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I just finished writing my response to Question #4 for the book – 15 more questions to go. Tomorrow I receive #5 from my daughter, go through the next four days ‘in waiting’ as I prepare myself to answer it, and begin writing again next Tuesday morning.
I had yet another amazing ‘discovery’ today that came to me as I wrote that shook my body in a terrible way that I could not have imagined as a full-blown body memory from something that happened when I was 22 months old made itself known. Only in such a disconnected culture such as ours is could anyone ever suggest, let alone believe, that our body does not store a memory of everything that ever happens to us. (More than that – I believe our DNA is ancestral memory, as well.)
But enough for now – time for a well-earned BREAK! I pray for everyone’s protection and safety as the season of massive storms is upon us.
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Stop the Storm 
I feel for you Linda, with that memory. AND you are ABSOLUTELY 100% right! we can remember anything at any age. I do believe that when early infant trauma happens we hold it in our cells on such a deep intense level.Anyone that tells you different, don’t buy the bullshit!
I have had several memories of my abuse at 8.5 months old. The first one I had was a flashback, complete with sense of smell , and I wound up hysterically crying in a fetal position . My mother burned me with an iron and then “grazed” my cheek to make it look like an “accident”. ( I got my medical records that had the burn in there, so I know that is the correct age. It was a 3rd degree burn. Later in my 30″s when I confronted my father, he said he always thought that my mother had done that to me )-:
The other memories -I have had two more from the same age period-were of being thrown against a wall, and shaken repeatedly so hard I couldn’t breathe, and tried to die. These incidents were all because she could not stand to hear me ever cry (and I wonder why in therapy, I start to cry-then just shut down and get numb…) The violence to my body was so intense. After the body memories of those two, I could hardly move the next few days.
Where you sore, too, Linda, after this memory you had? I am sure you would have been, if not a bit loopy.
You seem to want to figure out why and I give you credit fo that. I don’t want to figure out why any more. I used to feel empathetic for my Mother, but right now, I just feel rage at her. She took so much from me: in addition she sexually abused me.. there is no excuse for that she did. I just finally broke down in therapy a couple weeks ago, and realzied I never had children, I never was happy when I would hear a friend was pregnant. I would always be distraught, and think to myself”how terrible”.. I would say to them, what are you going to do if the baby cries? They would say to me” well, for goodness sakes, you pick the baby up and hold it”. I would always have the thought you throw it against the wall. That brought me lots of tears ….
Linda, your resilience, our resilience, is amazing truly. I really honor your journey here. Lot of love and peace to you…
I think I will be writing a post today about thoughts related to this process — tomorrow I start writing for the book again, so am considering how much of what I wish to ‘say’ today — much love, dear one!!!!!! much, much LOVE!!
This is today’s post as it ‘appeared’:
+THE WARNING THAT WILL GO WITH THIS BOOK WHEN IT’S FINISHED
at
https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/the-warning-that-will-go-with-this-book-when-its-finished/
All of this is very much in process!!!!
to do this to a baby!? No words.
When we talk about the pain and sadness that won’t go away…..no need to wonder where it comes from. She would have finally released me – and I couldn’t even hardly stand or walk to get away
Ofcourse we want details!! Can u share . Thats incredible to me that you can get a memory that is stored in the body…come to the surface after so long. Does it just happen when you are thinking about it? Can u explain?
Am smiling, “It’s in the book!” ‘Cause you will probably be one of the first to read all about it as a proof reader of the finishing text. I can’t say much – just imagine (and this is without the context which is in the book and I have to be very careful of the ‘book’s reservoir’ as I’ve mentioned) – but a severe beating – out of control – terrible verbal abuse – mother exhausted – throws 22 month old crumpled to the floor with ‘get out of my sight, I can’t stand the sight of you’ etc – the memory came not of the beating itself, interestingly, but of me trying to get up off of the floor and find a way to ‘go to my room’ and ‘go to bed’ (tho I don’t remember the words I well know the pattern) – body memory was of not being able to walk (tilting, dizzy, swaying, swerving – I probably had a concussion!) – was very scary when it hit me but that’s all in the book, too. Must have felt so strange to me at 22 months not being able to walk straight, barely walk at all! Horrible