Sometimes the acquisition of truth can be scary.  Truth can be scary.  Hearing the truth can be scary.  For example, being told you have cancer is very scary.  It is a traumatic experience.  I know.  I’ve been down that road — and most fortunately am still here to tell of it.

I am also still here to tell about my experience of being raised by a severely abusive Borderline Personality Disorder mother who placed me at the center of her ‘devil’ psychosis while she lived the rest of her life being fully neurotic.


Reading information such as is presented at the end of these links can make people feel as if their insides are full of maggots.  This is NOT a nice experience.  This is NOT a nice thing to say.

My point here is not to scare people about cancer (although, for example, current stats suggest that one in every seven women will have breast cancer in their lifetime).  No, my point here is to mention an epiphany I just had as I posted a comment to my last post — +A NARROWING PINHOLE OF LIGHT – Borderline Personality Disorder, Mother and ME


How does cancer spread to other parts of the body?  Video about Metastasis.

How does cancer develop?

How does the immune system fight cancer?


I am not writing this to scare people.  I am grabbing a slice of freedom for survivors of neurotic/psychotic Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) parents who could not help but plant the CANCER of their own MIND distortions into the vulnerable, open, innocent, pure MINDS of their newly born and developing offspring.

I am realizing that the fact that BPD brain-minds are incapable of drawing the borderline between the operation of their own mind and the operation of another person’s mind makes the THOUGHTS implanted into their offspring operate just like cancer cells do.

The BPD twisted reality versions as contained in THEIR thoughts take over the innocent forming brain-mind space of their children.  The BPD reality becomes REAL to the little ones who have little or no other major influence to tell them that a severe mental illness is taking over their life — and their thoughts.

I do not believe my BPD mother had a clue where her mind/reality stopped and anyone else’s began.  She had no borderline between the INSIDE of her mind and the OUTSIDE of her mind.

Experts use the term ‘projection’ — ‘as if’ a BPD parent can ‘project’ good or bad ‘out onto/into’ their offspring.  I question that ‘projection’ is the right word or that it begins to describe what is actually happening with a BPD mind.

I was INCLUDED as a part of Mother’s mind.  Completely included.  I hardly see that as a ‘projection’ operation of her mind.  I was not OUTSIDE of Mother’s mind enough to be ‘projected’ onto.

To Mother I WAS her evil self.  No imagination on her part here.  No projection.  To Mother this was a FACT and completely real.

Therefore all the horrible things Mother said to me, all of the brutalizing things Mother did to me — she did not do to me in her world — although she had no way of knowing this.  She did these things and said these things TO and ABOUT her own ‘bad evil self’.

Without their being any distinction between BPD self and other person self, the thoughts of the BPD mind take over the forming mind of her offspring.  This is a CANCEROUS process.  This is a malignant process.  This is a masticizing process.

This is a DEADLY process.

For those of us who survived mothers such as mine was, and have worked the rest of our life toward our own healing, it is important for us to realize the POWER of the disease that took away our innocence and our infancy-childhood.  It is important to realize the thoughts of the BPD parent didn’t REPLACE our own thoughts.  The BPD parent had complete power to take over the stage of our own mental development from the beginning of our life — and to replace OUR OWN SELF with the BPD’s self.

Dark.  Very very dark and very very real.  Our healing as offspring of BPD mothers especially requires that we examine EVERY SINGLE CELL/THOUGHT we have that does not make us feel safe, secure and HAPPY to see if the cell/thought is even OURS to begin with.  Or is the cell/thought a cancerous one that came from the malignancy within our BPD parent?

Look at the video at the above link — and think about what I am saying here.  If you are NOT a survivor of a BPD mother/parent this information WILL make your insides crawl.

If, however, you ARE a survivor of BPD madness since your earliest moments of life, what I am saying gives a perspective, a tool, and a handle to be grabbed in efforts to discover whose thoughts are whose??!!!

Cancer cells cannot be allowed to exist in a body that wants to live — and be healthy.

We cannot allow the cancer/cell thoughts implanted within us to exist, either!!

As surely as a laboratory can examine biopsied tissue to see if cancer cells are in it, we can learn to examine ourselves and our thoughts to tell which ones are killing us — that never belonged to us in the first place — AND DESTROY THEM!


Leave a Comment »



  1. It’s so funny you should say that. I wrote only today about how I make a point of listening to my Daughter validating her feelings. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be in this mess if I’d had that.

    I’m my Daughter’s biggest fan, and she knows it. She also knows that I’m always on here side. I appreciate what you’ve said though. It’s just confirms to me that I’m doing the right thing.

  2. Yes, well, unfortunately I am the result of an extremely unstable Mother, and Father actually. But, you know what? I’m always keen to see different perspectives on things. Like I said, I struggle with my relationship with my Daughter sometimes. Not in a negative way; only that I worry so much about passing my problems onto her.

    I appreciate that you have been exposed to an illness that has caused a profound effect on your life, and that of your siblings, I should imagine. I admire that you are still able to see that there are differences.

    I really did mean what I said. I’m glad I discovered this, because it has helped me to look at myself and the way I interact with my little girl.

  3. Wow. I think I started reading this because the words “Borderline Personality Disorder”, “Mother” and “Offspring”. I spend a great deal of my time seeking out information or advice for the very issue you have spoken about.

    I’m a Mother, to a 10 year old girl. I also suffer from BPD, amongst other things. I found this post incredibly interesting, although, I will admit, it was difficult to read. In fact, I actually feel a bit sick. Not your fault obviously; but I think it was seeing the harsh reality of what a child must go through having a ‘Borderline’ Mother.

    I would like to say however – or rather, would like to think – that I am perhaps at times an exception to the rule. I’m hyper aware of my condition and the impact it may have on my Daughter. I constantly strive to ensure she isn’t affected by my problems, and try to protect her as much as I possibly can.

    I’m not sure what my intention was in writing this, but for some reason I felt like I wanted to say something. In any case, I’d like to say thank you, for making me think.

    • Thank you very much for writing! I suspect that you did not have a super childhood yourself – and if I am right, I am so sorry for your suffering! Please be careful of yourself if you do further reading on my blog – and of course you are more than welcome to read and to comment — but my mother was an EXTREME case herself — very extreme — and I write from that perspective as the direct target of her abuse. I think you already know this.

      Mother was never diagnosed. She died in 2002. But she had 6 children and given that we have read quite a bit and all came to the same conclusion about her ‘diagnosis’ means we are probably right. But I understand that there is a WIDE continuum of difficulties related to this disease, and you sound like a wise, caring, loving, tender and very thoughtful woman – and mother. It is an honor to read your words, and thank you!! Linda – alchemynow

    • Hi again – I just wanted to post the very first words that came to me after I read your comment – not sure why THESE words – but here they are (no judgment of any kind intended!)

      Always listen to your daughter. Listen carefully and no matter what you might think, BELIEVE her no matter what!!

      sending warmth to you both!!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s