Monday, January 4, 2016.  The very essence of this blog is about changes our body was forced to make essentially from our birth forward – although life quality in the womb profoundly also affects everyone, as well.

We had NO choice but to react on the physiological level to all harm and deprivation that happened to us so long ago.  Because the impact of those traumas is literally BUILT INTO our body there is no way for us to escape those consequences so long as we live on this earth.

Some of the times of our life are easier than others are.  True.  But at no time can we go back to the beginning, place our self within a safe and secure attachment environment, and begin our physiological development all over again.  We will NEVER have the benefit from this kind of attachment that so many others did – and usually take so absolutely for granted.

Comments continue to arrive to this post written April 11, 2012 —


This is affirming to me at the same time I know very clearly that ALL of these problems for ALL of us who were forced through absolutely no fault of our own to have them, is a tragedy beyond compare!

There are many serious conditions of my lifestyle right now that are making my reactionary trauma altered development physiology suffer.  I write posts very seldom right now because of this fact.  I am here for very particular – and because those reasons deeply involve my family – precious reasons.  This fact does NOT make the truly difficult moments of my life right now easy to bear.

Having these latest comments come in on the above mentioned blog post DOES make my life easier to bear IN THE PRESENT MOMENTS of my endurance, and I thank everyone who writes those comments.  I do not believe that anyone – really – who is not a trauma altered Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) person can ever begin to even imagine what our lives have been and are like – with every beat of our heart.

Currently it is the horrendous continual noise above my head as I live “trapped” for the tenure of my apartment’s lease that is pushing me to the limits of my endurance.  I have one glimmer of hope.

A friend of mine from my home area in southern Arizona is a very knowledgeable herbalist person.  She has recommended this supplement, which I have ordered.  I so hope it will help calm some of my reactionary nervous system!!

NaturalCare HearAll, Supports Optimal Hearing Function

I am hoping with all within me that this supplement will help me!  It has been used successfully to ease hearing-related problems for both children and adults with autism.

I continue to marvel at the difficulties I now experience with NOISE!  I do know that because my psychotically mentally ill mother, who abusively hated me from birth, SCREAMED abuses at me from the start of my life that this – and the verbal abuse that continued for the next 18 years I lived with my family of origin – terrible harm was caused to me on many MANY levels, including very critically my physiological development.  (I suggest an online search for these terms:  “verbal abuse teacher” – this information is IMPORTANT!!)

Just as trauma in the earliest years of our life caused cumulative damage, so also does cumulative stress/distress cause us dire complicated reactions in our life now.  Having this family living above me now, who stays awake making noise often until 3 am making my sleep impossible, has GREATLY compounded the difficulties I was already having living in this northern city and in this confined, ugly place.

What can I do to help myself endure – better?  That is the question!!!!  That is my moment-to-moment task.  As hard as it is to read about the sufferings of other people, this DOES help me keep my life in perspective.

We are the heroes of our lives – and it is important that we share our reality with one another.  Thank you!

Now.  If those men above me would walk with lighter footsteps and TAKE OFF THEIR HEAVY WORK BOOTS IN THE HOUSE – well — Life goes on….  Some days and nights certainly do contain harder challenges than others do.


Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.


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Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame




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