cards completely by accident today, January 31, 2010. It’s very disturbing to see how many days I was absent from school in the first grade. I was NOT a sickly child. These were days my mother kept me home because I was ‘in trouble’ — and being abused.
from my mother’s November 14, 1957 letter to her mother:
“Tonight is movie night at school – only John and I are going and Linda can’t go as had terrible report of conduct from her teacher, until she improves!!! It will be a reward. Isn’t that maddening when I’ve worked so hard teaching her! Gr-r-r. John is doing well in all ways this year his teacher said Tuesday night.”
Did she think beating and terrorizing her child was hard work? I am so MAD at that teacher! All she would have had to do was to care enough to ASK me what my life at home was like!
In mother’s November 18, 1957 letter:
“I’ve ‘a sewing urge’ too. I think I told you I bought some beautiful turquoise corduroy material and cut it out last night and finished it already – an almost full circle skirt and now I want several more. It cost less than 4:00 including zipper, thread etc. and I even made my own button hole.
The girls watched ‘wide-eyed’ and have been most interested ever since I made ‘set’ – ‘gown, blanket, bib for Graces’ baby. (So sorry it didn’t get there in time for shower).
I had a brilliant (?) idea – I hope. If Linda [age 6] takes care of her clothes and I have a ‘good behavior’ report (teacher says her work is EXCELLENT) then she gets her ownsewing machine for Xmas. I got the idea last week when I bought the material. Next door in the hardware shop they were putting out Xmas toys etc. and I saw it. She can help make her own clothes and I sent today for ‘darling doll wardrobe’ for all their dolls. I saw it in “Everywoman’s’ magazine (which we can get here) and checked in pattern books but none as cute.
I told her about idea after last P.T.A. meeting, when teacher told me and evidently she has been very good since then 9she says) but I’ll check with teacher.”
I don’t remember this and certainly never was given a sewing machine. At 18, as soon as I was out of Naval boot camp and settle in the barracks in San Diego for my training school, I found a woman who also lived there and asked her to teach me to sew. I made my own clothes then and loved it.
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Connects to:
Stop the Storm 
Oh, my dear, sweet girl! I am soooooo very sorry that your childhood was so filled w/ sorrow & trauma & abuse!!! It’s sooooo heartbreaking when sweet, innocent, children are subjected to a psycho parent’s insanity!!!! 😦 If you can even call an abusive parent a Parent!!!! 😦 I was subjected to mental & physical abuse, but not torture! Well, I suppose it could be considered mild torture @ times………..when my dad went psycho & lined us all up to beat us w/ the belt because someone had eaten something, of left something somewhere, or one of a thousand other crazy things. We just never knew WHEN he was gonna loose it. Still it’s not like it was an every day occurrence & we had many good days too where we laughed & giggled & had fun. But still it’s like we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop & the beatings to start. I’m surprised we’re all as normal as we are, are all things considered………………. Oh damn there goes the phone! It’s my friend so I’m gonna sign off!
Try to live in the present moment, because the past is gone, & the future isn’t here yet!
Much Peace, Love, Joy to you my friend!!!
kb/ox
Hey, you know some of us in here — 5th grade 1961-62
https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/the-devils-child-my-childhood/vignettes-from-my-abusive-childhood/age-10-childhood-stories-sept-1961-through-aug-1962/age-10-5th-grade-1961-62/
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I so appreciate your supportive and truly caring response to my writings! I am sorry, too, that you had to suffer so!!
My childhood terror gave me a gift I try to use — those of us who had no reprieve, no safety or joy ever, from the time we were born — became changed physiologically as we developed — and we can never, truly leave “IT” behind — but learning what those changes are can help us to live better lives even though “IT” changed us — so we CAN learn to be happier and far better even though we are “different!”
I appreciate that my mother kept all this stuff. Jeff’s mother lost all her kids’ pictures in a house flood somewhere ‘back there’ — I love being able to send her some of these of her son!!!