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This post is in response to comments posted on a special new blog, Daughters of Borderline Mothers, dedicated to “Sharing our common experiences of having a borderline mother.” The site is hosted by a woman who had such a mother, and offers fellow surviving daughters of mentally ill Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) mothers a place to share and care about the kinds of traumas that being raised by a BPD mother creates. Today’s comment to post — My Mother The Wall speaks to my heart especially because I see mirrored in those words my own experience with my BPD abusive mother – to a point.
This POINT mentioned in this comment gave me a wake up call this morning as for the first time in my life (I am 60) I realize how fortunate I am that not ONE of my five siblings believed Mother’s Borderline brainwashing. In fact, they tell me that they ALWAYS knew our mother was NUTS. For my part, I have been left looking for the patterns of brainwashing I received from birth that DID NOT allow me to know Mother was NUTS!
It has never before truly sunk into my consciousness that in some cases the siblings of a ‘chosen for special torture’ child of a BPD mother ever COULD, let alone WOULD side with the abuser. Because I’ve never even contemplated such a situation before, I know that only those who grew up in families where this particular constellation of hellish symptoms can ever be able to investigate FROM THE INSIDE what conditions surrounding the BPD and the hell she created in her home could cause this to happen.
I – personally – am at a loss to understand because I have been BLESSED with siblings who NEVER believed our abusive BPD mother!
As children none of my siblings understood why I didn’t run away. Some have also told me that they never understood why I didn’t cry and sob while I was being beaten, or say I was sorry or bed for mercy. As children they believed if I had done these things Mother would have WHAT? STOPPED?
As I closely examine my own experience with Mother I see that the integrity of MY SELF and my ONLY true opportunity to express myself as a unique human being separate from Mother was to NEVER give into her. That was part of how I survived her and came out the other end alive and intact as a person.
Intuitively and instinctively I preserved myself even though I could not EXPRESS myself in anything but the most small and inconspicuous ways by inwardly holding fast to REALITY as I knew it. I won the small battles, beating by beating, assault by assault, by never admitting to something psychotic Mother said I did when I knew I had not done it.
Mother’s brainwashing (as a part of her BPD psychosis) originate while she birthed breech me. She understood as we both struggled for our lives that the devil had sent ME to kill her while I was being born. Because we both survived the birthing, she then believed that I was NOT human, that I was the devil’s child, that I had been sent as a curse-upon-her-life, and that I therefore had the power to take my siblings to the devil – if she didn’t prevent that from happening.
By the time I was 17 and a senior in high school I BELIEVED I was that devil’s child. That’s a time way ahead of where I am in my book writing, so nothing more to say about this right now……
There was never a time during the rest of Mother’s life (she died in 2002) when she did not believe this. I was NEVER a human being to her.
A miracle I have missed until this morning is that my siblings DID NOT believe her – they knew she was nuts and that what Mother did to me was wrong and that I did not deserve what she did to me. I cannot IMAGINE what it would be like if my siblings had believed Mother – such as the siblings of the woman who wrote the comment today at the blog post at the link above.
Long after I was gone from home, as Mother’s life long ‘friend’ (mother was incapable of having true friends, but this woman stuck with Mother until her death) told me last year in an interview, one time she went to see Mother and asked her why she had 666 written on her hands and forehead. Mother told her it was so when the devil came looking for her to take her he would see that mark and understand that she already belonged to him – so he would leave her alone.
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I am coming to understand as I write for the book of my childhood that early in her childhood someone told Mother that she was so bad, so evil, the devil was going to come for her. I strongly suspect this was used as a threat by someone who sexually abused her.
Very little was right about Mother’s earliest years of life. It all combined to effect physical changes in her development that gave her a different kind of brain.
Mother used all the considerable power at her command to force me to be her replacement/stand-in for her own ‘projected/split off’ bad, evil child self.
In her illness Mother tricked the devil into believing I was she. As long as I NEVER showed any signs of being a person in my own right, and as long as she could completely control me and ‘keep me in my place – in her place’ in hell, she was ‘freed’ to live what I call her outer Borderline life – which was totally NUTS!
Everyone but me lived in her outer Borderline ‘ring’. I and I alone lived in her inner core hell-prison as her replacement
This left my siblings on the OUTSIDE of my hell-world as witnesses to what Mother did to keep me from ever being born as a self or from escaping. My siblings reaped the benefits (HA!) of having a different crazy mother than I had! Mother only functioned AT ALL in her outer Borderline world because she maintained her capture and torture of me.
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As I read the comment to My Mother The Wall today I began to wonder if these two very clear and defined dual-Borderline realities Mother created didn’t have the benefit of making crystal clear to my siblings how completely NUTS Mother was! I, as I lived as Mother’s replacement-evil-bad-child-in-hell (being devil bait!) in the inside Borderline core world, could never see what they saw from the outside.
I do believe that Mother had a Borderline world inside a Borderline world – and VERY clearly so. What Mother did to me was completely different from how she mothered my siblings.
So, I wonder this morning, in cases where one child of a Borderline is singled out from siblings to be the chosen target of peculiar insane abuse – and there is no clear Borderline (!!) between an inner core Borderline universe of hell and an outer Borderline world that operates only if there is a captive kept as a replacement-in-hell in the inner core world, is there a ‘spill-over’ of brainwashing contamination that DID NOT HAPPEN in my mother’s case – in my case – in my siblings’ case?
Mother contained the worst of her contaminating brainwashing in her inner core world JUST FOR ME. There was a very clear and terrible BORDERLINE between me and my siblings. This meant, also, as a very strange benefit I am only seeing at this moment, of protecting my siblings from BELIEVING Mother.
I was the only one who believed her – because I was SUPPOSED to believe her. Mother’s LIFE (as her body dictated and as she unconsciously knew it) depended on the devil being completely fooled!
Mother could only trick the devil into believing I was she if the myth was fundamentally believed BY HER and BY ME. It was verbally affirmed in her home that I was the devil’s child. Mother took great efforts to isolate me from contact with my siblings so I wouldn’t take them to the devil. I was unequivocally Mother’s own bad-evil self. But my siblings did NOT BELIEVE her!
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So, from my own point of view in cases where siblings DO believe the brainwashing terrible myths of a Borderline mother — the environment in which the horrors of abuse beyond belief happened WAS MISSING the kind of extremely clear inner-Borderline-core LINES that separated the innermost hell of the Borderline (like the one Mother made me live my 18 year childhood inside) from the outer PRETEND nicey nicey fake yet ‘better’ – Borderline reality everyone else in my family lived in but me.
In other words, Mother’s severe Borderline disturbed insane mine CLEARED UP MUDDY WATERS as she defined these two worlds she created in her life.
It was VERY clear who was in which world. I on the inside in hell, my siblings on the outside STILL in crazyville but NOT abused or hated like I was.
Mother, in her version of BPD madness, CLEARED THE MUDDY WATERS by creating two entirely separate Borderline universes.
As a consequence, she DID NOT manage to contaminate the thinking of my siblings. They were able throughout their childhood to CLEARLY see that Borderline line Mother created between me and them. That, of course, would NEVER have been Mother’s intention.
Mother continued throughout her lifetime, well into the adulthood of all of her offspring, to spout her garbage to my siblings about me. Nobody EVER believed her but me, though it took many years for ALL of us to truly comprehend in our adulthoods how irreparable and terribly damaged Mother was.
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After reading the comment I refer to today I also have wiped away from me any tiny tidbit of misgivings I might have been holding onto about my disowning Mother in 1988 – and never speaking to her again.
It is only by mixed-contamination of having been formed from birth in the universe of ANY kind a Borderline parent creates that we offspring might guess there is EVER a way to have anything like a ‘normal’ or ‘repaired’ relationship with ‘our Borderline’.
There is NO way that can every happen. I believe BPD is a physiological disease of the body that changes the brain and nervous system for a lifetime for its hosts. I also believe that the soul of my mother was freed from her diseased body when she died, It is entirely up to God, of course, to comprehend the truth about my parents. I pray for blessings and forgiveness for them both of my parents (Dad died in 2001) every day.
I do not believe Mother had a choice. My hope for my own efforts in healing is that I can understand with some truthful clarity the way my mother’s severe BPD disease operated at the same time it destroyed her life – and created 18 years of terrible suffering for me as her daughter.
My siblings did NOT escape Mother without harm. But that is THEIR story – and because my universe at Mother’s Borderline core of hell was so different from the outer Borderline world my siblings lived in, they cannot tell my story, either.
We each can benefit, I believe, by finding our OWN story and from separating it from ANYONE else’s. I am so grateful for this clarity today about how fortunate I am that my five siblings DID NOT SIDE with our mother. May we ALL find our own way to peace!
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NOTE: To be even more clearly accurate I will also say that Mother did create a subsidiary psychotic universe inside her outer Borderline universe in which she protected her all-good God’s child self — onto one of her other children. This Borderline universe stood in complete opposition to the inner core Borderline universe she created by projecting her all-bad devil’s child self — onto me.
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Stop the Storm 
Linda,
I am SO grateful to have found your website. I have been reading it for the past couple of days. I, like you, was the “hated” one. I have one brother and 2 sisters. I too, wrote a letter to my mother and father and siblings two years ago and I spoke MY truth gently but, for the first time, I felt I was speaking for myself. Well, after that incident, my mother, father and two sisters broke off and I have not heard from them since. It is the most pain that I have ever felt. I thought that I was very close to my Dad and I know that he understands me(he used to confide in me about my mother) but, he won’t take a stand. I am 36 years old and feel like I have had to completely dig deep inside and figure out what I wanted from life and who I am. At 36!!! I feel lost and disgusted with my mother and angry and helpless. I suffer from panic attacks and very low self esteem.
I really thought that I was the only one that experienced what I went through all my life and felt isolated UNTIL I started reading this blog. I relate to EVERYTHING you have recorded, sadly but, I don’t feel so alone with it.
You are really doing a great thing Linda and I thank you for it wholeheartedly.
You are so welcome, and I am so glad you are here, reading, feeling affirmed and connected! The sickness is in the family – when we break away from the sickness for our own healing we cannot, most sadly, take anyone else with us.
Each has to find their own way out of hell. We can pray for those we love — but also we need to know we belong to the family of humankind — we are NOT alone!!! And there are many who are healing, and many of these are the first and often the only member of their family that is doing so.
I hope to hear from you again soon! all the very best on your healing path!! Linda – alchemynow
You wrote: “Truth then becomes toxic – evil and truth cannot live in the same heart…”
I thought this was perfectly put! And I did not think you meant truth as being toxic to US. It was a perfect way to put it and it resolved why my family hates me for “telling the truth.” It IS toxic to them, “in the darkest (and getting darker) dungeons of their own imaginings.”
This has answered questions I have had in my mind for more than 20 years. Your website and these discussions are doing me so much good. I can’t thank you enough.
Did I mention the Facebook site I’ve been on?
Joanna Ashmun Memorial
https://www.facebook.com/groups/194287757264801/
I’m working on a deadline, so have to stay offline for a little while. I hope I can! Thanks again for everything. CT
Here from you soon, and blessings with love!
You wrote: “I don’t believe in the devil, humans turn from God and all hell creeps in – evil is very real, and in these families the sickness of evil infiltrates until all truth and reason disappear.
Truth then becomes toxic – evil and truth cannot live in the same heart, no matter what the ‘people’ claim…”
“Truth then becomes toxic.”
Oh My God. That’s it. That’s me and perhaps why they hate and fear me so much. So I will go on my way and leave them to their rest and the bed they made. We all have to lay in the fields we planted and I want to lay in golden wheat soft against the skin with golden light falling down and spilling all around, with bright blue skies and soft white clouds filtering by.
Gracias, amiga. Truth then becomes toxic when the sink hole is full. It’s time to cleanse our hearts and let the Light shine in. I pray every day for God to show me The Way. Touch my heart and heal these wounds that have not healed. Show me The Way. Amen.
You know I did not mean truth is toxic to US, but to them that are thriving in sickness – in the darkest (and getting darker) dungeons of their own imaginings
Becca wrote: “Either we towed the family line or were rejected forever.)”
That’s exactly how it was and is in my so-called “family.” Finally I see that it has happened elsewhere, and I am not the only one.
This is what happens in cults, and in a cult-like mentality. I really see my family as a cult and all the members are brainwashed and willing victims. That’s the hardest thing to understand. I am the ONLY ONE out of TEN that left. And I did it when I was 16 years old, but am STILL trying to get over the brainwashing that was done to me… that I am no good, not worth anything, completely unlovable and more. How hard it is to change the shape and form we were given when we were so young and impressionable.
But I believe it can be done. With Practice, Patience and Prayer, all will be possible. Dear God please show me The Way. Amen.
family cult – Borderline mother, I do think narcissistic father to support her — she was GOD in our family, it was her cult!
Thank you Becca. My youngest sister married a pastor and they “tend to a flock” and they “don’t believe that my father sexually abused me,” even though my sister was five or six years old at the time when, at age sixteen, I finally became an emancipated minor and was legally allowed to leave home. I counted the days until I was free and my parents couldn’t have me put in jail for “running away.”
This pastor and his wife, my youngest sister, have done the most damage to me of all of my siblings and have apparently started or continued destroying my reputation based on the lies and distortions my mother started about me. I didn’t even know about any of this for over 40 years, until after my mother’s death this youngest sister “thew it all in my face” like acid in the face, and she “knew it was all true” (that I made it up, I was a drug addict, I had memory loss, on and on and on) even though none of this was true. Her husband, the pastor, got on the phone and told me he “didn’t believe in recovered memories” as if that was all that I had… and I never brought up any of this to them, ever! My mother must have told them about the letter I wrote to my parents when my niece was going to stay with them when my niece was 16 years old. I could not in good conciense keep quiet and take the chance that she, too, would be abused. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her. Talk about the *&^&(T^ hitting the fan ever since, for the past 25 years! Apparently I was never supposed to expose “The Secret” that all were apparently sworn to secrecy. My crime, according to Mrs. Methodist Pastor, Julia and David Graves, was that I “discussed things in public that should have been kept within the family.”
Since when does my youngest sister make the rules? What kind of religious arrogance is this? What century do these people live in?
I TOLD. And got hell for it. But I wouldn’t / couldn’t have done it any other way.
My sister and her Methodist pastor husband have made my life hell ever since, for the last five years. Now that my mother is dead, this sister, my mother’s favorite and the “golden child” who could do no wrong has taken up the cudgel and sword, all in an effort to protect the image of my mother. And now that she is dead, my siblings have started the “beatification process” of annointing our mother with sainthood, apparently. It’s unbelievable.
And I thought that a pastor and a church would be the most understanding and the most interested in finding resolution to family chaos and crisis. Boy was I wrong. As long as I am alive, and telling my truth and my story “in public,” I am branded and excluded and if they had their way, I am sure I would be burnt alive… burnt at the stake, just like the old days. It’s incredible what “religion” can do and what “religious people” can be like. Makes me wonder why Christianity is so popular, when it was planted at the point of a sword.
This is not true spirituality to me. The truth shall set us free. There is no other way. Thank you Becca for opening this door. You’ve given me much more to think about. I still can’t believe that my sister is acting this way, but I haven’t seen her in 30 years and I only had the fondest memories of her… but people certainly can change over the years and I have sorrowfully found that any contact is toxic contact, so I am saved as long as I stay away from them and all people like them.
Dear God please show me The Way. Gracias a Dios. Amen.
I don’t believe in the devil, humans turn from God and all hell creeps in – evil is very real, and in these families the sickness of evil infiltrates until all truth and reason disappear.
Truth then becomes toxic – evil and truth cannot live in the same heart, no matter what the ‘people’ claim
You are standing on the side of truth against evil – that the battle happens in your own ‘family’ is hard to take, but that is true for a lot of us, in our culture, anyway — the battle of light and dark is very real and spirituality and religion are not the same thing
“HEALING FROM TRAUMA: BEING THE FIRST HEALED LEAVES ON OUR FAMILY TREE”
at: https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/healing-from-trauma-being-the-first-healed-leaves-on-our-family-tree/
What a wonderful way to put it!
Here’s a couple of great links I go to all the time. Narcissism and Borderline overlap so much:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/194287757264801/?id=285048038188772 and http://www.beatingthebeast.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=13007
sometimes I wonder if that’s how my father’s brain ended up coping, narcissism
also think narcissism runs parallel or on the same track as dismissive-avoidant insecure attachment disorder
changed brains in early life, do not process emotional info – just leave it out
I just stumbled upon this blog as I was researching BPD. Thank you for sharing your stories; your stories help me to better understand my own. I am a 34 yr. old daughter of a BPD mother, and I am the eldest of five siblings, three girls, two boys (in that order). I grew up in a home with a BPD mother who adopted the “rules” of Christianity as a way to cope with her wildly chaotic inner world.My father, an extreme narcissist (also an extremely codependant enabler of my mother’s crazy actions/thinking), was/is a highly educated pastor and seminary professor. Together my parents created an enviroment of emotional/spiritual/verbal abuse. I grew up being told that my parents were “perfect parents who knew the ONLY ‘right’ way to parent.” Whenever I questioned my mother or father, I was told I was “sinful, bad, wicked” etc.and they used the Bible to prove my opinions, thoughts, desires (if they conflited with theirs or might make them look less than perfect) wicked. Everyone on the “outside” thought we were the “perfect” family.
I grew up completely brainwashed into believing my BPD mother and narcissitic father were perfect. Sadly, within the last four years, only myself and one sister, Rachel, have realized the truth of how we were rasied and have broken free. We are no longer are in contact with the rest of the family (the spiritual/verbal abuse, manipulation, slander campaigns, etc.made it impossible to maintain relationships. Either we towed the family line or were rejected forever.) I have another sister who exhibits the characteristics of BPD (who married a religiouslly abusive narcissist), one brother who is both BPD and narcissistic (who married an unstable pathological liar), another brother who is just like my dad, an extreme narcissist who desires only to protect his image, could care less about anyone else (he married an emotionally unstable woman like my mother).
Recently, my sister, Rachel, and I started writing our story. Sometimes I don’t understand how we were able to see the glimmer of truth amidst the brainwashing. Perhaps it is because we both married good men who loved us unconditionally. Perhaps it’s because we were fighters by nature–we fought for a sense of self. . . . As we write our story, it is diffiuclt to remember and understand what our childhood was really like! It is amazing how a child can be treated like crap while at the same time believe that they are being treated well. . . and yet feel completely worthless and horrible inside–what a crazy, mixed up view of self and the world!
Anyway, I understand, Catherine, how religion can be twisted and manipulated to be tool of abuse. Thankfully, my sister and I have been able, through God’s grace, to separate the truth of God’s love from man’s abuse and control. It is through this process that we have begun to feel true freedom from the bondage of our mother and father’s abuse and control.
We are very much on a journey to understanding the past and making changes as we mother our own sweet little ones.
Becca
So happy to greet you, Becca – and thanks for your comment! Boy, don’t we have the stories! Normal people could DROOL over the ‘excitement’ of our lives! NOT! Trauma drama – fed both by repeating generations of the trauma itself along with the activation of gene patterns of survival that end up creating IN THE BODY these terrible sicknesses!
You and your sister sound like twin souls – I feel that way about my older brother! I am so happy to hear you have received, heard and responded appropriately to what I called today in a post our WAKE-UP call!! Really look forward to further comments from you and from others to yours! all the best!!!!
Hi Becca,
I can relate to your issues of spiritual abuse. It can happen when mental illness gets in the mix! I know because as I was growing up my dad became born again, I have a blog where i write a bit about that. The post is called ” No room for the expression of feelings.”
I hope u come and visit my blog as well.
http://daughtersofborderlinemoms.wordpress.com
It is through the expression of ones feelings and the affirmation of others that we can begin to heal.
Much love,
Monica
Oh, thanks, Monica for the invite!!! This is all so exciting and happy-making!
When I was in 10th grade my parents joined Assembly of God and became ‘born again’ – so Mother felt perfectly OK with calling a bunch of the church people into her living room when I was a senior. They sat me down on the floor, formed a circle around me, laid all their ‘hands on’ me (ICK!!) and prayed like hell to get the ‘demons out’ of me ‘like in the Bible when the demons went into the swine and they all jumped over a cliff’ or some such ICK!!!!!
Thank you for subscribing! Please visit Monica’s blog!! Also, when you get an email that I have posted something always just click on the title and go directly to the blog – the way I write I nearly always edit after posting and those changes will not show up in the email version. Have a wonderful evening!
I love ur suggestion…but that is how I found her! She has a blog already!!! Yeah!
xo
I hear that! xo
Thank you so much… I will return again and again. Time to try to sleep and let all this settle over me like a down comforter… to find out that at age 61 I am not crazy after all and I am not only hated as well… perhaps I do have something of value to contribute to the world and that would make everything alright. A-OK, in fact. Thank you so much. Again and again. Adios Amigas, until we meet again!
Dedicated to you – shine shine shine!
+HEALING FROM TRAUMA: BEING THE FIRST HEALED LEAVES ON OUR FAMILY TREE
at
https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/healing-from-trauma-being-the-first-healed-leaves-on-our-family-tree/
Who, being loved, is poor?
Oscar Wilde
alchemy, thanks for your encouragement. I actually have a ton of blogs already. I comment night and day sometimes. It keeps me from jumping off a bridge or drinking or killing myself in any other number of ways! The internet is God’s gift to all of us searching searching searching for a way out and a way in… into grace and peace and all that we long for and run from and hide from and want to let in the light, let in the light the heat the sun and the light of God’s Grace that surrounds us all.
I hope I haven’t been commenting too much here. I am overwhelmed with what I am reading and huge giant chunks are cracking and falling into place. Seeing it all at once like a huge iceberg or a puzzle that I could not put together with so many missing pieces and then BOOM they are all here, staring me in the face! It’s time to go to bed but I will leave with one more thought here, with one of my favorite quotes and my favorite prayers:
“The winds of grace blow all the time. All we need do is set our sails.”
Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and allowing me to share mine. I will try to dig out everything once and for all, and give things a “proper burial.” I’ve been grave digging long enough. It’s about Time.
Hi dear – and NEVER too much on comments on this blog! I love the light we all bring that shines so BRIGHTLY as we shine together. And I learn so much and welcome everything that helps me.
Just had birthday #60 – and personally I will live with ‘this’ the rest of my life — what I went through was BIG – which makes it important – and the more I recognize that the better I feel. It is, ultimately, my gift to be able to learn from what happened to me in ways that will jive with what others are learning! All of the time! I pray I will NEVER stop learning, not in this world, not in all of God’s worlds to come.
Any time you feel any urge to comment here, please do. And if you ever wish to share a link to a post on your blogs, drop that by, as well. Blessings!! Hope you rest in grace!
Alchemy, some of my sisters “married my father,” meaning they married violent alcoholic men who beat them. ALL of them married extremely controlling men. I could never understand any of it. They recognized what was going on with each other, but never what was happening with themselves. It took me years and years to realize I had “married my mother,” a person who never lifted a hand to me but would destroy me with a look or a word. I finally got away from my family as an emancipated minor at age 16 and left that CULT and finally got away from my marriage after 20 years of emotional hell, going back and forth, leaving, staying, torturing my SELF.
I’ve been working my entire life to get over what was done to me and yes, I truly believe one or two of my sisters are real Borderlines themselves. Reading their hate mail is just like reading any of our stories. It’s unbelievable, the lies, twisting and distortions and they don’t have any friends and don’t seem to realize the problem just might lie within. I have always said it was a “cult mentality” in the family I grew up in, and to hear someone else say it… finally, at long last, corroboration is here. And I am alive.
I got out and I survived and even though I bear the long scars inside, on the outside, there’s “not a scratch on me.” God and the angels and The Ever-present Divine protected me along my way. I ask God every day to show me The Way. And that Way has led me here, and now!
Thank you so much for this fine and understanding blog. There’s still so much for me to learn. And to finally SEE. To see CLEARLY.
How many sisters do you have? Any brothers?
Monica, you will probably smile at this suggestion: Catherine, please consider starting a wordpress blog for yourself — NOW!!!!!
Monica and I will both help you (Yep, I’m speaking for you sweetheart!)
The blog is free. If you start with the same blog format that M and I both have, we can understand the layout and advise, suggest…..
It is EMPOWERING — AND!!
I can already see your story is extremely complex – and important. You can decide if you want your blog to post publicly or just to start, privately. If the entire blog is public, you can still choose post by post if you want them to be public or not.
Sister of Borderline — that’s another important contribution to learning and illumination about this devastating BPD disease.
The inability to tell a coherent narrative of our life story – including our childhood – is a hallmark of an insecure attachment disorder — and of a traumatic childhood. That means that we can choose to use all tools that can assist us to find our own self in our own life.
Blogging is amazing! You can or cannot take comments, etc. I’ll send a copy of this to Monica for her input — you are a special soul!!! lots of love!!! later, Linda – alchemynow
Lucky for you your siblings did not believe your mother about you. I thought my own sisters would surely see the truth after they grew up, but no… after our mother’s recent death, they have taken up her cudgel and sword. With a vengeance. I couldn’t believe it, I still can’t believe it. One of my sisters is married to a Methodist pastor, “in charge of a flock.” I am speechless. It’s good reading your story and it gives me hope and strength. I will carry on and we will survive. Dear God, please show me The Way.
I can’t imagine, Catherine – I cannot IMAGINE my siblings believing my mother — but now I see it COULD have happened! Oh, you have given me such a new perspective and increased gratitude for this gift!
You are light years ahead of your sisters! Almost makes me wonder if they might be borderline! btw, both of my sisters left home and married religious fanatics – very close to cult victims. My one sister = mega abused for 20 years – both sisters eventually grew enough to leave their husbands and their very hurtful adult situations behind.
During the years both sisters were entrapped there was NO clarity, no healing, no awareness — ALL of us were in survival mode!
There are so many loving wonderful healing people in the world for you to connect to! “Being a trash dump for others is no longer an option.”
Borderline personality is weird you can create a really safe environment but its false i use to live in one but im lucky as i have got older i realise that bad things happen and i cant have a good day everyday.
Joy has no limits!!!
What was her mother like? I can see from letters that she wrote to her that she seemed to always want her approval.
Going through Mother’s letters again I can see their relationship was an ICKY MESS!!!!