While I have been busy with projects inside the house and outside I have been waiting to see if I will wish to take back my words from my last post. No. Not so far. Those words stand: I cannot find my self-love.
Given the choice – not that such a choice actually even exists – between being able to love myself and being able to love other people, I would take the other people love.
I realized as soon as I posted that last post that what I have described as my inability to feel what it feels like to be loved by other people is directly a consequence of not having been able to build self-love ‘circuitry’ into my body-brain from birth due to abusive trauma.
I know that feeling of NOT being able to feel loved has seemed deeply connected to a perennial loneliness that I think many early abuse survivors live with all of their lives.
I am working on one of three baby blankets right now – they are bigger than I thought they would be – which is nice ’cause the little boys will be able to use them way after their babyhood! One is for my nearly born newest grandson, one is for my 28-month-old grandson who is soon to have a brother, and one is for one of my nieces who is due with a boy Oct. 5th.
So, not complaining – just pausing. The sewing has been a lot of work – good thing it was a cooker of a day outside today or I would have been out there working much longer – and missed this great sewing-work day.
So, until later…….
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