Tag: grief

+CRIMES OF MY FATHER: WAS HE AS BAD AS MY MOTHER WAS?

alchemynow7 Comments

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Comment today on *1962 November – The 5th Year Moose Hunt

“My belief is that my father was a sensitive man” You’ve got to be kidding? He allowed your mother to severely abuse you for 18 years! He lacks any kind of sensitivity at all.

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Reply

Well, as I say, I have to work my way through this regarding my father.  Unfortunately, I’m not kidding — yet at the same time I simply cannot yet look into my own self and KNOW anything about him.  Denial?  I don’t know.  Do I continue to ‘parent’ him in my feeling that he was nearly as much abused by her as I was, except not physically?

I don’t understand the fuller context of my father’s life.  All I know is that I remain completely STUCK in regard to the reality of my father in my life.  I must need to BELIEVE that my father was a good man caught in a terrible, terrible situation he did not have the mental or emotional resources to cope with.  There was no social context for understanding mental illness or child abuse during the years of my childhood.

I was talking to my sister last night about — *AGE 7 – MUD PUDDLE INCIDENT https://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/the-devils-child-my-childhood/vignettes-from-my-abusive-childhood/age-7-mud-puddle-incident/ —-

Neither she nor I can YET understand what he could have done that night.  Stop the jeep and throw HER out?  Stop the jeep and throw himself out?  Throw me out?  Drive to the police shop?  They wouldn’t have cared?  If he had done anything else other than simply stare straight ahead and drive that jeep she would have turned that rage equally on him (except physically) and there would have been two equal hellfire rage attacks going on at the same time — instead of one.

Did he believe her actions toward me were justified?  Had she convinced him I was such a BAD child that I deserved everything I ‘got’?  Did he hate me?  Did he wish I’d never been born?  Did he agree with her actions every step down the road of my childhood?  Did he not care?

Or was he a good man caught in hell, in a situation he was helpless to understand or to cope with?  He never left us.  He never cheated on my mother.  He never raised a hand to her.  He seems to have done more than what was humanly possible in his efforts to meet her demands, to please her, to make her happy.  Nothing ever worked.  She was a seriously mentally ill woman.  Did he understand this?

What were the resources available to my father – both inner and outer?  Who was available to intervene from the outside?  Was I more a ‘burr under his saddle’ than a real live child – his child — who deserved a childhood that included protection and love?  THAT this was true I don’t seem to understand, either.  That’s what really matters to me.

Perhaps I share with him the inability to comprehend the reality of the situation.  Certainly my mother’s reality did not include loving Linda.  My identity was eroded and overwhelmed from the time I was born.  Did/do I love my father?  My mother, for that matter?  Is my love for them an issue?  What do I gain by not putting blame, responsibility, and culpability squarely onto the person that was my father?  Maybe, more importantly, what do I lose BY DOING so?

Can a person such as my father was actually be of two minds in the world?  Could he be one person toward me and a different person in relation to everything else in his life?  That’s the way it seems to me right now.  It seems that I can look at him and see the person he was regarding everyone and everything ELSE in his life – except me.

I don’t think I can just know either side of that man without looking at both.  Maybe he was really just like my mother was – like a doll with two completely different faces, one on either side of their head.  Well, that would make a hell of a conspiracy – and that might be exactly what I find.  Can a person legitimately be ‘BOTH’ – two or more different people in different situations?  Does either ‘side’ of them negate the other one?

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But I won’t know if I don’t have the willingness and courage to look.  Readers are welcome to comment as I move through my process.  This is an inside job.  Others can tell me how they feel, what they see, what they know from the outside.  That will help me.  Meanwhile I choose not to feel ashamed – or even for that matter at all bullied – into believing about my father what might SEEM to be true.

Innocent until proven guilty?  What are the clues?  What is the evidence, all the evidence I can find?  This work IS forensic autobiography.  Am I solving a crime?  Is this a mystery?  It still is to ME!

Was my father such a victim of abuse from my mother that he and I shared a platform of victimization in the home of my origin?  Can I stop excusing, defending and feeling as if I want to protect my father?  Are my ‘issues’ with my father as much at the root of my ‘terrible sadnesses’ – and damage done to me — as are the ones I have with my mother?  Can I fundamentally know that my father hurt me?  Do I need to know this?  Why?

Maybe down the road of this investigation I will draw upon ‘technical’ mumbo-jumbo-jargon.  Right now I want to simply put together a collection about my father and my current in-process responses to what I find.

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Right now I seem to have plenty of questions.  I need to let myself find and know answers.  This is a process.  The more specific and concrete readers’ comments are the better.  In the reality of the time frame I was raised in, of the social beliefs about the roles of fathers and mothers (including availability of information about parenting and mental illness), in the reality that law enforcement did not recognize either child or spousal abuse ‘back then’, what could and should my father have done differently?  Was he no different than a Nazi participating in the crimes of a Holocaust?

Given the facts as I best can lay them out – what were the alternatives?

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Was I like that cow moose that stood before my father that day, who did not even try to escape as he took her life?

I could not escape when I was a child.  He did not help me even as he provided for his family.

Was my father as guilty as my mother was?

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+TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO ASK THE SERIOUS QUESTIONS ABOUT MY FATHER

alchemynowLeave a comment

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The following are the words that begin a new chapter in my healing journey.  Tonight I give myself permission  to get to know what I can about my father.  I have created a new heading page for him.

WHERE WAS MY FATHER?

Under this tab I will begin to accumulate information about my father.  I will be brave enough to let my inner self guide me in my searching and re-searching.

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Today, September 28, 2009 I feel I am finally ready to begin to face down my own feelings about my father.  I want to do this because I have NEVER made any progress toward finding my own truth about who and how my father was in my life — either when I was a child or when I was an adult — by continuing to ‘try’ to be angry with him.

My truth today is that there’s a mystery here.  I don’t KNOW my father.  He is talked about in my mother’s letters.  I even have access to letters that he wrote himself.  I have a right to explore and examine my father — as much a right as I have to do this in regard to my mother.

These pages will reflect my efforts to find my father.  I have nobody to answer to about him but myself.  I am granting myself permission to do my own explorations, find my own ‘evidence’,  search for my own understandings, come to my own conclusions — about my father.  Nobody stops me but myself.

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+IMMUNITY AGAINST INSECURE ATTACHMENT DISORDERS BEGINS AT CONCEPTION

alchemynow6 Comments

092609 post Origins of Emotional Abuse

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Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

Annie Kaszina offers free assistance on her site and through her free email support to women who have experienced emotional abuse.  I personally find it disheartening that she does not equally offer her advise and expertise to men as well as to women, but I am mentioning her work here because I want to consider information presented in her writing about emotional abuse.

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Emotional abuse is not JUST a woman’s issue, it is a human issue.  Emotional abuse is not JUST an adult issue.  The seed potential for being both a perpetrator and a victim of emotional abuse begins – believe it or not – even before our conception.

No matter our sex, no matter what our genetic potential makeup may be, a mother’s emotional state influences her body to such an extent that her hormones and other body chemicals affect whether or not conception even takes place, as well as affects whether or not the tiny new human can or does implant itself on her uterine wall to further its growth and development from that time forward.

A mother’s hormones and internal chemical environment constantly signal through molecular communication what the world is going to be like that this new human is going to be born into.  Those signals about stress, distress or future well being influence how the genetic potential of a human manifests itself – from conception onward.

These early signaling processes particularly influence the future sensitivity of the new human.  I mention this now because Ms. Kaszina’s words this morning, as they arrived new and shiny in my email inbox, are concerned with emotional sensitivity.

Emotional sensitivity is not something that some of us have and some of us don’t have.  All humans have emotions.  All humans also vary in degree of sensitivity according to their fundamental genetic makeup, according to the information all kinds of molecular signaling has given them about the benevolence or malevolence of the world their body is growing up to live in, and according to the information that a newborn infant’s body-brain-self receives from its first early caregiver environment.

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We cannot possibly disentangle the topic of secure and insecure attachment disorders – from conception onward – from any discussion about so-called emotional abuse.  What we are actually considering when we talk about emotions and sensitivity, in my opinion, has to do with the quality and kind of human attachment system we developed from conception.

If adults do not provide safe and secure attachments to infants and young children from the beginning of their lives, HOW this tiny person develops will be affected on every level.  This most certainly includes emotional sensitivity.  If the safe and secure attachments do not exist in an infant’s life, its body-brain-mind will be forced to take a pathway in its development that is less-than-optimal.  An insecure attachment pattern, or insecure attachment disorder, WILL result from these conditions.  That is the way our social species is designed.

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If a person could actually weigh information, tons of it exists at our fingertips about secure and insecure attachments.  My purpose is to encourage readers to go poke around and take a look at this information for themselves.  Without including the facts about our human attachment system in our thinking about ANYTHING that has to do with ANY human relationship, we are like children ourselves who might expect to sit in a broken down car out behind a weathered barn in some countryside – hoping and hoping if we just hope enough that useless car will take us out away from our miseries.

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Every human being whose brain-mind did not develop in an early environment that included a caregiver to whom that infant could safely and securely attach – on a predictable and sustained level – will end up with an altered brain-mind that includes an insecure attachment disorder built into it.  All humans are amazingly resilient, and even a tiny infant can make amazing use of whatever safe and secure human attachment opportunities that DO actually exist in its early environment.

But at the same time we ARE human, and we are vulnerable and fragile.  Degrees of damage are exactly that!  If you spend some time following links included above, you will discover enough information for yourself to begin to understand what Dr. Allan Schore says about all insecure attachment disorders include empathy disorders.  Nobody is immune to the consequences of forming a body-brain-mind in a malevolent world.

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With this very brief survey as an introduction to the following words written by Annie Kaszina, I encourage readers to begin to realize that both ‘perpetrators’ and ‘victims’ of emotional abuse most likely suffer from an adult version of an insecure attachment disorder – either an ‘organized’ one or a ‘disorganized’ one.  If our first displays of our emotions were not consistently appropriately and adequately responded to from the time we were born by one or more early caregivers – our emotional self will have altered the way it developed.  This naturally affects both how we respond to our own and to others’ emotions.

If we are going to refer to these changed patterns as ABUSE, we need to include in our thinking that all these emotional patterns exist in our brain’s construction and operation.  They can sometimes be changed to some degree, but our emotional construction is as much a part of our body as are our organs and limbs.

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From my own childhood experience I can say that the environment of the home I grew up in, with my Mad Monster Mother at the helm, contained no real emotional health and well being except as it was accidentally provided – mostly to my siblings.  My entire blog is devoted to this HUGE topic.  My point this morning is that I encourage every reader to read the following words as if they are simply and completely referring to interactions between parents and children – not between adults.

Focus your inner vision.  Consider your childhood – whether you were a girl or a boy — for awhile ONLY as it either sustained the development of your authentic self emotionally – or did not.   Parents are not their offspring’s’ partners.  They have assumed the job of raising their children so that they themselves can later be other human’s partners.

Please ‘translate’ this information provided below through the lens of your own very young childhood perspective.  What you were given THEN is reflected in how you are NOW!  We had no choice as infant-children but to build into our growing body-brain-mind the attachment patterns our early caregivers ‘fed us’.

Down the road, the following is exactly how insecure attachment disorders (systems) can show themselves when we are all grown up.  We can repeat them with both the adults and the children in our lives.  We need to understand what this means by beginning to in-form our thinking about how these patterns established themselves PHYSIOLOGICALLY into our very young developing bodies — and remain within us for the rest of our lives.  Once recognized consciously, we can begin to alter the effects our inner attachment system has on the quality of our life.

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Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

Written and published by Annie Kaszina
Women’s Self-Discovery Coach
www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

To sign up to this ezine, go to www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

“My name is Annie Kaszina and I spent over twenty years in an abusive marriage, before I learned how I could become the woman I want to be. Now I work with women who have been in controlling and abusive relationships, to facilitate their journey into joy and self-realisation.”

“You’re just too sensitive!”

“Has an abusive partner ever told you: “You’re just too sensitive?”

Okay, let’s be more precise about this; has your abusive partner repeatedly told you that you are too sensitive?  Because the chances are, if he has said it to you once, he’s said it a thousand times.  That’s how abusive relationships work; an abusive man throws the same complaints at you over and over again.

Why?

We’ll come to that in a moment.  First, let’s deal with the really important question: How has that left you feeling?

Clearly, I don’t know you, and I can’t know how you think, but I’m guessing that it leaves you feeling small, needy, pathetic and very, very flawed.  Accusing a partner of being ‘too sensitive’ tends to make them feel as if someone has exposed a very dark, unlovable, immature feeling at the very heart of their being.

In short, it makes them feel unlovable.

There is a reason for this.  When an abusive man says his partner is ‘too sensitive’, that is not just a throwaway remark, triggered by frustration; it is, actually, a well-calculated barb with a venomous hidden agenda.

“You’re too sensitive”, is code; a code that, I suspect, you have not been translating correctly, until now.  If you had, you probably would not have given your accuser the opportunity to wound you with that well-honed barb, time after time.

“But”, you might object, “I am very sensitive.”   You might even say: “I am too sensitive.”

There is a distinction here that we need to clarify.  When you say that you are ‘very sensitive’, or even ‘too sensitive’, what you actually mean is this: “I can feel hurt very easily; it doesn’t take much.  I really wish that it wasn’t like this, but it is.  There doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it.”

Acknowledging the acuity of their sensitivity tends to be a kind of apology that I often hear form abused women.  They wish they could change it, but they can’t; at least not with the tools currently available to them.

When an abusive partner, or other near one, tells you that you are ‘too sensitive’, it is, apparently, because they wish you could change.  (The subtext is that if you could change that it would, somehow, transform the abusive relationship.)  Not that they are offering you any clues as to how you might reduce that sensitivity.

In reality, they don’t know how you could reduce that sensitivity; nor do they care.  Much as they may criticize you for it, your sensitivity fits very nicely with their agenda.  But they are not in a rush to admit that to you.

Think for a moment about the circumstances in which have been told that you are too sensitive.  Most probably it happens when you feel hurt by something your abusive partner said; or else something they did, or did not do.  Had you been ‘less sensitive’, they figure, you would not have reacted.  In other words, you would have just ‘got on with it’, and spared them the trouble of having to consider your feelings.

This holds true for other circumstances in which your ‘hypersensitivity’ means that you would like to receive comfort or reassurance.

That is not what your abusive partner, or other near one, had in mind.

When they say: “You’re too sensitive”, what they really mean is this: “Please don’t visit your feelings on me, I don’t want to hear about them.”  There’s more as well – and it doesn’t get any better.

“You’re too sensitive” is shorthand for; “I’m really not prepared to take your feelings into account.  In fact, I thoroughly resent your visiting them on me.  As far as I am concerned, this is the way I believe our relationship should work: I can say whatever I like to you, and you will get on and deal with it, without making a fuss and trying to make me feel bad about it.  What’s wrong with you, anyway?  Why can’t you just get on with being in an abusive relationship without moaning about it?”

The question, “What’s wrong with you, anyway?” is the key to your partner’s thinking.  There must be something wrong with you, or else you would respond to whatever it is that they said or did in exactly the way they would have you respond.  In other words, what they wanted was no response from you.  (In an abusive relationship, all communication is intended to be a one way street.) Whatever it was that they said or di, they hoped that you would let them ‘get away with it’.  And you did not.

It’s not as if you took a strong stand; anything but.  A strong stand would have meant saying: “This is unacceptable.”  You would then make yourself scarce, as far as they were concerned.  Your abusive partner would duly get the message that they were out of order, and would need to clean up their act, or else lose you.

Whether or not they would clean up their act is another story.  If, instead, your refusal to accept abuse led to the earlier end of a damaging relationship that was bound to end in unhappiness anyway, then your strong stand has paid off handsomely.  That would save you time and misery.  And if it concentrated their mind, and led them to behave better in the future, even better.

But just asking an abusive man to behave, and/or speak to you, differently, is as ineffectual as saying to a child: “Oh, don’t do that!” All it conveys is your weakness and your reluctance to act.

It leaves your abuser free to repeat the pattern time and time again.  He will continue to speak and act as he pleases and, when you object, he will reproach you, again, for ‘being too sensitive’.

With that one simple phrase he has laid the blame for the hurt in the situation on you.  With one simple piece of sleight of mouth, he has dumped blame for the situation on you, so that he comes up smelling of roses.  Or, at least, as close to smelling of roses as he is ever likely to get.

How did you get into an abusive relationship like that in the first place?

Here’s the irony: it happened, in part, because of your sensitivity.  Not that there is anything wrong with being sensitive; there is not.  However, an abusive man has a finely tuned nose, and can smell sensitivity a mile off.  He knows that he can exploit that sensitivity to gain control over another person.  He knows just how to do that – as you have discovered, to your cost.

So what will you do differently about your sensitivity in the future?

First, you need to become much more vigilant; you learn that someone who is prepared to disregard your ‘sensitivity’ is telling you that they will completely and utterly disregard your feelings.  You give such people a very wide berth.  Second, you learn to honour and manage that sensitivity; treat it with respect and other people will treat you with respect, also.”

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— SEE ALSO —

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+INFO ABOUT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)

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New Resource for Parents: CDC Parent Portal

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Related Post:

+CHILDHOOD DISSOCIATION, DEPERSONALIZATION, DEREALIZATION – I NEVER HAD A CHOICE TO BE OR NOT TO BE

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+EXTREME STATES AND BRAIN REWIRING

alchemynowLeave a comment

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PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE BEFORE READING THIS POST:

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Mind & Brain / Senses

Extreme States

Out-of-body experiences? Near-death experiences? Researchers are beginning to understand what’s really going on.

by Steven Kotler, Photo illustration by Josef Astor

From the July 2005 issue, Discover, published online July 24, 2005

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HERE ARE SOME POINTS I PONDER AND QUESTION:

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”…I was also watching the chute’s open-close-open routine, despite knowing that what I was watching was technically impossible to see.”

Those of us with extreme early and chronic child abuse histories are very likely be able to ‘do this’.  We can have access to information about ourselves in the world that seems to defy ‘scientific’ or ‘rational’ explanation.  What’s more, these abilities appear to have been built into our growing brains.

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Interesting statement:

“…most out-of-body tales do not take place within the confines of an extreme environment. They transpire as part of normal lives.”

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“The out-of-body experience is much like the near-death experience, and any exploration of one must include the other. While out-of-body experiences are defined by a perceptual shift in consciousness, no more and no less, near-death experiences start with this shift and then proceed along a characteristic trajectory. People report entering a dark tunnel, heading into light, and feeling an all-encompassing sense of peace, warmth, love, and welcome. They recall being reassured along the way by dead friends, relatives, and a gamut of religious figures. Occasionally, there’s a life review, followed by a decision of the “should I stay or should I go?” variety. A 1990 Gallup poll of American adults found that almost 12 percent of Americans, roughly 30 million individuals, said they have had some sort of near-death experience.”

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Take a look at the information about this:

“When Whinnery reviewed his data, he noted a correlation: The longer his pilots were knocked out, the closer they got to brain death. And the closer they got to brain death, the more likely it was that an out-of-body experience would turn into a near-death experience. This was the first hard evidence for what had been long suspected—that the two states are not two divergent phenomena, but two points on a continuum.”

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It makes me wonder about how a very young growing brain processes traumatic information.  Because an infant-child person is too young to even have a completely formed sense of self when traumas occur, how would their brain even process information related to “Am I out of my body or am I dead?”

It seems to me that a very young child would first have to develop enough of a brain ability to even know they were a self-alive-in-the-world before these kinds of concepts could even apply.  What happens if the trauma-generating experiences build the very question itself into the growing brain – “Am I alive or am I dead?”

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“The simplest conclusion to draw from these studies is that, give or take some inexplicable memories, these phenomena are simply normal physical processes that occur during unusual circumstances.”

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“What researchers have studied is the effect of a near-death experience. Van Lommel conducted lengthy interviews and administered a battery of standard psychological tests to his study group of cardiac-arrest patients. The subset that had had a near-death experience reported more self-awareness, more social awareness, and more religious feelings than the others.

“Van Lommel then repeated this process after a two-year interval and found the group with near-death experience still had complete memories of the event, while others’ recollections were strikingly less vivid. He found that the near-death experience group also had an increased belief in an afterlife and a decreased fear of death compared with the others. After eight years he again repeated the whole process and found those two-year effects significantly more pronounced. The near-death experience group was much more empathetic, emotionally vulnerable, and often showed evidence of increased intuitive awareness. They still showed no fear of death and held a strong belief in an afterlife.”

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So what might that mean for those of us severely abused and traumatized at a very early age?  Might there be something about those experiences that makes us perceive our being-in-the-world in a different way – from the very start?

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“Morse, too, did follow-up studies long after his original research. He also did a separate study involving elderly people who had a near-death experience in early childhood. “The results were the same for both groups,” says Morse. “Nearly all of the people who had had a near-death experience—no matter if it was 10 years ago or 50—were still absolutely convinced their lives had meaning and that there was a universal, unifying thread of love which provided that meaning. Matched against a control group, they scored much higher on life-attitude tests, significantly lower on fear-of-death tests, gave more money to charity, and took fewer medications. There’s no other way to look at the data. These people were just transformed by the experience.”

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To me, there’s obviously an incomparable difference in experience between what a 10-year-old might know from a childhood near death experience and what a 10-week or 10-month old infant might know.

What happens when a very young infant-child perceives that their survival is being threatened LONG before they can even begin to THINK?

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So what might out-of-body experiences, near death experiences, coma experiences and religious experiences share in common?

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“Britton hypothesized that people who have undergone a near-death experience might show the same altered brain firing patterns as people with temporal lobe epilepsy….Britton thinks near-death experience somehow rewires the brain, and she has found some support for her hypothesis regarding altered activity in the temporal lobe.”

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What might they have to do with depression?

“She [Britton] then asked a University of Arizona epilepsy specialist who knew nothing about the experiment to analyze the EEGs. Two features distinguished the group with near-death experience from the controls: They needed far less sleep, and they went into REM (rapid eye movement) sleep far later in the sleep cycle than normal people. “The point at which someone goes into REM sleep is a fantastic indicator of depressive tendencies,” says Britton. “We’ve gotten very good at this kind of research. If you took 100 people and did a sleep study, we can look at the data and know, by looking at the time they entered REM, who’s going to become depressed in the next year and who isn’t.”

Normal people enter REM at 90 minutes. Depressed people enter at 60 minutes or sooner. Britton found that the vast majority of her group with near-death experience entered REM sleep at 110 minutes. With that finding, she identified the first objective neurophysiological difference in people who have had a near-death experience.

Britton thinks near-death experience somehow rewires the brain, and she has found some support for her hypothesis regarding altered activity in the temporal lobe: Twenty-two percent of the group with near-death experience showed synchrony in the temporal lobe, the same kind of firing pattern associated with temporal lobe epilepsy.

She also found something that didn’t fit with her hypothesis. The temporal lobe synchrony wasn’t happening on the right side of the brain, the site that had been linked in Penfield’s studies to religious feeling in temporal lobe epilepsy. Instead she found it on the left side of the brain. That finding made some people uncomfortable because it echoed studies that pinpointed, in far more detail than Penfield achieved, the exact locations in the brain that were most active and most inactive during periods of profound religious experience.”

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What about religious experience?

“Over the past 10 years a number of different scientists, including neurologist James Austin from the University of Colorado, neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, and the late anthropologist and psychiatrist Eugene D’Aquili from the University of Pennsylvania, have done SPECT (single photon emission computed tomography) scans of the brains of Buddhists during meditation and of Franciscan nuns during prayer. They found a marked decrease in activity in the parietal lobes, an area in the upper rear of the brain. This region helps us orient ourselves in space; it allows us to judge angles and curves and distances and to know where the self ends and the rest of the world begins. People who suffer injuries in this area have great difficulties navigating life’s simplest landscapes. Sitting down on a couch, for example, becomes a task of Herculean impossibility because they are unsure where their own legs end and the sofa begins. The SPECT scans indicated that meditation temporarily blocks the processing of sensory information within both parietal lobes…..

When that happens, as Newberg and D’Aquili point out in their book Why God Won’t Go Away, “the brain would have no choice but to perceive that the self is endless and intimately interwoven with everyone and everything the mind senses. And this perception would feel utterly and unquestionably real.” They use the brain-scan findings to explain the interconnected cosmic unity that the Buddhists experienced, but the results could also explain what Morse calls the “universal, unifying thread of love” that people with near-death experience consistently reported.

These brain scans show that when the parietal lobes go quiet, portions of the right temporal lobe—some of the same portions that Penfield showed produced feelings of excessive religiosity, out-of-body experiences, and vivid hallucinations—become more active. ….”

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And, this article’s conclusion:

“None of this work is without controversy, but an increasing number of scientists now think that our brains are wired for mystical experiences. The studies confirm that these experiences are as real as any others, because our involvement with the rest of the universe is mediated by our brains. Whether these experiences are simply right temporal lobe activity, as many suspect, or, as Britton’s work hints and Morse believes, a whole brain effect, remains an open question. But Persinger thinks there is a simple explanation for why people with near-death experience have memories of things that occurred while they were apparently dead. The memory-forming structures lie deep within the brain, he says, and they probably remain active for a few minutes after brain activity in the outer cortex has stopped. Still, Crystal Merzlock remembered events that occurred more than 19 minutes after her heart stopped. Nobody has a full explanation for this phenomenon, and we are left in that very familiar mystical state: the one where we still don’t have all the answers.”

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For myself, I am most interested in this statement:

“…in the parietal lobes, an area in the upper rear of the brain. This region helps us orient ourselves in space; it allows us to judge angles and curves and distances and to know where the self ends and the rest of the world begins. People who suffer injuries in this area have great difficulties navigating life’s simplest landscapes.”

I think when severe threat-to-life trauma in a malevolent early brain-forming stages of brain development happens, the entire orientation of a forming ‘self-in-the-world’ is changed.  Such a growing self does not receive the right information to orient themselves in the world.  That is why, in my considerations, malevolent early developmental caregiver interactions create a disoriented disorganized insecure attachment between the growing self and the world.

How does a growing brain orient itself in an environment of trauma and chaos?  Are we to believe that such an infant-child translates its threat-to-life experiences into expressions of ‘love and bliss’?

How ludicrous an idea is that one?  Yet I do believe all these same states of being described in this article – as they exist as human potential – are involved with the alterations a trauma-built brain has to go through in order to survive in a malevolent early world.

Something to think about considering the ‘injuries’ to the development of the self-in-the-world that an abused infant-child experiences.

How do we know we are we alive in a body even though we are not dead – and where exactly IS the line between the two?  After all, the experience of trauma is itself an extreme state experience — and our brain knows it no matter HOW YOUNG WE ARE.   It is entirely possible for trauma to ‘rewire the brain’ just as any other ‘extreme state’ experience can.

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RECOMMENDED – VISIT THIS WEBSITE!!

Randi Kreger
* http://www.BPDCentral.com
* Stop Walking on Eggshells
* Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook
* The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

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+LINKS TO MILLIONS OF WORDS ABOUT THE BORDERLINE (BPD) CONDITION

alchemynow2 Comments

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Borderline Personality

I am coming to the conclusion that those with a Borderline Personality Disorder are the most likely group of parents to severely abuse their children — and are especially at risk for picking out one single child to be The Chosen One for the worst of their abuse.

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LOTS OF HOT LINKS FOR YOUR CLICKING (RESEARCH) PLEASURE!

The comments that book readers post in their reviews of books in response to published titles on Borderline Personality Disorder are enlightening.  (Even if they don’t address developmental brain changes caused by early childhood malevolent environments!)

I am posting some links this morning both to the titles themselves and to the comments readers have made in response to them.

Many of the comments describe actual real-time, real-life experiences that people have had (and are still having) with the disordered, disoriented brain that both creates the Borderline condition and is a response to a turbulent, malevolent childhood that in combination with genetic potential has manifested in BPD.

(Please note that the editorial reviews, separate from the reader reviews, are presented on the Amazon.com page below a book’s selling information.  Be sure to scroll down the page when you follow the ‘READER REVIEWS’ links!!)

ALSO remember that you don’t have to buy one of these books to read it.  If your local public library doesn’t carry a title, you can request them to find a copy for you!!

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Bleeding Out: A Memoir of A Borderline Personalityby Merri Lisa Johnson (Paperback – May 31, 2010)

Sign up to be notified when this item becomes available.

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Buddha & the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating by Kiera Van Gelder (Paperback – Jul 2010)

Buy new: $16.95 $11.53 — Available for Pre-order

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Blogger’s Comment:  THIS book won’t be at the top of my ‘Must Buy’ List!

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Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies (For Dummies (Health & Fitness)) by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith

READER REVIEWS

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The Borderline Psychotic Child: A Selective Integration by Trevor Lubbe

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet, read editorial comments)

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Diagnosis – Borderline Personality Disorder: Visions for Tomorrow – The Basics by Nami Texas and Deborah Colleen Rose

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – read editorial comments)

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Helping Someone You Love Recover From Borderline Personality Disorder by Tami Green

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – read editorial comments)

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One Way Ticket To Kansas: Caring About Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding A Healthy You by Ozzie Tinman

READER REVIEWS

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Breaking Free from Boomerang Love: Getting Unhooked from Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships by Lynn Melville

READER REVIEWS

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I Love You Madly! Workbook: Insight Enhancement About Healthy and Disturbed Love Relations by Robert M. Gordon

READER REVIEWS

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Through The Looking Glass: Women And Borderline Personality Disorder (New Directions in Theory and Psychology) by Dana Becker

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – look at editorial comments)

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The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide by Alex Chapman and Kim Gratz

READER REVIEWS

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Putting the Pieces Together: A Practical Guide to Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Joy A. Jensen (Paperback – 2004)

READER REVIEWS

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Universe, Disturbed by Janice Brabaw

READER REVIEWS

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When Hope is Not Enough by Bon Dobbs

READER REVIEWS

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Living in the Dead Zone: Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorders by Gerald A. Faris and Ralph M. Faris

READER REVIEWS

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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

READER REVIEWS

*This book has an Amazon.com sales ranking of #612 – if that gives us any idea of the prevalence of BPD and seriousness of public concern for Borderline Personality Disorder and its consequences.

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The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger and James Paul Shirley

READER REVIEWS

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My Enemy, Myself: Personal Journey through Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse & Borderline Personality Disorder by Meri R Kennedy

READER REVIEWS

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Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth, Freda B. Friedman, and Randi Kreger

READER REVIEWS

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Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland

READER REVIEWS

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Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder by Jerold J. Kreisman M.D. and Hal Straus

READER REVIEWS

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I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus

READER REVIEWS

This book has an Amazon.com sales ranking of #1,589.

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The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger

READER REVIEWS

This book has an Amazon.com sales ranking of #3,703.

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Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan

READER REVIEWS

This book has an Amazon.com sales ranking of #1,114

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Borderline Personality Disorder: A Clinical Guide by John G. Gunderson and Paul S. Links

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD by Robert O. Friedel, Perry D. Hoffman, Dixianne Penney, and Patricia Woodward

READER REVIEWS

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Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson

READER REVIEWS

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The Siren’s Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study by Anthony Walker

READER REVIEWS

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A Peek Inside The Goo:: Depression & The Borderline Personality by Njemile Zakiya

READER REVIEWS

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Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley

READER REVIEWS

This book has an Amazon.com sales ranking of #687

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New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder: Your Friendly, Authoritative Guide to the Latest in Traditional and Complementary Solutions by Neil R. Bockian, Nora Elizabeth Villagran, and Valerie Porr

READER REVIEWS

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Lost in the Mirror, 2nd Edition: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder by Richard Moskovitz

READER REVIEWS

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The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders : An Interactive Self-Help Guide by Ph.D. Joseph Santoro and Ronald Jay Cohen

READER REVIEWS

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Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents: A Complete Guide to Understanding and Coping When Your Adolescent Has BPD by Blaise A Aguirre

READER REVIEWS

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Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality: Focusing on Object Relations by John F. Clarkin

READER REVIEWS

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Integrative Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder: Effective, Symptom-Focused Techniques, Simplified For Private Practice by John D. Preston Psy D ABPP

READER REVIEWS

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The Narcissistic and Borderline Disorders: An Integrated Developmental Approach by James F. Masterson

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism (Master Work Series) by Otto F. Kernberg

READER REVIEWS

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The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: New Approaches to Marital Therapy by Joan Lachkar

READER REVIEWS

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Borderlines: A Memoir by Caroline Kraus

CUSTOMER REVIEWS

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Mentalization-based Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder: A Practical Guide by Anthony Bateman and Peter Fonagy

READER REVIEWS

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Essential Papers on Borderline Disorders (Essential Papers in Psychoanalysis) by Michael H. Stone

READER REVIEWS

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Women and Borderline Personality Disorder: Symptoms and Stories by Janet Wirth-Cauchon

READER REVIEWS

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Self Help for Managing the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder by Tami Green

READER REVIEWS

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Psychotherapy Of The Borderline Adult: A Developmental Approach by M.D. Masterson

READER REVIEWS

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Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality Disorder: Mentalization Based Treatment (Bateman, Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality Disorder) by Anthony Bateman and Peter Fonagy

READER REVIEWS

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Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Of Borderline Patients by Otto F. Kernberg, Michael A. Selzer, Harold W. Koenigsberg, and Arthur C. Carr

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Patients: Extending The Limits Of Treatability (Basic Behavioral Science) by Harold W. Koenigsberg M.D., Otto F. Kernberg M.D., Michael H. Stone M.D., and Ann H. Appelbaum M.D.

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – look at editorial comments)

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Borderline Personality Disorder (The Facts) by Roy Krawitz and Wendy Jackson

READER REVIEWS

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Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide to Evidence-Based Practice by Joel Paris MD

READER REVIEWS

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Dynamic Psychotherapy With the Borderline Patient by William N. Goldstein

READER REVIEWS (no review yet – read editorial comments)

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Understanding your Borderline Personality Disorder: A Workbook (The Wiley Series in Psychoeducation?) by Chris Healy

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Personality Disorder: Clinical and Empirical Perspectives by John F. Clarkin, Elsa Marziali, and Heather Munroe-Blum

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – read editorial comments)

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Borderline Personality Disorder: Struggling, Understanding, Succeeding by Colleen E. Warner Psy.D

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – read editorial comments)

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Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder by Arnoud Arntz, Hannie van Genderen, and Jolijn Drost

READER REVIEWS (no reviews yet – read editorial comments)

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Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide for Professionals and Families by John G. Gunderson and Perry D., Ph.D. Hoffman

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline and Beyond, Revised by Laura Paxton

READER REVIEWS

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Borderline Personality Disorder: The Latest Assessment and Treatment Strategies by Melanie A. Dean

READER REVIEWS

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The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know about Living with BPD [BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDE] by Alexander L.(Author) ; Gratz, Kim L.(Author); Hoffman, Perry D.(Foreword by) Chapman (Paperback – Dec 31, 2007)

Dialectical Behaviour Therapists: Challenging Therapeutic Pessimism Related to Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Rossiter (Paperback – Jul 16, 2009)

Borderline Personality Disorder: The NICE Guideline on Treatment and Management by National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health (section of the Colleges Research Unit) (Paperback – Jun 15, 2009)

Borderline Personality Disorder: New Research by Marian H. Jackson (Hardcover – Feb 2009)

Borderline Personality Disorder (Medical Psychiatry Series) by Mary C. Zanarini (Hardcover – Sep 14, 2005)

Borderline (The Toni Barston) by Terri Breneman (Paperback – Aug 20, 2007)

The Treatment of the Borderline Patient: Applying Fairbairn’s Object Relations Theory in the Clinical Setting by David P. Celani (Hardcover – May 1993)

Personalities: Master Clinicians Confront the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorders by Henk-Jan Dalewijk (Hardcover – Feb 28, 2001)

Sexual aversion an issue for borderline patients: new observation. (borderline personality disorder).(Adult Psychiatry): An article from: Clinical Psychiatry News by Bruce Jancin (Digital – Jun 1, 2005) – HTML

A Developmental Model of Borderline Personality Disorder: Understanding Variations in Course and Outcome by Patricia Hoffman Judd and Thomas H. McGlashan (Paperback – Oct 1, 2002)

Borderlines: Autobiography and Fiction in Postmodern Life Writing (Postmodern Studies 33) by Gunnthórunn Gudmundsdóttir (Paperback – Jun 2003)

An analogue investigation of the relationships among perceived parental criticism, negative affect, and borderline personality disorder features: the role … from: Behaviour Research and Therapy] by J.S. Cheavens, M. Zachary Rosenthal, and S. Daughters (Digital – Feb 1, 2005) – HTML

From Borderline Adolescent to Functioning Adult: The Test of Time by M.D. Masterson (Hardcover – Aug 1, 1980)

The Metaphor of Play by Russell Meares (Paperback – Sep 29, 2005)

PTSD/Borderlines in Therapy: Finding the Balance by Jerome Kroll (Hardcover – Jun 17, 1993)

Memory of childhood trauma before and after long-term psychological treatment of borderline personality disorder [An article from: Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry] by I.P. Kremers, A.E. Van Giezen, and A.J.W Van der Does (Digital – Mar 1, 2007) – HTML

BORDERLINE CONDITIONS AND PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISM (Unknown Binding – Jan 1, 1975)

Becoming a Constant Object in Psychotherapy with the Borderline Patient by Charles P. Cohen (Paperback – Feb 28, 1996)

Split Self/Split Object: Understanding and Treating Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Disorders by Philip Manfield (Hardcover – Jun 1992)

Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (Unknown Binding – Jan 1, 2009)

Mentalization: Theoretical Considerations, Research Findings, and Clinical Implications (Psychoanalytic Inquiry Book Series) by Fredric N Busch (Paperback – Feb 25, 2008)

Trauma reenactment: rethinking borderline personality disorder when diagnosing sexual abuse survivors.: An article from: Journal of Mental Health Counseling by Robyn L. Trippany, Heather M. Helm, and Laura Simpson (Digital – April 25, 2006) – HTML

Drug Tx for borderline personality disorder.(EVIDENCE-B… PSYCHIATRIC MEDICINE): An article from: Clinical Psychiatry News by Jan Leard-Hansson and Laurence Guttmacher (Digital – Sep 20, 2007) – HTML

Borderline personality disorder in mom predicts teen’s social problems.(News): An article from: Pediatric News by Sarah Pressman (Digital – April 3, 2007) – HTM

Key Papers on Borderline Disorders: With IJP Internet Discussion Reviews by Paul Williams (Paperback – May 2002)

Let Me Make It Good: A Chronicle of My Life With Borderline Personality Disorder by Jane Wanklin (Paperback – Jun 1997)

My Work With Borderline Patients (Master Work) by Harold F. Searles (Paperback – Oct 1994)

Borderline Personality Disorder: A Practitioner’s Guide to Comparative Treatments (Springer Series on Comparative Treatments for Psychological Disorders) by Arthur Freeman EdD ABPP, Mark H. Stone PsyD, and Donna Martin PsyD (Paperback – Jan 29, 2007)

Approach by Michael H. Langley (Hardcover – Jan 1994)

Eclipses: Behind the Borderline Personality Disorder by Melissa F. Thornton (Paperback – Nov 1997)

Borderline Personality Disorder: A Patient’s Guide to Taking Control by Arthur Freeman and Gina M. Fusco (Paperback – Nov 1, 2003)

Cognitive characteristics of patients with borderline personality disorder: Development and validation of a self-report inventory [An article from: Journal … Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry] by B. Renneberg, C. Schmidt-Rathjens, R. Hippin, and Back (Digital) – HTML

A Primer of Transference Focused Psychotherapy for the Borderline Patient by John F. Clarkin (Hardcover – Jun 28, 2002)

Cognitive Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder (Psychology Practitioner Guidebooks) by Mary Anne Layden, Cory F., Ph.D. Newman, Arthur Freeman, and Susan Byers Morse (Paperback – Mar 28, 2002)

Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality by John F. Clarkin, Frank E. Yeomans, and Otto F. Kernberg (Hardcover – Dec 18, 1998)

Borderline Psychopathology and Its Treatment (Master Work) by Gerald Adler (Paperback – Oct 1994)

Psychotherapy of the Quiet Borderline Patient: The as-if Personality Revisited by Vance R. Sherwood (Hardcover – Aug 28, 1994)

Current and Historical Perspectives on Borderline Personality Disorder (Current Issues in Psychoanalytic Practice : Monographs of the Society for Psychoanalyst) by Fine (Hardcover – Oct 1, 1989)

Relationship Management of the Borderline Patient: From Understanding to Treatment by David Dawson (Hardcover – Jul 1, 1993)

Treating the borderline family: A systemic approach (Family therapy) (Unknown Binding – 1989)

The Borderline Personality: Vision and Healing by Nathan Schwartz-Salant (Paperback – Jun 1989)

Management of Countertransference with Borderline Patients by Glen O. Gabbard (Paperback – Feb 28, 2000)

Splitting, Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist by William Eddy (Paperback – 2004)

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (Co-occurring Disorders Series) (Co-occurring Disorders Series) by Juergen E. Korbanka (Paperback – April 15, 2004) – Import

Practice Guideline for the Treatment of Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder (American Psychiatric Association Practice Guidelines) (American Psychiatric Association Practice Guidelines,) by American Psychiatric Association (Paperback – Nov 2001)

Cognitive Analytic Therapy and Borderline Personality Disorder: The Model and the Method by Anthony Ryle

Imbroglio: Rising to the Challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder by Janice M. Cauwels (Hardcover – May 1992)

Borderline Personality Disorders: The Concept the Syndrome the Patient by Peter Hartocollis (Hardcover – Aug 1977)

Borderline Personality Disorder by John G. Gunderson (Hardcover – Nov 1984)

Borderline Disorders: Clinical Models and Techniques by Eda G. Goldstein (Hardcover – Oct 5, 1990)

Treating Borderline States in Marriage: Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance (The Library of Object Relations) by Charles C. McCormack (Hardcover – Feb 1, 2000)

The Angry Heart: An Interactive Self-Help Guide to Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph, Ph.D. Santoro (Hardcover – Jul 2001)

An Introduction to the Borderline Conditions by William N. Goldstein (Paperback – Jul 1997)

Borderline and Beyond, Workbook and Personal Journal, Revised by Laura Paxton (Paperback – Nov 21, 2001)

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells [ESSENTIAL FAMILY GT BORDERLINE] (Unknown Binding – Oct 31, 2008)

The Legacy of Abandonment In Borderline Personality Disorder by A.J. Mahari (Kindle Edition – Jan 5, 2007)

The Fate of Borderline Patients: Successful Outcome and Psychiatric Practice by Michael H. Stone MD (Hardcover – May 4, 1990)

Borderline Personality Disorder: Tailoring the Psychotherapy to the Patient by Glen O. Gabbard, Jon G. Allen, Siebolt H. Frieswyk, and Donald B. Colson (Hardcover – Jan 15, 1996)

Six Steps in the Treatment of Borderline Personality Organization (The Master Work Series) by Vamik D. Volkan (Paperback – Jun 1995)

Advances in Psychotherapy of the Borderline Patient by Joseph LeBoit and Attilio Capponi (Hardcover – Jul 1979)

Comparative Treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder (Springer Series on Comparative Treatments for Psychological Disorders) by Arthur Freeman EdD ABPP, Mark H. Stone PsyD, and Donna Martin PsyD (Hardcover – Nov 18, 2004)

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BLOGGER’S CHOICE

The Metaphor of Play by Russell Meares (Paperback – Sep 29, 2005)

Buy new: $35.95 $32.53

19 Used & new from $27.95

Usually ships in 9 to 12 days

Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.

Other Editions: Kindle Edition, Hardcover, Paperback

Excerpt – page 3: “… of the disturbance was officially given a name – the borderline personality. The aim of this book is to show how …”

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Editorial Reviews

Review

In my Opinion The metaphor of play is a profoundly important book by one of the greatest contemporary thinkers and researchers in the field of psychotherapy. – Dougal Steel, Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry
Product Description
Personality disorder can be conceived as the result of a disruption of the development of self. This thoroughly updated edition of The Metaphor of Play examines how those who have suffered such disruption can be treated by understanding their sense of self and the fragility of their sense of existence.
Based on the Conversational Model, this book demonstrates that the play of a pre-school child, and a mental activity similar to it in the adult, is necessary to the growth of a healthy self. The three sections of the book: Development, Disruption and Amplification and Integration introduce such concepts as the expectational field, paradoxical restoration, reversal, value and fit, and coupling, amplification and representation.

This highly readable and lucid presentation of the role of play in the development of self will be of interest not only to therapists but also to those interested in the larger issues of mind and consciousness.

About the Author
Russell Meares is Emeritus Professor of Psychitary at the University of Sydney and leads a program at Westmead Hospital, Sydney for the treatment of, and research into, borderline personality.

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+EXPERTS LEAVE US KNOWING WE NEED ‘SOMETHING MORE’

alchemynowLeave a comment

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I would like to recommend (with the following reservations) the book

Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth, Freda B. Friedman, and Randi Kreger.

The authors have created a recovery tool for anyone exposed in childhood to the whims and rages of a parent with this form of mental illness.  The book is clearly divided into sections which cover NEARLY every topic of interest for those of us who had to endure childhoods under the care (or more likely the lack of care) of a parent whose mind never worked correctly.

Yet while the book carries within its pages hundreds of tips for working out our adult ‘issues’ created within this malevolent kind of childhood, it does not, in my opinion, speak to the single most important FACT that those of us who were raised from birth by parents – particularly mothers – who manifested the most severe ‘style’ of Borderline Personality Disorder known within the human species know instinctively about ourselves.

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This book, like most others except The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook–What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz, does not discuss or present the very real brain development changes that occur as a result of an infant being raised in a truly malevolent environment.

I find that altered brain development is a completely ignored consequence of being raised by a severe Borderline parent.  I remain disappointed that the experts in the topic of working to recover a healthy self and a healthy life post-malevolent childhoods do not consider that for every word of their expert writing those of us who HAVE one of these altered brains read, we are still left ‘starving and alone’, bereft of the most important information we need in order to make use of the information all the experts are giving us.

No matter how helpful, how accurate, how comprehensive, how informed or how ‘scientifically based’ any Borderline Personality Disorder recovery book may intend to be, either for the BPD person or for their offspring, if altered brain development is not presented as THE SINGLE most significant consequence of a malevolent childhood, then the authors’ words are missing the point.

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Even though Roth, Friedman and Kreger at least mention insecure attachment disorders in their book, they do not develop the potential that exists within this one crucial sphere of thought to its REAL conclusion.  Insecure attachment patterns from birth, if they are not altered and improved by secure attachment patterns with other adequate early infant and childhood caregivers, result in the development of a changed brain.

These changed brains will NEVER process incoming information in the same way as a securely attached, benevolently formed brain will.  When this fact is ignored in any ‘self help’ book — which I might add currently includes ALL of them – the foundational brain of the person trying to make sense of the ‘help’ and apply it to themselves is left floating around without the information most needed in order to make improvements in their lives.

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This, to me, amounts to a situation similar to one in which instruction is given in how to drive a car safely without anyone ever acknowledging or addressing the single most important aspect of the task – one must not be completely sightless.  It’s like being instructed to build a modern day wood frame house while at the same time NOT being told that one must have something to measure with, cut the wood with, and drive the nails with.

In other words, every ‘self help’ book I have ever read, with the exception of those who specifically begin from the start by identifying the fundamental brain changes that result from infant and child development in a malevolent world, make major assumptions about their readership that leaves those of us with these changed brains flailing around in the dark.  We know from our insides that something is missing.  I am here to say the missing information is not due to any fault of ours.  The missing information is in the writing and work of the ‘experts’ who are presenting THEIR information while ignoring what some of us know absolutely to be true.

‘Un-ordinary’ infancies and childhoods create ‘un-ordinary’ brain-mind-bodies.  Those with severe Borderline Personality Disorder are among such people, and it is likely that without outside assistance during our childhoods that those of us raised by these BPD parents end up with ‘un-ordinary’ brains, as well.

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The tricky part of trying to locate, access and use information helpful to improving the quality of our lives is that those people with an ‘ordinary brain’ and those with an ‘un-ordinary’ brain might both be left needing to build the proverbial modern wood frame house.  The first have the box of tools, the second do not – and may well NEVER have them because the brain that was built inside their skulls from birth was simply not made to be an ‘ordinary brain’.

Yes, the brain is plastic and can accomplish incredible feats of adjustment.  But the fundamental brain regions, circuits, pathways and patterns of operation are built into the brain’s structure before the age of two.   These most fundamental aspects of a brain, once it has been built, cannot be changed in any fundamental way.  It would seem far more helpful to me to have experts tell me what these brain changes are, how to recognize how they affect me, and how to work most constructively in order to try to create a quality life in spite of them.

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Without information about my changed brain, I am left alone deep within a pitch dark cave without a source of light.  The ‘self help’ books can tell me what it’s like up there on the earth’s surface, but they do not describe where I am to start with, nor do they give me a single solitary clue how to find my way to the surface so that I can try to begin the journey they so helpfully describe for those who are already there.

Yet even if I do somehow miraculously make my way to the ‘ordinary surface’, my journey there would STILL be a far different one than ‘ordinary’ because of my brain-mind-body changes.  I would STILL be left trying to translate their helpful instructions about how to ‘drive safely’ even though I lack the sightedness these authors take completely for granted.  Where DOES this quandary leave me?  Let me ‘count the ways’ I know there’s a field on the surface that is not covered with daisies.

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I was raised from birth by a Narcissistic Psychotic Borderline.  At the same time I can say that my experiences were obviously an exception to the RULE, I can also say that this proves to me that what is considered to be the RULE is fallible.  Therefore in my thinking the RULE is not a RULE at all.  It is simply an assumption about brain formation based on what optimal caregiving environments produce.

Similar breaches of this RULE, as I experienced them, produced my mother’s changed brain during her own early development, as well.  Therefore, in my thinking, obviously the RULE cannot apply to my experience as all ‘self help’ authors seem to assume.

My mother and I, as exceptions to the RULE, must therefore exist in a world that operates under completely different rules, and we ended up with a brain-mind-body that resulted from our adaptations to this altered ‘un-ordinary’ world.  Because nobody tells me what these changes really ARE, I am left trying to figure them out for myself.

Most simply put, I do not receive ‘ordinary’ information in an ‘ordinary’ way.  From those beginnings, I do not process the ‘un-ordinary’ information I receive or act on it in an ‘ordinary’ way, either.  Just taking these simple facts into account, I cannot read any ‘self help’ book and make any ‘ordinary’ sense out of it unless I understand that those books are not addressing the altered reality that I was forced to grow up adjusting to.

Let me give you a few examples.  Because from the time I was born I had no way to count on a ‘good mother’ appearing in response to my infant needs, my brain’s processing systems had to expand themselves to accept that incoherent malevolent chaos was just as equally likely to respond to ME as was coherent benevolent niceness.   Well before the age of three months my brain would already have changed from ‘ordinary optimal’ development as a consequence.

When an infant ordinarily needs something and that something is out-of-sight, it can ordinarily begin to form brain circuits that allow it to WAIT HOPEFULLY because it can TRUST that its caregiver is going to return to take care of it.  If incoherent malevolent chaos is just as likely to appear as the alternative, it seems perfectly obvious to me that this tiny forming brain is not going to have the ‘ordinary’ experiences required to build an ‘ordinary’ brain – from the start.

Most simply put, because my mother lacked the capacity to respond to me as my own self, nothing inside of me was able to respond back to her from my own internal ‘self place’.  I simply have what I can most clearly describe as blank spots in my brain where ‘ordinary’ patterns and circuits were supposed to develop.  As a consequence I am NOT an ‘ordinary’ person and never will be, no matter what good use I try to make out of information contained in expert self help books.

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As a result of my development within the malevolent conditions my mother was just as likely to provide for me as her periodic – and undependable – benevolent conditions, my brain did not build within itself any ‘ordinary’ potential to process human interactions.  This is a complicated condition that I will not cover in detail here.  But I will say here that as a consequence, my right brain did not grow to include ‘ordinary’ processing of social or emotional information.  Its connection with information in my body is different.

Once the major development of the right brain is completed before the age of one, it is time for the left brain to begin going through its major developmental stages.  Under extreme malevolent conditions, there is no way that the left brain can develop ‘ordinarily’, either.  It is not possible for the corpus coliseum, the region of the brain that transfers information between the right and left brain for processing, to develop ‘ordinarily’, either.

That’s just the very earliest beginnings of what I know about changes in my own (and my mother’s) brain development.  We could move on in our understanding of how the development of an infant’s left brain ‘happy’ center’s neurons are affected, how the ability to process social cues is affected, how the brain’s ability to form understandings about trust and hope is affected, how the brain’s neurological information processing about the self is affected, and about how all aspects of communication from the molecular to the verbal are affected as a result of a brain’s ability to adapt a human being’s development to and under malevolent environmental conditions.

There is absolutely no way that the higher functioning cortical areas develop in any ‘ordinary’ fashion, either.  As a result, future planning, decision making, and the ability to understand consequences with cognitive flexibility are affected.

I personally know that my brain does not even process the fundamental concept of TIME in an ordinary way.  Yet I am even here only describing the proverbial ‘tip of the iceberg’ of how extreme early infant and child abuse changes the fundamental ways a survivor’s brain-mind-body changes.

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In other words, even if we take every single expert self help book and put them together in one volume, the OTHER volume that some of us most need to read simply does not exist – yet.  We are left trying to find a fit for ourselves as we attempt to understand ourselves in relation to the more ‘ordinary’ world we were hatched into as adults.

I’m not saying that we can’t make good use of information found in books that do not recognize our ‘un-ordinary’ reality or what our changed brains are really like.  I’m simply making a point that no matter how hard these self help books might try to help us a create a more ‘ordinary’ life, they are evidently unable to address the specifics of what actually happened to some of us.

For any of us who have ever had the attempted-recovery-based feeling of “YES, but……..  “ when we try to apply what seems to make sense to everyone else but not QUITE to us, we are absolutely correct!!  There IS something missing – but the trouble is NOT with us.  The trouble is that what happened to us has yet to be truly recognized for what it is – the creation of ‘un-ordinary’ individuals who were able to adapt physiologically on our most fundamental levels to endure unimaginably malevolent early developmental conditions.

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We are truly extraordinary people, and it evidently remains for us to identify and describe exactly what that means!!  Nobody else seems able to do that for us!

We don’t have to look beyond ourselves to know what living with a changed brain is like.  We’ve made that quantum leap in understanding.  We were forced to, or we would not have survived the malevolent world we developed in.

The rest of the ‘expert’ world just has to catch up with us.  We know what we are talking about.  We are our own living proof!

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+AMAZING DISCOVERY – YET ANOTHER OF MY MOTHER’S CHILDHOOD STORIES

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Found 091109

[enclosed old piece of paper with April 22, 1959 homesteading letter mother had written to her mother, and that grandmother had returned to my mother.  The writing of this story on this paper is in my grandmother’s handwriting.]

Grandmother’s note on the bottom of the page says:

“Dictated by Mildred Cahill Lloyd when about 8 years old”

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The Laughing Brook

Once there was a beautiful, gurgling Brook.  Its name was “Laughing Brook.”  The animals in the nearby woods gave its name to it because the wind came and wrinkled it up and made it murmur, and gurgle, and smile all the way down the hillside.

The animals came to drink at this brook, never knowing it was a fairy brook.  Some animals were good and some were bad.  Those that were bad turned into snakes after drinking the water from the brook, but those that were good stayed as they were, beautiful and kind to each other.

There was one good fairy that lived in the Black Forest where this Laughing Brook flowed by.  That fairy had a firefly that lived with her near a waterfall.  The fireflies lit up her way as they flew about the country.

There was a lovely meadow near the brook where daisies and buttercups and clover grew.  In the meadow there was a big red barn where the farmer kept his cows and hens and pigs and horses.

One night as the fireflies were flying around with the fairies watching over the good people they saw a fire in the hay in the barn.  At once the [written they] fireflies and fairies flew in the window of the farmer’s bedroom and flash their lights so brightly and after that the farmer and his wife woke up, saw the fire from their window, and rushed out in time to save all the animals and most of the barn.

Ever after that the farmer and his wife watched every night to see the fireflies at work and play.

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Although I cannot at present access this article, in light of my mother’s childhood writings I find the following to be a fascinating concept, as reflected in this article:

Rites of Passage and the Borderline Syndrome: Perspectives in Transpersonal Anthropology By LARRY G. PETERS

The following seems to be all that is available as an abstract for this article, found in Questia, Vol. 17, 1994.

How, but in custom and ceremony, are innocence and beauty born?

— W. B. Yeats

The purpose of this study is to compare and contrast certain prevalent contemporary pathological symptoms — parasuicide (especially im­pulsive “self cutting” or wrist cutting and other forms of self-mutilation), anorexia/bulimia, substance abuse, and a predisposition to frequent tran­sient psychotic episodes, all of which, as a constellation, combination, or in some cases individually, are identified by clinicians as presumptive signs of “borderline personality disorder” (BPD) — with those same behaviors in tribal societies. The focus is anthropological and cross-cultural; it is a study of rites of passage, many of which in­volve food deprivations (fasting and purgations), body mutilations (cir­cumcision, scarification), accompan­ied by episodes of altered or nonordi­nary states of consciousness (visions, loss of boundaries). It is argued that there is a relationship between BPD and the failure of Western culture to provide context and myth for mean­ingful rites of passage. The typical symptoms of borderline disorder have neither an appropriate cultural chan­nel nor symbol system to provide di­rection and consequently are not fully appreciated by clinicians. However, these “symptoms” may actually be at­tempts at self-healing gone astray in a culture bereft of an integrative spiritual and ritualistic context, and there­fore without an education for tran­scendent states of consciousness.

Cultural Bound Syndromes (CBSs)

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Peters’ writing seems connected to a field of study called ‘The Anthropology of Consciousness.’  The work of Dr. Larry G. Peters, a Tibetan Shaman, presents the most accurate link I have yet found between my mother’s Alaskan homesteading obsession, her spirituality, and her mental illness.

A child has a different consciousness than an adult does.  I have always been able to sense my mother’s childhood consciousness within her childhood writings:  +MY MOTHER’S CHILDHOOD STORIES.

Having tonight discovered this additional piece of her childhood writing confirms for me that her mind, even by the age of 8, was already grappling on a profound – though unconscious – creative level with archetypal issues related to death and destruction, salvation, punishment and consequence, transformations, relationships with the natural world, and with the fundamental issues related to GOOD and BAD, RIGHT and WRONG that connect to the Borderline Personality Disorder spectrum of symptoms.

I absolutely believe that my mother had child onset pre-borderline conditions that are reflected in her childhood writings – if anybody then could, or even anybody now can make those connections.  I know a lot about my mother.  I was the victim of her insane severe abuse for 18 very long years.

My mother’s inner mental structure was built from very early childhood and probably from her earliest infancy upon a BROKEN understanding of good versus bad.  Whatever psychotic break occurred during her delivery of me was enough to toss her completely over the edge.

I was not saved from the fire as her child.  She used the term ‘snake’ in reference to me.  She believed I was not human, that I was the devil’s child.  I was the outward personification of everything BAD she could not accept about herself.  The OTHER mother, the OTHER Mildred desired to live with the fairies and the fireflies.

I believe the homestead became the outward objectification of the good world her “Laughing Brook” existed in, and the act of homesteading itself became a perpetual rite of passage for my mother as she sought what could not ‘follow her around the bend’.  Homesteading was about her need for healing.  Even her abuse of me was about her need for healing (because if she could ‘deal’ with me her own projected badness would be healed).

The most amazing thing is that Alaska DOES have the power to heal.  It even now remains mostly pure and that natural purity is what raised-up humans throughout our evolution, and it does have the power to heal.  In my mother’s case, however, it was not enough.  (Read PRESENTING THE HOMESTEADING – her letters.)

The rites of passage that Peters makes reference to occur within a healthy brain, mind and psyche.  The sick psyche of my mother’s could not have been saved past the age of 8 no matter what culture she had been a part of.  My mother was born an extremely fragile, at-risk child.  The conditions within her childhood environment from birth might have been adequate to a less sensitive and vulnerable child.  I believe that the conditions of my mother’s childhood conspired to destroy my mother.  She, in turn, very nearly destroyed me.

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This work that I am doing with my mother’s letters does seem to be about retrieving a life of suffering from the ‘lost and found’ — both hers and mine.

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Mother’s letter to Grandmother May 23, 1959 about the homestead:

“I told Bill I hope to live to be 90 and never leave here.  (I want to be buried here!)  I told him I even yearn to be a child again and live here – such a kingdom….”

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+WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA?

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I would think that in their own way everyone in our great nation recognizes today as the 8th anniversary of one of the most terrible crisis that ever occurred within the boundaries of our country.  Our hearts continue to go out to all those who suffered terror and unimaginable trauma as a result of the destruction brought upon them by the acts of terrorists whose own agendas allowed them to kill and destroy wantonly.  At the same time we remember each person and their loved ones whose lives have been touched in the aftermath of war, destruction and bloodshed that has followed 9-11 and the World Trade Center attacks.

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The most devastating consequences of trauma to humans can never be measured in financial terms.  Neither do we yet know the true reality of the way humans respond to extraordinary traumatic stressors.  Continued research into the ongoing, intergenerational consequence of the Holocaust’s traumatic effects shows that trauma can be CLEARLY passed down to offspring.

Researchers will be working to uncover the long range consequences of trauma caused by 9-11 for a long time to come.  They know that babies of women pregnant during the 9-11 terrorist attacks have been found to be born with the ‘markers’ for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of their mother’s exposure to the attacks.

We are learning more and more both about how resilient humans are and about our fragility.  Every-day people do not usually pay attention to the results of millions and millions of dollars spent on research about the consequences of trauma to humans, and yet this research can inform our thinking in new and more enlightened ways.

The Atlanta study looked at genetic potential as it interacts with children’s responses to trauma.  It found, among other things, that a child’s safe and secure attachment to ANY adult in its life influences to the positive that child’s ability to overcome traumatic experiences.  In another corner of the world researchers have discovered the same thing.  Although exposed equally to unimaginable terrors and traumas, the children of South Africa end up with severe longterm traumatic responses while the children of Kenya do not.

The more damaged South African children live in a country long torn apart, in fact all but dismantled by generations of influences that have destroyed the secure social attachment fabric of their culture.  Kenya has not suffered this intergenerational destruction of its ongoing cultural strengths so that their children have the benefit – in spite of current terrible traumas and tragedies – of being ‘held’ within a culture that still has its social supports and secure attachment systems somewhat in place.

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We cannot realistically consider the long range consequences of traumatic experience without considering the attachment contexts that form and support (or don’t) the members of any human society.  These attachments begin before birth, as the responses of infants still very much physiologically attached to their mothers during 9-11 demonstrated.

Children are held and supported by the fabric of the attachment support net that their parents either do or do not have in their lives.  Without firmly safe and secure human attachments from the beginning of our lives, we are at astronomically increased risk of suffering long term devastation in our adult lives from any traumatic experience that we might later have.  It is time that all of us realize that attachment is the single most important aspect of our lives because we are a social species.

What this means to me is that all of us, including and perhaps most importantly any mental health expert that works with troubled people of all ages, must begin to include attachment disorder understanding, concepts and vocabulary into our cultural base of knowledge about what makes our lives ‘good’ and what makes them ‘bad’.  I doubt that more than a small handful of mental health experts EVER talk with their adult clients about insecure attachment disorders.

We reserve any discussion or awareness of secure and insecure attachment disorders ONLY as it might relate to ‘troubled’ children.  Where do we think child attachment disorders disappear to once someone magically crosses some invisible line into adulthood?  They go nowhere.  Our attachment orders or disorders are as much ingrained into us as any other physiological response system our brain, body, nervous and immune system has.

We HAVE to begin talking about our attachment system as it operates in our adulthood because it formed who we are and affects how we respond both to the good and to the bad in our lives – at all times!  Those who might be having the most difficult time recovering from the devastating trauma of 9-11 are no exception.  But has ANYONE ever talked to them about their attachment system?

I am willing to bet that any adult who was formed in an extremely malevolent childhood environment and who did not have the benefit of having a safe and secure adult attachment person in their childhood life, is among those who lack the necessary resiliency to recuperate fully from any traumas that they experience.  We are doing nobody any favors by ignoring the absolute, fundamental reality of how our secure or insecure attachment system governs our ability to cope with trauma.

I therefore encourage readers to spend some time investigating some of the information connected to the live-links provided in this post.  You might help yourself beyond belief, or be able to assist someone you know in their efforts to deal with any ongoing traumatic consequences in their lives – including their ability to parent effectively.

Trauma is not bliss, and neither is ignorance.  It is the response-ability of all of us to arm ourselves with any and all information that can help us understand what we can better do to improve secure attachments in the world – no matter who we are, what age we are, or what we have experienced.

Thank you for reading this post.  Comments are welcome and appreciated.

+ATTACHMENT: SMART AND STUPID RESEARCH

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+HUMAN AND HORSE MOTHERING – WHAT’S IN COMMON?

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I wanted to share something from a book I’m reading, The Body Language of Horses by Tom Ledbetter, Bonnie Ainslie.  My brother gave it to me while I was visiting him in Alaska.

I’ve never really had the longed for luxury of being able to spend time with horses.  I’ve always been too poor, too involved in keeping my children clothed and fed with a roof over our heads.

I find as I read this book that I feel like the authors are talking about me.  How can that be?  I am not a horse, yet I am like them.  Because of the extreme abuse I suffered from the time I was little, and because of the overall and overriding insanity present in the home I grew up in, I did not grow up to be an ordinary person.

I have tried to fit in.  I’ve tried to learn the ‘human language’ that others speak not most importantly with their words, but with their body language and the expressions on their faces.  Because my mother was psychotic, because she could not interact with me normally, I simply did not get the same brain circuitry.  Not even the regions of my brain developed according to ‘ordinary’ experiences or patterns, as I have been explaining in my writings.

I can, therefore, more closely relate to what these authors are saying about horses than I can any book I ever read about people.  I might understand a book about all sorts of other kinds of animals if one was written like this one is, but these authors express a rare and comprehensive understanding of how it is to be a horse.  I am amazed and I am feeling calmer as I read it.

Ainslie and Ledbetter explain that every time a human overwhelms a horse with human demands and misconceptions, the horse has no choice but to act like less than what it is – less than a horse.  I understand.  I was not allowed to be a child.  The way my mother treated me did not allow me to be a child just like some humans do not allow horses to be horses.

All the many parallels I find between horses and myself create inside of me a sense that I am so much more correct in my understanding of the changed body and brain of a severely abused child compared to how a child is SUPPOSED to have been allowed to develop that I really do feel like I am a member of nearly a completely different species than are ‘ordinary’ people.

And I know I am not alone.  Therefore, as I share this single paragraph from this book (so far) I wish readers to understand that human mothers create in their offspring the kind of person their infants and children grow into.  I am aware that genetics plays a part in who we become, but researchers are becoming more and more clear that severe abuse alters how genetic potential expresses itself.

Every time an infant and a young child is not given what it needs to develop into its optimal self some life long consequence to the negative is going to appear.  Only in situations where the most important resiliency factor of the AVAILABILITY of some other adequate early caregiver’s interference in the harmful influence of the severely maltreating mother is there, in the end, hope that the effects of the mother’s severe abuse will not permanently and seriously alter the person her offspring turns out to be.

I encourage readers to FEEL the following words.  Enlarge your perspective and imagine what these words are saying if you think about them in terms of the variances in the quality of human mothering and caregiving.  In human terms mothers are not forced, for the most part, to compete with other mothers for what is needed to care for their infants and children.

And yet the end result of a human continuum of living a quality, happy and successful life is still directly connected to what our mothers (or other early caregivers) gave to us.  Harm and hatred to infants DOES NOT allow them to develop into fundamentally happy people – and I don’t care how financially well-off such an offspring turns out to be.  Look at their relationships as well as financial standing.

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From The Body Language of Horses by Tom Ledbetter, Bonnie Ainslie:

“The lead mare wins dominance by physical and psychological means.  She rules as long as she remains vigorous.  Her powers serve twin purposes – first choice of food and space (a) for herself and (b) for her young.  By natural selection, the other mares organize in declining order of priority, with the lowest and most subservient getting the last and least for herself and her foal.  Unless the pasture is inhumanely crowded, everyone subsists.  But the psychological effects on the foals are substantially important.  As Number One in its own age group, the lead mare’s baby becomes habituated to the deference of its peers and their dams.  If well bred, soundly constructed and not too severely disoriented by premature weaning, the Number One foal emerges as Number One weanling, most likely to succeed in what humanity calls the Game of Life.”  (P. 64)

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We are not used to thinking about human success, including psychological success, in these terms.  We do not FIRST and FOREMOST understand that it is the health and well-being of mothers (early caregivers) that MOST affects the lifelong outcome of her offspring.

In American, in particular, we want to believe that everyone is equal, and that all can “make it” if they want to and if they work for it.  We do not want to face the fact that deprivations of a serious enough nature from conception to age 2 (and then through age 7) can so set a person off course that they will never be able to completely make up the difference.

Yes, humans may be far more complicated than horses are.  That means to me that we are at an even higher risk for negative consequences from malevolent mothering – not less.  Once our culture truly understands this fact, they will be able to give us the chances we TRULY need to find a way to live well in spite of our malevolent childhoods.

In my thinking, we have to be very clear and very careful about how we assess who and how we are in the world made mostly by people who had the benevolent childhoods we all deserved – and some received the opposite of.  Most do not become members of the ‘lower hierarchy’ because we choose to be there, any more than a horse chooses to me maltreated by a human being.

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+SOME FANTASTIC LINKS ON CHILD ABUSE AND BRAIN CHANGES!

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Greetings to each and every person who has visited this blog during the seven weeks of absence from writing here.  I am home now after more than 10,000 miles of traveling during the past seven weeks as I visited family and friends whom I love and who love me.

The time I spent in Alaska, the home of my heart, was everything I needed it to be in order for me to move forward with the writing of my book.

I will at this point be dividing my writing clearly between my book (which will not be appearing on this blog) and other assorted writing specifically for the blog.  As my precious Alaskan baby brother (now 44) told me, if it is my desire and my intention to write a book, then I need to do it.  He explained it to me this way:

A person might pick up tools and a block of wood intending to carve an image.  Perhaps they are not quite sure what image lies within the wood so they begin carving in process until that image becomes clear and the carving can then give it form.  If, however, that point never occurs where the image within the wood is found, shaped and born, all that will result from the effort of carving is a pile of wood shavings and dust.

I heard and understand the wisdom contained in my brother’s words, and I recognize that continuing to pour words out into my blog will not accomplish the creation of my book.  I will now separate the words that belong in my book from those that do not.

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As I continue through the process of getting my ‘home legs’ under me, I will at least post a few interesting links here for reader consideration!  Please follow some or all of these links – THEY ARE IMPORTANT!  Please also join me in my gratitude to every single person who is involved with this quality of work to further our understanding about the impact of severe child abuse on human development – and the work of everyone committed to ending child maltreatment around the globe.

Please also remember the abuse being done to the fragile web of life on our glorious planet and the suffering of so many species being caused by the thoughtless harm of all kinds caused by humans.

And, for a load of Alaskan MOOSE FUN….

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Back to School Tips: Parents Should Get Ready, Too!

Posted: 27 Aug 2009 08:21 AM PDT

Tips for parents on helping their kids succeed in school, adapter from information provided by our friends at Prevent Child Abuse New Jersey.

Amid the shopping trips for sharpened #2 pencils, crisp notebooks and new shoes, parents should start thinking about what they can do to become the best possible support system for their child this school year. The beginning of the new academic season is often the most important, as it sets the tone for a meaningful and successful year.  Research shows that students are more equipped to thrive academically and socially when parents are actively involved in their child’s education.

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Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

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Going Big: Harlem Children’s Zone on This American Life

Posted: 18 Aug 2009 02:17 AM PDT

Hats off to This American Life for shining a spotlight on the solutions to the many problems that plague our nation’s impoverished families. Going Big, this week’s episode, profiles Geoffrey Canada, a pioneer in the fields of child and family support and poverty prevention. His organization, Harlem Children’s Zone, boasts tremendous outcomes for the families and community it serves, including:

  • l00% of students in the Harlem Gems pre-K program were found to be school-ready for the sixth year in a row.
  • 81% of Baby College parents improved the frequency of reading to their children.
  • $4.8 million returned to 2,935 Harlem residents as a result of HCZ’s free tax-preparation service
  • 10,883 number of youth served by HCZ in 2008.

Listen to the This American Life podcast.

Below is a five-minute video of moms talking about the challenges of raising children in Harlem and the difference HCZ is making in their lives.

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

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Brain Development Altered by Violence

By Dale Russakoff
Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, May 15, 1999; Page A3

LITTLETON, Colo.—More than a week had passed since Krystie DeHoff felt bullets and bombs explode all around her, since she ran in horror past young, dead bodies to safety. Now she was inching toward normality, shopping at King Soopers grocery, when the most innocent sound–a baby crying in his mother’s arms–set the Columbine High School massacre in motion again, this time in her mind. Her heart raced, her muscles coiled. She heard not a baby, but her classmates, shrieking. “All I could think was: MAKE HIM STOP!” she said.

READ MORE……

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Using Mental Strategies Can Alter

The Brain’s Reward Circuitry

ScienceDaily (June 30, 2008) — The cognitive strategies humans use to regulate emotions can determine both neurological and physiological responses to potential rewards, a team of New York University and Rutgers University neuroscientists has discovered. The findings, reported in the most recent issue of the journal Nature Neuroscience, shed light on how the regulation of emotions may influence decision making.

READ MORE….

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The Neural Self: The Neurobiology of Attachment

By Phil Rich, Ed.D., LICSW

It is its basis in biology that makes attachment theory unique among theories of psychology and child development. From the biological perspective, attachment is simply an evolutionarily-evolved process to ensure species survival, and is thus as much a part our biology as that of any animal.

From this perspective, cognitive schema and the resulting mental map is not merely a psychological phenomenon, but a physical entity, hard-wired into neural circuits and reflected in neurochemical and electrical activity within the central nervous system.

The mental map into which our experiences and memories are imprinted is thus a neurobiological structure, the result of synaptic processes, out of which human cognition and behavior emerges, resulting in LeDoux’s (2002) description of our “synaptic” self.

Siegel (2001) describes the pattern and clusters of synaptic firing as “somehow creat(ing) the experience of mind” (p. 69). He writes that “integration” reflects the manner in which functionally separate neural structures and processes cluster together and interact to form a functional whole – in this case, our selves.

READ MORE…..

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Child abuse marks genes, affects ability to cope: Study

By Margaret Munro , Canwest News Service

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Stress

Your Three Brains

The neurologist Paul MacLean has proposed that our skull holds not one brain, but three, each representing a distinct evolutionary stratum that has formed upon the older layer before it, like an archaeological site – he calls it the “triune brain.” MacLean, now the director of the Laboratory of Brain Evolution and Behaviour in Poolesville, Maryland, says that three brains operate like “three interconnected biological computers, each with its own special intelligence, its own subjectivity, its own sense of time and space and its own memory”.

READ MORE….

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