Post from 1961 Brother Dave

Submitted on 2009/10/05 at 1:03am

When I became an adult and had children of my own I made little promises to myself about how they should or should not be treated and raised.

Have I been able to keep all of them?   Of course not, but the important part is that I was conscious of a need to be the best parent I could be.   Something I think that neither of our parents was aware of.   Mom’s mental illness grew, the isolation the near total darkness and lack of emotionally responsive others in a peer group probable contributing factors but the woman who treated the little girl badly was not the man Dad married.   Shell shocked soldier who returns from a battlefield would be the closest comparison I can think of to the way dad got when mom went ballistic.   I suppose a lot of the questions Linda poses in the article we all know the answers to but long story short if we don’t try to put ourselves in the shoes of our perpetrators can we ever feel empathy and forgive?   If not we are doomed to be the eternal victim, always believing we are snow white and pure when in fact when faced with the exact stimuli and sets of choices that led to the reactions or actions in question we might have behaved similarly.   When I was a child I thought my parent were godlike with powers to do anything to make my world a better place.  When I grew up I realized they were just people, making choices and living with the consequences.   Good healing to all -Bright Blessings

Posted to:  +CRIMES OF MY FATHER: WAS HE AS BAD AS MY MOTHER WAS?