Nobody should have to say this to anybody:
I wonder if I can explain this to you so it makes any sense — practice for when it is time to write this into the book —
If you think I am continually in need of affirmations from you that you care for me, etc. you are absolutely correct. But you are not alone.
My children and everyone who loves me are in the same boat and know and accept and understand why this is so, and love me anyway.
True fact: Not only was I severely abused for my 1st 18 years — nobody loved me. So how could I learn to trust any such thing existed?
I didn’t and I really can’t. I try but that is not the same thing as knowing. (Like the difference between trying to lift your foot off the floor versus doing it.)
I know I love those I love ’cause I can feel it. But it is nearly impossible for me to feel what it feels like to be loved by others.
Personally I can’t imagine a greater loss in life than to miss what being loved feels like except to also miss what it feels like to love someone else. I have this part — just not the other part.
18 years in a virtual concentration camp of intense hatred toward me did this.
Not to whine about this — simply stating a fact.
I am almost 60 and this hasn’t changed yet so probably won’t. Others hold out to me the gift of their love and affection of me and I am unable to accept it — so they have to continually let me know they mean it.