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There is more I need to say about this post I wrote yesterday: +BELIEVE THE LIE? OR RELEASE THESE CHILDREN FROM HELL. We might all like to believe that we OF COURSE know the truth from the lie — but we don’t always. We simply don’t.
On top of this very few of us have ever been told about the research that describes how infant-caregiver interactions from birth — yes, the same ones that ARE building the rapidly growing infant brain — are forming pathways and circuits into the developing infant brain regions that ALSO determine what we can know about not only who we can trust and who we cannot trust, but also who is lying to us and who is not.
These brain operations, formed into us from birth, are part of our brain-mind foundation that we will live with for the rest of our lifetime. When severe infant-child abuse survivors attempt to ‘heal’ from the traumas they experienced, nobody tells us that our very ability to KNOW truth from lie has been changed in our very brain itself. We cannot automatically, easily, or sometimes EVER be able to separate truth from lie when it comes not only to our own self — but also when we are dealing with other people.
That is part of what the formation of the early emotional-social brain does for us. It gives us automatic ways to cope with life based on the nature of the environment that formed us in the first place. I, for one, have to walk my way through LOGICALLY and slowly nearly everything that has to do with telling the difference between truth — and error.
When my mother wrote those words posted yesterday that I lacked imagination – I have to look around me (as these pictures included show) at how I live my life. I am creative and I DO have imagination. My mother was lying. But because she lied to me from birth, severely so, I will NEVER — simply and directly on my insides — be able to separate her lies from my truth.
When the develop of the self is affected by chronic and severe infant-child abuse — what happened to survivors is beyond what most ‘self help’ thinkers EVER realize. Our concern is NOT with self image, self concept, self worth, self esteem – blah blah blah. MY concern is with my SELF – my forced-to-be-dissociated SELF. These changes my mother forced upon my little growing and developing self (as I have said so many times) changed the way my brain developed — period. With that brain I try to process information — but I have to admit and accept I do so differently from ‘ordinary’.
Tied to truth and error-lie detection changes in my brain is my great difficulty with understanding jokes, cons, teases and flirting! (Also difficult for some stroke recovery people and people with autism spectrum brains.)
I also have to say that if most people’s brain-minds were not somewhat in the market for being easily tricked, there sure wouldn’t be any use advertising!! Well, I want to get back outside, so here are some pictures – from imagination-full Linda!
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Stop the Storm 
It’s sad that your mother could never really see the real you. You are so creative and artistic which all comes from imagination. I love the mosaic! It’s too bad your mother missed out on such an amazing child. One more thing to add to her long list of losses, especially since amazing children grow up to be amazing adults! She is the pathetic, damaged one here Linda, not you.
Because your brain developed differently compared to “ordinary” does not mean you are inferior. You have an amazing and unique perspective on all things. You must look for and find your strengths within the challenges that you endured as a child at the hands of your sick mother. Many of your strengths are evident in this blog including your intelligence and your amazing writing skills. You will prevail because of your talent and despite your mother’s persistent effort to tell her lies.
Well, thank you!!! That is certainly a ‘good prognosis’! Sometimes I fear (combating depression, etc.) that I will die from the same ‘thing’ that killed both of my parents: the loss of hope and a broken heart!
I often think of that image at the end of that movie, “The Piano” when she ropes herself to that great (grand weight – ha, ha!) and over she goes – Splish! Splash! What I like best about the movie was when she could make that decision to free herself and rise, rise, rise ! I work for that. Every day, every waking breath, and often in the dead of night!
Sort of the flip side to what you are saying here – both of my parents had good qualities that suffered and sank in their lives. Amazing determination and stamina on my dad’s side! Oh, and I won’t start with my mother – she did LOSE SO MUCH – with her illness, and YES – she lost me!
Thank you for these sweet and helpful words! If I wasn’t procrastinating on hooking up my new printer, I would print them out for myself! As it is, I’ll simply leave this page open on my computer and pop in over the next days to peek in!!!!!