It is still hard for me to exactly track the magic of what happened to me growing up within a home of hell. But something special DID happen to me or I would not find within myself a light that shines today. That I can also see that light shining in others (when I am able to look around me honestly) is also perhaps the biggest miracle of my life.
I don’t think I would know what I do today about this light if I hadn’t gone back into my memories of trauma and abuse that was the first 18 years of my life to try to write my story. As I followed the trail I have walked from as far back as I can know and remember every time I looked at ME — deep inside of ME where the person that I am was living her own life in spite of all odds against me — there I was SHINING!!
Somehow I was protected against accumulating veils of illusion that would have fed themselves with hatred, resentment, self pity or even deep confusion about who I am as a soul created by God. On this day of Thanksgiving 2011 I cannot keep my thoughts away from God. But this version of God that I think about is all inclusive of all that is good no matter the culture, no matter the religion, no matter if there is among the people so many who choose not to believe in God at all.
As I look back at myself as a suffering battered child I cannot find inside of me any thoughts about God other than my abiding, unquestioning understanding that God existed. I did have thoughts about a massive angel I saw sitting at the top of a mountain peak across the valley from our Alaskan homestead. She was my only friend. She was my gateway to all I knew about mercy and grace, about companionship, company, caring, concern — INVESTMENT in me — that I mattered, that I existed at all.
I am most grateful in my life today at age 60 for the fact that NOTHING that has ever happened to me closed the door of my heart from being able to recognize that God exists. This is my most great gift. Yet just as I seem to lack the ability to deny the existence of The Great Mystery of all pervading love of a Creator Who has chosen the human species of all that live in all the worlds of Creation to love Him back, I also evidently lack the ability to imagine what my life would be like if this door of awareness had somehow been closed within me.
I am blessed to know that there is only one Creator, and that all religions on earth that have ever been each originated from this Source. I know that the essential messages of all religions share the same goodness. I know that whatever bad our species perpetrates comes from our ignorance, sickness and/or bad choices.
I know this Creator continues to lovingly guide humanity forward into every moment of the future. I know the destiny of our species is to unite as the one family we are. I know that until we recognize the purpose of our existence our species will continue to suffer. We will not be able to adequately care for each other or our planet until we unite. This unity will be both the sign of our maturity as a species and the fruit God intends for our evolution.
Humans can argue and bicker about what is real and what is not real until the proverbial cows come home. We are a species, evidently, chock full of bickerers. WOW! That’s something to be proud of? How mature, acting like a bunch of squabbling hens!
What on earth would happen to us if we turn a new corner and choose to find what we can all agree upon?
Doesn’t suit us?
And self-destruction and destruction of our planet’s web of life does?
We chose to name ourselves as a species Homo Sapien Sapien because we THINK we are The Wise Ones. Well, today is Thanksgiving in the United States, a celebration of the sharing of the harvest. Harvests come when seeds are planted and tended that grow into food we can share and benefit from eating.
As a species it is time for us to GROW UP!! The seeds of our potential for goodness will spring forth in spite of all the efforts going on around us to tear things apart rather than to build them up to let life flourish.
I am glad I missed the indoctrination of ignorance as a child. I was too busy surviving terrible ongoing abuse to buy into the fallacies that capture the imaginations of so many people on the side of the darkness of ignorance. My soul evidently knew in the face of my insane mad monster of a mother’s abuse from the moment I was born that there was a clear difference between the light of truth and the darkness of lies. I was fortunate to be able to stand on the side of truth against that darkness.
That I am able to articulate now that no matter what we name that Great Mystery all goodness comes shining from that Source while all darkness comes from its absence is the greatest miracle of my life. And if it meant I had to endure every single instant of the terrible pain and suffering I went through for the first 18 years of my life so that I could retain intact this knowledge my soul was created knowing at the instant of my conception — then I say now I am grateful for that abuse.
For all the abuse that was done to me, my mother could never touch or break my soul. Beyond this great gift is the fact that nothing else in this materialistic world has been able to dissuade my soul from knowing Truth, either. Somehow I must have been born not to bicker! I have been too busy surviving on every level of my being to waste a single precious moment of my life arguing in a field of lies.