It has become clear to me that during this next stage of my book-writing process I need to return to the state I spent my abusive childhood in: A state of the silence of being alone. This is a silence that few can imagine let alone comprehend. It is not a state that members of our human social species are ever supposed to be in.
But I was in that state and I am now just-turned-eight in my story, the age at which I truly began to experience the depths of what my mother was capable of doing to me — both as her child and as a human being.
Beginning at midnight on this Sunday the 31st of July I will enter a state of silence that will not include anything but essential communication with anyone. No emails, no telephone, no Facebook unless there is an emergency. I will be facing my own state of ’emergence’ in my own state of emergency so I can hear what I have to say to myself — and hence eventually to other people about what my reality was — and in many ways still is — like.
My state of silence will last until dawn on Wednesday, August 31, 2011 at which time I will be at the point of my 60th birthday. So, anything anyone wishes to discuss with me? Either before midnight this coming Sunday or after my birthday.