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Today’s working notes:

I’m in the thick of the June 1957 letters

Throwing out a thought here – this all feels like quicksand

My own version of ‘getting clear’ – as it will come through working with ‘this story’ – I think (and I can’t say KNOW yet which is the problem) — that I am fundamentally looking not so much at Borderline but at her insecure attachment disorder

her’s being ‘disorganized-disoriented’ insecure attachment – and if I am right once I get to the point where I can fillet her story and find the PATTERNS — meant that the Borderline was ‘just’ a particular constellation of patterns around which she (unconsciously) organized and oriented herself

I am looking for the BIGGER PICTURE – by hoping to find the exact patterns

I need this before I can do the 360° book or anything else

If most of people’s real problems are directly ’caused’ by insecure attachment, then that is the STARTING POINT for everything I have to say —

All the ‘research’ will then fall into place because it all describes changes that happen within a human’s developing physiology — and now I see that it is not ‘just’ the brain, but entire nervous system, etc — as development goes ‘off course’ in a malevolent, unsafe and insecure early attachment environment

by degrees

Mother’s actually ended up being about as far away from ‘good’ as possible, like 300° off course — then everything else about her life was about this disorganization and disorientation

but I want to be able to PROVE my point by being able to point to the patterns in her story — her abuse of me was simply a ‘side-line’

I also want to be able to draw parallels – though the degrees of change might be different — between mother’s attachment disorder and other severely abusive parent’s actions based on their own D-D insecure attachment

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