Something about this glorious full moon night forbid me to sleep past 2:30 in the morning. Even though I am up well before dawn, the world is light out there with a gentle white light.
I am finding myself thinking about my grandchildren. The first one turns 22 months old today. This week he displayed his first clear creative use of language as he pointed excitedly to dust motes dancing in a ray of sunlight streaming through my daughter’s kitchen turret window, telling his Mommy, “BUBBLES! BUBBLES!”
He knows bubbles from bath time and from blowing bubbles, but it so thrills me to know that this next generation following me is already noticing with joy beauty in the world around him. I have a clear memory of my own self at his exact age gazing with joy at dust motes in sunlight. But I was in such a different universe that I cannot even compare mine to this new little guy’s.
I have lived from the moment of my birth in a world that was tearing me down instead of building me up. There was never a single breath I took during the first 18 years of life that wasn’t contaminated by my Borderline Personality Disorder mother in her psychotic abuse of me.
Her abuse and the trauma continually created by her in my world did not stop me from noticing beauty in the world around me. I am thrilled that my grandson is already noticing beauty like I did. And I am of course even more thrilled that he is free to exclaim and to be recognized as an amazing little person fully in his own right.
If I were to name one single wish I have for the world it would be that every child conceived on this earth be loved fully.
If we as the adult caregivers on this planet cannot guarantee that we can fully love the children we conceive, then we have no right creating these new precious lives.
I have lived in the shadow of destruction all of my life due to the horrendous abuse done to me. I have fought all of my life to free myself from the terrible piles of rubble that nearly buried me alive from the time of my birth.
Yet somehow through a miracle of God I was able to pass to my own children incredible goodness. The badness that met me at my birth was left in the rubble pile so that my children, and now my grandchildren, do not have to fight the battle I have had to fight.
The permanent physiological changes that extreme stress causes to little developing children guarantees that the consequences of this severe early attachment-related trauma will never leave them — it is built into their body, into their nervous system.
Our species pays a high and terrible price for not promising to the little ones brought into this world a safe passage through infancy and childhood. Once our species grows up and becomes a spiritualized species, all preventable trauma to little ones will cease.
I pray that day is fast approaching! I cannot describe the joy I feel knowing that love surrounds the next generation of people coming through my family. I want that for ALL!! We CAN leave the trauma behind us.
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Yet I do have some reservations about how the information on this site might be erroneous in regard to survivors of extremely traumatic early infancy-childhood experiences:
Dear Diana Hoffman:
In response to the comment you recently left on my blog, I scanned your website this morning. I see on your site you make this statement:
“Learn about the HPA axis that regulates stress hormones, how infancy and early childhood affects the development of this system, and how it can be retrained and reset from hyperarousibility to normal function.”
I encourage you to consider the fact that this retraining and reset ‘to normal function’ is most certainly NOT possible for many survivors of severe early trauma, especially in cases where early severe abuse and trauma altered development of the nervous system-brain during the first 33 months of life (conception to age two).
I offer these critically important resources for you consideration in support of this fact:
“Effects of Secure Attachment” by Dr. Allan Schore at
“Attachment and the Regulation of the Right Brain” by Dr. Allan Schore at
scanned at this link
I also most highly recommend Dr. Bruce Perry’s book, ‘The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog” at http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook–What/dp/0465056539/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326201262&sr=1-1
It is critically important not to mislead the public, especially those who have been most hurt by early trauma that has caused PERMANENT changes in their physiology.
Stop the Storm blog at https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/about-stop-the-stor/
For other consideration: