I just surprising discovered in my mother’s 1957 diary her own written account of her version of reality related to one of the most long term and vicious child abuse memories of my young childhood.
I am stunned by her words, by the fact that she EVER allowed herself to write them, that this diary has survived these 52 years, that I have them in my possession, and that I found them last night.
I have done my best to describe my present day reaction to these writings, though I feel I have very nearly failed completely in my efforts to understand their true value or meaning.
I wish I knew more. I wish I understood better, could see more clearly, and comprehend more objectively how twisted my mother was and how much I suffered as a result of her insidious, malicious mental illness.
It is a bizarre and strangely bizarre experience to actually have the words of a perpetrator in the hands of the victim. However inadequate my efforts may be, all I can offer today is my presentation of
my mother’s version of what happened to me about the bubble gum
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Stop the Storm 
Today this arrived in my email from my new friend, Judy, just as I finished this post. Friends are like angels to me:
Good morning Linda,
I’ve been thinking about your unbreakable spirit……..Everything that you have been thru ….you have survived………..its like there is this eternal light that nothing can put out……..you’ve gone thu it all……….and when it looks the darkest, and you are crestfallen, there in a hidden crevasse is a flicker of light………..barely alive but still able to produce a spark of hope………..at times it seems like forever that this spark is just glowing……….and then …it starts to flicker …..brighter and brighter….until once again it is glowing with light………..you are back ………..
Linda you will shine bright again………..there may never be an answer that makes sense to what has happened……..but hopefully it really won’t be as important down the road………….as today.