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I believe that the greatest risk factor for triggering dissociation in severe infant-child abuse survivors is for us to be in a parallel state to the one we were in when we were little.  When we are in NEED we are vulnerable.  Because our body-brain was created and built through trauma altered development to process different information in different ways than ordinary, when we are NOT recognized for the trauma altered beings that we are we are in AN ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT.

In America, if I had gone to that medical clinic yesterday in need (why else would I have gone?) and had been in a wheel chair, and if the clinic had absolutely no access available, they would have been in violation of law.

Would the medical staff have vehemently insisted that I was NO DIFFERENT than they were (as they did to me when I tried to explain in a PROACTIVE way about how I process information under stressful duress)?

Would they have insisted I was exactly the same as they were if I had been blind or deaf?  Would my difference from them be acknowledged at all if I had been?

Access to the building itself is ABOUT being able to meet one’s needs to gain vital information.  Access FOR ME to the same vital information needed to happen through enlightenment of the staff about HOW I AM IN THE WORLD differently from others especially in the ways I process information under stress.  Denial of this fact is ABUSE — and it is that ABUSE in that environment and situation yesterday that tortured me into the dissociated state I described in this post:  +DURESS AND DISSOCIATION

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DID THAT CLINIC HAVE THE RIGHT TO ABUSE ME?

Absolutely.  (The more they abused me the more stress I experienced.)

They evidently had the same perfect right to abuse me that my mother had.

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Am I exercising fantastic thinking when I come to this conclusion about my experience yesterday?

No, I am not.

I am NOT MENTALLY ILL.  I experienced severe enough trauma during my earliest stages of development that I ended up with an INNER body-nervous system-brain-mind that completely adapted itself to that environment of abuse.

I would not have survived otherwise.

When I think about the myriad interactions that happened yesterday at the clinic, I could say that THOSE PEOPLE were mentally ill.  They were not able to stretch their thinking — because of their blatant ignorance of very basic facts about trauma altered development for early abuse survivors — at the same time they stubbornly refused to recognize MY REALITY as I tried to express it to them.

That is exactly what my mother did to me in the beginning:  She disallowed me to have my own reality — in nearly every possible way.  Of course I could NEVER express myself or be heard by my mother any more than I was by the staff at that clinic.  SEE  +THE TIN WOMAN’S BRAIN: INFANT-CHILD ABUSE AND DISSOCIATING EMOTION FROM FACT

Being made to feel by any public service representative I am sick, pathetic, wrong, disabled, ineffective, strange, odd, different, bad, stupid or in any other way being made to feel like an inferior human being who is ‘mentally ill’ is AS ABUSIVE TO SEVERE EARLY ABUSE SURVIVORS AS THE ORIGINAL ABUSE WAS.

Shame on those people!  Shame!

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