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Sometimes when I write I feel the presence of my Siamese twin.  One voice tries to speak while the other is full of silence.  One voice is bold and rushes forward, sword raised in her hand, while the other twin, so timid, hides under the bed.

One voice says, “I know what the ancient will of our species is.”  The other voice says, “Don’t mention it.  No words are meant to speak that will in this world today.”

One voice says, “My mother lived too long.  She was supposed to die much before she did.  Her time came and went and yet she endured.”  The other voice says, “That’s not for you to judge.”

One voice says, “What happened to my mother when she was a little girl ended up turning her into a monster.  It’s like what happened to Hitler.  His mother birthed him, but she should not have raised him.  My mother was not meant to raise me.  In fact, I doubt I was meant to be born at all.”

The other voice?  I don’t hear her.  She’s too far away from me now.  After all, she’s hiding underneath a very big bed and I am busy here in the other room.

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When times are very hard in childhood, a growing person changes.  That’s the ancient will of our species.  It only matters that any person lives long enough to produce offspring if possible, so there will be somebody left to carry us on.

It does not matter who it is that raises such children.  It is not meant to be that the changed people raise them.  It is better that unchanged people raise them.

The unchanged people were loved from the moment they were born.  Someone was there to take care of them.  They took one fork in the road that began in a good world and moved forward into the same.

The ones that have to change were born into a world where nobody was there to love and take care of them.  That told their body to follow the other fork in the road, the fork that says “The world is bad and is bound to get worse.  Make a different body now, one that can live long enough to make a baby.  You won’t live long enough to raise it.”

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Only somebody changed the rules our species has known for millions of years.  No longer do these changed ones expire as they once did in a world that was as bad later on as it was at their beginning.  These changed ones continue to live, past when their body was programmed to end.  These changed ones end up raising their children when they shouldn’t have to.  They were not designed for it.  They only pass on the same trauma that built them, and the dark road overflows with too many people.

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Our species only cares that babies be born.  It meant for the good-fork road people to raise them.  Our species has always held this hope, that someone on the good-fork road could raise the children for a better world.  Our species has always believed in a better world coming.

But we are slipping up now.  We no longer seem to believe in the good-fork-bad-fork road.  We no longer believe that our genetic memory has any wisdom, that it has the power to change us if our early beginnings are more bad than good.  We no longer believe that there are two main kinds of people – those who survived a bad beginning and changed to survive it – and those that had a good beginning who could simply just get on with the business of moving into a good future without having to change back to the ‘old way’ that our genetic memories remember.

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I am a child of a changed one.  Nobody from the good-fork road took me away from her and raised me in a good world like they were supposed to so I wouldn’t have to change, to adjust to a bad world.

People are confused now.  They don’t even want to admit that there is a difference between a bad world childhood and a good world childhood.  They don’t want to understand that the good of our species still governs how the bad childhood people have to turn out.  They want to join my Siamese twin sister and go hide under the bed.  Or they just want to get on with their own lives of good-fork-road play.

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It is an upside-down world in which parents kill their babies, but nobody ever thinks about the fact that those parents should not have been allowed to keep their babies in the first place.  In our older, more ancient and wiser days, our species knew this.  I am telling you why.  Parents who cannot provide a good-fork in the road childhood for their own children simply were never meant to keep them.  These changed parents in the old days would not have lived in a world good enough for very many to survive in at all, and the few that did survive had to take the best care possible of the little ones or none of us would be here today.

Somebody else is supposed to be raising those changed parents’ babies.  The will of our species has determined that.  It’s the same will that has kept our species alive for all these millions of years.  We are supposed to be wise, not dumb, ignorant or stupid.

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Conditions in the world build these two roads.  The good-fork road is not the same thing as the bad-fork road, and the people on these two roads are not the same, either, because little people raised by bad-fork changed parents have to change themselves or they will not survive long enough to have babies of their own.  One road is like Easy Street.  The other road is very, very hard and makes the people who have to be on it suffer very much.

When you are very little, if nobody takes you away to a better place and you have to suffer that much, your body and your brain have to change as you grow up or you will die.  In the olden, ancient days if you had to make these kinds of changes it was a sign that the world was very hard and you probably would not live very much longer.

At least being able to make these changes let you live a little longer, but they also meant back then that somebody else who didn’t have things quite this hard would probably be able to raise your children, if you lived long enough to have any, better in a better world.  Then your children wouldn’t have to change so much or maybe not at all.  I can see that people now have forgotten how this used to work and what it meant.  Now the changed ones don’t die so soon and their children are left to just suffer on that hard road so that they have to change, too.

What has happened to our species that we no longer know which is which?  Are there just too many of us now, and our old, ancient wisdom isn’t important any more?

It all seems very clear to me because I can write this with a 14 year old mind because my grown up Siamese twin is still in there hiding under the bed.  I know what it’s like to have a bad-fork in the road mother.  I remember.  I know somebody was supposed to take me away from her and raise me on the good-fork road.  Why didn’t anyone do that?  Did they forget what their ancient wise specie memory told them?  I guess they just choose not to pay it any attention at all.

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I do not wish to leave the information contained in these links behind as I continue with my posting.  Please consider them for your study:

• *Attachment Simplified – Our Infant Attachment Systems Organize our Brain-Body-Mind-Self
• *Attachment Simplified – Secure Attachment (Organized)
• *Attachment Simplified – Organized Insecure Attachment – Avoidant-Dismissive
• *Attachment Simplified – Organized Insecure Attachment – Preoccupied-Ambivalent
• *Attachment Simplified – Disorganized Insecure Attachment – Disorganized-Disoriented
• *Attachment Simplified – Organized Secure Attachment – Earned Secure
• *Attachment Simplified – Attachments in Therapy
• *Attachment Simplified – The More Complicated Yet CRITICAL Information
• *Attachment Simplified – Still More Complicated Information Including ‘Feeling Felt’ and ‘Healing in Solitude’