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PART I:  My mother was a professional bully.  There are very few direct examples in her letters about how mother handled outside criticism about her thinking and decisions — or ANYBODY’S attempts to intervene.  Here in this letter mother effectively deflects whatever observations and opinions her mother must have expressed about our mother.

The homestead served the integral role in her madness of being her ‘isolation chamber’ for our family and for her actions.  She didn’t need a burning ring of fire around us.  She didn’t need a moat filled with starving crocodiles.  When we sat perched in our canvas hut high on the mountainside at the end of a long terrible road without any near neighbors, mother could rule her kingdom with her entire family as her captives.

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July 31, 1962

Wednesday

Dear Mother,

Today Bill will send the message to you telling you it’s better, we [Linda note:  meaning as usual, I’m certain, HER] feel, that you wait for your trip until next summer.  More than likely we will make a trip ‘out’ before then but we have thought and thought about this and agree it’s best you wait.

I’ll send the letter along that I wrote last week telling you ‘same’ and why after I received your advisory letter.

Then I wanted to see you so badly I let my heart not my head rule and decided not to send it.

Then over the week-end we got a nice letter from Spoerry [landlord of log house] saying we could spend $150 to fix up drive-way and 450.00 new roof – also Reynolds can stay.  I had expected “no, no, no’s! from her on all 3 counts.

We’re thrilled to be able to remain on homestead now but my gosh the work that will have to be done here so we can stay and if I teach them I must get the place done now.

Floors must be put down and all ready before Labor Day when all of our furniture will be moved up here!!

I know you’re against our spending winter here and my teaching the children and I couldn’t stand to have you come and arguments start about it.  I know they would.

[Linda note:  There were NO possibilities for anyone to ever contradict my mother about ANYTHING – and she could control all outside input and influence – as commander-in-absolute-charge of our family!]

Believe me Mom, we all want to see you but it wouldn’t be happy with things as they’re.  I live in fear that what happened last year would occur again.  I’d be too sick, then, to do a thing this winter.  [Linda note:  I am not sure what happened the summer before – is she referring to the arguments with her brother and wife when they came to see us?]

You’re so right I must watch my health.  I must have a serene environment.  It wouldn’t be if you came and we disagreed.

It’s my life and I choose to live it here on our mountain and I won’t stand for interference on this point and I no longer want advise [sic]!  Our minds are made up and we’ve been busier and happier since we’ve decided.

We’ll have electricity this winter and a chemical toilet [never happened].  Next spring will dig a well [never happened] and have a bath-room [never happened] next summer.  Then you can come all summer if you wish.  Perhaps we could erect a little log cabin where you’d have some privacy [never happened].  It’s hard to all live together for any length of time.

I hope you’re not too dissappointed [sic].  I want so for you to be happy.  You’d be a whole lot unhappier if you come and it wasn’t pleasant.

And I’m afraid it couldn’t be when I’ve so much to do and all — .

Please write and tell me how you feel — Love, Mildred

[Interesting, the envelope mother used to mail this letter to grandmother has Spoerry’s, the owners of the log house, address crossed out on the front and grandmother’s written in.  Spoerry’s address is in Algeria.]

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See in context:

*July 1962 – Mother’s Letters

*1962 – MOTHER’S LETTERS

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See also for background context regarding homesteading:

*Dad’s April 2, 1960 Letter to Alaska Land Office

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+INFO ABOUT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)

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