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When I say ‘we’ I don’t mean me and another separate person.  I mean ‘we’ the left brain hemisphere of Linda, the right brain hemisphere of Linda, and the Linda who is dependent upon these two connected brain regions to think!

Those of you who are familiar with my writing on this blog know what I am talking about.  I have written about how early caregiver-infant traumatic interactions change the way first the earliest forming right brain develops, then the left hemisphere as  the corpus collosum that transfers the information between these two changed brain regions also changes (‘damaged’) (for newbies, this is just the start of possible child development trauma change).

As the reality of my life and my research into what happened to me where it matters most both settles and bubbles to the surface, I am concluding that the single best thing we can do as severe early relationship trauma survivors is to improve the working connection between our two brains.  That improves the transfer of information between them.

SO, I am 90% sure that this will be the title of my first book.  Considering the horror and almost unbearable suffering my traumatic abusive childhood caused me (along with a bucket full of physiological changes in my development) – this MUST be the title because it makes me not only SMILE – it makes me CHUCKLE!

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SHE BELIEVED I WAS THE DEVIL’S CHILD:

18 years of severe abuse by my (undiagnosed) Borderline mother did not make me like her

(For short:  Devil’s Child)

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There is GREAT irony in this title.  My two brains, working together, fundamentally know this.

The right brain hemisphere plays with words as would a kitten with the end of its mother’s twitching tail.  The right brain cares not one twit what the REAL or ACTUAL or LITERAL or LOGICAL or LINEAR ‘meaning’ of ANY word is.  It just knows all kinds of words, loves those words, and takes immense joy in toying with them.

The left hemisphere, however, cannot find any possible way to use words (as tools) without being provided with a context of POTENTIAL meaning by the right brain.  When the two hemispheres of my brain are working in balanced, harmonious cooperation, the process of KNOWING happens.

BOTH of my hemispheres are delighted and quite satisfied with the title the two of them came up with TOGETHER!

OF COURSE, we could say, THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD LIKE MY MOTHER!

BUT, my not liking her has nothing to do with ordinary ‘reasons’ why.

I did not like my mother.  I did not dislike my mother. I had no ability to even consider the topic until I was well into my 30s.  As a child

(1) I had no information ever given to me that would have let me form an opinion on anything

(2) I had no information that let me know I had a CHOICE about anything

(3) I had no information that let me know there was a LINDA as a self that was being hurt

(4) I had no information that would have let me know that hurting Linda was a bad thing

and on and on and on . . . .

BUT – and this is what the title is actually saying along with the (‘along with’ is something that delights the right brain) play on words about ‘did I like my mother or not’ –  I did not turn out like my mother.  That fact is as important a part of my story as it is obvious.  How I am different and why is critically important in terms of the potential human resiliency factors have to overcome risk factors in any environment.

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What makes me and my two brain regions chuckle is that what might be taken as the first and most obvious meaning of ‘like’ in the title is NOT what ‘we’ are talking about.  It might be a silly piece of wit and humor, but it’s important because it happened!  Smooth transactions between my two changed brain regions and their info-transferring region does not come to me often or easily.  But THIS matters.  A book without a title is . . . . . .   not a book at all!

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