Thursday, December 18, 2014.  I swear, Little Miss Muffet has NOTHING on me!  I was peacefully sitting at my laptop reading an email from my Arizona piano teacher who just had heart surgery (one of the top 2 sweetest men I have ever met in my life) and along RAN a NASTY LARGE BED BUG aiming straight at me with all the power of natural intent.  I have SPRAYED the boards of that plant stand next to my computer several times!  I was not going to be able to follow this critter’s life span to see if EVENTUALLY it would die from spray on its legs.  SO SMASH!!!!!

I am SO not a happy camper!

It would cost one half of my monthly income to bring a professional exterminator in here.  I spoke with the woman at HUD this week who handles my rental assistance voucher, explained my situation and was told (A) HUD has nothing at all to do with these kinds of landlord-tenant concerns, and (B) that I MUST get free legal assistance BEFORE I EVER speak to the management of this apartment complex about this bug infestation.

Yes, I do continue to find dead bugs hanging around in here.  But my concern is, “How many bugs are in here among the UNDEAD?”

NOT a happy camper!


This mess is teaching me some things, though.  (1) People who HAVE had bed bugs in their own house show me both empathy (based on experiences of their own) AND compassion for this terrible mess.  (2) People who have NOT had bed bugs show me compassion AND their own terror of getting these bugs in their own home, but I do NOT detect empathy from these people.  (Yes, I am among the contaminated, contagious and very nearly completely quarantined!!)

I am not a “native” from a “country” filled with either compassionate or empathetic people.  I have been trying, consciously, for YEARS to understand what these two critically important conditions of humanity actually are.  It is hard for me to detect them.  It is hard for me to differentiate between them.

This whole situation makes me feel pretty darn desperate — in survival mode — and this is SO not good for me!  No, this isn’t life and/or death – exactly.  But my peace of mind, what little bit of it I have been able to create and salvage in this strange life of mine, is GONE!

So, back to my “logical” mind for a tiny bit of sanctuary as I seek to understand at least SOMETHING that might be useful to me.

(A)  One of my daughters and her husband picked up bed bugs in a motel 10 years ago while visiting Arizona and brought them home.  The bugs were confined to their bedroom.  A professional extermination ended the problem although my incredibly bug phobic daughter had to be “bed bug bait” in her bed for 3 weeks to lure the newly-hatched into poison zone.  (Her husband was evidently not found to be suitable for bed bug cuisine.)

My daughter has BOTH empathy (from personal experience) and great compassion.  She is also very concerned that her little son who I care for days will bring them home to her house.  I keep the little one’s coat and hat in my refrigerator from the instant he arrives until he leaves her.  They strip the little one as soon as they get him home again.  Of course she is among the fearful of another bout with bed bugs!

(B)  My friend who is coming to take “the baby” and me out to run around town on our weekly visit does not come in the house.  She has COMPASSION but I am not sure whether or not she has EMPATHY for me in this situation.

(C) The HUD lady was kind in her words (that is her job) but she told me she would not stay in own home for one SECOND if she knew those bugs were in there.  She told me she would “pay whatever it cost” to get rid of them.  Well……  She is not in poverty…….


What else do I know?  I will be back to finish this post after my outing visit with my friend.  All I know is that this is CREEPY and highly stressful/distressful to me.  I was sitting at my keyboard practicing the other night when there came a BED BUG on its RACE to get to me for its dinner — running as fast as it could on the edge of the stand my keyboard sits upon.  My relaxation ENDED that abruptly until bug was smashed and I sprayed yet more poison on that stand.

I have to be vigilant, HYPER vigilant at all times in here!  Yet my enemy is MOSTLY completely hidden and invisible.  Not unlike the abusive trauma and its continual threat from Mad Mother throughout my 18-year childhood!

But the protection of the young – the ability to not be constantly aware of threat and danger – is not with me now, although I HAVE to sleep!!  Darn it anyway!

Of course as a child there was NOTHING I could do to end my abuse.  Now there has to be something I can do to end this awful situation I have going on around me now.


All I can say now is — please see next post.



While there is no money for me in my mention of this herbal-vitamin supplement here, I am taking it daily now and find it extremely helpful.  That means a lot to me, so I thought perhaps other readers might wish to take a look:

Source Naturals Theanine Serene with Relora

  • Contains the amino acids L-theanine, to support relaxing brain wave activity
  • Contains taurine to ease tension, as well as the calming neurotransmitter GABA
  • Features magnesium to support muscle and nerve relaxation
  • Contains calming holy basil leaf extract and Relora®to gently soothe away the tension in your body
  • 2 tablets daily, or as recommended by your health care professional


Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase –

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  Reviews for the book on the Amazon.com site are welcome.


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