+WHAT MIGHT LOVE FEEL LIKE? A “RESILIENCY FACTOR” STORY FROM MY ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD

++++

Monday, April 6, 2015.  While I don’t understand my point exactly in writing this post it seems to be one that has moved past the perculation stage into WRITE ME NOW.  So here is a little more about my personal conflicts with the concept of “resiliency” as it may be achieving a generic standing within the “healing trauma” circles.

The adult human body is made up of about 37 trillion cells.  The United States Census Bureau estimates that the world population exceeded 7 billion on March 12, 2012.  To do research that tried to extrapolate meaningful information about ALL cells or ALL people based on a small sample of ONE would be ludicrous.

Nobody can determine each individual’s experiences with trauma in such a way that the data generated could be made useful to anyone, let alone everyone!  So naturally what I have lived through and what I know as a result of my studies about what happened to me and how I survived it will never fit into any clear “significant probability” statistic with meaning.  I can, however, share parts of my story to illustrate points important to me.

I am sharing a story included on this blog that I certainly am NOT going to read right now.  I may never return to read it again.  (This is often the case with my own childhood stories once written, which is why my ace professional researcher and writer daughter is my editor for our books.  She has not yet proofed the story at this link.)

*Age 8 – BLOODY NOSE

What I wish to say about the experience detailed in this story as it connects to my standpoint on “resiliency” is that had I NOT gone through this event I do not believe I would have come out of my childhood having ANY sense of what “feeling loved” felt like.

The story is of trauma, true, but for me having my family gathered around me as I was nearly bleeding to death was the ONLY clear time of my 18-year childhood that I felt I belonged to this family.  It was the ONLY time that the feeling I lived with all of rest of my childhood from birth that I was at any moment, out of nowhere (my mother was psychotically mentally ill with me as her abuse target as my book at link below describes) going to be brutally attacked was absent.

This event COULD have been a very low spot – what I call a risk factor moment —  in my horrifying childhood rather than being the powerful, necessary (to me) resiliency factor moment that I built upon to successfully raise my own children and to care about others.  (In my case, I believe in what I call “borrowed secure attachment” rather than in “earned secure attachment” – a online search of terms “stop the storm borrowed secure attachment” will highlight some related posts.)

There is no possible “resiliency measurement tool” that could capture what truly traumatic childhoods are/were like.  But in the interest of preserving the integrity of useful data through meticulous research what is found MUST be processed by thinkers steeped in the depths of what early trauma IS.  The impeccable artistry and beauty of individual survivor’s lives must not be lost in the mad rush to understand what numbers-only are telling us.

Only with this understanding can any useful thinking about a vague concept like “resiliency” be made to pull its weight in efforts to understand and stop trauma and to assist those who survive it to increase their well-being across their lifespan.

I learned all I was going to find out in the 18 years of my childhood about what love-of-Linda was going to feel like.  All I was going to learn about what love might be like PERIOD I learned during those moments.  I believe traumatized children notice every possible useful bit of information and make PROFOUNDLY amazing good use of those tidbits.  That kind of resiliency, if we are going to call it that, is to me nothing more or less than the will to survive coupled with accumulating the tools necessary to do so.

++++

Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase –

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.

++++

Leave a Comment »

++++

+TO BE ‘WALKED RIGHT THROUGH’ – WHAT MY BODY REMEMBERS ABOUT MY NONEXISTANT SELF

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I suspect that knowledge of the threat of death, even if existing only on a cellular level within our DNA, must accompany a newborn infant into this world.  Why else would a person’s life force naturally accomplish all that is possible to remain alive?  Is safe and secure attachment to caregivers designed to somehow banish this awareness of the threat of death?  Is this part of the mechanics of change that severe infant abuse/trauma (especially) maltreated survivors never lose when we never had those attachments?

When the caregivers are NOT the source of protection but are rather the transmitters of harm and great violence, what THEN happens to this awareness of the threat of death?

++

It seems almost strange to me that as I wait this morning for the HUD housing inspector to park in my yard this afternoon it is the awareness of the continuity throughout my entire life since my birthing of this awareness of the threat of death that is being fed into my thinking directly from the way my body is feeling right now.

As I pay attention I understand that ‘being walked right through’ is a big part of what I am sensing in my body connected to its memory.  Yes, this inspector will ‘walk right through’ this entire personal, sacred, precious space of my home that is so much a part of ME right now.

The ‘being walked right through’ feels both extremely threatening to me right now and extremely familiar.  It brings to mind my memory of being 21, walking around the northern town I lived in alone late at night in a snowstorm as I stood with my bare hands out in front of me, looked at my palms and heard a ‘voice’ say to me from within:  “I am a wraith.”

At that time I didn’t even ‘logically’ know what the word wraith meant.  Searching online I find that it is used mostly this way:

1 –an apparition of a living person supposed to portend his or her death.

2 — a visible spirit.

The origins of the word appear to be unclear though either Scottish or Celtic origins are suspected.  Most of my genetic heritage is linked to these cultures.

For all the thousands of physical attacks I endured during the 18 years of my childhood, never – not one single time – did I experience of a sense that I as a person-self existed in the body that was being pummeled.  I didn’t have that sense because I DIDN’T exist.  And it wasn’t until that instant in that snowstorm that the first vague and distant clue arrived that I, in fact, did exist.

Until that instant there had never been a connection for me between my BODY and a ME-SELF capable of realizing anything about my own existence.

The two pieces of information had simply never built themselves into the associational networks in my brain.  For this connection between body and awareness of self to come to me, and then for a connection to be made between the self as being connected to that body to happen SO LATE in my life would be nearly unbelievable to me if I didn’t know my own life story.

MY SELF-self HAD always been ‘walked right through’.  My self, as existing not connected to my body, did not receive the physical blows that would have let it know it existed in time and space.  My body obviously knew this information.  It had suffered greatly.

My invisible self, my wraith self – contrary to definition in the dictionary – appeared for the first time when I was 21 not because I was on the verge of DYING but because I was on the verge of COMING ALIVE.

++

Today I struggle with staying in and with my body as I go through this distress-provoking experience related to my well-being.  My body, with its in-built ancient DNA instinctual wisdom DID endure, DID persevere.  But this SELF I am with my awareness of my SELF existence remains only tenuously connected.  The two can very easily become disassociated rather than associated with one another.

My SELF does not want to become nonexistent.  I am very aware that in my case, given my unique history, that the fight to self-preserve happened IN MY BODY, but not in any way with this SELF I work to identify with today.

It is this self, who recognized herself for the first time when I was 21 in those words, “I am a wraith,” who knows what it was like to have no existence so that it could be ‘walked right through’ for my first 18 long years of torture.

++

This is not an easy day……

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

+BLOGGING AND THINKING WITH A TRAUMA-CHANGED BRAIN

++++++++++++++++

I live in and with an over-sensitized, over-sensitive, anxiety-trauma-built body.  Among the changes that happened in my physiological development is that ALL of me was changed in adaptation to severe abuse and violent trauma from the moment I was born and during the following 18 years I could not escape my mother.  This includes how my brain was structured from the beginning of life so that NOW it operates differently from ‘ordinary’.

These facts of course affect not only my thinking, but my writing as well.  I FORCE myself to think in words, which is an essential process that I do not obscure in my writing.

Although I am not ‘autistic’ my patterns of thinking can be as disconcerting to follow verbally as an autistic person’s can be.  I do not – because I really cannot – attempt to obscure from my writing how my brain (hence, I) move forward in time within the realm of words.

++

Blogging has comfortingly allowed me to write in loops and circles.  What my body knows (as with everyone’s) provides information through my right brain that must then be handed over to my left brain for linear-logical-verbal exposure to consciousness.  In order for this process to happen, all this back-and-forth has to involve the ‘bridge’ between my two brain hemispheres – my corpus callosum.  As is well known and is much written about today, the development of both brains and the bridge between them is greatly affected by severe abuse, neglect, trauma, violence and malevolent treatment during the brain’s most critical early stages of growth.

I suffer from these consequences.  But I am determined and courageous.  It is my intent to make the most good possible come out of my disastrous early beginnings, and as is my prayer every day of my life, to at least offer something that might help someone else.

When I began this blog in April of 2009 I could not go back and reread or edit in any way anything that I wrote.  Whatever state I was in when I wrote was not one I could return to even in the immediate future.  I had no tolerance for my own words as if I was deadly allergic to them.  What I wrote about had been deadly toxic to me – and remained so.

I have made SOME progress, although most of the time I have to ‘look the other way’ as the words come out.  Having entirely lacked any concept of ‘being a self’ or of ‘having a self’ for the first 18 years of my life has left me with that all too familiar dissociational condition of being ‘depersonalized’ so that once a single instant of time has passed by in my life it becomes the ‘dereal’ past – not directly connected to me in any way unless I consciously, logically FORCE an awareness of a connection.

But I do not FEEL connected to myself as a ‘past entity’ or as a ‘future entity’.  All perception of time was built into my body-brain in the midst of ongoing severe trauma, and I now believe that if there is NEVER a sense of safety or security (as expressed in human attachment relationships), when there is no safe and secure time to REST between experiences of trauma, the acute trauma stage with its altered sense of time becomes permanent.

This also affects me as I think in written words.  I am ‘mind blind’ to words that are going to follow one another.  I have to, again, ‘look the other way’ rather than anticipate where my thoughts are going.  I believe when Dr. Daniel Siegel speaks of ‘Mind Sight’ he is referring to consequences such as I suffer from.  In my courage and determination I do not let these alterations stop me.

++

Sometimes my posts must seem redundant to this blog’s faithful readers.  Every post I write has to have enough inner integrity that it can be found through someone’s future online search, read, and understood in context.  This is an example of this process in motion over time:

Posted yesterday in comment to a post:  +A LONG, THOUGHTFUL LOOK AT VERBAL ABUSE AS MALIGNANT TEASING

Word Count: 5876

I googled “teasing as verbal abuse” because i wanted to read something exactly like this.”

This post is a long one.  Yet somehow within its structure of words it held something of helpful meaning to this reader – and I am glad it did!

++

Because of my brain being built in the midst of severe trauma my emotional right limbic brain and the body that feeds it information IS overly sensitive-sensitized.  I will struggle with ‘failure’ on a primal level within me for the rest of my life, so when a comment comes in like this one, I struggle directly with the ‘rejection’ that it triggered:

Posted yesterday in a comment to post:   +INSECURE INFANT ATTACHMENT, DAY CARE AND EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

Word Count: 1234

I’ve been skimming your recent posts (sorry, they’re a little long)

And this post was a relatively short one.  Of course I welcome all comments.  My discomfort has nothing to do with the words of the commenter – nearly everything about being alive in my body is a trauma trigger to me, so pervasive was the malevolent trauma that built me!

++

Now, THIS post is a very long one and I thought about perhaps figuring out a way to impose some structure on it at the time it was posted.  And yet dividing one of my thought stream writing processes into segments, like chapters, doesn’t work well in this blog’s format.  Although it easily contains enough words for 4-5 posts, it needs to remain a ‘stand alone’ piece for someone to discover sometime in the future as a ‘whole thing’ with its context intact.

January 16, 2011 post:  +TO BE OR NOT TO BE — HUMAN OR OBJECT: EARLY ATTACHMENT PATTERNS DECIDE AS THEY BUILD OUR ANS

Word count: 4095

++

Computerized reading is nicely designed to allow for scanning and skimming.  Any post can also be read in parts over time – put down and picked up again like a book.

Somehow, to me, the nature of my writing-thinking process is integral to the purpose of this blog.  Nothing comes easily.  Nothing comes without effort.  When a severe infant-child abuse survivor attempts to accomplish a lifespan in a body-brain that was altered and changed in its development by trauma, nothing about our life happens in a simple straightforward way.  This can be especially true with our patterns of processing words that match our experience.

++

NOTE:  It is always best to come directly to the blog post as it exists in real time because I DO now often go back after the post is published and make changes — exactly as I am at this moment.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+THE ABSENCE OF SAFE AND SECURE ATTACHMENT AND THE NEED TO SELF-PRESERVE

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This will not be an easy day for me, nor did the event I anticipate happening today let me have much sleep last night.  Because I try as hard as I can to learn something useful out of every difficulty I encounter, the experience I am having right now must have a pearl at the center of it somewhere.

Being quite low income (fixed disability) I put my name on the local HUD Section 8 Rental Assistance program waiting list over three years ago.  My name came up.  Fortunately my kind, supportive, caring, helpful, loving and very clear-thinking daughter was willing to take care of the first level of paperwork when she came down to visit earlier this month.  This afternoon the housing inspector comes over to take a look around.

There is no way that I can escape the anxiety this entire scenario creates for me.  And this level of anxiety, because it threatens the entire safety and security of my life, disorganizes and disorients me.  In short, it hurts.

++

Older houses in this border region were never built by rich people.  They don’t match anyone’s ‘building code’.  In the four plus years I’ve been renting this one I, and my loving brother when he comes to visit, have made every improvement that my limited budget could afford.

I have been cleaning and painting – and rearranging – and waiting – and stressing in my own unique distressed way for weeks.  Knowing the wiring in this house is really inadequate, and that my usual string of extension cords would be a dead give-a-way to that fact, I have worked to eliminate them.  Then there’s heating the inspector won’t like.  There’s all kinds of things about this house the inspector might not like.

Will he, can he make exceptions to his rules?  Will he overlook things in this poor house so its poor tenant can continue to live here?

Not knowing.  The unknown.  The helplessness and powerlessness and vulnerability and fear – no terror – I feel.  Dare I hope?

This is my home.  This and my gardens.  This spot on the earth I have found.  I do not want to move.  I cannot imagine moving.  Moving would be a malevolent traumatization to me that I can not imagine enduring or surviving.

If this house does not pass inspection, will my landlord alter-fix what needs to be done to make it pass?

I don’t know that, either.

If it comes to having to move from here to keep my valuable rental assistance voucher – what will I decide to do?

I do not know.

++

Vulnerability is not good for me.  Being of low resources is not good for me, but it is the way my life is and I am grateful for all the programs I receive help from – at the same time I feel guilty, and feel sad for all those much needier than me, those with young children, all those who struggle – and I think I should have let my expiration date pass when my cancer came instead of fighting it, enduring, remaining alive, consuming resources that I cannot earn or pay for on my own.

++

There’s a lot at risk.  There’s a lot at stake.  This strange man will come into my house, do his job, prowl around with his critical and meticulous eye, doing his job.  Will he look into every crack and crevice, every cupboard, every closet, peer here and there asking his questions, and will I be able to remain calm enough – not panic – not dissolve into the too-familiar tears that often come now when my anxiety erupts into escalated disaster-based emotions?

My home is my solace.  My infant-childhood abuse and trauma-related disabilities keep me mostly HERE in this place of my safety, security and comfort – such as I can wrest now from this world I abide in.  I do not leave here often, and do not go very far.  I can’t.

++

Yesterday as I forced myself through the final stages of preparation for what FEELS LIKE an attack on my hard won well-being in my tiny corner of the world, I became very aware of my heightened depression and of its connection to one critically important state of existence.

In part because of my recent readings and study about how ALL attachment relationships are about PROTECTION first and foremost – protection of the BODY that holds the SELF – I realized that what triggers my deepest sadness (and it was triggered yesterday and certainly here it is today) – is the most ancient pervasive overwhelming state that I spent the first 18 years of my life in:

NOBODY is here to help me.  NOBODY is here to protect me.  NOBODY cares if I live or die (as an infant-child I was very aware they wanted me dead).  I am IN THIS ALONE.  I am desperate.  I am threatened.  My extinction is imminent.

I have to pause here and wait through my disorganized-disoriented storm, searching for words, for a pattern of thinking in words that I can reach for, grab onto, and follow as if dragged forward through time from this moment into the next one and the next one.

What?

I know I know it.  I know I know what I want to say.  I know that I am a self and that this self knows.  I know this scrambling is directly connected to how trauma formed my brain – my right brain, my left brain, the middle of the two – all changed by trauma so that thinking in words can be impossible at the same time emotions consume my body.

What?

I go back to the beginning.  No protection.  AHH!  That’s the word:  Self-preservation.

From the instant I was born if I was going to stay alive in the midst of violent trauma and abuse, if I was going to stay alive it was up to me to preserve my own self.

NOBODY as a tiny infant-toddler-child born tiny and helpless and needy and vulnerable and dependent SHOULD EVER HAVE TO KNOW THIS FEELING.

This is what I felt so strongly yesterday as I dragged my great depression and growing sadness about this inspection and all that hangs weighted in the balance.  This terrible sadness I drag around through my life as a ball-and-chain.

Being deprived by violent trauma and abuse without having a safe and secure attachment to ANYONE for 18 years – and surviving that IN SPITE of this fact – I self-preserved.  I persevered in my self-preservation – but there was and is a high, high cost.

That cost is sadness.

That cost is hurt.

When I read in the article posted yesterday about child abuse consequences that Substance P IS INVOLVED – as I know it is – I can now hang my sadness on that hook.  Being not only deprived for 18 years of ANY protection because I was deprived of ANY attachment – at the same time I was continually attacked by those same people nature had designated to be my caregivers – self-preservation grew and grew and took the place of what I needed and was SUPPOSED to have at the same time great pain and sadness grew within me at the same time.

Facing this inspection today with all the threat to my safety and security it entails, threatens also to overwhelm me with this sadness.  My abilities to self-preserve are coupled with this pain.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+CLEAR ARTICLE ON LIFELONG INFANT-CHILD TRAUMA CONSEQUENCES

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Although I am nothing like a ‘scientific expert’ on the topics I present on this blog, I sure can recognize comprehensive outside support articles on what exposure to passive and active malevolent treatment including violent trauma (including emotional and verbal abuse), emotional neglect, physical neglect and unsafe and insecure early caregiver attachments do to change the physiological and psychological development of infants, toddler, children and teens.

This article by Dr. McCollum that I present here today presents the topic of what I call Trauma Altered Development (TAD) in a clear, lay-readable format.  For all the times that I have mentioned that I believe that TAD directly affects the human developing immune system, I find the material in this article supportive of my belief.

The term being used here, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) comes from our nation’s Center for Disease Control (CDC) and is working to standardize the measurement across scientific fields of study related to suffering in infant-childhood caused by trauma in a little one’s earliest environment.

One of my strongest suggestions for standardizing all research about infant-child abuse and its lifelong consequences would be implementation of a federal-state mandate that would require that every American receiving any kind of health care services fill out a CDC ACE study questionnaire and that the results of these reports be accumulated in a federal (confidential) databank.

The article that follows gives us convincing reasons for believing that making the connection between the overall well-being of our nation’s offspring is of critical national interest.  If the subject of infant-child lack of well-being, neglect and abuse ever crosses a person’s mind, the following is the kind of information that needs to inform their thinking.  (I believe many forms of arthritis and cancer belong to the ‘health consequence list’. We also can no longer ignore the epigenetic changes that child abuse often creates that can also be passed down the generations.)

++

I located this March 2006 article today on the Minnesota Medicine website, and have copied it over onto my blog for educational purposes only (please click on article title to find the list of references):

Clinical and Health Affairs — Child Maltreatment and Brain Development

By David McCollum, M.D.

Abstract
“A growing body of research has linked childhood experiences of maltreatment with a host of physical conditions that manifest in adulthood. In addition, newer neuroimaging techniques have documented structural changes that occur in the brains of individuals who suffer early maltreatment. This article briefly reviews the literature on these topics and outlines the connection between abuse in childhood and health problems in adulthood.


It has long been observed that some children raised in violent, abusive, or neglectful settings grow up to express violence, anger, depression, or to be engaged in drug use, alcoholism, or criminal activity. The thinking has been that children copy what they see and hear. When anti-social behavior is the norm and when it is reinforced by adults in the environment, children repeat it. During the past 15 years, scientific and clinical research has begun to document that more is at work. Anatomical and functional alterations occur in the brains of children who are exposed to adverse events.1 Research has also shed light on the less obvious link between childhood abuse and lifetime physical and mental health outcomes.2,3 This article reviews some of the research showing the neurobiological, neuroanatomical, and physiological effects of early life stressors and how they might relate to ongoing medical problems later in life.

The Connection between Abuse and Disease
Repeated exposure to adverse or harmful events in childhood has been linked to many adult health consequences. The adverse experiences that have been studied most are sexual abuse, physical abuse, and neglect. Anda et al. identified additional experiences that influence health behavior and outcomes, including mother treated violently, mental illness, substance abuse, incarcerated household member, and parental separation or divorce.4 Because at least 30% of children in this country experience some form of child abuse prior to age 18, we can expect adverse childhood experiences to have a significant impact on the health care system.5

New technologies such as functional MRI, PET, and MRI/T2 relaxometry (T2-RT) have enabled scientists to identify the chemical and structural differences between the central nervous systems of abused and nonabused individuals.6,7 This research shows that many health problems—including panic disorder/post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, depression, some auto-immune disorders, suicidal tendencies, abnormal fear responses, preterm labor, chronic pain syndromes, and ovarian dysfunction—can be understood, in some cases, as manifestations of childhood maltreatment.8-13

Brain Development
An infant’s brain is equipped with an overabundance of neurons, synaptic potential, and dendrites. DNA is responsible for early brain development. But after birth, experience helps to determine which neurons will persist, which synapses will develop and become permanent, and which connections will take prominence or be subdued. Myelination, formation of the protective sheath surrounding nerve fibers, continues throughout childhood and, in some areas of the brain, into the third decade of life. This process establishes final, permanent linkages within the brain structures.14

The limbic system is the part of the brain most vulnerable to adverse childhood experiences. The system is made up of the amygdala, hippocampus, cingulate gyrus, thalamus, hypothalamus, and putamen. Related structures include the cerebellar vermis, prefrontal cortex, and visual and parietal cortex. The limbic system is responsible for the generation and control or inhibition of emotions. It is also involved in interpreting facial expressions and evaluating danger, is responsible for the fight-or-flight response to stress, and integrates emotional reactions and connects them with the physical response. Various components are also involved in memory, both implicit and explicit, and in learning (Table).

Brain Sequelae
Stress initiates a series of hormonal responses in the limbic system. The initial response to stress or danger is activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary- adrenal (HPA) axis. This occurs in the locus coeruleus and the sympathetic nervous system, causing a release of the hormones norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. The amygdala reacts to this hormone release and, in turn, stimulates the hypothalamus to release corticotrophin-releasing factor (CRF). CRF, itself, acts as both a hormone, to stimulate adrenocorticotropin hormone (ACTH) secretion, and as a neurotransmitter, affecting areas of the cortex that are involved in executive functioning (eg, motivation, planning, and logic).15 Increasing ACTH secretion then leads to elevated glucocorticoids (cortisol). High levels of glucocorticoids have been shown to negatively affect the hippocampus, resulting in decreased dendritic branching, changes in synaptic terminal structure, and neuronal loss.16 A feedback mechanism in the hypothalamus and the hippocampus normally brings these levels back to their resting state.

If this process occurs repeatedly, CRF and glucocorticoids remain elevated, which eventually causes structural changes in the brain and impedes the feedback mechanism, leading to an imbalance in hormones and dysregulation of the HPA axis.17

Signs of Stress in the Brain
Several studies have shown a measurable reduction in the size of the amygdala, hippocampus (primarily the left side), corpus callosum, and the cerebellar vermis, and an increase in size of the putamen and lateral ventricles in both children and adults who experienced repeated childhood trauma.18-20 These changes are thought to be an effect of elevated glucocorticoid levels inhibiting myelination in these structures.14 Because most areas of the limbic system are high in glucocorticoid receptors, they are susceptible to the effects of early childhood abuse.

Functional changes have also been noted in the anterior cingulate gyrus and the visual and parietal cortex. Elevated resting levels of CRF have been found in the spinal fluid of abuse victims.21 Elevated T3 levels have also been found in patients with a history of childhood abuse.22

Dopamine, which is released during the stress response, stimulates areas of the prefrontal cortex, probably resulting in heightened attention and improved cognitive capacity. Chronic stress, however, appears to cause an overproduction of dopamine, which can result in reduced attention, increased overall vigilance, as well as a diminished capacity to learn new material and increased paranoid and psychotic behavior.23

Serotonin stimulates both anxiogenic and anxiolytic circuits, which create and reduce anxiety. Decreased serotonin levels in the prefrontal cortex have been found as a result of chronic stress. Suicidal behavior, depression, and aggression have been shown to result from low serotonin levels.

Substance P, a neuropeptide found throughout the body that participates in the pain response and inflammation, has been found at much higher levels in the spinal fluid of those with significant abuse history. Studies in rats showed that injecting high levels of substance P in the spinal fluid caused a significantly exaggerated pain response to a noxious stimulus.24

Related Health Problems
The health problems associated with these changes in the brain are significant. According to Anda et al., atrophy of the hippocampus, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex, and the subsequent dysfunction is related to anxiety, panic, depressed affect, hallucinations, and substance abuse. Increased locus coeruleus and norepinephrine activity have been related to tobacco use, alcoholism, illicit drug use, and injectable drug use. Defects in the amygdala and related deficits in oxytocin result in sexual aggression, sexual dissatisfaction, perpetration of intimate partner violence, and impaired pair bonding.4

Anderson et al. used a novel technology called static functional MRI T2 relaxometry (T2-RT) on a population that had experienced childhood sexual trauma and found evidence of significant changes in the cerebellar vermis in abused individuals compared with nonabused individuals.6 The vermis has been shown to play a role in suppressing excitability within the limbic system. The most consistent anatomical finding in children with ADHD is a reduction in the size of the cerebellar vermis. Other studies show similarities in hormonal changes in children with ADHD. Famularo showed a high correlation between traumatic family environments and ADHD comorbidity.25,26

Allsworth showed that dysfunction in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, common in people who have been abused, leads to ovarian dysfunction and early menopause.13 This is likely to increase the risk of cardiovascular disease in these women because estrogen is reduced prematurely and, therefore, its protective function is lost earlier, increasing risk for cardiovascular disorders. Another interesting finding is that early stress may lead to premature involution of the thymus gland. Anti-nuclear antibodies, which attack the body’s own tissues instead of foreign toxins and are frequently present in people with systemic lupus erythematosus, also have been found at higher levels in girls who have been sexually abused compared with those who have never experienced abuse.9

The link between fibromyalgia and sexual abuse has been extensively studied.27 Dysregulation of the HPA axis has been found in most patients with fibromyalgia.28 Substance P is found in high levels in this population. Irritable bowel syndrome has also been shown to be correlated with childhood sexual abuse, and higher levels of substance P have been found in the colonic mucosa of individuals who were maltreated as children. Also, increased glucocorticoid has been shown to act on the intra-abdominal adipocytes leading to increased fat storage.4 Findings that memory pathways are adversely affected by exposure to abuse may explain some amnesia, delayed recall of abuse, and dissociative disorders.29 Some authors consider conversion reactions and pseudoseizures a form of dissociative disorder.30 [bold type is mine]

Conclusion
For years, we have ignored the potential influence of childhood traumatic experiences on adult disease, preferring to look for genetic causes of disease and pure biochemical factors without considering experiential influences. Given new evidence that trauma in childhood alters the physiology of the brain, it is time for all physicians to be educated about the full health impact of violence and abuse and be trained to explore these issues as the true etiology of or an underlying potentiating factor that contributes to their patients’ maladies.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+STUDYING DOPAMINE: POST #1 OF THE HARD TO READ SERIES!

++++++++++++++++++++++++

I need to call this post #1 in the ‘you don’t really want to read this post’ series (although you are certainly welcome to!).  I am ‘on the hunt’ for information about dopamine and reward, and am filing information as I go along on my blog for safekeeping.

++

Dopamine may therefore be a neural substrate for novelty or reward expectation rather than reward itself.”

Dissociation of dopamine release in the nucleus accumbens from intracranial self-stimulation

Paul A. Garris, Michaux Kilpatrick, Melissa A. Bunin, Darren Michael, Q. David Walker & R. Mark Wightman

Nature 398, 67-69 (4 March 1999) | doi:10.1038/18019; Received 26 August 1998; Accepted 29 December 1998

++

Behavioural significance of the regional variation in the catecholaminergic control of long-term potentiation

The consolidation of LTP [In neuroscience, long-term potentiation (LTP) is a long-lasting enhancement in signal transmission between two neurons that results from stimulating them synchronously. It is one of several phenomena underlying synaptic plasticity, the ability of chemical synapses to change their strength. As memories are thought to be encoded by modification of synaptic strength, LTP is widely considered one of the major cellular mechanisms that underlies learning and memory.] is powerfully regulated by NA in both the dentate gyrus (e.g., present results) and CA3, at least for the mossy fibre synapses, (22,24) yet DA plays this role in CA1.  What is the behavioural significance of this dissociation?

While it is difficult to completely characterize their repertoire of responding in behaving animals, it is noteworthy that neurons in the locus coeruleus [a nucleus in the brain stem involved with physiological responses to stress and panic], source of the NA [sodium] innervation to the hippocampus, are phasically activated by both noxious and nonnoxious stimuli.(4) They are also tonically inhibited during slow-wave sleep, but show marked activation just prior to waking. (3)   For these and other reasons, the locus coeruleus has often been described as participating in behavioural arousal as well as orienting responses and attention, (2–4) through its divergent modulation of multiple brain regions.

Dopaminergic neurons in the ventral midbrain , on the other hand, are typically activated during the expectation or receipt of positive reward.(27,39) [Midbrain, also called the mesencephalon — During development, the mesencephalon forms from the middle of three vesicles that arise from the neural tube to generate the brain.  The mesencephalon is considered part of the brain stem. Its substantia nigra is closely associated with motor system pathways of the basal ganglia.  The human mesencephalon is archipallian in origin, meaning its general architecture is shared with the most ancient of vertebrates.  Dopamine produced in the substantia nigra plays a role in motivation and habituation of species from humans to the most elementary animals such as insects.]

These differences in neural responses to behavioural stimuli suggest that consolidation of LTP, and to some extent its induction, may show regional variations in its sensitivity to the behavioural state of the animals.

It has been suggested that, during exploration and initial learning, there is selective activation of the entorhinal–dentate–CA3 pathway, during which selective synaptic modifications may occur. Modification of these pathways would be turned off during later behaviourally quiet periods or slow-wave sleep. (13) This fits well with the noradrenergic control of dentate gyrus and CA3 LTP, since these periods of learning correspond well with the behavioural situations when locus coeruleus neurons are active.

Conversely, it has been observed that, during behaviourally quiet periods, slow-wave sleep and consummatory behaviours, there are sporadic bursts of activity in CA3 that phasically drive CA1 neurons (sharp waves),(12) and this may reflect the read-out of CA3-localized memory back through CA1 to the cortex for consolidation purposes. (13,31)

During periods of reward consummation, therefore, there may be a conjunction of dopaminergic activity and synaptic activity in CA1 and perhaps other limbic cortical areas, promoting the induction and consolidation of plasticity in these brain areas. It is noteworthy, however, that endogenous catecholamines can influence persistence of LTP in hippocampal slices, which are cut off from the influences of afferent activity originating extrinsically to the hippocampus. Thus, endogenous catecholamines can affect LTP independently of behavioural state. This could simply reflect there being a constitutive release of catecholamines in slices, or that catecholaminergic fibres are being directly stimulated during the experiments. Another more intriguing possibility, however, is that the catecholamine release is locally controlled by glutamate released at activated synapses. There is evidence that glutamate can facilitate catecholamine release from synaptosomes via presynaptic glutamate receptors on catecholaminergic terminals, (46) and there may be sufficient extrasynaptic spillover of glutamate during high-frequency stimulation to activate these receptors in situ. (7) Alternatively, a mobile trans-synaptic messenger such as nitric oxide could serve a similar function. The finding that tetanization-induced cyclic-AMP accumulation in CA1 is blocked by both SCH-23390 and an NMDA receptor antagonist supports this latter possibility. (16) If either of these scenarios were the case, then endogenous high-frequency activity in the hippocampus may have the capacity to be selfreinforcing, regardless of the activity state of the catecholamine cell bodies. This would provide a means for promoting the local consolidation of LTP, specific to the region of the activated synapses, without requiring a flood of catecholamine release throughout widespread regions of the brain that would be initiated by ventral tegmental area or locus coeruleus activity.

CONCLUSIONS

Our results have demonstrated a double dissociation of the catecholaminergic control of persistence of LTP between area CA1 and the dentate gyrus of the hippocampus. NA plays a privileged role promoting the late phase of LTP in the dentate gyrus, while DA fulfils that role in area CA1. Our findings are most complete for the in vitro preparation, and are indicative that the same functions are fulfilled by DA in vivo. Recent data have confirmed that NA plays a vital role in persistence of LTP in the dentate gyrus in vivo.40  Overall, these data suggest that LTP in these brain areas may be differentially consolidated according to the animal’s behavioural state.

A DOUBLE DISSOCIATION WITHIN THE HIPPOCAMPUS OF DOPAMINE D1/D5 RECEPTOR AND b-ADRENERGIC RECEPTOR CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE PERSISTENCE OF LONG-TERM POTENTIATION

J. L. SWANSON-PARK, C. M. COUSSENS, S. E. MASON-PARKER, C. R. RAYMOND, E. L. HARGREAVES,  M. DRAGUNOW,  A. S. COHEN and W. C. ABRAHAM  — New Zealand – [bold type is mine — click on title for full article including references noted]

Neuroscience Vol. 92, No. 2, pp. 485–497, 1999 Copyright

++

ABSTRACT:  “What are the genetic and neural components that support adaptive learning from positive and negative outcomes?

Here, we show with genetic analyses that three independent dopaminergic mechanisms contribute to reward and avoidance learning in humans.

A polymorphism in the DARPP-32 gene, associated with striatal dopamine function, predicted relatively better probabilistic reward learning.

Conversely, the C957T polymorphism of the DRD2 gene, associated with striatal D2 receptor function, predicted the degree to which participants learned to avoid choices that had been probabilistically associated with negative outcomes.

The Val/Met polymorphism of the COMT gene, associated with prefrontal cortical dopamine function, predicted participants’ ability to rapidly adapt behavior on a trial-to-trial basis.

These findings support a neurocomputational dissociation between striatal and prefrontal dopaminergic mechanisms in reinforcement learning. Computational maximum likelihood analyses reveal independent gene effects on three reinforcement learning parameters that can explain the observed dissociations.”

Genetic triple dissociation reveals multiple roles for dopamine in reinforcement learning

Michael J. Frank, Ahmed A. Moustafa, Heather M. Haughey, Tim Curran, and Kent E. Hutchison

PNAS, October 9, 2007, Vol. 104, No. 41, pages 11311-16316

++

+WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO US: VIOLENT TRAUMA, MALTREATMENT, ATTACHMENT – BIRTH TO AGE THREE (and beyond)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

All survivors of infant-toddler-child violent trauma and maltreatment share a common ground.  Although the information I am presenting here might be difficult for some to read, what is being said here is extremely important.  When I say that it isn’t the exact memories of what specifically happened to any one of us that matters most, it is to the kind of information that follows that I am referring to that DOES matter most.

We survivors have always struggled.

Please spend a little time at least skimming through the rest of this post – if you are a survivor of a chaotic, unstable, violent early life I believe you will feel reverberations in your BODY to this topic.  I don’t believe we can truly follow our pathway through healing if we don’t truly comprehend the impact of the violent trauma and maltreatment we experienced – and what it did to us on all the levels of our development.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What follows comes from this book:

Handbook of infant mental health By Dr. Charles H. Zeanah, Jr.

Publisher: The Guilford Press; Third Edition (July 15, 2009)

From Chapter 12 – The Effects of Violent Experience

(I present this copyrighted material here for educational purposes only – please refer to the actual book article for exact references to research noted)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Neurobiology

“We noted earlier in this chapter that violent trauma early in life – particularly when involving repeated and severe exposure – impacts the central nervous system, brain development, and the overall health of the individual (McEwen, 2003).  We now review in greater depth the underlying neurobiology of the sequelae of violence exposure in a developmental and relational context.

“Preclinical studies have shown that areas of the brain that are particularly prone to the adverse effects of maltreatment and violent trauma during the first 3-5 years of life include (1) those that have a prolonged postnatal developmental period, (2) those with a high density of glucocorticoid receptors, and (3) those that have the potential for postnatal neurogenesis (Teicher et al., 2003).  These areas include, most prominently, the hippocampus, amygdala, corpus callosum, cerebellar vermis, and the cerebral cortex.

“When a rat infant undergoes severe stress, such as repeated foot shocks, the hippocampus fails to form the expected density of synaptic connections.  Normative pruning of these connections nonetheless occurs later in the prepubertal period, so adult animals who were repeatedly stressed in infancy end up with far fewer synaptic connections in this region (Andersen & Teicher, 2004).  These results support Carrion et al.’s (2007) findings that differences in hippocampal volume in patients with PTSD are more likely due to the neurotoxicity of stress hormones than to a constitutional size difference.  Clinical implications of hippocampal and amygdalar damage due to stress hormones may include increased propensity for confusion of past and present, flashbacks, and dissociative symptoms (Sakamoto et al., 2005).

“The corpus callosum is a heavily myelinated region of the brain that is associated with hemispheric integration.  High levels of stress hormones during infancy and early childhood have been associated with suppressed glial cell division, which is critical for myelination (Berrebi et al., 1988).  DeBellis et al. (2002) observed that reduced corpus callosum size was the most significant structural finding noted in children with a history of maltreatment and PTSD.  Disturbances in the myelination of the corpus callosum and cortex due to excessive exposure to glucocorticoids during the first 3 years of life may explain some of the difficulties that maltreated preschool-age children have in integrating cognitive and emotional information and in taking others’ perspective, in comparison to nonmaltreated age-matched controls (Pears & Fisher, 2005).

“Among the most exciting research that illustrates the interaction of development and traumatic experience is that regarding the differential effects of specific types of maltreatment and violent trauma on the brain at critical periods of development through early adulthood in both animal and human models (Hall, 1998; Teicher, Tomoda, & Andersen, 2006).  For example, repeated episodes of sexual and physical abuse were associated in the same group of subjects with reduced hippocampal volume if the abuse was reported to occur in early childhood, but with reduced prefrontal cortex volume if the abuse occurred during adolescence (Teicher, 2005).  Similar exposure during different, temporally discrete windows of development may have very different clinical implications.

Effects on Memory

The psychological and neurobiological implications of exposure to traumatic events also involve the infant and young child’s developmentally determined capacity to encode, remember, and recall those events in order to subsequently make meaning of their experience.  Recent evidence suggests that even prior to 1 year of age, infants’ capacity to recall events is well underway.  By the end of the second year of life, long-term memory is reliably and clearly present, especially when there have been reinforcing memories (i.e., repeated exposures or explicit reminders), which are unfortunately all too common in cases of maltreatment and family violence (Bauer, 2006; Hartshorn & Rovee-Collier, 2003).  Based on her review of the literature, Fivush (1998) has noted that traumatic events perceived before the age of 18 months are frequently not verbally accessible, whereas events experienced between 18 and 36 months can often be coherently recounted and retained as long-term memories.

“Early chronic and/or severe exposure to violence and/or maltreatment has also been noted to lead to greater pervasive insult to memory functions and to promote dissociative processes that can interfere with memory retrieval (Howe, Cicchetti, & Toth, 2006; Nelson & Carver, 1998).  One mechanism for this biological insult to memory function is thought to be primarily the effect of excessive glucocorticoids, which damage the developing structures involved in memory contextualization and storage, such as the hippocampus (Sapolsky, 2000; Sapolsky, Uno, Rebert, & Finch, 1990).  It is clear that over the course of formative development, exposure to violent trauma and maltreatment can affect the degree and nature of changes in the neurobiology of the brain.

(Pages 203 – 205)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Relational Context

“The violent traumatization of an infant or very young child, whether due to maltreatment or exposure to familial, community, war, or terrorist violence, is most significantly a breach in safety.  Unlike older children or adults, very young children experience their world contextually, from within the embrace of the primary attachment relationship (Scheeringa & Zeanah, 2001).  Their sense and expectation of safety are therefore inherently bound to the caregiver.  To appreciate the effects of violence on young children requires an understanding of the goals and mechanisms involved in the attachment relationship as well as the ways in which trauma impacts attachment.”

Attachment, Safety, and Violence

“In the anchoring concept of attachment theory, the ethological wisdom of a caregiver-infant behavioral system is seen as ensuring species’ survival (Bowlby, 1969).  The infant’s drive to maintain safety is paramount and is expressed in attachment behaviors that may phenotypically change over time but that serve the same purposeful goal of achieving “felt security” (Bretherton, 1990).  Perturbations in the infant’s ability to achieve felt security necessarily result in adaptations that may be more or less pernicious, depending on the quality and degree of frustration.  In response to the primary attachment figure’s track record of providing “felt” security, the infant constructs an “internal working model” of self and other.  This internal representation consolidates over the first 3 years of life and guides the infant’s expectations and behaviors in times of stress.

“The experience of violence, with its attendant physiological “felt anxiety” might therefore be conceptualized as the exact affective opposite of felt security.  The young child does not yet have the cognitive ability to mediate feelings of fear that result when exposed to violence, either as a victim or witness.  For young children, the caregiver’s role is to function as external regulator of negative or overwhelming internal affect and sensation.  Several violence scenarios may be imagined in which the caregiver is unavailable to soothe infant anxiety:  when the caregiver is being victimized, when the caregiver is a witness to violence and becomes too hyperaroused or too dissociated/avoidant to provide safety, or when the caregiver is the source of the violence – as in the case of parental child abuse (Carlson, 2000).  A toddler who has internalized a working model in which he or she is unprotected and repeatedly left subject to overwhelming fear – one of the definitional criterion for trauma – may develop what has been termed distortions in secure-base behavior (Lieberman & Pawl, 1990).  Such distortions are, in fact, attempts by the child to manage unmanageable anxiety without the actual or “real time” mentally represented assistance of the caregiver.

“If early childhood is characterized by a relational context in which the child’s ability to manage stress is determined by caregiver response, then the mental health status of the caregiver becomes a vital concern.  Fraiberg, Adelson, and Shapiro (1975) called attention to the profound effects of maternal mental health on the developing child.  The “ghosts in the nursery” that Fraiberg et al. described were malevolent internalized attachment figures who had subjected the caregiver to various forms of maltreatment during his or her own childhood.  Fraiberg et. al. observed that caregiver traumatization in the past resulted in (1) his or her present-day inability to respond appropriately to infant anxiety, or (2) his or her engagement in behavior that actually induced anxiety.  From an attachment perspective, the infant’s working model of self and other is thereby shaped by the caregiver’s disturbed attachment representations.

“Exploring representational models, Fonagy et. al. (Fonagy, Moran, Steele, Steele, & Higgitt, 1991; Fonagy, Steele, Moran, Steele, & Higgitt, 1993) identified the capacity for “reflective functioning” as an awareness of a meaningful relationship between underlying mental states (feelings, thoughts, motivations, intentions) and behavior in and between both self and others.  Fonagy’s group found that caregiver reflective functioning was significantly predictive of infant attachment classification.  The caregiver’s capacity to “read” infant mental states accurately, and with inference of meaning, allows for sensitively attuned responses that create a subjective experience of security/safety and support the infant’s developing capacity for self-regulation (Bretherton & Munholland, 1999).  However, when engaging in reflective functioning leads to the experiencing of highly negative affect, certain aspects of mental functioning may be defensively inhibited (Fonagy, Steele, Steele, Higgitt, & Target, 1994) or excluded (Bretherton, 1990).  A caregiver in a state of defensive inhibition will be incapable of accurately responding to and reflecting the child’s mental state, leaving the child to manage states of arousal and anxiety on his or her own.  Consistent with this formulation is the finding that young children assessed as having a disorganized attachment have caregivers who are often unresolved with respect to past traumatic experience (Lyons-Ruth & Jacobvitz, 1999).  In short, caregiver history of attachment relationships and of trauma exposure determines not only the dyad’s quality of attachment, via reflective functioning, but additionally the manner in which trauma exposure will be processed by both child and caregiver.

“Thus, traumatic violence can interfere with the initial development of a secure and organized attachment or derail a previously secure attachment if the caregiver is sufficiently adversely affected.  Disturbances in attachment, in turn, confer increased [sic] for (1) recovery from trauma exposure by the child and/or caregiver (Fisher, Gunnar, Dozier, Bruce, & Pears, 2006), (2) enactment of maltreatment by the traumatized caregiver (Cicchetti, Rogosch, & Toth, 2006), (3) child exposure to trauma via inadequate caregiver monitoring (Schechter, 2006; Schechter, Brunelli, Cunningham, Brown, & Baca, 2002; Schechter et al., 2005), and (4) subsequent repetition and transmission of risk by the traumatized child and/or caregiver (Weinfield, Whaley, & Egeland, 2004).  Such evidence supports the contention that we must view infant mental health disturbances through the dual conceptual lenses of attachment theory and trauma theory (Lieberman, 2004).”  (pages 205 – 206)

Relational Neurobiology

Like all psychological functions, the child’s expectations in relation to attachment figures have neurobiological correlates.  In addition to the effects of cortisol noted earlier, physical abuse, compounding its clear effects on emotion regulation and separation anxiety within the context of attachment, has been found to be associated with attentional dysregulation and selective biases to angry and negative affect (Pollak & Torrey-Schell, 2003).

“Moreover, from early infancy, children are dependent on their attachment figures to reflect back to them how they are feeling and to make sense of their experience.  Expectation of the contingent responsiveness during early infancy has been described empirically in the work of Gergely and Watson (1996), who also first described the “marking” of the infant’s affect by the primary caregiver – the processing and modulation of that affect, which feeds back a sense of empathy as well as serving a modulatory function for the baby, beginning in the period of the second to fifth months of life.  Subsequently, Gergely (2001) noted that lack of marking and overidentification with the child’s perspective may interfere with affect regulation, particularly around crises and trauma.

“We now know that specific neural circuits in the developing brain, among which the mirror neuron system figures prominently, are crucial to the development of social cognition, self-awareness, affect regulation, and learning (Jacoboni & Dapretto, 2006).  The functional implications of these cortical pre-motor planning and parietal structures in the context of early development are only just beginning to be understood.  The impact of violence exposure on the development of these circuits with respect to expression of aggression remains to be studied.

Myron Hofer (1984) has described multiple “hidden regulators” embedded within the attachment system across mammalian species.  The need for mutual regulation of emotion and arousal in humans lasts approximately as long as it takes for integrative structures in the brain to myelinate and prefrontal cortical areas to develop, all of which serve to assist the child in self-regulation in the face of stress and fear.  In other words, the primary caregiver is, during the first 5 years of life, crucial to the infant’s developing self-regulation.  The hidden regulators embedded within the attachment system include those of sleep, feeding, digestion, and excretion as well as higher functions of emotion, arousal, and attention.  The literature contains many examples of how the sequelae of a caregiver’s experience of violent trauma and maltreatment, PTSD, affective disorders, severe personality disorders, and substance abuse can impair this fundamental regulatory function during formative stages of development, both at the representational and behavioral levels of attachment.  (Lyons-Ruth & Block, 1996; Schechter et al., 2005; Theran, Levendosky, Bogat, & Huth-Bocks, 2005), and contribute to intergenerational transmission of violent trauma and maltreatment.

“Neurobiologically based studies of primates, specifically, macaque monkeys, have helped to elucidate the role of attachment in interrupting versus promoting intergenerational transmission of maltreatment (Barr et al., 2004; Maestripieri, 2005; Shannon et al., 2005).  In Shannon et al.’s study (2005), maternal absence (i.e., neglect) was associated with decreased serotonin replenishment, a finding associated with mood and impulse disorders, as well as with increased alcohol consumption (in Barr e al.’s study, 2004).

“Recent research has also supported transgenerational transmission of biological response to trauma.  Whether this finding proves ultimately to be a risk or resilience factor remains a question.  An affected mother’s exposure to violent trauma during pregnancy (i.e., the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City) and her glucocorticoid stress response were linked to the glucocorticoid levels, upregulation of the receptor setpoint, and behavior of her infant by 9 months of life (Yehuda et al., 2005)….  Could this transmission of response to shared stress during pregnancy be one example at the very beginning of the organism’s life of adaptation in the service of evolution?  Is the mother’s biology preparing the offspring for expectation of threat?  If so, can one say that the development of PTSD (and/or other posttraumatic psychopathology) is a form of risk if no further threat actually exists, or resilience in the form of potentially beneficial hypervigilance to actual subsequent threat?  [bold type is mine]

“As the hypothalamic-midbrain-limbic-paralimbic-cortical circuits in the caregiver respond jointly to infant stimuli, as has been found in recent neuroimaging studies among normative mother-infant dyads (Swain, Lorberbaum, Kose, & Strathearn, 2007), one can imagine a cycle of dysregulation in which unquelled infant distress becomes a stressor particularly for a traumatized parent.  Indeed, while watching video clips of their children during separation and other stressful moments, group differences between violence-exposed mothers of toddlers and nonexposed mothers have been noted with respect to measures of integrative behavior, autonomic nervous system activity, and brain activation (Schechter, 2006).

“We know that an important determinant of the effects of traumatic exposure (e.g., how long they endure) is the primary caregiver’s ability to help restore a sense of safety via regulation of infant emotion, sleep, arousal, and attention (Laor, Wolmer, & Cohen, 2001; Scheeringa & Zeanah, 2001).  These emerging findings may illuminate the ways in which the experience of violent trauma and its sequelae interfere with this primary caregiving function.  On a positive note, we have also begun to understand how new relationships, most dramatically that of foster care, can curb if not reverse at least some of the effects of early violent trauma exposure (Fisher et al., 2006; Zeanah et al., 2001).

(Pages 206 – 208)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+AN OUTLINE – THE SCOTTISH TAKE ON INFANT ABUSE, NEGLECT, TRAUMA AND ITS CONSEQUENCES

+++++++++++++

Infant psychotherapy.  It wasn’t that many years ago that I didn’t even know this professional field even existed!  Today I understand that everything about infant psychotherapy for traumatized, neglected and abused infants (and children) applies to me – even though I am now 59 years old!

When I have days when I don’t feel ‘good’ or ‘well’ or ‘right’ it helps me to know why.  On days that seem much more difficult than others I often go searching online for information that I know will mirror back to me WHAT happened to me that created the states I find myself in today.

When I read through the information that follows in this post I KNOW it is describing me.  It could seem strange that I have to go all the way back to my first three years of life in order to locate the information I need to explain to myself that I am FINE – even when I don’t feel one bit FINE!

As I read what follows I can begin to put into perspective how the terrible abuse and trauma I was born into took away from me any possible chance of developing a normal body-brain in any normal way.  The information that follows puts a mirror in front of me that lets me see that NOBODY, absolutely NOBODY could have done any better job at surviving what happened to me than I did.

That same NOBODY could not have helped but end up in a body-brain that was forced to change its course of development in adaptation to severe abuse and trauma just as mine did.  In this information (below) there are big empty spaces along with few actual words in a PowerPoint presentation which gives me and my early abuse and trauma survivor peers plenty of room to add in between the lines any specifics about our actual beginnings that add up, in combination with the scientific facts presented here, to be who and HOW we are today – stunningly successful survivors of what could have easily killed us.

++

I know that this is a strange format for a post – but I think this is important information.  It’s just that I found it online in the form of a PowerPoint presentation that Google automatically put into an HTML format for me.  This appears to have come from a presentation done by Dr. Louise Newman, director of the New South Wales Institute of Psychiatry in Scotland.  (I have Americanized the spelling and added a few things in italics between [brackets])

TITLE OF PRESENTATION:

THE FIRST THREE YEARS – promoting infant mental health and development

INFANCY AS A DEVELOPMENTAL PERIOD

  • Infancy is a foundational developmental period
  • Infancy is a critical period where certain experiences are required for healthy development across the life span
  • Infant development occurs in the context of caretaking relationships
  • “There is no such thing as an infant” [I have no idea what this means!]

DEVELOPMENT IN INFANCY

  • Neuropsychological processes
  • Affect regulation
  • Representations of self, other
  • Attachment Style
  • Adaptation  to Stress
  • Capacity for intimacy and empathy

INFANT CAPACITIES

  • Programmed for social interaction [from before our birth]
  • Ability to communicate emotional experience
  • Move towards development and self-regulation

EARLY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

  • Promoted by secure attachment
  • Sharing of positive affective states
  • Caregiver maintains optimal level of arousal [essential for building the entire connection between Central Nervous System and its center set point, brain, stress-calm response system, Autonomic Nervous System, vagus nerve system immune system]
  • Mutually attuned synchronized interactions promote affective development

Rapid growth occurs in the first three years of life – connections and networks

  • Experience shapes brain development – connections develop as the result of stimulation [neglect has disasterous consequences due to too little stimulation, abuse and trauma = too much stimulation – even TOO happy can be damaging because it also can be too stimulating for a very young developing nervous system-brain]

EXPERIENCE & DEVELOPMENT

  • Experience activates specific neuronal connections
  • Sharing positive emotional states with a caretaker promotes brain growth and the development of regulatory capacities
  • Secure attachment promotes neurobiological functioning, emotional regulation and adaptation to stress

NEUROBIOLOGY OF ATTACHMENT

  • Secure attachment promotes brain growth [insecure attachment and its stress creates cortisol reactions that destroy brain cells.  Too little early joy kills brain cells in the left brain happy center]
  • Attachment relationship regulates emotional experience and level of arousal
  • Attachment figure acts as an external neurobiological regulator

NEUROBIOLOGY OF ATTACHMENT

  • SECURE ATTACHMENT – optimal level of arousal
  • AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT – downplaying of emotional display
  • AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT – heightened emotional display
  • DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT – high arousal and stress

NEUROCHEMISTRY OF ATTACHMENT

  • Resting mutual gaze – endogenous opioids
  • Regulation of neurotransmitters – dopamine and serotonin
  • Regulation of stress hormones – noradrenalin, cortisol

ATTACHMENT DISORGANIZATION

  • Associated with trauma and abuse
  • Lack of effective strategy for dealing with caretaker
  • High levels of stress and related hormones
  • Defensive exclusion of understanding of caretaker
  • Excessive use of dissociation and opioid related states

ATTACHMENT DISORGANIZATION

  • Poor development of internal state language
  • Poor reflective function
  • Deficits in empathy
  • Contradictory representations of self and other
  • Dysregulation of behavior, affect and impulses

TRAUMA IN INFANCY & CHILDHOOD

  • Psychic trauma occurs when a sudden unexpected intense external experience overwhelms the individuals’ coping and defensive operations, creating the feeling of utter helplessness [Bold type is mine.  Well, this certainly describes the insane violent mess I was born into, formed within, and endured for the first 18 years of my life — with NO single safe and secure attachment to ANYONE.  There was no possible way for my body-brain to form the circuits, connections, networks and pathways necessary to INTERNALIZE secure attachments.  No wonder I miss my loved ones so much!]
  • Lenore Terr (1987)

TRAUMA AND DEVELOPMENT

  • Effects of trauma during critical periods of development
  • Long-term implications of attachment disruption and maltreatment
  • New infant brain research and implications for decision-making, intervention and child protection

CHRONIC TRAUMA AND DEVELOPMENT

  • Child adapts to enduring stress according to developmental stage and capacities
  • Chronic stress will effect all domains of development and neurobiological functioning [bolding is mine]
  • Vulnerability is greatest at stages of rapid neurobiological organization

SPECTRUM OF TRAUMA

  • Single overwhelming events
  • Chronic enduring stressors
  • Indirect exposure
  • Transgenerational trauma

MODERATE STRESSORS

  • Emotionally unavailable caregiver – depression, anxiety, bereavement
  • Parental hostility and anger
  • Family conflict and domestic violence
  • Unpredictability and inconsistency
  • Neglect and stimulus deprivation

EXTEME & CATASTROPHIC STRESSORS –
NCCIP Classification

  • Loss of attachment figure
  • Continued physical/sexual abuse
  • Family overwhelmed – war, displacement, terror
  • Abandonment and gross neglect

TRANSGENERATIONAL TRAUMA

  • Repetition of disturbed interactions and patterns of relationships
  • Repetition of abuse and maltreatment
  • Issues for abused parents – anxiety, compensation and reparation, envy
  • Re-enactment of unresolved attachment trauma

NEURODEVELOPMENT & TRAUMA

  • Dysregulation of HPA axis functioning – stress system
  • Altered cortisol pattern – stress hormone
  • Reduced volume of hippocampus – memory
  • Reduced volume of corpus callosum – information processing
  • Potential effects on mood and impulse control, emotional regulation

BRAIN FUNCTION & EXPERIENCE

  • STRESS – hyperactive stress response
  • CHAOS – poor sensory integration, attentional and processing problems
  • NEGLECT – poor emotional regulation, deficits in processing of socioemotional information and attachment
  • ABUSE – poor regulation of anger, aggression, impulses, anxiety; deficits in emotional understanding,

IMPACT OF TRAUMA

  • Severity of the stressor
  • Developmental level of the child
  • Availability and capacity of adult support

CHILDRENS’ RESPONSES TO TRAUMA

  • Children process and recall acute traumatic events
  • Persistent high arousal and anxiety
  • Immediate reactions include regression, clinging, muteness
  • Traumatic re-enactment in play and behavior

TRAUMA SPECIFIC DIAGNOSES

  • Acute stress responses in infants – dissociation
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder – traumatic play, fears
  • Disruptive Behavior Disorders
  • Attachment Disorders

TRAUMA AND THE BRAIN

  • Stress hormones and cortisol are neurotoxic
  • Sensitized pathways develop in right orbito-frontal brain regions – PTSD
  • Long lasting impairment in brain regions involved in regulation of the intensity of feelings
  • Persistent dissociation

RESPONSES TO THREAT

  • HYPERAROUSAL – fight or flight response; adrenaline/noradrenaline; sympathetic
  • DISSOCIATIVE – freeze or play dead response; opioids and dopamine; parasympathetic

CHRONIC TRAUMA

  • Persistent orientation to threat and activation of stress response
  • Altered opioid, dopaminergic and serotonergic systems
  • Hyperarousal and overactivity
  • Affective dysregulation and impulsivity

TYPE 2 TRAUMA –

  • Adaptation – avoidance, repression, dissociation
  • Repetition – re-enactment, play, identification
  • Anxiety – arousal, aggression, self-harm
  • Self-Concept – depression, guilt, shame

CORE DEFICITS

  • Problems with interpersonal relationships
  • Problems with affect regulation
  • Ongoing vulnerability to stress
  • Self and other representations – negative self-concept, mistrust of others
  • Deficits in reflective function and empathy

TRAUMA SYNDROME

  • Over reaction to trauma associated stimuli
  • Poor anxiety tolerance
  • Poor modulation of aggression
  • Disorganized attachment behaviors, anger towards attachment figures
  • Poor affect control
  • Self-destructive behaviors

TRAUMA & PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

  • Dysregulation of affect and impulses
  • Disorganized attachment
  • Multiple models of self and others
  • Poor reflective function
  • Negative self-introject

HIGH RISK PARENTING

  • Parenting relationships which impact adversely on child development and particularly on  security of attachment
  • Spectrum of parenting behaviors, emotional responses, attitudes and conflicts (conscious and unconscious) which are traumatizing for the child and result in disorganization of attachment and impact on emotional and behavioral regulation
  • Influenced by parental attachment history, reflective capacity and mental state

PREVENTION IN HIGH RISK DYADS

  • Identify maternal history of abuse and trauma
  • Identify capacity to think of the infants’ needs and inner world
  • Look for patterns of identification of infant with a traumatic figure
  • Interventions focus on improving responsivity and emotional attunement
  • Aim at improving understanding of infant needs and changing perceptions of the infant
  • Infant -led interventions

IMPLICATIONS OF NEW BRAIN RESEARCH

  • Importance of protecting children during critical neurodevelopmental periods
  • Foundational role of early attachment experiences and psychosocial environment
  • Protective role of alternate attachment experiences

PARENT-INFANT CLINICAL INTERVENTION

THEORETICAL MODELS — Part 2

RATIONALE FOR INTERVENTION

  • Increasing evidence for the foundational importance of infancy
  • Need for prevention and early intervention
  • Relationship problems are transgeneratioinal
  • New knowledge of early brain development

PARENT-INFANT INTERVENTIONS

  • Focus on the infant and the caretaking environment
  • Promote infant development and attachment security
  • Preventive focus
  • Use observable interactions and their meaning
  • Model of affective communication

RANGE OF INTERVENTIONS

  • Parent-focused psychoeducational Approaches
  • Behavioral Management Approaches
  • Relationship based Approaches
  • Psychodynamic and Psychoanalytic
  • Eclectic

INTERVENTIONS

  • Dyadic or Triadic
  • Infant experience as focus
  • Understanding caregiver’s representation of the infant
  • Eclectic technique – behavioral, dynamic, systemic

DEVELOPMENT OF PROBLEMS IN INFANCY

  • Infant is born with capacities to establish a relationship with a human being
  • Born into a network of intergenerational internalized relationships
  • Infant has meaning in the mind of the parent

PROBLEMS IN INFANCY

  • Problems develop when the mother/caregiver cannot see the infant as separate and communicating
  • Unresolved parental attachment trauma permeates the relationship with the infant

WINNICOTT: MATERNAL HOLDING

  • Meeting the infants spontaneous gesture
  • Allowing the infant to take initiative and communicate internal states
  • Non-Intrusive attention
  • Allows infant to experience own impulses and promotes authentic self

BION: CONTAINING MOTHER

  • Capacity to tolerate infants’ negative affect
  • Capacity to interpret infant communication
  • Affective regulation and language
  • Capacity to tolerate dependency
  • Capacity to tolerate individuation of infant

TASKS OF BIRTH

  • Adaptation to the particular infant
  • Coping with loss of fusion
  • Coping with fears of harming the infant
  • Tolerance of dependency
  • Tolerance of physicality

BABY AT BIRTH

  • Imaginary Baby
  • Relationship with developing fetus
  • Actual Infant

MEANING OF THE INFANT

  • Baby as Ghost
  • Baby as Self
  • Baby as Repetition of Past Relationship

MATERNAL SELF-CONCEPT

  • Capacity to Nurture
  • Ability to manage frustration and aggressive feelings
  • Tolerance of Dependency
  • Reworking female identity and relationship with own mother

PROBLEMS OF EARLY ATTACHMENT

  • Maternal Anxiety
  • Maternal Ambivalence
  • Transition to Parenthood
  • Partner/Systemic Issues

MATERNAL RISK FACTORS

  • Early experiences of neglect and abandonment
  • Early abuse and maltreatment
  • Unresolved anger and hostility
  • Limited access to memories and self-reflection
  • Envy and unconscious need to devalue infant experience

EARLY ATTACHMENT PROBLEMS – INFANT FACTORS

  • Intrinsic problems of interaction and regulation
  • Dysregulated infant – prematurity, neurological, substance exposure, perinatal insult
  • Neurodevelopmental Effects of trauma and stress in pregnancy

EARLY MATERNAL DISTURBACES

  • Inability to tolerate infant negative states
  • Perception of baby as attacking, hostile , rejecting or overwhelming
  • Misperception of the infant
  • Attribution of negative motives to the infant
  • Infant experiences stress, anxiety, depression, anger

PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Double Agenda – listen to mother and observe infant
  • Joint Focal Attention – therapist and mother focus on the infant and understand his/her experience and communication
  • Parallel Process – relationship between therapist and mother, mother and infant

MISPERCEIVED INFANT

  • Lack of sense of authenticity
  • Fears of abandonment and annihilation
  • Confusion about emotional states and expression
  • Neurodevelopmental effects of chronic stress

INFANT-PARENT PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Range of approaches using observable infant-parent emotional interaction
  • Model of understanding the infants difficulty as a response to relationship issues and parental impingement
  • Relationship disturbances linked to unresolved parental issues

INFANT-PARENT PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Perception of the infant is distorted by parental conflict
  • Infant is trapped in a series of reenactments or reworkings of unresolved trauma
  • Intervention aims at reconstructing past relationships and freeing infant from network of projections

LEVELS OF INTERVENTION

  • Systemic Approach:
  • Infant and parent behaviors and communication
  • Infant and parent representations

PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Formulation of the core conflict between mother and infant
  • Focus on negative affect and its origin
  • Use of interpretive interventions
  • Focus on infant experience

INFANT-PARENT PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Fraiberg: Ghosts in the Nursery
  • Unresolved parental conflict
  • Infant presence in the sessions
  • Emotional interactions and repetition
  • Infant as transference object

INFANT-LED PSYCHOTHERAPY

  • Increased focus on the infant as active communication partner
  • Aims to help parent see infant as autonomous and communicating
  • Techniques to show infant initiating, responding and being meaningful
  • Gives infant experience of being validated in the interaction

+++++++++++++++++++++++

+LIVING THROUGH DIFFICULT FEELINGS

++++++++++++++++

How silly of me to feel worse than usual, yet how inescapably real my feelings are.  I am in the midst of yet another experience that shows me how intimately connected the ‘stress response-calm connection’ system really is.

I had an appointment with a new oncologist in Tucson last week and my daughter and baby grandson went with me.  (They are back home 1700 miles away now.)  I have nobody to follow-up on my breast cancer treatment that ended 2 1/2 years ago, so I went to see what chances there were of maybe receiving some kind of ‘test’ that might let me know where my body now stands in its recovery.

I liked this new doctor.  Although very busy, he was at least kind.  I could tell that about him instantly and felt reassured about whatever quality of care I might receive from him (so unlike my OTHER doctor).  I am still waiting to hear specifics on the scan the doctor ordered – when, where, IF, etc.  He also ordered an immediate blood test to check for ‘cancer markers’.

I was told to call him today for the results of that test, so I did.  His nurse told me that I need to talk to him so I am waiting for his return call.

“Why should this all upset me,” I ask myself.

Then I return immediately with the opposite response, “How could it NOT be upsetting to have had cancer once, have received a nasty and not hopeful comment from my oncologist at the end of treatment, and now be returning ‘to the scene of the crime’ of cancer in my body — no matter what the outcome of these tests turns out to be?”

It’s 4:23 in the afternoon and no call yet that I know of.  Is my cell phone receiving calls today?  It often doesn’t.

What real use will the results of this blood test even be seeing that when I had two cancers in my breast, one of them ‘advanced aggressive’ and very large, my blood showed NO SIGNS of these so-called cancer markers.  I asked the doctor about this fact and he said that if there are elevated cancer markers in my blood now then at least that fact would tell him SOMETHING.

The absence of these markers, I am savvy enough to know, will offer me no form of reassurance or reason to celebrate at all.

And here I wait.

And while I do I am exquisitely aware of my hyper-activated attachment system.  I am dearly missing not one person but EVERYONE I dearly love.

That’s the main purpose of an attachment system in the first place.  When we do not feel safe and secure in the world, when we feel threatened our stress response end of the continuum screams out for CONNECTION with those who help us feel safe and secure — so we (and our body) can reestablish CALM again.

++

As I have written before I never had CALM built into the center of my body-nervous system-brain in the first place — so when I perceive threat I have a super exaggerated anxiety-stress response.  It rarely starts at calm in the first place so it’s just anxiety/stress/distress piled upon more of the same and more of the same…….

And just as a tiny infant’s entire being will scream for safe and secure connection with its primary caregiver when it is stressed/distressed, mine does so now.  Only my scream long ago became a silent one.

It is especially times like this present one when it’s even more difficult for me having my loved ones so far away.  It would also be helpful if I could include more close attachments within my universe — and I also mean ‘close’ as in ‘right here where I live’.

If I were a drug user I suppose I’d be stoned right now to make this feeling go away.  Or I’d be shopping, or eating — or doing SOMETHING to diminish my discomfort.  As it is, I live with THIS FEELING as I wait

wait

wait……

++

5 PM, doc called, blood tests came back without a sign of cancer – good!  Would mean a bit more if the original cancers had shown something, so waiting to see if Medicare approves the needed scan……

++++++++++++++++

+SOME PATTERNS OF ‘RELIGIOUS ABUSE’ AND THE GENE CONNECTION

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I found this sensitive, informative and thought provoking blog today (licoriceroot) that contains many posts that get me to thinking in new ways about the ‘complex’ of my own severe infant-child abuse history and its (most obvious) connection to my abusive mother’s own infant-childhood history of malevolent treatment.

One of the posts on this blog is about ‘hyperreligiosity’:  Hyperreligiosity: Fabulous Article Published Jan. 2010

I used to tract my mother’s ‘fundamental religious fanaticism’ to when I was in 10th grade and she became a member of an Assembly of God church.  The stories I wrote concerning the religious abuse I suffered post-mother’s getting religion contain traumatic experiences I suffered that I believe have interfered with my ability to be comfortable with ANYTHING that has to do with religion.

I have come to realize that the foundation of my mother’s terrible psychosis she placed me at the center of (that because she and I were ‘dying’ during her difficult breach birthing of me and that the devil had sent me to kill her – meaning to her that I was never human, that I was the devil’s child) WAS absolutely a religious-based thought and belief that not only affected my entire infant-childhood but that lasted for the rest of my mother’s life.

As my mother’s friend of 45 years told me in a recent interview about my mother’s aging years my mother had answered her knock on my mother’s door with 666 written on her forehead and hands to keep the devil from being able to find her when he came for her I realized how pervasive my mother’s religion-based terror actually was.

I further believe that someone in my mother’s deeply disturbed earliest years of life didn’t put the ‘fear of god’ into her but rather instilled in my mother the ‘fear of the devil’.  I strongly suspect that the abuse related to my mother’s deepest terrors was in some way sexually based.

I understand now that even my mother’s insane obsession with my ‘cleanliness’ was connected (wired) into her by something she had experienced as a child that she was told was ‘dirty’.

In fact, I can consider the entire violent abusive pattern of my 18-year childhood with my mother as being connected to religious abuse within a system that could not resolve the range of ambiguities – the grey scale – of good-bad within her Borderline body-brain.

++++

I went looking for the source of the article posted on the licoriceroot blog and found it here:

Website:  The Hindu:  Arts/Magazine

Article: A Japanese genius and his God module!

By Dr. Ennapadam S. Krishnamoorthy

This article discusses the idea of there being a ‘God module’ in the brain as it presents neurobiological underpinnings for the human experience of religion – and its experience of THE EXTREME.

++

I also located this article posted on The New York Times site November 14, 2009

The Evolution of the God Gene by Nicholas Wade

IN the Oaxaca Valley of Mexico, the archaeologists Joyce Marcus and Kent Flannery have gained a remarkable insight into the origin of religion.

During 15 years of excavation they have uncovered not some monumental temple but evidence of a critical transition in religious behavior. The record begins with a simple dancing floor, the arena for the communal religious dances held by hunter-gatherers in about 7,000 B.C. It moves to the ancestor-cult shrines that appeared after the beginning of corn-based agriculture around 1,500 B.C., and ends in A.D. 30 with the sophisticated, astronomically oriented temples of an early archaic state

This and other research is pointing to a new perspective on religion, one that seeks to explain why religious behavior has occurred in societies at every stage of development and in every region of the world. Religion has the hallmarks of an evolved behavior, meaning that it exists because it was favored by natural selection. It is universal because it was wired into our neural circuitry before the ancestral human population dispersed from its African homeland.”

And…..

It is easier to see from hunter-gatherer societies how religion may have conferred compelling advantages in the struggle for survival. Their rituals emphasize not theology but intense communal dancing that may last through the night. The sustained rhythmic movement induces strong feelings of exaltation and emotional commitment to the group. Rituals also resolve quarrels and patch up the social fabric.”

[Read entire article by clicking HERE]

++

After you take a look at the above article, consider this also:  Google search ‘genes dancing’ and a fascinating universe of information will appear before your eyes.  I already knew about this 2006 study that comes up with the Google search term combination of ‘Israel genes dancing’:

‘Dancing’ Genes Discovered by Israeli Researcher

++++

These articles I mention here point to a fascinating connection for me.  When an individual’s actions appear to us as unbelievable, we can think a bit more deeply about who and how these people are in the world.

The insane infant-child abuse my mother perpetrated against me involved a distortion in how her original genetic potential displayed itself, just as it undoubtedly did for the young paranoid schizophrenic man who was capable of perpetrating the horrific violence displayed in last Saturday’s Arizona shooting.

See post:  +IS MENTAL ILLNESS THE COST OF OUR SPECIES’ GREATEST GIFTS?

I don’t believe that our continued survival as a species was ever determined by what tore us apart.  Our survival depended then – and still does today – on what brings us together and binds us together.

When we look at extremes of abuse and perpetration of violence and trauma we are looking at the ABSENCE of the positive traits that ensured our specie’s reproductive fitness and the continuance of our genetic lines.

Rather than try to examine the faults of any single individual representative of our species I believe it would be far more helpful and productive to search for the malevolent conditions that existed in their earliest caregiving environment that CHANGED how their genes manifested themselves during the earliest critical windows of their development.

If we can manage to take a step back as we examine human behavior that represents a ‘tearing apart’ of the fabric of healthily bonded social connections and their expressions we will begin to notice how clearly these negative patterns reflect malevolence in an environment of deprivation and trauma.  The negative displays the absence of the positive.

As we begin to focus on the necessary POSTIVE qualities that contribute to building the best body-brain possible in a new little human being we will automatically lessen the potential for a lifetime of trouble that growing a body-brain in a malevolent environment causes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++