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Well, I had to cook up something entirely different today. I found yesterday that going back to my age 29 journal was an incredibly difficult and painful experience. There is nothing easy about any part of my life thanks to the treatment I received at the hands (and mouth) of my psychotic severe Borderline Personality Disordered mother. So how do I live with, process, understand and begin to heal the powerful, intense and nearly overwhelming emotions I experience — frequently — as a consequence of my childhood?
My emotions reached the ‘Red High Alert’ stage yesterday. I knew I had to find some way to ‘self sooth’ them down as many notches as I possibly could. That meant I had to reach for some external resource for help, but which one?
I found and played a tape recording of an astrological reading I had done for me last March of 2009 specifically about the difficulties I have with my emotions by a man I consider to be a blessed and extremely talented and knowledgeable astrologer: Zane (see Zane’s Page).
I learned a long time ago that because of the severity and extent of the child abuse I suffered, which began at my birth and lasted until I left home at 18, I have to consider and access the best of the best help I can find — anywhere I can find it — in order to live with and try to heal from the consequences of that torture. Astrology is one of those avenues of assistance I have turned to in some of the toughest times of my adult life.
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I believe it takes a full lifetime of study coupled with incredible efforts at self-healing, and a whole lot of gifted talent for any individual to truly practice astrology. I barely know enough personally to begin to understand the influences that the natural world exercise over me in this lifetime so that I can begin to gain assistance and insight from the best astrologers I can find.
Some people find it helpful to have ‘daily’ sorts of readings through which certain influences on their lives are made more clear as their lifetime progresses. I am not interested in accessing that kind of astrological information. I simply need to know what forces operated at my birth, throughout my childhood, and continue to operate during this very difficult lifetime I seem to have found myself in. Zane is the most skilled and qualified astrologer I have ever found.
The internet provides a wealth of information about the basics of astrology. There are websites that provide a free natal chart. As with any search on the web, consumers need to pay careful attention to the information they obtain, but time spent considering the topic is, I believe, time well spent. If you choose to consult with Zane at Zane’s Page, you can email him with specific questions or to set an appointment with him should you choose to purchase one of his readings.
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It is not my intention to either explain or defend astrology in this post. Today I simply transcribed the reading I had with Zane last March. I find the information helpful to me, and where I have differences of opinion with Zane, I note them within the text.
If you are interested, please follow this link to the whole report text:
*Age 57 – March 2009 (whole text) Astrological Reading About My Emotions
Transcribed from tape of telephone consultation
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Or refer to individual sections of the reading here:
MY FEELING DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE
MY MARS AND JUPITER: BEING A TEACHER
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Stop the Storm 