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Tuesday, January 26, 2016. Thinking and experiencing, feeling and struggling, macro to micro and back again – and again – and again….
Makes me think of the Mobius Strip – a surface with only one side and only one boundary.
“The Möbius strip has the mathematical property of being non-orientable. It can be realized as a ruled surface. It was discovered independently by the German mathematicians August Ferdinand Möbius and Johann Benedict Listing in 1858.”
Intellectually I understand that all life is interconnected and that these connections exist as influences moving forward in time. All that has happened in the past affects all that happens in the present which influences all that will happen in the future. And in the middle of all of these grand movements are the movements of each one of us in our (seemingly) separate lives.
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After a three and a half months of living hell under those with one 6 year old boy who was, I suspect, entirely LOST as a child with very real essential needs not being met, the horrors of the constant running, thumping, banging, vibrating of ceiling and walls – as of last Saturday – ceased.
This process included yet another noise complaint call that I was forced to make to the police, and undoubtedly some serious threats of eviction to the tenant adults above me. Whatever it is that has taken place in their micro world up there, someone is now paying attention to that child or he would NOT have stopped his horrible out-of-control desperate and incredibly LOUD and NOISY behaviors.
Now to see if this quietude lasts over time.
I am grateful. I have been living in a hell like I could not have imagined. Very bad for my anxiety!!!
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Now, another little note that might interest some readers. In my last post I mentioned this herbal supplement — NaturalCare HearAll, Supports Optimal Hearing Function – which I purchased online and used at the recommended initial double doseage – until I let myself run out.
It is not cheap, and I had to make room in my poverty-based budget for its continued use. Well, in the inward-outward Mobius Strip kind of way that life operates, having had the help form this product for nearly 3 weeks and now being without it until replenishment arrives, I have learned something very intriguing although I have no explanation for it.
Sometime within the past year of being ‘trapped’ in the circumstances I have chosen to endure during my tenure as active, involved grandmother to my 2 young grandsons, I began to have what I can only imagine would be called panic attacks. This condition is purely situational, I am sure.
Without going down to the micro level of explanation about specifics except to mention that at times I wake several times a night with these ‘panics’ and feel that I am being crushed within a coffin, being buried alive, I will say that until yesterday when the Hear-All had completely left my system I had not suffered these attacks for nearly three weeks.
It intrigues me that I DID NOT once notice their absence during that time! My body had returned to some kind of a physiological state that did not include their presence. Only yesterday when such a panic attack hit me and did not diminish for over 10 hours did I recognize the connection so that I could credit my taking this supplement to help quiet the awful anxiety-related complexities of my trauma-altered-development with the amplifying problems that the tough cancer-chemo regime I went through 8 years ago seems to have had hearing problems!
So, simply put, I recommend this product to anyone who analyzes their life experiences with anxiety and who especially knows they have an early history of severe verbal abuse exposure.
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Off in another direction of the micro level of my current existence I want to mention an upcycled cd art-craft process that has captured my interest and attention recently.
There is a series of four related YouTube videos at this link. They move VERY quickly so that I have found I must utilize an interactive learning process by pausing and rerunning each segment many times to see exactly what is being taught:
DIY MANDALAS – video series
I find it takes a kind of Mobius Strip online searching process, using terms related to “youtube cds suncatcher” to locate related tutorials. In the midst of wandering around these lessons videos you will find ones that tell how to make a small nick with a sharp knife or end of scissors so you can use tape to stick to the silver so you can pull it off in pieces!!!
BUT, I am still trying to figure out how to remove the blue tint that appears on some stripped cds and not on others. I understand that rubbing the surface with alcohol-based product does the job – but NOT quickly!
I bought thin drill bits to practice putting the holes at the edges of these cds so they can be hung – but I haven’t started THIS part of the process yet.
As you search around on related subjects there are amazing mosaics being created through upcycled cd and dvd techniques!! There are also incredibly creative pieces of jewelry being formed using related techniques!!!
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Making things – crafty kinds of cheap-material things (on my budget) – is a survival operation that began, as I have mentioned in earlier posts, for certain by the time I was two years old. Given the restrictions of my current city/apartment/winter/anxiety conditions for the first time in my life I am finding that it is very hard for me to focus even on my creative process. I discredit much of this current difficulty to my having endured the neighbors above me and their sound-mess for quite some time (along with the fact that I have no reason to believe they will continue their quieter lifestyle. AND why is that 6-year-old boy not in school? Management thinks this might be because the adults in that boy’s life are too lazy to put him there.)
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A large part of the micro processes of my life right now are family oriented and are personal and private enough that I cannot write about them.
At the very bottom of this post I am adding something I recently discovered about “using prayer” in one’s life that I really enjoyed reading and thinking about – so that perhaps I can practice it! Some readers might enjoy such a faith and spirituality topic reading. Others might certainly not!! I am in no way making any effort to challenge or persuade anyone about anything!
And thank all you to all this blog’s readers for your patience with how my current life situations are impacting my writings here!!! Welcome!! Your presence as readers is always greatly valued and appreciated!
(see more at bottom of post if interested)
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Here is our first book out in ebook format. Click here to view or purchase–
Story Without Words: How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?
It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge. A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.
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Tags: adult attachment disorders, adult reactive attachment disorder, anxiety disorders,borderline mother, borderline personality disorder, brain development, child abuse,depression,derealization, disorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorder, empathy, infant abuse, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factors, PTSD, resiliency, resiliency factors, risk factors, shame
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An approach to prayer
“First Step – Pray and meditate about it. Use the prayers of the manifestations as they have the greatest power. Then remain in the silence of contemplation for a few minutes.
“Second Step – Arrive at a decision and hold to this. This decision is usually born during the contemplation. It may seem almost impossible of accomplishment but if it seems to be as answer to a prayer or a way of solving the problem, then immediately take the next step.
“Third Step – Have determination to carry the decision through. Many fail here. The decision, budding into determination, is blighted and instead becomes a wish or a vague longing. When determination is born, immediately take the next step.
“Fourth Step – Have faith and confidence that the power will flow through you, the right way will appear, the door will open, the right thought, the right message, the right principle or the right book will be given you. Have confidence, and the right thing will come to your need. Then, as you rise from prayer, take at once the fifth step.
“Fifth Step – Then, he said, lastly, ACT; Act as though it had all been answered. Then act with tireless, ceaseless energy. And as you act, you, yourself, will become a magnet, which will attract more power to your being, until you become an unobstructed channel for the Divine power to flow through you. Many pray but do not remain for the last half of the first step. Some who meditate arrive at a decision, but fail to hold it. Few have the determination to carry the decision through, still fewer have the confidence that the right thing will come to their need. But how many remember to act as though it had all been answered? How true are those words – ‘Greater than the prayer is the spirit in which it is uttered’ and greater than the way it is uttered is the spirit in which it is carried out.”
An approach to prayer, shared by Shoghi Effendi to Ruth Moffett. Pilgrim’s Note cited in Principles of Baha’i Administration, 3rd ed. P. 90-91, 1973
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Stop the Storm 