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This is (follow this link) not an easy page for me to write – through my tears and with my nose all drippy and goopy. I do not wish to limit what I write about because of shame, or because of being too proud. Yet at the same time it is not yet time to write about the specifics of this 9-year relationship that has brought me so much joy, multiplied ten thousand times by sadness, grief and sorrow.
It is not apologies or words in my own defense that I offer here. I simply state what I know about what is going on right now, the same thing that has been going on for these 9 years as the inevitable ending of this relationship approaches.
Through my work to understand how my pain in the present connects directly to the pain from my childhood, I am coming to understand how vulnerable I have always been to end up loving a man such as the one I love now. There has never been a simple cure for the harm that was caused to me by 18 years of severe abuse. Yet I know more and more clearly what I want now.
I want peace. Simple, pure peace. I am not there yet. I am not there.
For now, I can only offer this: not an easy page for me to write
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Please access these pages on Domestic Violence and Abuse for important additional information —
From the Mayo Clinic on: Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook
More links to information about Psychological Abuse
The Silent Treatment
Mental and Emotional Abuse in Relationships
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