Letter from grandmother to mother
September 8, 1963
I’m so thankful that you are at the Silver Saddle [Motel] to-day. You won’t feel strange in the familiar spot. I feel safe about you.
I was happy to have those days with you all, but the time was too short. It was fun. It was good in spite of tight squeezes and worries. I felt so very helpless to advise, or to counsel, the one person I love most in the whole world because my emotions cloud my reasoning. You were right. It’s like a doctor forced to call for help on his own family medical problems!
All I ever want is that you feel and know is best for you. I’d fight to the finish with any problem that you could set up for me – knowing what you want. Believe me I always tried to “stand by” to help. I always will – forever. But as I think things over now, it seems as if the way has opened before you. There wasn’t much choice after all, at the end. It pointed out the route back to Alaska and the Homestead! It was like the tire going bad in front of the house; like the holiday mail stopping you in Santa Fe until you got mail assembled; like the letter picked up at the 11th hour. Oh, Mil, my dear – you are watched over. Don’t worry so much, because I do believe that you have a rainbow on your shoulder, and overhead. You have had and will have, guardian angels watching out for you and yours! Have faith. I’ll try too – harder than ever before!
You know how joyful I am over that Homestead Title. – I could shriek with glee. But, the $ worries just took the joyful words and shook them at the same time. I was truly frightened as I never have been for myself! May it never be such a close “squeeze” again.
Somehow I think you have turned the corner now. I can see you all standing on the top of your mountain, looking at the view with pride for a job well done!
Oh I’m so PROUD of each one of you – and the children have a share and joy that couldn’t be held if it was just “bought” from someone else. They worked – too – as you said.
I love you, Mildred – very much. I tried to be a good mother, to raise a girl of whom I could be proud. You did the rest. You in your turn are rearing a wonderful, fine family, dear.
These are troubled times in the whole world, Mildred. Everyone is troubled, worried, edgy. On top of that – you did a massive job.
And that drive down leaves me speechless and breathless to think about. You’re smarter than any woman I know. Be confident of your own wisdom and judgment. Don’t be impatient with yourself and drive yourself too hard. This trip will be a life-saver for you – you’ve done so well.
Anxious to hear whether pictures came out well, or not.
I wanted to see the slides. Wish I had begged harder that time. Will you be able to show them to girls and to me here!
I have a file case waiting here for you.
Wish I could go back as far as Seattle with you.
I felt closer to you this time than ever before, Mil, but we did not have enough time or $ to enjoy it all. I had fun in spite of all worries. I adore those children. David has stolen my heart too. Next time we’re together I hope we have enough $ to go to lunch etc. Thought we would this time. Some other time.
Although I hated to return to work, I am grateful to have it. As I put my things down the phone began to ring – and I was “on the job.” They were waiting, waiting. I’ve worked furiously Friday P.M. and yesterday. New case over phone just now and appointments each day this next week. After that there will be a “lull” for a few weeks as school opens on 16th. Since I have to eat and to stand on my own two feet, I am very thankful that I can do my own work.
Hectic troubles while I was away but would have been same if I had been home…. Oh, Mil, I won’t be a baby. I never have been, you know that! I have had my lonely hours and days – believe me. I didn’t sit around and mope or whine, did I? I tried not to.
I’d like to be able to feel that you do understand me. I feel it more this time than ever before. Years are passing fast you know. When I get blue again I’ll conjure up my mental pictures of us all in Santa Fe! It shall always hold a favorite spot in my heart! Oh if you remember – tell Mr. Kives how sorry I was not to find them to say good-bye –
Speaking of things being set up for you! Santa Fe’s parking system never seemed over-crowded. It was amazing how cars moved in and out so easily. We never had to drive around and around to hunt for a spot to park in!
What will you be able to do while waiting? I’ll be anxious to hear. Know days rush by with children to be picked up etc. etc.
Although I dread to think of David in cold Alaskan nights, I pray that he’ll be better after this trip. If not, you can spend a month in the desert next winter.
Would you please let Dr. Noeuwood [sp?] check him and you, when you come? I’ll make appointment. It would make me happy, you promised you would. That would set my silly heart at rest.
When you reach Anchorage, a nice house will be waiting for you, because you richly deserve it – Already I visualize the house on the hill. May peace, health, happiness, and security reign there! [Linda note: Dad must have started putting the wood frame ends on the Jamesway]
This is a long, wordy letter, but it’s from my heart. I know all you have on your mind, but you’ll have it unfold gradually day by day. Remember the rainbow in the sky? Good omens for you all, Mil dear.
Of course if I had my way you would have no worries, no problems, just everything you want all the time. What a poor life that would be!! If you had known about the job earlier in the summer, you would not have taken the trip. Yet this trip, with new ideas, new sights and all the rest will inspire you for the roads ahead. All was right for you. The car, the trip and all will count for good for all this next year – What a good month! — packed full to the hilt.
In spite of my agony over leaving, it is good and healthy to have my work ready to do. I’m starting to-morrow to get the house ready for company. You can all crowd in here to sleep if you will! I must have a place for you all to come to – some day!
To-morrow is the 9th – the “day in court.” May it bring you wealth galore. It ought not to be long time to deliver to you after that. That will be your “third” piece of good fortune. [Linda note: Is she talking about loan money from homestead mortgage? Not sure.]
Give all children kisses from me. Glad you bought those clothes. Am enclosing $10 cash as a gift for YOU to spend as you see fit. I’ll send out bills and get organized on $ now. I am happy over everything for you, but I’m tired and without pep today. It’s 95 degrees here, with warm breeze and blue sky. Hope it is nice there. Hope you are getting some rest too before return trip. Just that very thought makes me almost as sick as I was at the station.
Oh well – that’s life and fate, I suppose.
Absolutely no more chatter. Let me know – news and route, please. Lovingly, Mother –
P.S. Please call and reverse charges if money runs low as you criss-cross mails with Bill. Love again from Mom –