My oldest daughter (age 42) shared her recent insight with me the other day:  Break throughs are so closely connected to break downs that it can be difficult to tell which one is happening at any given time.  The trick is to clarify the margin of confusion between the two so that the break downs can be eliminated.

I know what she means. 

After my last post I took a hard look at my fear.  I reminded myself that insights are only useful if I use them.  As I consider how I see anger, fear and sadness as each of them can be activated in response to a stress response, I think about how my fear is telling me that I need to find other ways to change my life other than dumping myself into chaos.

I know how to survive through chaos and trauma.  What I have the hardest time learning is how to live peacefully, calmly and wisely.

Either-or thinking and reacting cannot help but stimulate trauma drama.  There must be other options to solving the problems my recent posts have discussed.  I can develop other tactics for living other than trauma-based survival ones.  I can learn how to use these tactics.

Is there a way I can travel up north, spend time with my grandsons which will free up time for my daughter to edit the books waiting to be published?  Why tear my life to shreds to chase up north being nearly financially destitute if we are this close to possibly generating adequate income from the books to end those kinds of traumas?

That seems like a possible solution.  THEN we could see what happens next.



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  1. Could you not try to rent your home out, while going to your daughter. I know there are sites on the internet, where people from abroad exchange addresses, or temporarily stay in someone’s home. My son told me once about something to do with couchsurfing, as he called it. In time you will know what to do. I started reading some of your mother’s letters. The issue about writing between you and your daughter reminds me of those letters.

    • My daughter Ramona will be the voice of the 4th generation in the overall writing. There’s the voice of my grandmother, mother, me, daughter

      not sure where m’s writings are on blog any more — they have gone through proofing for minor details —

      I receive rental assistance through HUD federal subsidy — so can’t sublet or anything – but great thought!!

        • very few people would desire to head north in winter up there!! lol

          shortened the range of thinking — good thing — if the books sell, lots of things are possible that aren’t so now — appreciate your thinking!! look up Bisbee, AZ – too – near where i am…

  2. 2 pm, I’m out adding onto the hen run

    have to smile at my mind sometimes. came up with this: I only want Norman Rockwell drama in my life.

    so true

    enough with the trauma drama already!

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