+SPOKEN IN THE QUIETEST OF VOICES – AND SILENCED AGAIN

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I will be left off by my dearest family at the Fargo, North Dakota airport for my return flight to Arizona next Wednesday, September 26th at 5:30 in the morning.  Many adventures still need to be lived through here before that moment arrives.  One of these anticipated experiences for this coming weekend involves a second visit in a week’s time with a woman who was my closest friend from the year I left home at age 18 until a time 30 years ago when a ‘rupture’ appeared in this relationship that I did not understand back then and have never had any hope — until now — of repairing.

There will probably be much I will have to write eventually not only about these friendship patterns emerging now in my current life after lying dormant (I thought dead) all of these years.  But I need to get home.  I need to ‘repair’ my own self from the tiring aspects of this kind of travel.  For the moment I wanted to mention (mostly to myself, as this kind of writing so adeptly allows for) the first new glimmerings of insight that are percolating their way nearly up to the surfaces of my various awarenesses.

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I haven’t written for a long time about what it feels like as an infant-child abuse and trauma survivor when this kind of (I find myself at this moment walking around my daughter’s living room motioning with my hands through space as I search for the words I need) —

turning

of

critically important

‘energy’

transpires.

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As I HAVE written of more recently on this blog, I had no solitary inner clue, no self-indication, no self awareness that I had even been abused as a child until I reached the age of 29.

This abuse awareness came to me in tiny snippets of pieces.  It came gradually through time, over time — as I was pushed, pulled, swayed, influenced — out of the shadows of hiding my own reality from myself – and most certainly from others – as I began to detect my own words – and to express them – a process I will probably be actively engaged in for the rest of my life (I just turned 61).

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Right now as I open doorways again after these 30 passing years into the value that my friendship with this woman I mention meant to me (a very great deal!) – and to how much I have missed her —

I had a flash, vaguely yet tantalizingly so, of tiny returning memories from our long-ago friendship – of my interaction with not only this woman but also with her older sister during ‘that’ era of my life.

I ‘do believe’ at this moment that it was to these 2 women that I first voiced any – ANY – mention of the horror of hell I had spent the first 18 years of my life in.

I vaguely understand at this moment that as I voiced words to these women about the first tiny aspect of my abuse history (I don’t exactly remember what I described) – what came back to me was a STOPPER — an absolute SHOW STOPPER – that many if not most severe early abuse survivors will recognize:

“Get over it!”

“Nobody has a perfect childhood.”

“Get over it!”

“Grow up!”

“Get on with your life!”

Of course I am paraphrasing a flitting fleet of memory here.

Did I stand up for MYSELF?

Absolutely NOT!

(I can barely barely barely stand up for myself – ever – even now – actually…..)

At those moments I found myself speaking to my friends something about the truth of the horror of my childhood experience – I was (as far as I can tell) speaking those words I spoke to THEM — for the first time — to my own self.

When their reaction came – I shut up.  I could not carry any of my own energy forward to speak again EVER to these friends about what was real and true in such a HUGE and important way to me.

As it was that I first spoke my truth in words to THEM

So also did I first speak them to myself.

And as I was ‘shut down’ by them (if not in important ways ‘shot down’)

As my VOICE stopped speaking

I again returned to absolute silence inside of my own self as far as being able to voice my own truth to ME – the one who REALLY needed to hear them.

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That little tiny voice.

That all but invisible whisper to the world about what 18 years of insane torture and abuse did to me – who could hear it?

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It took YEARS for that door to open again!

YEARS!!!!

I don’t blame those to whom I tried to first speak.

I don’t blame anyone for my own silence.

I am today just suspecting that this experience is extremely common for abuse survivors.  These patterns ARE harmful.  They allow the corrosive toxic destruction caused by ‘prior’ abuse to continue unchecked, unabated, unaddressed — for far, far too long.

For today – enough said.

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+HOW GOES THE AMERICAN FAMILY

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I would write this as a poem

if I thought there was any poetry in this

What to say about The American Family on the go, always on the go?

Small children make sure this is so

Finally Mommy, with no choice, being exhausted from night after night without long sound sleep

Drops her two-month-old into the magic battery baby swing next to Grandma (that would be I – or is that me?)

Asleep on the living room couch on call for such an occasion at 5:46 in the morning

As the alarm rings off where Daddy sleeps on the couch downstairs.  Out the door he races to work early

As Grandma changes the poopy diaper (a celebration of small sorts ensues as today would have brought day 3 without same)

While 2 1/2 year old calls for (barely back to sleep) Mommy to lift him from the crib (he wakes crabby, still with the nasty cough, a daycare-caught cold he shared with Grandma and Baby)

(Did you know?  No longer is Vicks rub safe for children’s chests, nor can cough medicine be given to little ones under age 6?  How did my children – or others – survive before so much helpful DON’T-DOs arrived on the parenting scene?)

Just saying……

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Of course toddler wants to wear the fishbones pajama shirt for his day that nobody has yet washed the chocolate ice cream from yesterday out of yet

Speaking of which….

“No chocolate ice cream for breakfast.”

SAY WHAT????  Toddler?  Unhappy.

Adults?  Insistent.

And on goes the too-early-in-the-morning breakfast war

As Mommy nurses the baby

As Grandma stuffs the books to be donated and the two tomato cages and the strange black umbrella which will all share that fate

Into the back of the sturdy (bought used) red Subaru along with many awkward pounds of to-be-recycled cardboard and a heavy box of magazines – again, to share a fate

While Grandma then packs Mommy a lunch, adds the frozen block into the ‘twice to pump at work today’ nursing bag, cleans the PB&J from the hands of said toddler who at least ate the toppings and took a sip of milk

As Mommy dresses the toddler now, as Grandma counts the to-be-donated ‘don’t fit Mommy anymore’ quality clothing — must add all to the detailed list for tax deductions

Just in case

Just in case America elects a leader hell bent on destroying what is left of any small and possible remnant of America’s middle class – “NO NO NO!  No more tax deductions for YOU!!”

As Grandma hurries to make Mommy a toasted English muffin with extra PB – wrapped hot in a paper towel, delivered out to the garage as the toddler is strapped into his super-duper car seat (Did you know you CANNOT MUST NOT reuse one of those carseats?   Experts insist!  The plastic is ROTTEN once it’s time to pass one down to the next in line or to somebody’s little one.  Tell me, at what point does the ROTTEN begin?)

Of course Grandma doesn’t quite notice that the paper towel is saturated with warm melted butter dripping PB – until it’s finally handed to Mommy through the front car window 2 seconds before that Subaru was to be put into reverse at 8:44

So it can all drip onto Mommy’s professional outfit

So Mommy must rush into the house and (you get the picture)

As Grandma follows her inside pathetically whining, “This is why I am not a short order cook!”

And prepares for a day with the baby.

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Well, Baby was sound asleep safe safe safe SAFE

So Grandma thought she/I could snitch the tiniest of SHOWERS – but of course as soon as the shampoo lathered my head the baby HOWLS!!

How did he KNOW???

And on life goes………

While the North Dakota wind jumps up from nowhere

or so it seems

to bless this day of possible sunshine

with such YOWLING

just because

it can.

(While I wonder, “How will Mommy manage once Grandma retreats again far south?”)

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This being published just a day after the dishwasher threw up its plastic parts which chose to land on the hot drying burner to melt themselves into uselessness – while nobody smelled this sabotage in progress?

And just now – after Grandma turned off the water to the downstair’s toilet – so she can return later to see if there’s hope for repair for the now-intent-on-permanently-leaking parts to the sacred inner porcelain pool of “DANG SHUT YOURSELF OFF ALREADY” hidden parts of same.

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+WHAT I DON’T NAME CAN’T EXIST (?)

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I left home to fly the 1700 miles north to visit my family on Thursday August 30th – and I am still here.  There are probably 100 posts I could write from what I have and currently am experiencing on this trip.  I figure all that can wait until I get home again.  The long and the short of it is that I barely have the inner resources I wish I had to manage my visit comfortably.  I don’t.  “Too much stimulation” is just plain noxious to me (as it is for a newly born infant) no matter the source or the positive/negative direction the stimulation comes from.  I just cannot easily handle ‘stress’.

I hate this about my condition.  Part of me says that if I do not NAME what I know about what I am experiencing here then it cannot hurt me.  I am doing my best to ‘skip over’ the hard parts, wanting only to keep with me moment to moment the marvels of being with my grandsons and my daughters – no matter what else might be involved in this experience.

Life as we know it IS experience — ongoing and continual.  Experience is so intimately connected and intertwined with every other experience we have ever had that they cannot be teased apart, this ‘present’ from that ‘past’.  My past exhausted my resources.  In my essence I feel exhausted.  “I am tired out” is the refrain that repeats in my awareness — and at 61, that MAKES ME MAD!

Part of this process is about accepting my ‘disabilities’ – and because these ‘disabilities’ exist in direct proportion to the severe insane abuse I suffered from my birth – they are not minor ones.

I don’t want to name them right now.  I want to go on with my day as if they do not exist.  (Yeah, right!)  That’s all I really know how to do.  It’s what I have always done.  Tired out or not, exhausted or not, I always reach for MORE resources, even when I can’t imagine where they are inside of me.  I am greedy that way, I guess!

So be it.  Life is NOT fair.  Ask any human!

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+THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT

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Tomorrow I fly.  From my point of view I might as well be preparing to leave for outer space.  Not that I don’t know where I will end up, and don’t know that being with my children and grandchildren will be wonderful beyond belief.  It’s just the days and minutes that lead up to this adventure that seem torturous.  When ‘all is said and done’ I have turned into a chicken.  A big grounded chicken!

It’s not like I have a gargantuan farm or ranch that needs to be cared for in my absence.  A large garden, 5 hens, 2 cats and a small dog.  Yet relying on someone to care for this end of my life while I am not here to do it has been a difficult journey.  And it’s not over yet.  I have lost telephone contact with the woman who is to stay here.  I don’t know where she lives.  My car is still in the shop being worked on where it has been for the better part of two weeks.

Of course the worst of the worst that might happen in these next hours is all in my imagination.  If I did not have the gift of imagination I would probably be unable to worry.  Yes, imagination is a gift of the soul — but, oh!  To only use that gift wisely!  Am I doing that?

I have written a small book of details and instructions for the caretaker – should she be the one to actually arrive at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow as arranged.

“Don’t push on the DVD player without holding onto it or it will slide down behind the TV.”

“The cats will come when they hear the sound of their food clinking against their dish.”

“Shut down the laptop and unplug all the cords in the back of it at the first sound of thunder.”

“Don’t put vegetables or fruit on the top right refrigerator shelf or they will freeze.”

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I find myself wondering briefly what it would be like to have gone through life, to go through it now with a detailed instruction book in hand that could be referred to and relied upon to contain the truth about how to manage one’s self in one’s life.  For all the billions of people on this earth, for all that have passed this way before, how is it actually possible that each and every single one of us still encounter so many continually new situations for which the only wisdom about how to get through them the best way possible only lies within each of us individually?

This is a creative — co-creative — universe we live in!

We are all continually creating and re-creating a slice of life that follows us around all of the time.

“Snip off the zinnia flowers below the second set of leaves so they can bloom again – the butterflies love them.”

Yet within the maze, the labyrinth of life, there is assistance and there is forgiveness and there is mercy.

I just received the news from my dear friend about the doctor’s report yesterday.  Everything of concern has miraculously improved!  Another appointment is set not for one month from now, but for three months from now!  How does one begin to thank the God Who made us, Who loves us, and Who hears our prayers?

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So in the middle of being a human being on this earth I try to pause and remember what matters most.  We are not given the power to foresee the future or to control it.  We are given the power to choose how we move through each present moment, about how we reach for the powers human beings have been given to communicate with our Creator – and with one another.

In the end we will each be able to report the one thing we all share in common:  “I have lived the best I can, and it was the greatest of adventures!”

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+Prominent scientists sign declaration that animals have conscious awareness, just like us

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I find this absolutely fascinating!!

Prominent scientists sign declaration that animals have conscious awareness, just like us

“An international group of prominent scientists has signed The Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness in which they are proclaiming their support for the idea that animals are conscious and aware to the degree that humans are — a list of animals that includes all mammals, birds, and even the octopus. But will this make us stop treating these animals in totally inhumane ways?

“While it might not sound like much for scientists to declare that many nonhuman animals possess conscious states, it’s the open acknowledgement that’s the big news here. The body of scientific evidence is increasingly showing that most animals are conscious in the same way that we are, and it’s no longer something we can ignore.

“What’s also very interesting about the declaration is the group’s acknowledgement that consciousness can emerge in those animals that are very much unlike humans, including those that evolved along different evolutionary tracks, namely birds and some cephalopods.

“”The absence of a neocortex does not appear to preclude an organism from experiencing affective states,” they write, “Convergent evidence indicates that non-human animals have the neuroanatomical, neurochemical, and neurophysiological substrates of conscious states along with the capacity to exhibit intentional behaviors.”

“The group consists of cognitive scientists, neuropharmacologists, neurophysiologists, neuroanatomists, and computational neuroscientists — all of whom were attending theFrancis Crick Memorial Conference on Consciousness in Human and Non-Human Animals. The declaration was signed in the presence of Stephen Hawking, and included such signatories as Christof Koch, David Edelman, Edward Boyden, Philip Low, Irene Pepperberg, and many more.

“The declaration made the following observations:

  • The field of Consciousness research is rapidly evolving. Abundant new techniques and strategies for human and non-human animal research have been developed. Consequently, more data is becoming readily available, and this calls for a periodic reevaluation of previously held preconceptions in this field. Studies of non-human animals have shown that homologous brain circuits correlated with conscious experience and perception can be selectively facilitated and disrupted to assess whether they are in fact necessary for those experiences. Moreover, in humans, new non-invasive techniques are readily available to survey the correlates of consciousness.
  • The neural substrates of emotions do not appear to be confined to cortical structures. In fact, subcortical neural networks aroused during affective states in humans are also critically important for generating emotional behaviors in animals. Artificial arousal of the same brain regions generates corresponding behavior and feeling states in both humans and non-human animals. Wherever in the brain one evokes instinctual emotional behaviors in non-human animals, many of the ensuing behaviors are consistent with experienced feeling states, including those internal states that are rewarding and punishing. Deep brain stimulation of these systems in humans can also generate similar affective states. Systems associated with affect are concentrated in subcortical regions where neural homologies abound. Young human and nonhuman animals without neocortices retain these brain-mind functions. Furthermore, neural circuits supporting behavioral/electrophysiological states of attentiveness, sleep and decision making appear to have arisen in evolution as early as the invertebrate radiation, being evident in insects and cephalopod mollusks (e.g., octopus).
  • Birds appear to offer, in their behavior, neurophysiology, and neuroanatomy a striking case of parallel evolution of consciousness. Evidence of near human-like levels of consciousness has been most dramatically observed in African grey parrots. Mammalian and avian emotional networks and cognitive microcircuitries appear to be far more homologous than previously thought. Moreover, certain species of birds have been found to exhibit neural sleep patterns similar to those of mammals, including REM sleep and, as was demonstrated in zebra finches, neurophysiological patterns, previously thought to require a mammalian neocortex. Magpies in articular have been shown to exhibit striking similarities to humans, great apes, dolphins, and elephants in studies of mirror self-recognition.
  • In humans, the effect of certain hallucinogens appears to be associated with a disruption in cortical feedforward and feedback processing. Pharmacological interventions in non-human animals with compounds known to affect conscious behavior in humans can lead to similar perturbations in behavior in non-human animals. In humans, there is evidence to suggest that awareness is correlated with cortical activity, which does not exclude possible contributions by subcortical or early cortical processing, as in visual awareness. Evidence that human and nonhuman animal emotional feelings arise from homologous subcortical brain networks provide compelling evidence for evolutionarily shared primal affective qualia.”

We declare the following: “The absence of a neocortex does not appear to preclude an organism from experiencing affective states. Convergent evidence indicates that  non-human  animals have the neuroanatomical,  neurochemical, and neurophysiological substrates of conscious states along with  the capacity to exhibit intentional behaviors. Consequently, the weight of evidence  indicates that humans are not unique in possessing the neurological substrates that generate consciousness. Nonhuman animals, including all mammals and birds, and many other creatures, including octopuses, also possess these neurological substrates.”

Read more here!

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+LIVING LIFE – THE MEDLEY

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The image in my mind’s eye this morning is of me living my life is of stained glass.  The big picture of myself in my life – along with all others who are a part of my life (and in some way that includes all who are alive, all who are connected to the stream of my life by their contributions in the past) — is of a massive picture created with meticulous beauty — of what exactly?  I cannot tell because it seems most pieces, though cut to fit this picture, lie around me disconnected in a state of readiness to be placed where they belong — but aren’t.  (Could they be?)

On any given day, at any given moment I can collect an assortment of shaped pieces, all possessed of inherent individual beauty, all with edges that could be dangerous if I handle them wrongly, round about me.  These pieces stick with me throughout a waking day as if we are bound together with powerful static electricity.

I can move the pieces around, hold them up the the light, admire their exquisite beauty — but I cannot put more than a very few of them together where they belong and make them stick there.  If I could, then I could get up the next morning with part of the picture in front of me, surrounding me, and add a little bit more order and understanding to the pattern of experience that is my life.

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Today is a perfect day.  Recent rains have washed all visible dust and pollutants out of the air.  Distant mountains seem closer.  Every particle of life glistens and shines.  Humidity in our high desert air has plant life thriving in it.  The sun is shining.  Temperatures most related to coming fall engulf us.  Life is beautiful.

But I have to work to let that feeling of peace invade my own self.  The pressure of having yet another day of life to live – to live rightly the best that I can – to live a day that is unlike any that has ever been on this planet before, that will disappear moment by moment into the past taking choices along with it as time has come and gone — knowing that life is going on for people all over this planet under all kinds of different conditions — and that for so many that life is nothing but suffering.

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I nearly perpetually carry the sense I had all during my so-abusive childhood that if I could ‘just do things right’ life would be perfect.  It would be paradise.  There would be nothing to be ‘punished’ for.  There would be no mistake made.  There would be no regrets.  There would be no need to ever feel I did something wrong, that there is something in existence that now needs to be up-righted, to be fixed, simply because I am alive.

I can’t go back and smooth out all those wrinkles in my beliefs about life.  I can try to recognize them.  But sometimes there just seems to be so many different fronts to pay attention to as I sit with those separated beautiful pieces of stained glass – not knowing where so many of them belong or what they mean or what to do with them – or what happened that I can make so little sense out of anything I recognize about life, my own included.

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Yesterday was a special day for me in an important way:  I chuckled out loud.  I didn’t just chuckle once.  I was surprised and entertained by chuckles that came to me on several occasions yesterday.  I ask myself, “What did you do differently yesterday, Linda, that you got to experience what so rarely comes to you, those moments of clear and simple joy?”

I do not KNOW, and that puzzlement also troubles me, as if I created an accidental puzzle whose solution is as unknown to me as its creation!

I didn’t make any special decision to chuckle yesterday.  I remember what traditional Native American elders up north where I used to live often stated:  “Humor is a spirit.  When we laugh it is because a spirit of humor has passed us by.”

Well, I am grateful.  The relief I felt at being able to chuckle leaves me nearly speechless!  It’s not that the chuckle-worthy pieces of life that visited me yesterday make any more sense than any other piece makes.  It’s just that I felt free from a great burden when the chuckles arrived.  Humor appeared in the words and actions of other people.  Humor appeared in my own actions, as well.

Those chuckle moments seem, looking back at yesterday, to be individual blessings that angels carried into my life — and made OBVIOUS to me.

Yet as I think of it more carefully, more specifically, doing what a Virgo’s Virgo Mercurial mind can do so well — examine the context along with the content of those moments — I see that every chuckle appeared at a moment when a light shone brightly on the humanness of people.

Looking at life as a puzzle where people do the best that they can do – recognizing that things could have been done BETTER — but weren’t.  Yet at those moments there was a recognition that no shame was attached to the actions done.  Rather there was grace and mercy present so that nothing negative was attached to ‘silly’ actions of — just human people.

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Around four in the afternoon a dark and ominous cloud appeared to block out the mountain range (these are more like foothills than peaks) to the north of the little town I live in.  Thundering crashes let us know this storm meant some kind of serious business as it approached us.  Lots of neighbors were outside, children included.  Everyone except the youngest had their eyes on that cloud.

It BOOMED! a few times — and disappeared.  But with its ‘big joke’ it knocked out all power to our town for about 6 hours.  The sun was destined to set, to leave us all in darkness.  I was happy to disperse little candles I have in my saved, stored collection to my neighbors who live in these simple old trailers filled with growing children before the sun set.

Of course we were out of water, so little people with water jugs appeared at my door.  I traded their empties for full ones I had filled at our local water machine for drinking.  I found an extra flashlight and transferred its light to my eastern neighbor.  A long dark tunnel can be intimidating to children trying to find the bathroom.

The neighbors did not disappear into their houses as dark crept for us.  There was nothing to do there.  Off for family walks they sauntered with their hand-held beams of light — squealing in unison as they passed a wakening snake along the side of the roughened pavement.

All these people in this Mexican-American border town of 700 know one another.  Most are related.  When they go for an evening stroll with babes in tow they have somewhere to go.  Not I.

What could busy-me do in the dark with my two candles lit and my flashlight stuffed into my left jean shorts pocket to be pulled out at an instant’s notice?

For days I’ve known I needed to do a pedicure.  Never do I stop from all of my other business long enough to get that task done.  So filling a pan with water from a gallon jug, flashlight in hand, I sat down long enough to do my nails — and to chuckle at how silly I (and others can be) — well – simply because we can be!  We are human!

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The power came back on.  Life resumed ‘as usual’.  The ‘dark moments’ that turned into calm and pleasing ‘pressure-free’ times had passed.  (I spent much of my childhood living without running water or electricity – but boy am I used to those amenities now!)  Everyone returned indoors leaving the brilliant half moon turning the sky to white peace-filled light outside

Yet another piece of the stained glass pie:  Maybe it doesn’t really matter one tiny bit what individuals make of our collective moments.  What might only matter is that they passed at all – and together somebody noticed.

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+FINDING MY COURAGE TO TAKE A LOOK AT ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH AMERICA’

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For all the severe trauma, neglect, abuse and malevolent treatment I endured during the first 18 years of my life, I have yet to thoroughly explore the topic of the book I am highlighting here today as it applies to my own life.  I have known for many years that I had no relationship with my mother or father that was outside the range of what is described as a ‘trauma bond’ or as a ‘betrayal bond’.  I had no safe and secure attachment relationship with ANYONE during those 18 years.  I have evidently taken that fact so fore granted that it is only now as I continue to explore the CONTEXT of the Bigger Picture in which the trauma that happened to me within that I am NOW directly faced with either paying some attention to what these kinds of bonds actually are – or not.

From a rather detached point of view I find it intriguing to learn this about myself:  I did not move to the point where I could directly consider these damaged-damaging kinds of bonds UNTIL I reached a point where my interest and concern became focused not on my own story, but rather on the suffering of OTHER infants and children CURRENTLY trying to grow up in our nation as they suffer from all kinds of deprivations and traumas within malevolent environments.

As I noted in some of my recent posts, it is within the CONTEXT and within the Bigger Picture that I share the overwhelming suffering of my abusive-traumatic infant-childhood with LOTS of other people.  These ‘other people’ are NOT only grownups.  They are ALSO infants, toddlers, childrens and teens who are suffering NOW – in real-time.  As I have pursued my own understandings about what happened to me from the PAST on into the present real-time moment, all boundaries and distinctions I might have had about ‘my suffering’ and the suffering of others have vanished.

In this dissolution of distinctions about suffering I am left taking a closer look at the conditions within our American nation that are not only allowing growing numbers of our offspring to suffer, but that are contributing to this suffering.  I realized a long time ago that especially in regard to infant abuse our culture has built into itself such a taboo against harming little ones that we don’t even want to THINK about let alone TALK about the fact that infant abuse does happen!

Now I feel like I am broaching yet another taboo subject – what is wrong with America.  As I take a look at this subject I feel I am wandering around alone in a very dark bramble thicket – but I will not change my direction.  Forward I go, no matter how uncomfortable this stage of my journey is.

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I will be continuing to post further excerpts from the book I introduced in last evening’s post, America’s Sacred Calling: Building a New Spiritual Reality (2010) by John Fitzgerald Medina.   At the same time I admit to myself I am reaching WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE as I tackle the information Medina presents.  My realization is that I am unable to make any further progress toward understanding suffering in the context of the nation I am a part of if I don’t at the same time understand that I have a BETRAYAL BOND with America.

As members of a social species we are programmed in our DNA to seek protection by being with others of our kind.  We are most comfortable being a part of the larger group at the same time that our innate physiological attachment ‘wiring’ makes certain that if we move too far out of our ‘group comfort zone’ – we will FEEL IT as discomforting, threatening and downright scary!  We will feel this threat in terms of lack of safety and security at the same time our attachment systems go into full play.

I suspect that most people instinctively align themselves with their own nation in the same way that infants and children align themselves with the caregivers they are dependent on for protection-need fulfillment.  Dependency based on NEED can be a powerful force that keeps us even as adults from asking questions and surveying factual information that MIGHT BURST OUR BUBBLE about anyone we are reliant on for protection-need fulfillment – including facts about our own nation.

In this context of examining context I present the following information on ‘betrayal bonds’.  This information comes from this book:

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997) by Patrick J. Carnes

Product Description

Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of exploitive relationships: why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He explains to readers how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and provides a checklist so they can examine their own relationships. Included are steps readers can take to safely extricate themselves or their loved ones from these situations.

In Carnes’ introduction to his book he states:

Betrayal.  A breach of trust.  Fear.  What you thought was true – counted on to be true – was not.  It was just smoke and mirrors, outright deceit and lies.  Sometimes it was hard to tell because there was just enough truth to make everything seem right.  Even a little truth with just the right spin can cover the outrageous.  Worse, there are the sincerity and care that obscure what you have lost.  You can see the outlines of it now.  It was exploitation.  You were used.  Everything in you wants to believe you weren’t. Please make it not so, you pray.  Yet enough has emerged.  Facts.  Undeniable.  You sizzle with anger.

Betrayal.  You can’t explain it away anymore.  A pattern exists.  You know that now.  You can no longer return to the way it was (which was never really as it seemed).  That would be unbearable.  But to move forward means certain pain.  No escape.  No in-between.  Choices have to be made today, not tomorrow.  The usual ways you numb yourself will not work.  The reality is too great, too relentless.

Betrayal.  A form of abandonment.  Often the abandonment is difficult to see because the betrayer can be still close, even intimate, or may be intruding in your life.  Yet your interests, your well-being is continually sacrificed.

Abandonment is at the core of addictions.  Abandonment causes deep shame.  Abandonment by betrayal is worse than mindless neglect.  Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving.  If severe enough, it is traumatic.  What moves betrayal into the real of trauma is fear and terror. [my note:  I would add here that trauma is ALSO about overwhelming helplessness, hopelessness and great pain and suffering!] If the wound is deep enough, and the terror big enough [and great pain and suffering], your bodily systems shift to an alarm state.  You never feel safe.  You’re always on full-alert, just waiting for the hurt to begin again.  In that state of readiness, you’re unaware that part of you has died.  You are grieving.  Like everyone who has loss, you have shock and disbelief, fear, loneliness and sadness.  Yet you are unaware of these feelings because your guard is up.  In your readiness, you abandon yourself. Yes, another abandonment.

But that is not the worst.  The worst is a mind-numbing, highly addictive attachment to the people who have hurt you. [my note:  Addictive physiological patterns use the same chemicals and body-brain routes that human attachment does.  When our earliest caregiver attachments hurt us, our body-brain had no choice in the beginning of our life to alter the way our attachment patterns built us and built themselves into us in our early unsafe and insecure human environment.] You may even try to explain and help them understand what they are doing – convert them into non-abusers.  You may even blame yourself, your defects, your failed efforts.  You strive to do better as your life slips away in the swirl of the intensity.  These attachments cause you to distrust your own judgment, distort your own realities and place yourself at even greater risk.  The great irony?  You are bracing yourself against further hurt.  The result?  A guarantee of more pain.  These attachments have a name.  They are called betrayal bonds.

Exploitive relationships create betrayal bonds.  These occur when a victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her.  Thus the hostage becomes the champion of the hostage taker, the incest victim covers for the parent and the exploited employee fails to expose the wrongdoing of the boss. {my note:  I am also becoming very clear that, against all our nation’s social taboos about ‘thinking this way’, that our nation itself is allowing an abusive exploitive relationship to continue to grow between ‘the rich and the poor’.  I have a betrayal bond-attachment (as I suspect most of us do) to my own nation!] Sexual exploitation by professionals – such as in the Father Porter case, the Pied Piper phenomenon at Jonestown, and the kidnapping of the children from the school bus at Chowchilla – grab national attention.  Yet the bonds formed in those situations have much in common with the experiences most of us have.

We typically think of bonding as something good.  We use phrases like male bonding and marital bonds, referring to something positive. [my note:  and ‘the mother-infant bond’ – the following bold type is mine] Yet bonds are neutral.  They can be good or bad.  Consider destructive marriages as in War of the Roses in which the attachment results in a mutually destructive bond that cannot be broken.  Partners cannot leave each other the bond is so strong, even when they clearly know the risks.  Similarly, adult survivors of abusive and dysfunctional families struggle with bonds that are rooted in their own betrayal experiences.  Loyalty to that which does not work, or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive or destructive to you, is a form of insanity.

A number of signs indicate the presence of a betrayal bond:

1.  When everyone around you has strong negative reactions, yet you continue covering up, defending or explaining a relationship.

2.  When there is a constant pattern of nonperformance and yet you continue to believe false promises.

3.  When there are repetitive, destructive fights that nobody wins.

4.  When others are horrified by something that has happened to you and you are not.

5.  When you obsess over showing someone that he or she is wrong about you, your relationship or the person’s treatment of you.

6.  When you feel stuck because you know what the other person is doing is destructive but believe you cannot do anything about it.

7.  When you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that are damaging to others.

8.  When you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with the desire of converting them to a non-abuser.

9.  When someone’s talents, charisma or contributions cause you to overlook destructive, exploitive or degrading acts. [my note:  Alas, I am also ‘reading’ patterns here that describe the nation I am a part of]

10.  When you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust, like or care for the person.

11.  When you find yourself missing a relationship, even to the point of nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you.

12.  When extraordinary demands are placed upon you to measure up as a way to cover up that you’ve been exploited.

13.  When you keep secret someone’s destructive behavior toward you [my note:  and I would add in the case of our nation ‘against others’] because of all the good they have done or the importance of their position or career.

14.  When the history of your relationship is about contracts or promises that have been broken and that you are asked to overlook.

Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, incest, child abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, hostage negotiation, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse all are areas that reference and describe the pattern of betrayal bonding.  They have in common situations of incredible intensity, or importance, or both. [my note:  I place our ‘national allegiance’ in this same category when the wealth and interests of the few causes great harm to the desperate many] They all can result in a bond with a person who is dangerous and exploitive.  Signs of betrayal bonding include misplaced loyalty, inability to detach and self-destructive denial. [bold type is mine]

If you are reading this book, a clear betrayal has probably happened in your life.  Chances are that you have also bonded with the person or persons who have let you down.  Now here is the important part:  you will never mend the would without dealing with the betrayal bond.  Like gravity, you may defy it for a while, but ultimately it will pull you back.  You cannot walk away from it.  Time will not heal it.  Burying yourself in compulsive and addictive behaviors will bring no relief, just more pain….

You can click on this title and go to Amazon.com to explore the Table of Contents and other pages, as well.  I haven’t read the book yet as I just discovered it in my searching today.  I will either locate a copy through my local library or buy one for myself.  The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997) by Patrick J. Carnes

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+DISSOCIATION AND TRAUMA-CHANGED INFANT SEQUENTIAL LEFT BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

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I really believe that one of the repeating experiences any survivor of early severe trauma and abuse has – because our earliest experiences built us and built themselves into us – in the BODY memory (of course processed and translated through our trauma-built brain) of what THREAT TO LIFE feels like.  I am mere moments away from being picked up by medical transport to go have a CT scan done as a follow-up for the breast cancer treatments I received and completed three years ago.  I am in the midst of having what I know today as ‘a life hanging in the balance’ moment.  Or should I say, an entire sequence of those moments?

Oddly enough – yet logically enough – my entire experience this morning as I wait now without food intake for the magic moment I begin to drink that very weird barium mix in my refrigerator – is ALSO connected to something my daughter shared with me last night regarding my 10-month-old grandson, C.

C’s mommy has been establishing an evening bedtime routine which includes bath time to remove the food from his body and hair as he is learning to feed himself – a fun and very messy process!  Then comes the hair brushing.  Then comes the tooth brushing.  Mommy has the cutest little baby toothbrush – a little soft rubber thing with soft bristles on it that she sticks on the end of her pointer finger and puts into his mouth.  Brush!  Brush!

Last night after brushing C’s hair mommy was in full movement to hand C the hairbrush so he could practice brushing his own hair (which he does).  In mid-movement mommy noticed with surprise that after his hair had been brushed he immediately opened his mouth for the toothbrush.

He KNEW what was SUPPOSED to happen next.

Rather than disturb this amazing rhythm of sequenced happenings-events, mommy DID then brush his teeth before she handed her little one his hairbrush.

NO BIG DEAL?

HUGE DEAL!

Among the many sticky notes that I have attached to this ‘ordinary’ infant-toddler growth and development chart I have propped here by my computer is this one, labeled “15 months.”

Emotional activities and mechanisms of memory operating at this specific time.”

Unfortunately when I was doing my developmental neuroscience research a few years ago and spotted this milestone, I neglected to write the citation for this tidbit of critical information!

Today when I Google search “brain development mechanisms of memory” a host of webpages appear on my screen.  If the page doesn’t come up when you click on this link, just pop these words into your own Google search and you will see what I mean.

At the moment I will just connect my thoughts together into a pattern with something else I know from this morning.

Having cancer is a distressing, traumatic experience.  For me, as a severely abused and traumatized infant-child, my ‘routine’ of experience with my earliest caregivers did very very little to establish ‘reason-able’ routine into my growing body-brain.  What I got was CHAOS.

I am used to thinking about my resulting DISSOCIATION in terms of its ‘opposite’ – ASSOCIATION.  I know we have ‘a prefrontal associational complex in our cerebral cortex’.

The cerebral cortex is a sheet of neural tissue that is outermost to the cerebrum of the mammalian brain. It plays a key role in memory, attention, perceptual awareness, thought, language, and consciousness.

Without swimming around in the neuroscience soup at the moment, it’s enough for me to note here that development of our cortex speeds up in its rapid growth in the second year of life.  When this happens for a little one within a traumatic, malevolent, chaotic and terrifying early caregiving environment – lots of changes can happen in the growing brain.

These changes are happening on top of the changes that happened to a severely abused infant prior to the age of one in abusive, neglectful – dot dot dot – early malevolent unsafe and insecure caregiver-infant lack-of-attachment experiences.

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So here I am this morning getting ready to go have my CT scan.  Of course my entire body-brain is on high anxiety alert, even if I THINK myself into feeling calm.  I am not calm.

So there I was applying my makeup when I realized (as I did many many times while I was going through chemotherapy treatment) that I had FORGOTTEN how to apply my makeup.

I forgot the sequence so that I had to CONSCIOUSLY and carefully recall the proper steps, the proper sequence, the proper ORDER, the proper pattern, rhythm, routine of accomplishing this ‘simple’ task.

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Enter changes to the development of the hippocampus through early severe trauma – along with changes to memory.  Google search “infant abuse brain development hippocampus memory” and you will get an idea of what I am talking about.

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So today for the first time I am noticing that along with my thinking about ‘association’ in terms of ‘dissociation’ I am also connecting these thoughts to ‘sequencing’ and ‘dissociation’.

It seems very likely to me that the lack of order, routine, established patterns – dot dot dot – that happen within a traumatic-chaotic early environment MUST create changes in how an infant-toddler’s brain is building itself to REMEMBER.

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Again, Google search “left brain sequencing” and then add into your search “left brain sequencing language” keeping in mind we are talking about developmental brain changes that happen when an infant-toddler is being raised in a malevolent environment.

According to developmental neuroscientist Dr. Allan Schore, after the right limbic-emotional-social brain develops during the first year of life, the left brain’s development kicks in.  Not supposed to be a big deal, is supposed to happen CORRECTLY under continued optimal early safe and secure attachment conditions.

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Now I feel like Mr. Monk (Yup, I’m in the throes of watching his entire series via Netflix streaming).  “Here’s what happened.”

Google search “left brain sequential language foxp2” and take a look at what appears on your screen.  Our human brain built its language-in-words abilities into our experience around 140,000 years ago BY USING THE SAME REGIONS of our left brain that we had already well developed by that time.  (Also interesting that some language experts connect the activation of our FOXP2 gene with earlier grooming behavior so that TALKING to people IS a more highly evolved experience of ‘group social grooming’.)

When I, for example, am experiencing ‘threat to ongoing life’ and my stress response system (certainly NOT the other end of this continuum, the calm connection safe and secure attachment arm) kicks in – like it is today – I experience DISORGANIZED and DISORIENTED attachment IN MY BODY-BRAIN that is directly connected to my dissociation.

Great big gaps appear in my verbal thinking AND in my motor action.  My grandson is building a boy-brain the right optimal way.  In the center of all of his experiences his SELF is forming.  I had no opportunity to recognize my SELF in the middle of my insanely abusive and traumatic early environment.  I had no opportunity to PRACTICE being a self having a life.

I plan to take piano (keyboard) lessons soon.  I anticipate that I will be learning how to play one step at a time – so that eventually everything will fit together in an ordered, organized way.

I expect that I will practice measures of a song, in order, and eventually I will learn entire songs.  I will not get triggered (I hope) into backtracking out of nowhere and repeating ‘past measures’ that have nothing IN CORRECT TIME to do with where the song is going!

I will not skip measures and leave big blank gaps in the order of the music.  I will not skip around, either, playing measures out-of-order!  Etc.  Etc.  Etc.

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What my experience of having cancer and going through chemotherapy treatment did to me was make me FORGET the sequencing that I had managed to build up all by myself growing up (and all the way into my adulthood).

I had ‘learned’ how to ‘pretend’ to be an organized, oriented SELF.

When chemotherapy and trauma of cancer affected my brain’s ability to REMEMBER these super-imposed patterns I had built, my ‘fake’ was exposed.

My grandson is BUILDING his body-brain-self correctly so – to use this image – he will be the BUILDING itself.  I didn’t do that.  I couldn’t.  I built a ‘secondary’ self like building a scaffolding around where my building-of-self was SUPPOSED to be.  Under stress, my scaffolded self fell apart and collapsed.

That, to me, is what dissociation is and does.  We can on a ‘secondary’ level put two and two together and build a ‘fake’ self that appears to function OK.  It is NOT the same thing as getting a SELF from the inside out like my grandson is doing.  He will never forget the sequencing patterns he experiences in his ordered, safe, secure earliest caregiving environment because they are building themselves into him at the same time they are BUILDING HIM.

Not so for those of us who suffered terrible early trauma and abuse.

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+OUR NATION’S GAP IN CHILD WELL-BEING: A LOOK AT STATE RANKED #5

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When I began writing this blog April 2009 I never anticipated where my journey would take me.  Yet as I examine how I am feeling and thinking at THIS moment in time, and as I look back at my thinking process that has led me directly to this point, I realize that all the signposts were there along the way that I would get HERE sooner or later.

When I began to write in 2009 I did not in any way align myself with the ‘guilty’.  Having been a victim of pervasive and horrible abuse without reprieve from the moment I was born until I left home at age 18 had certainly contributed to my blind-sightedness about how my own experience fit into the grand continuum of degrees of benevolent-malevolent treatment of infants and children.  My layers of blindness have been peeling away until at this moment I believe I am very nearly at the core of what concerns me most.

When looking at the range of harm done by the intra- and intergenerational transmission of unresolved trauma (the overall topic of this blog) I now very clearly understand that suffering is suffering, trauma is trauma, overwhelming experiences of malevolent treatment all happen within the context of the society we live in.  Infant-child suffering is happening all over the place around me, and I am left asking the same two questions of myself that I would have asked of anyone outside of my family who did absolutely nothing to help me when I was an infant-child:  “Why are you not SEEING my suffering and why are you doing NOTHING to help me?”

There are days when I come very close to giving up ‘my work’ completely.  The big picture is – well – exactly that – A VERY BIG PICTURE!

The undercurrent of this blog is a discussion of how early deprivation, neglect, trauma and malevolent treatment of ALL KINDS can and usually does alter human physiological development on all levels so that infant-children ESPECIALLY between ages 0-3 (the span of the most critical developmental body-brain windows of growth) has to CHANGE itself in degrees according to experiences in the environment that are NOT OPTIMAL.  ALL experiences 0-3 profoundly determine directions of body-brain development FOR EVERYONE in accordance with degrees of safety and security of attachment or their absence with primary caregivers.

I understand now that no matter how horrible any individual early trauma survivor’s stories may be, the essence of what matters is how that person’s PHYSIOLOGICAL development was forced to change in response to their traumas.  This process is happening to some degree for every single infant-child who is NOT optimally safe and secure during their most critical periods of body-brain development.  Any lack of well-being experienced at the start of life will create ‘channels’ of lack of well-being PHYSIOLOGICALLY that will determine an adult’s life course.

It was inevitable that I would recognize myself (along with other adult severe early trauma survivors) in the river along with all the CURRENTLY SUFFERING little people within our nation.  (I can’t begin to talk about lack of child well-being outside of our nation’s boundaries – the conditions for our own children are bad enough).

I have selected this one of our 50 states to focus on in this post concerning some of the lack of child well-being issues within our nation:  Massachusetts.

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This report, available through searching the KIDS COUNT pages for ‘violence’ – “A State Call to Action:  Working to End Child Abuse and Neglect in Massachusetts” – is reporting on information collected in the 1990s.  Considering how damaging this ‘past’ information is I cannot begin to imagine what a similar report might contain that covers the current state of affairs in our recession.

According to KIDS COUNT data — KIDS COUNT overall rankMassachusetts now rates #5 in the nation on overall indicators of child well-being.  When this report was created In April 2001 the state ranked in the top 10%, yet, according to this 216 page report the problems in the state fall exactly along the lines the United Nations reported in their 2010 report card on child well-being among the globe’s 24 richest nations with the United States having very nearly the widest gap between rich and poor (Credit for all citations below to:  Massachusetts Citizens for Children – Kids Count):

However, contrast between the state’s overall progress and the incidence of child maltreatment is stark and confounding.  In the decade from 1987 to 1997, Massachusetts saw an 98% increase in the number of children reported for abuse or neglect, compared to a national increase of 54% during the same period.  Based on the latest data, roughly 46 of every 1,000 children in our state is involved each year in a child abuse or neglect report.  Each year, thousands of newborn children in Massachusetts go home from hospital only to return later with unthinkable injuries – injuries that for most will be life-changing and for some will be life-ending.

“Although Massachusetts ranks consistently in the top three to four states in per capital income, we have been unable to translate this extraordinary wealth into reductions in childhood poverty, family violence or child maltreatment.  States with fewer resources but clear vision are leading a national reform of child protection that is innovative, pro-active and effective.

“Since May 1999, over 200 Massachusetts policymakers and advocates have participated with Massachusetts Citizens for Children in the “Summit Initiative on Child Protection and Family Support.”  Motivated by a shared belief that overall current systems do not reflect our state’s deep and longstanding commitment to improving children’s lives, they collaborated to achieve a consensus for change.  This State Call To Action [full report also available at this link] reflects their collective vision on how Massachusetts can successfully deal with child maltreatment and reclaim its historic role of leadership in meeting the essential needs of all its children.  (page 9)”

Access full report here:  A State Call to Action:  Working to End Child Abuse and Neglect in Massachusetts

This report, which represents the combined hard work and dedication of a LOT of people, was generated in response to

“…the National Call To Action to End Child Maltreatment, initiated by Children’s Hospital and Health Center-San Diego at its January 1999 “Conference on Responding to Child Maltreatment.”  This effort to end child abuse and neglect has now brought together over 30 of this country’s leading organizations in a coalition to address this national crisis.”

I want to know what the results of the intentions and the efforts this report represents are NOW a decade later.  As far as I can tell, the most accessible current information is available HERE.

There is a link on this page to “Who’s For Kids and Who’s Just Kidding?” – This is a November 2010 citizen’s guide to candidates’ stands on these issues:

– Reducing Child Poverty

– Supporting Low-Income Working Families

– Providing Early Education and Care

– Improving Children’s Health

– Preventing Child Sexual Abuse

– Protecting Children In Foster Care

– Improving Juvenile Justice

These are among the questions posed to the candidates – good ones to be posed to ANY candidate for any position in America!

Massachusetts boasts the third highest per capita income in the nation, yet 12%, or nearly 170,000 of our state’s children are living in poverty; 6% or 88,000 live in extreme poverty in households with annual earnings of only $11,000 for a family of four.  What will you do to bridge this persistent economic divide and to ensure greater economic security to lift these children out of poverty?

What will you do to address the harmful impact of the growing gap between low and high income earners in Massachusetts?

What will you do to tangibly improve the conditions of poor children and their families in the Commonwealth’s poorest cities, such as Holyoke, Lawrence, Springfield and New Bedford?”

Taking a look at some of the issues presented in this Massachusetts ‘flyer’ makes me wonder what’s happening in the very poor and middle income states within our nation.  Interspersed with this information being reported here are questions for the candidates:

PROVIDING EARLY EDUCATION AND CARE

– 43% of 3rd graders in the Bay State do not read at grade level, and two-thirds of these children are from low-income families.  The impact of reading failure on these children and our state is enormous, with many likely to become our lowest income and least skilled citizens tomorrow.

– Science has never been clearer about the long-term effects of early environment and experience on a child’s brain architecture.  Research confirms that providing high quality early education and care to children from low-income homes yields a 10% to 16% return on investment to the economy through better reading skills, greater high school graduation rates, college attendance, and healthier lives.

[me:  not to mention the power of a little one 0-3 growing an optimal body-brain IN EVERY WAY in a safe and secure attachment within a VERY low stressor environment, which also includes its effects on preverbal-verbal development]

– Organizations and schools have worked tirelessly over the past decade to press the state to build a system of universal access to affordable, accessible, and high quality services with well-trained teachers.  They have supported parents in playing a critical role in their child’s educational success.  To meet those goals, Massachusetts formed the nation’s first Department of Early Education and Care in 2005.

FACTS ABOUT OUR KIDS:

– 61% of Massachusetts’ 480,422 children ages birth through 5 years old have parents who are in the labor force, and most of these parents have child care needs.  92%of children under age seven are cared for regularly by someone other than a parent.  However, the quality of these arrangements varies enormously.

– Children from low-income families entering kindergarten are typically 12 to 14 months below national norms in language and pre-reading skills.  [bolding mine]  By 4th grade, many of these children will not be able to read or understand up to half of what is taught to them in the 4th grade curriculum, and most will continue to be poor readers even through high school.

– Only 32% of kindergarten and preschool teachers in Massachusetts hold a Bachelor’s degree versus 50% nationwide.  And only 16% of child care workers have graduated from a four-year school.

– By the end of fiscal year 2009, state funding for Universal Pre-K declined from $12 million to $7.5 million while funding for full-day kindergarten programs declined from $33.8 million to $22.9 million.

IMPROVING CHILDREN’S HEALTH

– Thanks to the expansion of health care coverage under Massachusetts law, the state has some of the best child health outcomes in the country.  In fact, Massachusetts ranks among the top three best states on key indicators of child health, including infant mortality, the death rate for children and the rate of births to teen moms, according to the latest KIDS COUNT data.

– Currently, only 2% of children are officially uninsured in the state.  Furthermore, 80% of children on Medicaid receive an annual health screening and 91% of our two-tear-olds are immunized.  Massachusetts is one of only six states where at-risk children are eligible for early intervention, special education and preventive health and mental health services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

– Despite these accomplishments, Massachusetts is still a tale of two states with regard to physical, dental and mental health outcomes for children living in the poorest communities.

FACTS ABOUT OUR KIDS

[lists double or more increases in percentages between low-income and the state percentages for child problems with infant mortality, teen births, environmental poisoning such as lead]

– Dental decay is the most common chronic childhood disease and is at epidemic levels among many low-income Black and Hispanic children.  It often leads to speech, nutrition and learning difficulties.  [low-income counties affected are listed]

– Mental health care needs in children are more prevalent than leukemia, diabetes, and AIDS combined.  However, parents of children with mental illness report serious issues ranging from long waits for services and inadequate training of school personnel to high out-of-pocket expenses. [also states that state Medicaid only covers an inadequate amount of only $250 a year for child prescriptions – also lists questions for candidates]

– Nearly 37,000 Massachusetts children were confirmed abused or neglected in 2008.  Cases of child sexual abuse rose 16% from the previous year, physical abuse rose 12% and neglect 10%.

– Child sexual abuse is “a silent epidemic,” according to the American Medical Association.  Surveys of adults indicate that one in four women and one in six men have experienced some for of sexual abuse before the age of 18.  Many victims suffer into adulthood with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, eating disorders, relationship problems and further sexual or physical victimization.  Among sexual abuse survivors, 70% to 80% report excessive drug and alcohol use and are more likely than their non-abused peers to develop psychiatric disorders and to attempt suicide.  Girls who report childhood sexual abuse are three times more likely to become pregnant before age 18.

– An estimated $23 billion dollars are spent each year as law enforcement agencies, courts, child protection, health and mental health systems, and social service programs struggle to deal with the aftermath of this epidemic. Prevention and early identification of victims and abusers hold the best promise of reducing the human and economic costs.  Despite this, most communities have not been mobilized for prevention, most adults are not protecting children from people who might abuse them, and most parents are not communicating to their children about a major health and safety risk.

– 50% of 650 Massachusetts citizens polled ranked “safety from abuse” as most important to a child’s well-being with quality education, medical care, economic security and child care compromising the remainder 50%

– 90% of Massachusetts residents polled believe that child sexual abuse is a serious problem in the Commonwealth, 85% believe child sexual abuse can be prevented, and 67% said they were interested in local trainings to learn how – up from 48% in a previous survey.

Since 2002, a coalition of over 20 Massachusetts organizations has been working through the Enough Abuse Campaign to develop and test innovative programs to prevent child sexual abuse.  Hailed as a “trailblazing effort” by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) the Campaign operates in a dozen communities across the state.

[Information included here about foster care placements and kinship care needs]

On Juvenile Criminal Issues:

– Black youth are more than nine times as likely to be held in secure confinement as white youth – yet there is no evidence that black youth commit more crimes, or more serious crimes, than white youth.

– Massachusetts is one of only 12 states that consider 17-year-olds adults under the criminal law.

– Massachusetts has the 11th highest rate of juveniles sentenced to life without the possibility of parole in the country.

The stark racial disparities in the Massachusetts juvenile justice system call into question the fundamental fairness of the system and represents one of the foremost civil rights challenges of our time.

Massachusetts does not collect basic juvenile justice system data, e.g. what types of crimes youth are being prosecuted for.  This lack of data makes it impossible to evaluate the effectiveness of prevention and intervention efforts. [questions for the candidates here includes those on probation and rehabilitation issues]

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+FOR THOSE WHO CARE: ‘KIDS COUNT’ IS OUR PREMIER SOURCE FOR INFO ON OUR NATION’S CHILD WELL-BEING

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Are you one in the caring compassionate category who likes to keep your finger on the pulse of quality-of-life for our nation’s infants and children? Did you know that there’s a project sponsored by The Annie E. Casey Foundation dedicated to “Helping vulnerable kids and families succeed?”  Below you will find links to the most up-to-date and accurate information about the ‘state of the union’ of our nation’s most at-risk offspring.

Click here to reach KIDS COUNT DATA CENTER where anyone can “access hundreds of measures of child well-being.”  I ‘friended’ KIDS COUNT on Facebook so that I receive all kinds of valuable information on the state of our nation’s vulnerable little ones ASAP!  This is the link to KIDS COUNT main page.

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KIDS COUNT The Annie E. Casey Foundation is now on Facebook. Become their fan and receive updates on current and future work related to children and families: http://ow.ly/3DarQ

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On KIDS COUNT main data bank website you can access DATA BY STATE

  • Data within the bounds of a single state or territory
  • Includes community-level data
  • Search by location or topic
  • Create profiles, maps, rankings, line graphs, or raw data

As well as DATA ACROSS STATES

  • Data spanning the U.S.
  • Compare states or cities
  • Search by topic
  • Create maps, rankings, line graphs, or raw data

There is even a KIDS COUNT DATA CENTER HELP PAGE

Some of the information you can access on this site (well, the full report pdf file didn’t open on my computer but might on yours!)

This is the list of key indicators the KIDS COUNT collects national data on about child well-being for The 2010 KIDS COUNT DATA BOOK:

Updated on 1/26/2011

·  CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT DATA AVAILABLE 12/1/2010

Congressional District data are now available for over 20 indicators including many of the poverty and employment indicators obtained from the 2009 American Community Survey.

Access the profile for your congressional district in Data By State and/or watch this short video to see how you can get started.

NEW EMPLOYMENT DATA AVAILABLE 11/23/2010

The Economic Well-Being section in Data Across States has been updated. Data includes estimates from the 2009 American Community Survey. Updated data for the U.S., states, and cities:
§ Children below 250% poverty
§ Children in low-income working families by age group
§ Children living in low-income households where no adults work
§ Children living in families where no parent has full-time, year round employment
§ Children living in families where no parent has full-time, year round employment, by race (US and states only)
§ Children age 6 to 12 with all available parents in the labor force
§ Median family (with child) income
§ Low-income working families with children

POPULAR TOPICS — Updated on 1/26/2011

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This is an example of other information that KIDS COUNT disseminates.  This information appeared on my Facebook page yesterday:

The Nation’s Report Card – Kids Scores in Science

Fewer than one-half of students perform at or above the Proficient level in science at all three grades

“Students throughout the nation in grades 4, 8, and 12 participated in the 2009 National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) in science. The assessment was updated in 2009 to keep the content current with key developments in science, curriculum standards, and research. To establish the baseline for future science assessments, the overall average score for each grade was set at 150 on a 0 to 300 scale.

  • Thirty-four percent of fourth-graders, 30 percent of eighth-graders, and 21 percent of twelfth-graders performed at or above the Proficient level.
  • Seventy-two percent of fourth-graders, 63 percent of eighth-graders, and 60 percent of twelfth-graders performed at or above the Basic level.
  • One percent of fourth-graders, 2 percent of eighth-graders, and 1 percent of twelfth-graders performed at the Advanced level.
  • Scores were higher than the nation in 24 states/jurisdictions at fourth-grade and 25 states/jurisdictions at eighth-grade.
  • At grade 12, there was no significant difference in scores for White and Asian/Pacific Islander students, and both groups scored higher on average than other racial/ethnic groups.”

Explore more national and state results.

For more information, browse the report online or download a copy of the report.

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This information also appeared on my Facebook page yesterday from KIDS COUNT on data they have collected:

Children in low-income households where housing costs exceed 30 percent of income (Percent) – 2009 (updated November 2010)

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