I finished the first 24 chapters that belong to volume one (or part one, haven’t decided yet) of “The Demise of Mildred” series, and sent the manuscript up to my daughter for her professional edit.
I woke at 2:30 this morning unable to return to sleep with volume two (part two?) working in my mind. Today I finished 7 chapters of this segment for this second book and began the 8th.
Today I hit a realm of truth about the abuse I experienced for the first 18 years of my life that has rocked me deeply. Time for some no-brainer netflix movie watching. I cannot cope any more with touching hell, because that is exactly what my so-sick Borderline Personality Disorder mother did to me – she put me in her hell in place of herself – and kept me there.
“The Demise of Mildred” series is going to be dedicated to all survivors of infant and child abuse committed against them by a BPD parent, especially their mother. I am not sure there is any worse abuse on earth that what these twisted up minds can commit. It is the terrible matrix of madness that BPD creates and replaces the self of its ‘holder’ with that – at least in my case with my mother – so distorts everything in existence that there is no sanctuary left except within the hand of God – who held onto my soul.
Although this work is the hardest I have ever done or will ever do in my life on this earth – other than the work it took me to survive Mother for the first 18 years of my life — I am committed to completing this 4-5 part/volume series ASAP. If – and I hope this will happen – readers find these books and begin to see their experience as a survivor of severe infant-child abuse by a BPD mother in them – and if these readers are finding comfort, solace, information, inspiration — whatever might be helpful and useful to them — then I want to make sure they have access to ALL the volumes of the books ASAP.
This task is and will take a lot out of me, but I believe this is my destiny. Too much is unknown about infant and child abuse as it is, but there is more vacuum than assistance available for those of us who have endured and survived the kind of abuse I did from a BPD mother.
Tonight I now rest. Tomorrow – back at it.
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