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I just can’t leave this piece of research I discovered while I was writing my last post alone.  Something inside of me feels like I just received a massive electric shock!  Yet at the same time I recognize this feeling.  It’s one that happens when something I read resonates within me to the bottom of my core.

Study: Crying Baby ‘Natural High’ for Some Moms

“A screaming, crying baby is not usually a source of enjoyment for new mothers, but a recent study has found that some moms actually get a “natural high” when faced with their crying infant.”

I NEVER anticipated finding such a piece of research!  At the same time I am amazed that someone actually had the smarts and the courage to FIND this information — not just any old place — but within the brain of MOTHERS who delight in the suffering of their infant-children!

My mother’s ‘unfairness, pain or disgust’ response is what motivated-created the pain-inducing response TO ME in my mother.  My mother, plain and simple, was capable of completely hating me.  (That these same brain regions must be involved in twisted confusions between self-other from early on in hate-projected-out-onto-offspring cases like my mother’s was is subject for my further investigations.)

I have such a powerful sense of BINGO BINGO BINGO!

BUT……  This is my sociologist daughter’s take on this article:

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This is very interesting.  I had a somewhat different interpretation than you though (looking at your blog post):

I think this statement “For mothers with a secure attachment, we found that both happy and sad infant faces produced a reward signal in their brain, or a ‘natural high’,” is related to this statement “Moms found as having a secure attachment in childhood showed a greater release of the hormone oxytocin into their bloodstream, according to the report.”

I interpreted this as meaning that healthy (i.e., secure attachment) moms received an oxytocin release from sad faces as well as happy — which evolutionarily would better equip them to deal with the sad infant (not just walk away…)?

The part I thought you meant was like your mom was this:
“However, mothers with an insecure attachment pattern didn’t show the same brain response … their own infant’s crying face activated the insula, a brain region associated with unfairness, pain or disgust.”
So, she never had the appropriate hormone release to *want* to deal with the crying baby (you).  It instead activated a sense of unfairness, disgust………..???

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I KNOW this kind of mother!  I also believe that many of this blog’s readers know this kind of mother, also!

Now, can we imagine a more obvious contortion of what nature intends for a newborn infant than a mother that actually FINDS GREAT REWARD IN ITS SUFFERING?

Believe me, these mothers DO EXIST!  Suddenly, after encountering those few words, Study: Crying Baby ‘Natural High’ for Some Moms, a new light has gone off inside of me that illuminates the entire world differently!

I am AFFIRMED!  I have a new clarity!  That is EXACTLY what my mother did every minute of every hour of every day and night of the entire 18 years I spent being beaten and battered and tortured and tormented and violently traumatized.  SHE ENJOYED doing that to me!!!

In fact, she so enjoyed my suffering, and it so rewarded her that she devised all kinds of ways to MAKE sure I suffered as much as possible!

I don’t have the inner fortitude right now to pursue this line of thinking-via-research right now.  This new affirmation, this new confirmation of my own reality of suffering has to sink in — down to the operations of every molecule in my body — this body whose development my mother’s insane abuse so changed in its development as I had to respond to the worst of the worst some human mothers CAN and DO perpetrate against their offspring.

These kinds of mothers obviously have a body-brain that is built completely differently from normal.  Nothing about their stress – calm connection response system is working normally or WELL on ANY level.  That technological advances have actually given researchers a way to SEE and WATCH these changes is beyond amazing, beyond incredible.  My reaction?  “IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!  Maybe NOW someone will FINALLY be able to HEAR the survivors of these kinds of mothers!  Maybe NOW someone can begin to begin to grasp what we are trying to live with and heal from!”

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