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I have had the image of sunflowers (in relation to the self and dissociation) in my mind for days now, so I guess I need to go ahead and write what I am thinking so my thoughts can move off to something else.
Under ordinary conditions an infant is born into this lifetime with the potential to create a wonderful whole and healthy self. All its experiences are integrated and stored at its center as they grow to fruition during a lifetime.
When severe trauma in a malevolent environment surrounds an infant-child, and dissociation has to take over the job of handling the memory of traumatic experiences, all this person’s ‘seed memories’ will not be central at the center of the flower of self. The self will not be able to organize and orient itself in the ordinary way. Instead, many or most of the seeds of experience will be missing, not connected and integrated at the center of self.
Perhaps it’s like the birds steal all the seeds away. Perhaps it is like the seeds are simply missing, or scattered somewhere so we cannot find them.

Yet our trauma memories and reactions can pop up, unanticipated, unexpected, any time they are triggered. We cannot control this. It makes life hard. It makes us different. We cannot search for and find all our lost memories, all the lost parts of our self and put all the seeds back in our center where an ‘ordinary’ person’s seed-memories have been stored all along — even if we want to. And some part of our self flies away or gets lost with each disappearing part of our history.
Yet we are the same as everyone else. We are all STILL sunflowers, even if our self is a different kind of self. We are still beautiful, turning to follow the sun as we stand with everyone else in the field of life.
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IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER:
Borderline Personality Disorder
| from Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD BPD is a disorder that is often misunderstood and frequently stigmatized. Do you dread telling people about your diagnosis? Are you tired of trying to correct the myths about BPD that are out there? This week’s newsletter is for you! |
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