April 13, 2009

Interesting how having fought the cancer has changed how I am in the world.  I wish I could write myself an instruction manual for life post cancer.  Then I could read it section by section, and refer to it when I need the info.  It’s not that cut-and-dried, I guess.

Did you see the movie, “The Bucket List?”  A troubling film on lots of levels, but true.  Maybe it’s like seeing the END at the end of the tunnel — nothing light about it.  But the cancer thing affects everything about me.  It enters my thoughts continually.  Is that a distraction or a tool for focusing?

When I GO I have nothing to leave to my children except the marvelous life I had a part in giving to them.  Otherwise, all I can leave them is a craft inventory and a whole lot of words.

C. encouraged me to make the blog.  I have 9 running feet of book shelf space filled with 3-ring binders of articles and abstracts from my research.  It reminds me of watching my friends up north make maple syrup.  They boiled 60 gallons of sap down to get one gallon of syrup, and to make candy?

What is the MEANING of all this information I have gathered?  How can it help people change their lives for the better?  I don’t know yet, so the blog now becomes a part of the process.  It’s interesting to watch myself as the chance of failure and the chance of success operate equally, hand in hand.  Somewhere between these two lies my determination, intention, courage and willingness to forge ahead with the project.

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