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It would be nice if I had something profound to say – but today? These past few days? Not a single chance. I am living. I probably underestimate how grand that act really is! How does one gauge the value of simply being alive? I have no idea.
I travel north to see my family in less that two weeks. Preparing for that journey is all I can do right now. Preparing to journey – and making it through these days of mystery until more is known about the deteriorating health of my dear, dearest friend.
I see the image of sitting alone on the shore of an empty beach – doing nothing but listening to a sound coming from the waters that seems to fill every nook within me – at the same time it leaves me feeling distant and very, very small.
The rising swell of waves that move forever into shore only to be sucked back out again in a timeless, seamless pattern of coming and going, of up and of down, of in and of out – over and over again – like breathing.
It’s all both profound and insignificant – at the same time. There is no system of weights and measures to use to determine the value of one’s life – of another person’s life. Sometimes everything just feels like movement. Not random. Mundane?
What does preparing one’s self for traveling have to do with the journey itself? Whether the traveling remains upon this planet – or permanently away from it? Is all of life really only a preparation for leaving this body we are so familiar with behind, to travel forward in a form we cannot imagine or begin to understand?
How bound up are we with the passage of time? I feel the season changing, the sunlight beginning to lean toward shortening days and lengthening nights. Plants in the garden have borne their fruit. Leaves are yellowing here and there – soon to fall.
We are not outside the bounds of time any more than we escape the bounds of gravity except by conveyance in something human made. I feel myself moving more slowly, unable to know what the future might hold at the same time I am always preparing to join those mysteries in a time that does not yet exist in my world.
“Time will tell.” What a saying. I am caught in the movements of time as if I am but a tiny drop in some gigantic ocean.
Time will tell……
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Stop the Storm 
Time will tell, because at the end of the day… that’s all we really have, isn’t it? Time. Your words are powerful and touched a chord in me. I felt that I had to write, just to say that I’m inspired by your blog. There is an amazing amount of content for me to go through… it’s Inspiring.
I just started my own blog. I hope that it can release me from some of the crap that I keep locked away inside. If I get it out there *daunting* I might finally be able to put it to rest… *maybe*.
Do you think that keeping a blog can help with recovery Can it exorcise some demons? Or, is it just reaching out to people that helps? I’d love to know your thoughts, seeing as I’m just starting out with this whole blogging malarky… 🙂
Hi there, Muddy Rain – welcome, and I love your moniker!
I believe blogging offers the most fantastic – and fascinating – avenue toward healing! Absolutely and fundamentally true for trauma survivors!
As I mention in so many places on this blog, trauma interrupts – and even steals away from us – our ability to tell what’s known in attachment research as ‘a coherent narrative of our life story’.
Our story has become all mixed up – in so many profound ways. Writing – writing – WRITING is perhaps the most powerful way to HEAL our story as it heals our ability to TELL the narrative of our own self in our life.
Attachment researchers can assess, ‘measure’ and ‘diagnose’ adult attachment patterns through what’s called the Adult Attachment Interview (do an online search of this – and add in child abuse to see what comes up!).
The advantage of blogging is that we are writing in present real time. We – our self in the present who is doing the writing – IS our WHOLE self. What we are expressing is what this SELF that we are KNOWS and remembers.
Life is a process that unfolds over time. Being able to capture in words the pieces and parts, the vignettes, the snippets – of what we know — can lead us into being able to make choices about what we want to know about our self in our life. (for example, that the actions of trauma committed by others who harmed us belong to THEIR story, not to ours…)
We can move toward lining up these parts of our life story – clearing a way out of the wreckage, rubble and ruin of what happened to us so we can begin to find our own pure and good, radiant self in the middle of that mess – as we set ourselves FREE!!
I am very much looking forward to hearing from you in future comments!!! Oh, YES – I recommend blogging!!!!!!!!