+++++++++++++++++++++

Well, here I am back again in my writing about – “how to stop” —  dissociation in regard to the book, Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle my sister is sending me.  Because I spent all of the 18 years of my abusive childhood in a dissociated state between the frequent, random and extremely traumatizing events of trauma my abusive mother rained on me from my birth, I have an inner need to be careful in using any so-called meditative or relaxation technique — and here’s why.

I am still not exactly sure that what I am going to post here is the exact form of the information I first encountered over six years ago that I have been trying to re-find ever since, but it’s close enough to what I was looking for that I will post it here.

It comes from Dr. Jon G. Allen’s book, Coping With Trauma: Hope Through Understanding, as I mentioned in my last post, +ONE READER’S SEARCH TERMS: ‘HOW TO STOP DISSOCIATION’.
This information comes from Allen’s chapter, ‘Emotion Regulation’ in a subsection titled, “Self-regulation Strategies’.  He says things here of specific relevance and importance to severe trauma survivors – especially to severe early relational trauma survivors – that is very affirming to me.  Remember that early attachment-related traumas alter the way the limbic, right, very ancient emotional brain develops and thus alters our abilities to moderate and regulate ALL of our emotions.  I keep Allen’s words in mind as I prepare to read Tolle’s book my sister is sending me.

Allen states:

“Trauma and stress aren’t new.  Techniques of self-regulation are ancient.  You may not have studied them, but you have used them.  Most methods of self-regulation, such as exercise and relaxation, are simple.  In relation to meditation, Jon Kabat-Zinn uses the phrase, “simple but not easy,”….  For persons struggling with traumas, I put it more strongly:  simple but difficult.  If it weren’t difficult, you’d already be using these strategies successfully rather than reading this chapter.  Three sources of this difficulty are worth thinking about:  methods of self-regulation require practice; they can be fraught with complications for persons with a history of trauma; and they require caring for yourself.

“The first source of difficulty:  learning to regulate your emotions is like any other skill – it requires practice and persistence….  Developing competence in emotion regulation is a lifetime task…..  To become proficient and to maintain your proficiency requires determination and commitment.  Such a major effort is no short-term project.  If you’re dealing with trauma, you’re in for the long haul….

“The second source of difficulty:  trauma-related problems can complicate the use of these techniques.  Techniques designed to enhance self-control may instead trigger anxiety, flashbacks, or dissociation.  Persons with a trauma history can easily be demoralized when the very things offered as helpful prove instead to be unusable or retraumatizing.  Fortunately, because of such a wide range of techniques there’s bound to be something for everyone.  But finding what works for you may be difficult.  It may take time and effort.  You may be in for a period of trial and error.  Caution is in order.  Many self-regulation techniques …have been studied extensively in the context of stress management, but they’ve just begun to be researched in the context of trauma, although they’re routinely employed in conjunction with other facets of trauma treatment….

“The third and often most serious difficulty:  techniques of self-regulation are intended to help you feel better – to even feel good.  This means taking care of yourself.  How can taking care of yourself be a seemingly insurmountable obstacle?  Taking care of yourself implies valuing yourself.  To the degree that the aftermath of trauma entails self-blame or self-hatred, taking care of yourself will go against the grain.  “Why should I do anything good for myself when I don’t deserve it?”  Your self-concept has a steering function, and this train of thought can lead to a self-perpetuating stalemate.  If you hate yourself, you won’t take care of yourself, then you’ll feel bad, hate yourself, ad infinitum.  You might believe that you must feel better about yourself first, then you’ll be able to use these techniques to take care of yourself.  Logical, but maybe self-defeating.  A good way to start feeling better about yourself is to take better care of yourself.  Working on self-regulation could come first.  It’s difficult, but some of the rewards start occurring right away, and they can enhance your motivation to continue.”  (pages 228-229)

++++

RELAXATION

“Relaxation is the simplest of the simple techniques, and it’s the direct antidote to the fight-or-flight response….

“It’s hard to imagine anything more innocuous than relaxation.  But relaxation can be problematic for persons who have been traumatized.  This paradoxical response has been observed frequently enough to acquire a name:  relaxation-induced anxiety….  With this anxiety, you might associate relaxation with letting your guard down; thus, in a relaxed state, you may feel vulnerable to attack.  You may feel that you need to be alert at all times.  Therefore, before letting yourself relax, you may need to do whatever is necessary to assure yourself that you’re in a safe place, protected from any intrusion.

“Relaxation entails focusing inward, on your breathing and on your muscles.  Your attention is directed away from outer reality onto you body.  When you let go of focus on outer reality, you might be prone to dissociate….  Rather than feeling relaxed, you might begin to feel spaced out or unreal.  Dissociation is the opposite of feeling grounded in outer reality.  Relaxation exercises tend to remove this sensory scaffolding.

“Fortunately, it’s not necessary to do body awareness exercises to relax.  Sitting quietly may be enough…..  (pages 231-232)

++++

IMAGERY

“Picture a field of wildflowers.  Hear the sound of a waterfall.  You’ve been using imagery all your life.  For most persons, visual imagery is especially vivid and powerful.  Interestingly, creating visual images activates the same parts of the brain involved in visual perception….  As traumatized persons know best, the power of imagery is a double-edged sword.  Imagery is tied to memory and to emotion.  Intrusive images of traumatic experience are common symptoms of PTSD [posttraumatic stress disorder].  Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and body sensations all can be associated with reexperiencing trauma.

“Think of yourself as having a library of images.  Picture a section of the library devoted to traumatic images – but don’t open any of the books in that section now!  You have a section for imagery associated with positive experiences.  This is a section worth browsing in.  Spend lots of time there.  You may not have checked out some of the volumes for a long time.  Put them back in circulation.  Check them out regularly in your spare moments.

[My note:  Even an additional word of caution is needed here for severe infant-child abuse and trauma survivors:  Our positive experiences were very often as entangled with trauma as any other ones.  Our insecure attachment disorders in adulthood also can completely entangle positive emotion in negative and hurtful relationship histories.  See:  *Age 9 – BLOODY NOSE for an example of how trauma and abuse can contaminate the experience of positive emotion to create ‘trauma triggers’ where we might not expect them to exist.]

“You can use imagery flexibly and creatively.  You can piece together images from memory to imagine something that you’ve not actually experienced, like floating on a cloud.  Much of your anxiety and worry revolves around imagery, anticipating the worst.  Your images are also accompanied by changes in your physiological state, so anticipating the worst tends to promote it.  But you can create library shelves devoted to imagined scenes that are pleasurable and calming.  {my note:  I would add, safe and secure as a first requirement!]

“Many therapies use guided imagery…which simply means that you’re provided with suggestions for images that will evoke certain ideas and emotions [hypnotherapy].  You may be told to picture yourself lying on a beach on a beautiful sunny day, watching puffy clouds float by, hearing the sound of waves gently lapping at the shore, feeling the warmth of sand against your skin.  Many persons benefit particularly from imagining themselves in a safe place, for example, a secluded and protected place….

“In managing anxiety we use imagery in a virtually instinctive way, and mental escape through imagery is one way of coping with trauma.  Some persons in the midst of traumatic experience can dissociate themselves from the trauma by imagining themselves to be elsewhere….  [my note:  This presentation of one single aspect of ‘dissociation’ is NOT what dissociation IS, any more than a single leave of a gigantic tree IS the whole of the tree.]  But comforting imagery developed in situations of desperation may be problematic.  Some soothing images will be so closely linked to traumatic experience that bringing them to mind will also tend to revoke the traumatic memories.  These well-worn images may be haunted by trauma.  This section of your imagery library may be adjacent to the traumatic images section.  You might be better off moving to a new area and creating new volumes of fresh imagery.”  (pages 323-233)

++++

MEDITATION

“Of all the techniques described here, meditation probably has the most venerably history…having evolved in the context of early Eastern religions.  Meditation and prayer have much in common, and for many, the spiritual dimension forms the foundation of meditation.  But meditation can be separated from religion and spirituality.  Meditation overlaps with relaxation….

[I am skipping a great deal of what Allen is saying here about meditation – get this book, it’s a good one!]

“Mindfulness can be the antithesis of dissociation – the opposite end of the spectrum.  Dissociation is associated with a sense of unreality, mindfulness is a state of being highly aware of reality, not spaced out but tuned in.  This attunement is why meditation may be helpful in relation to dissociation.  Mindfulness could enhance grounding techniques that focus attention on current sensory experience.

“Like every other technique of self-regulation, meditation is not without risks….  Meditation can be used as an escape from living….  Mindfulness is the ideal antidote to dissociation, because it entails heightened awareness of reality, a sense of being fully grounded.  Yet sitting motionless for prolonged periods can have a trance-inducing effect.  For persons who are prone to dissociation, meditation can lead to a sense of loss of control rather than to enhanced control.  Like relaxation and guided imagery, meditation is conducive to opening up the inner world of thoughts and feelings.  For this reason, it can evoke anxiety, painful memories, or distressing images and ideas.  Although the intent may be to foster your ability to concentrate on one thing (your breathing), the actual effect may be that you get stuck in painful experience.  If you become emotionally overwhelmed, you may not be able to gently bring your attention back to the focus of awareness.  When coping with trauma, you might best be cautious, starting gradually and seeking the support of a therapist, a teacher, or a meditation group.”  (pages 233-235)

++++

BIOFEEDBACK

“Compared with most of the age-old methods of self-regulation described thus far, biofeedback is a recent innovation – only several decades old.  And, unlike the rest, biofeedback requires some technology.  The basic idea behind biofeedback isn’t complicated.  You can change what goes on in your body by your behavior and by what you imagine and think about.  Sid down, breathe deeply, imagine being in a pleasant spot, and you’ll relax – your heart rate will slow, and your muscles will relax.  [my note:  You will initialize the “STOP” arm of your autonomic nervous system (ANS) and activate your vagus nerve system – or the opposite with the following].  Start imagining your traumatic experience or anything else frightening, and your level of physiological arousal will zoom back up.

[I am leaving much of this information out here….]

“Fortunately, there’s a simple and inexpensive window into the physiology of one important aspect of the relaxation response – a little thermometer that measures finger temperature.  Finger temperature is a sensitive gauge of autonomic nervous system arousal.  With sympathetic nervous system arousal [the “GO” arm], blood flow is diverted into the large muscles in preparation for vigorous action.  With parasympathetic activation [the “STOP” arm], blood flows into the periphery – the tips of your fingers and toes.  When you’re nervous, your hands get cold; when you can warm your hands, you become calm.  You can tape a little thermometer designed for that purpose to a finger and have an excellent barometer of autonomic nervous system activity.  If you can get your finger temperature above 95 [degrees F] and hold it here for several minutes, you can rest assured that you’ve lowered your sympathetic nervous system arousal [my note:  and activated your calm and connection vagus nerve system], resulting in a pleasant, emotionally relaxed state….

“Once you become aware of how this relaxed state feels, and you’ve discovered how to get yourself there, you can do it without the little thermometer.  You can do it anywhere in the midst of any activity, to remain or restore calm.  Although we often think of relaxation in connection with slowing down and resting, it’s possible to be relaxed and active….

“Like any other technique that enhances relaxation, biofeedback can backfire.  It can contribute to a sense of vulnerability as you release tension and let down your guard.  And the inward focus may also open up traumatic memories and imagery.  This openness to inner experience can be productive and healing in the presence of a competent therapist; otherwise it might lead to overwhelming emotion and retraumatization.  When carefully prescribed and monitored, biofeedback has the specific advantages of bolstering awareness of the body and providing a sense of control and mastery.  Feedback is ideal for providing tangible evidence of self-regulation and mastery.”  (pages 235-237)

++

See also online search for terms:  NEUROFEEDBACK and NEUROFEEDBACK ATTACHMENT DISORDER

++++

Well, this is a lot of information, I know.  Hopefully there will be something contained in this post that can help severe trauma survivors approach some potential helpful-healing techniques that we may have been intentionally avoiding because we knew on some level that there are very real risks involved for us because of our trauma history.  We need to ALWAYS trust what our body-brain-mind-self tells us, even if we can’t explain what we know in words – either to our own self or to anybody else.

We have to be very careful with anything that creates a sense of disequilibrium, disorganization, disorientation and/or dissociation within our self!  We have to always trust what we instinctively and intuitively KNOW about our self in the world.  When my sister described the book she is sending me, I immediately knew I had to refresh myself on this information I first read over six years ago — because I know I am different from my sister.  In fact, I am different from just about everybody else EXCEPT other severe early abuse and trauma survivors.  I really do know what is best for me just as I can tell when I have a sneeze coming on.

What Dr. Allen writes in his book is a ‘must read’ for all of us who come from truly malevolent backgrounds — or as adults have suffered from severe trauma.

+++++++++++++++++++++