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letter from grandmother to mother – the only one I can find for 1966

Sunday October 2, 1966

Dear Mildred:

Around and around I go without finding good answers.  Of course I do not know the actual $ and cents problems you are facing.  You’ll have to try to figure out any few grains that you can find – under the circumstances.

As you said:  talking things over is the key note – and lectures are very poor substitutes for conversations.

First let me tell you I was glad to hear that you feel better.  And sure you are, at a little sign of improvement = your brain whirls with ideas and plans.  I’m glad.  It’s a good sign.  But

You are only one person.  Sometimes I wonder if you do.  There’s a limit to what you can do, and what you should do to yourself.

Oh, Mil, there’s nothing wrong with the ideas and plans, except lack of capital.  You have outlined a project at the Homestead which should have lots of $, and a partner or a company with $$ behind it.  That plan would grow “commercial” on you.  There’d be no time for you to “enjoy” home life or writing, I fear.  But money you need I know.

I know it’s all for the $$ to get the house you want etc. etc.

Remember that if Bill does have an office and does consultant work he should charge high fees.  The higher, the more they will clamor for his services.

And if he does you can relax a bit on the mountain tours, and cottages – may be?  I hope.

Anyhow I think it would be fine if he can get clients.  He can build up consultant services for “after retirement” income!  It takes time, so it’s good to begin early.

Of course it’s water over the dam – to wish you could have had a downtown house to be paying on instead of rent – But today is today with its own problems.

You know how timid I am about taking another loan – when you have to depend on people and their whims about taking kids out of school – owing you etc. as they did before.  Can people around there afford to pay?  Would they pay regularly?  What would the rent total be – altogether?  Would you end up working for nothing in the end?  Where are they sending the children now?  Of course, later, they’ll want them inside.  I don’t forget how mad I was at Mrs. Pottle and the people who left you in the lurch before.  And of course you shouldn’t provide MILK, Breakfast and a good hot lunch.

So there are the “minus items” I have on mind.

Plus fact that your own expenses go on, plus your own payments on cars and other loans!  Like your map.  Can see it all.

However, if you were guaranteed at least 6 – 10 – to clear expenses – how much “cream” would you get afterwards?  If you could get people through school teachers – that would be a safety valve.  How I wish you could.

In that way, you could lead up to your Motel rooms idea for summer – that’s good money and a need is there, you say.

However, Mil, that’s the time the children will all be home and free.  You want to beat homestead then too, don’t you?  How could you have Motel-rooms that way?

Personally I veto the “trips” to the mountain.  For what purpose?  What would you gan from it?  You’d have responsibilities for trips, Motel and children.

And if Bill couldn’t get anything done at homestead last year, how could he do anything in time for next summer?  That idea needs to be for future, if at all.

And again I ask you how many people can you be, dear?

This brings me to the idea that you should have an assistant in the summer.  The girls will be very helpful, I know, but I mean a mature person – like me, perhaps – to meet your Motel guests, see that they behave and Oh yes “take the money.”  No fooling – perhaps I could even apply for a job at the Kindergarten – I go to bed with chickens now you know.  I could help with the rent for a change.  I’ve done it here for a long time.  Quite an idea at that!  The Pep Kids in operation.

Anyhow I’m taking a new job with myself – for a month – as of October the 3^rd.  It’s “Do or Die” as a writer for a month.  I may fire myself then.

As this letter will prove I’ve been depressed too for a month for 3 months – ever since you left.  I may never write a good page again!  The “lilt” won’t come.  If I could we’d both be “set.”  We have the material.  It’s in “cold storage” like the shoe-box of money in Tucson.

Anyhow we’ll see.  If not I’ll beg for a job with you or a hut at the Homestead.  I’m sick of helping others to success.  Funny – that you can be objective and help others so much but too close to those you love to do it, even when you try.

Don’t worry about hearing from the girls.  {California friends}  Each one is in own little [can’t read word].  Hear of no contacts or news from them (thru C) at all – I warned you they were just a little closed circuit – each one – even you and I – with own problems – I’d hate to be with them though.  Haven’t changed since you knew them.  Nothing you did.  They just on Merry-go-round –

Afraid this letter is not helpful.  But I want $$ as sure bet.  I’m not a gambler.  More fearful these days.  Want you clear of money troubles.  A glorious feeling when you get it.  Then something else worries you.  So – – what – –

Not going down there to dinner today.  Can’t do it.  Want to get papers ready for my stint to-morrow.

Please do write – even if I can’t help.  I need to understand things.  Have an inner feeling that the Pep Kids are truly, truly going to make $$ at something in writing.  Mil – show them on Paper about the  mountain and Alaska, and you won’t have to share your Shangra-la – with outsiders then.

I love you.  You have wonderful ideas.  Read the stupid things in print and write better ones for the magazines or for the book editors.

Give love to all – will write to children this week.  Did John’s books arrive and those for David.

Write even dashing notes – to – Mother

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