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I believe there is a difference between being a self and having a self.

‘Having a self’ is complicated for those of us who grew up under severe abuse situations that created dissociational patterns in our brains.   Sometimes it seems I have a different self for every single moment of my life that passes by me in time that is especially dependent upon whatever demands are being made of me at any given moment.   All of them are, of course, specifically confined to this body I was born with.  The whole process, whatever it is, seems connected to memory and to feeling because it involves ongoing experience and the passage of time.

Fortunately, I do have a single self that is the one I call ‘being in the world’.  It seems to be the ME that all the other versions are a dissociation from.

As I grew up from birth,  ‘being a self’ only happened when my mother was absent from being near me, and therefore from hurting and terrifying me.  ‘Being a self’ only happened when I had no feelings, and no thoughts, as I describe here:

*Age 58 – The simple state of just being in the world

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NOTE:  For me, writing itself can be a disorganizing and disorienting experience.  Many times I am acutely aware that the version of Linda that writes a post vanishes as soon as the post is completed and published.  I cannot then go back and edit a post, remember what I wrote, or often even reread it.

I am having this experience today in relation to the post I wrote yesterday.  I can only hope that there is something in it that touches the minds, hearts and lives of all those much-appreciated readers who have stopped by my blog today as the count is the highest it has ever been since I began this blog last April.

Please always know you are welcome to leave your comments!  They are always welcome and appreciated!  Linda

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