+WHAT MOTHER SAYS ABOUT THE MOVE TO ALASKA

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I have spent too many hours to count on the job of transcribing my mother’s writings today.  No adobe work.  Just this work.  I am nearing the end stretch but not done yet.

This is a link to my mother’s words written about why they decided to move to Alaska and what that process was like.  I am glad I found it – it will certainly be near the front of one of the books of her letters.  I really hoped she didn’t spiral out into orbit as she wrote this piece – and thankfully she didn’t.  She actually seemed to stay on target, which surprised me!  You might be interested in taking a look:

*October 1958 – DREAMS CAN COME TRUE

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+EVER HAD THIS FEELING?

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My mother’s journal entries during a period in January 1960 when my father went to work out of town and we had to leave the homestead and stay in the rented log house in Eagle River during the time he was gone.  She is missing her husband, and the mountain.

I know the feeling she is talking about in the January 23rd entry.  I used to call it my ‘wild’ feeling, like the wind could blow right through me.  But it’s a longing, a certain inexplicable kind of longing in the soul……

Have you ever felt it?

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January 10, 1960

We had to leave homestead.

January 11, 1960

Baths and children rested and got ready to return to school.

January 12, 1960

Children returned to school.  Bill left for [work in] Paxson.  Sub-zero weather all week 20 to 25° below – good thing we came down.

January 13, 1959

I’m lost without Bill and children.  Jeep won’t start so every day Sharon and I walk to store [staying at log house in Eagle River], mail box etc. – Cold – Br-r – but nice.  We bundle up and except for our face we don’t mind.  I put a scarf over Sharon’s mouth and we don’t talk – it’s too cold.

January 21, 1960

Cold weather ended days ago!  Now between 15° and 20° above.  Children – Cindy and John got report cards – Cindy all s’s and John all B’s.  I’m pleased.

January 22, 1960

Be so glad when Bill gets home.  I miss him terribly.  I plan to go to homestead on Monday with Bockstahlers.

January 23, 1960

I can’t explain it to anyone, least of all to myself – this burning aching inside of me that seeks fulfillment – and I only find this peace and serenity and wonder – on our homestead.  There I’m happy and here  I’m lost – it’s as if I’m meant to be there – high in the mountains – alone with Alaska’s beauty all around me –

Today – I’m going through the motions of keeping house and all but inside I feel as if I want to free myself from bondage – I feel held and I yearn to be loose – free –

Schools, close to stores and all – still not worth it to me [to be in Eagle River] – I yearn to be home – next winter I wish I could stay.

John is uneasy here – he wishes he were home –

Oh, how I miss Bill – I feel he probably doesn’t miss me in the same way – one letter, only one – oh how I wish he were here with me now –

I wish, I want – WHAT?

I wish I could write – really write – and paint, really paint – like the Goodalls – oh, how great that would be —

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I wrote this note to myself when I transcribed these journal entries a few years ago:

That’s scary that I know this feeling also.  James Hillman writes in ‘The Soul’s Code’ about the longing of the soul.  He writes about it in reference to loneliness and longing.

Is this longing especially connected to the experience of a soul that, in childhood, did not get to “grown down into the world” or into the child’s body/brain/self correctly?

In a way when this book is published my mother’s words will be published with it, and her wish will become a reality.  It is as if the healing had to come first, and the waiting had to happen before that – so that I, her daughter, could commingle my words with hers.

Too bad she was a witch to me!  But, then, this book sure wouldn’t be being written if she hadn’t been – all things necessary, as Hillman says.

Some of us are literally lost souls, very lost souls without a home.  If we are meant to come to earth and become integrated into a world and into our bodies, and trauma inhibits that process, we are never truly at home in this world.  I am almost 56 years old now, and I still am not at home here.  Just barely here.

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+ON ALASKA – BY MY MOTHER

January 1960

The Jeep Road

As we wend our way home – I drink in the beauty I see around me and think – “Finally, I’m going HOME.”

I never thought I’d miss a place so remote and strange as this.  I remember when I first came and I though “I cannot live this far away! – from people, bright lights and city things.  I’ll surely be lonely and afraid.”

But instead a peace came tome – I relaxed and was unafraid.

The road to our homestead is full of bumps.  It’s a rough one and has many jolts.  But I wouldn’t trade it for a freeway.  Smooth, easy riding, swift and modern.

— surely things would not remain the same

The moose and beaver, the squirrels and bear would soon hasten to find new homes.  They would be afraid to stay.

Would the sun shine so brightly?  If the cities came to us – or would it’s ways be filtered through the city dust.

Would the skies be so clear and blue if the traffic came right through –

Would the air be like wine or would it be choking and would my eyes sting all the time?

I could not bear to stay and see it change –

From a place so serene to one of hustle and bustle – to one of modern ways.

I once thought “I cannot leave the conveniences behind.”

But I found so much to replace them and came to understand . . . .

The beauties that surround us – for all to enjoy – I think of all these things as we wend our way HOME –

I drink in the scenery.  I was so thirsty –I’ve been half-starved – since I left this wilderness area.

My heart cries out “Don’t leave again!”

My soul is nurtured and so is my brain.

I look around me – oh, such peace envelopes my body as I sink into bliss –

We’re going HOME

The mountains are etched in rose – just as if a small child – or God had outlined them with a pink crayon –

The sun is setting – so early indeed – as this is Alaska in winter – a scene so different than any I’ve ever seen.

The trees bend down with their burden of snow.

The world is all white except for the sun setting in crimson and gold.

We ride on – and I’m grateful to be going HOME!

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Written by a woman who had come from the city to homestead and although had loved the wilderness had an unaccountable desire to return to the city.  She left in the fall and returned in the early winter – never to live elsewhere again.

[Linda note:  Not sure if she means with her second reference to ‘city’ it being the log house in Eagle River?]

+EARLY HOMESTEADING LETTER, JUNE 24, 1959 (I WAS 7)

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See:  *1959 Homesteading Photos

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June 24, 1959 Wednesday – letter from Mother to her mother

Dear Mom,

Just a note to enclose with Sharon’s precious drawings.  She loves to work with her pencil and paper and I think does very well.  She especially loves to draw houses, people, and Humpty Dumpty and Jack-O-Lanterns – these she brings to me and says “Doesn’t it scare you?”  She always writes on her things [scribble lines] very industriously and then reads it to me!!

I’ve been inside for three days – today they’ve been so good and sweet.  Bill stayed home to help me – He had a severe case of diarrhea Sunday and yet had promised to bring Pollard up with our tractor to bring down Buttner’s things and went anyways.  Oh, Sunday was ‘a peculiar day’!  Bill spent all day on that and when finally got home he collapsed on the bed for first time – he never takes time to even sit any more – just go, go, go – I worry over him he’s so THIN now – but anyways – he’d no sooner gone to sleep then I heard a carNow no car or jeep has ever been up here since we moved back here.  I felt like a desert person in search of water – oasis and all – only me, imagining cars – but sure enough it was a jeep and Pollard driving it so proud to have been the first to make it.  He had a couple – oh 45 or so – who had planned to homestead beyond Thomas and land office refused so he was to show them Buttner’s place.

They stopped here and loved it!!  She’s quite a character – one boy senior in high school.  Both work on base.  She kept saying “What will you do in winter?”  “Aren’t you afraid of bears?” – And Mom, I felt like a ‘real sourdough’ and old timer as I heard her talk.

They had an old dilapidated looking jeep only paid $150.00 for so didn’t care whether hurt it or not.  I sat in back – open with her and went up to Buttner’s.  Wanted to see it again.

We thought he’d never make it and were laughing so hard but that old beat up jeep got there!!

All the land is teriffically [sic] scenic on way up and many perfect spots for cabins but it’s all our land.

You don’t get to Buttner’s til you dead-end against mountains and drop off to creek.  His was a tiny valley with hills on both sides and view of dead-end of mountains below.  Pretty but gives me claustrophobia – which I have lately anyways.  (I hate being shut up in this D – HUT!!)

Many bear droppings up there at Buttner’s and it’s scary!  I’d want you close to us on your visits not a half mile up there, I’d worry myself sick over you!!

You’ll see when you come.  Anyways, her working and all I doubt if they’ll file on it and I bet Buttner wants $ back for his road.

All of Buttner’s land is really mountain – different than ours.

Well, then Bill not feeling well and all he went to bed at 10:00 for first time.  I couldn’t sleep (I have terrible insomnia here – all six of us in one room and so light outside and so much on my mind).  Anyways again I heard a motor.  This time I was really flabbergasted.  10:00 visitors?  I rushed to door and sure enough it was Barbee.  We got up and I was scared thinking maybe forest fire or something but no, just came for a visit.  Now isn’t that something – a freeway no less and Bill didn’t think a jeep could make it.  As he says it’s too bad for one and Barbee was shocked at road but didn’t know we didn’t drive it.  He’d been out horse back riding and when returned decided he’d stop up to see us – at least four miles of bad road.

Well, I made coffee and we had crackers and cheese.  Thank goodness for my redwood furniture for visitors to sit on outdoors as I can’t bring them in with all four children asleep in one room.

He left shortly and we undressed and went back to bed.

Well, Bill tried to drive last night but too tough on our jeep.

Bill stayed home Monday – still didn’t feel well.

I planted some more vegetables (really too late now and Oh Mom, tomatoes can’t be grown here except in hot house – nor can cucumbers or corn).  It’s a shame!  But thanks anyways.

Monday late we had rain – had our first real thunderstorm here in Alaska Saturday and rain!  Torrents of rain.

I had stomach aches.  Tuesday Bill returned to work and I felt weak and poor.  John had stomach aches and Cindy poor darling, had RUNS all day! – and No bathroom.  You just can’t imagine how terrible and pouring rain outside and all our wood wet.  Terrible day.  Poor Sharon was sickest and scared me so.  She went every 15 minutes and threw up even water at same time and then went into deep sleep.  I don’t know what I would have done without John and Linda.  They helped me gt meals and read stories to Cindy and poor Linda even helped me gather wood and empty ‘potty’.  She never was at all sick but tonight said had a stomach ache so tomorrow she’ll probably have it too.

Last night I was sick, discouraged, lovely and blue.  This Damn hut got me down.  I had fixed place up and cleaned up before Bill got home but then Cindy threw up buckets and I didn’t have heart to cook dinner and was too weak by then.

I got to thinking and all I wanted was to see all of you.  I’d been blue for days anyways.

Mom – not even a battery radio here – I haven’t even heard the radio or seen T.V. since March!!!

Oh, it will be worth it and on sunny days it’s nice but I do get lonely and I can’t go anywhere myself – I don’t even dare to walk for fear of bears.

The grass and all is four feet tall now!

Yesterday we were in a fog and cloud – I couldn’t see at all and even hated to go off to empty potty.  Very depressing, scarey [sic] and blue.

Last night for first time I cried and cried.  I truly hated it here then and knew you must never try it alone.  Last night I felt imprisoned with a seven month sentence!  It’s rather like that.

We’re so financially strapped and can’t even go to a movie alone.  I hadn’t been since January first and other day – last week we took kids and went.  I was so tired by time it was over and couldn’t enjoy movie knowing we had 14 mile trip to Eagle River and 14 miles ‘back in’ and then the damn tractor ride.  We were all dressed up and it’s pretty awful to have to stop and put on old clothes and mosquito repellant and all on for last one mile stretch and then sit in two-wheel open trailer –

UGH!

Well last night I’d had it.  I told Bill I’d pay 1,000 to see you and Charlie and Carolyn.

I wanted to go to Carolyn’s [her sister-in-law in Los Angeles] and have a peanut butter sandwich (hers are so delicious always!) and iced coffee and sit on her patio like we used to.

I planned how I’d come and surprise you!

Well, Bill said O.K. I could come – Air Force would pay but I’m scared to fly – imagine me being here and I’m scared to fly and then I’d lose one month here and have to stay longer in winter and I’d need $ for a few clothes for kids and Bill would be all alone (he’d probably accomplish far more!)

Well today I had the RUNS and weak?  Oh, OH, OH.  I’ve been so sick to my stomach you’d swear I was pregnant.

Bill stayed home and helped.  He did dishes (first time here and now can sympathize with me having to heat water and all) and got breakfast and lunch.  I couldn’t eat.

Tonight I’m better and the runs have stopped.

We can hear the creek, the waterfalls and the river – they’re all so full after the rain.  The clouds have lifted and all is sweet and beautiful outside.

I love it here and someday we’ll have our road and house – but oh, how lonesome I am for all of you.  It’s all I want – to see you and then return.

It’s been a big change – moving here and living like this – it piles up on you!!

Well, this turned out to be a long letter and I feel better for writing it!

I miss YOU and love YOU!

Shall I come?

I could OR would you rather come here.

I hate to travel with all four.

Bill won’t have vacation now until next summer.

His two years are up now and if he reenlists [with the civilian Army Corp of Engineers] (signs up for two more) then we’re entitled to come to California and back free – and then in another two years – otherwise he loses it.

Help me decide.

Probably I should stay here!

Love

Children’s books arrived but I’ve been too sick to look at them but will.  Thanks!

P.S.  I’d like to drive down and Bill says NO!

P.S. II  We’ve had glorious weather and I’m tanned and so are kids.  We needed the rain – hope we’ll have more sun though.

Hope you can decipher – written hurriedly by kerosene lamp you sent.

Can you send me some sleeping pills?

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I wonder if we didn’t often suffer from food poisoning from lack of refrigeration.  I’ve NEVER had a stomach ache since I left home like I (and the rest of the family) had while we were growing up.

The ‘hut’ was the canvas covered Jamesway like a Quonset – I have a disk of slides my brother sent down from Alaska that I have yet to take a look at, will post those homesteading pics when I do

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+ADOBE WORK CONTINUES, CONTAINED GARDENS GROWING

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Still ahead of the hoped for, planned for summer rains of July!  Adobe work continues and here’s a little guided walking tour for today – after reading my mother’s letters about TOMBOY me as a little girl, I suppose I should post here a sign WARNING TOMBOY AT WORK!

Short adobe wall around the Mulberry tree, probably the ONLY place I will allow Bermuda grass to thrive. In that triangle to the left are more tomatoes and two furrows of carrots! Two of the neighbor boys scampered over last week with their precious package of carrot seeds that their father had bought them. The seven-year-old planted 1/3 of the pack, rest to be planted later in the garden I am forming today after the rains come.
Made some extra bricks yesterday, first in a long time I've had extra dirt, have to lay them down on cloth so they don't damage underlying walkway. Color is off on this one, that's the Pomegranate which also got its own little all around it yesterday, has mulch under it. To the left at lower corner will also be another contained garden. There are little glass half-marbles embedded in the adobe mortar between bricks on right.
Another contained garden area 'growing' there to the left looking south. My poor chairs, were free, but plastic gets eaten by sun here and they have no bottoms! There by the tree I am making an adobe bench - far more durable when done!
Tomatoes down there to the right of center wall, am working on next contained garden to the left
Shovel and level are providing temporary stability to board-form for triangle joining block
Laying a single-block-wide stepping path down the center of next contained garden - good soil is too expensive and valuable to waste where footsteps pack the ground
There's a little cedar tree there in the small contained garden that my sister in Texas brought me. Hope is that it will continue to grow as the Mulberry dies and can replace it for shade - though not in my lifetime. Also planted two Stargazer lily bulbs in there yesterday ($4 each on sale!)

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+A FUN POST – FROM MY DREAM – NEIGHBORLY NEIGHING NEIGHBORS!

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I bet we could accurately say, “A family that neighs together, stays together!”

I already know that this will be a light-weight post to write, which is a welcome change to the last ten or so posts I have created here on my blog.  In addition, I am happy to note that the source of this post must have come from some non-REM sleep time dreaming, something that I welcome because I carry so much of my dream time weight (evidently) during REM sleep – far more than what is either ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ (a by-product of my depression).

In the non-REM dreaming state we process current life-related information between our two hemispheres toward integration of our experience in an ongoing way.  And THIS topic – neighing and neighbors – is directly related to the last season of the Australian television series I am watching, ‘McLeod’s Daughters’.

The show is worth watching alone just for the horseflesh that trots, gallops, neighs and whinnies its way across my TV screen.  In the middle of this last season there’s a show-jumping Olympic status gigantic gray spotted mare that shows up, and I’m quite sure that it was she that stimulated whatever it was that made its way into my non-REM ‘self-integrated-with-life’ dreaming last night.  Or, perhaps my two-brains were also engaged in processing my listening experience last night to the soundtrack from the movie, “All the Pretty Horses!”

I woke up very clear about the connection between horse relationships with one another and human parallels in our relationship with our ‘neighbors’.  The connection has to be in these two words that neighed themselves into my waking consciousness this morning.  I’ll take a look – and I’ll VERY SURPRISED if my dream information was wrong.

Well, look at this!  My Google ‘Webster’s define neigh’ search brought up neighborhood, neighbor and neigh!

NEIGH

Etymology: Middle English neyen, from Old English hnǣgan; akin to Middle High German nēgen to neigh

Date: before 12th century

: to make the prolonged cry of a horse

NEIGHBOR

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English nēahgebūr (akin to Old High German nāhgibūr); akin to Old English nēah near and Old English gebūr dweller — more at nigh, boor – [a boor is nigh?  I’ll leave this word connection ALONE even though I certainly have one PIGGY neighbor – hence creation of my fence!]

Date: before 12th century

1 : one living or located near another
2 : fellow man

NEIGHBORHOOD

Date: 15th century

1 : neighborly relationship
2 : the quality or state of being neighbors : proximity
3 a : a place or region near : vicinity b : an approximate amount, extent, or degree <cost in the neighborhood of $100>
4 a : the people living near one another b : a section lived in by neighbors and usually having distinguishing characteristics

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Well, OK, so their root word origins are different – but they don’t look THAT different to me – so anyone who knows High German and/or Old High German (or ANY German at all!) please feel free to prance in all your origin-of-neighing-neighbors glory and drop a comment.  What do you think?

For me, I guess because of the way I was raised — including my time spent in childhood in the ‘wilderness’ where there were no neighbors and no fences to poke our neighborly heads over to neigh to one another – it makes perfectly good sense to me that the human right early forming social-emotional brain might rely upon a similar network of neighing-neighborly joint-speak to get along and to appreciate one another — because both horses and humans are members of a social species.

Maybe horse whispering isn’t so far away from what all humans do as they chat, banter and gossip with one another (and to mix literalized metaphors as they tweet and twitter with one another)  – and maybe TV’s talking horse Mr. Ed really DID cross the fence between species and talk to both!

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FYI:

I believe this is related to the spectrum of “Are you a sensitive?” – and to the ‘hawk’ and ‘dove’ allostatic load hypothesis by McEwen:

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motion_sickness
The most common hypothesis for the cause of motion sickness is that it functions as a defense mechanism against neurotoxins.[7] The area postrema in the brain is responsible for inducing vomiting when poisons are detected, and for resolving conflicts between vision and balance. When feeling motion but not seeing it (for example, in a ship with no windows), the inner ear transmits to the brain that it senses motion, but the eyes tell the brain that everything is still. As a result of the disconcordance, the brain will come to the conclusion that one of them is hallucinating and further conclude that the hallucination is due to poison ingestion. The brain responds by inducing vomiting, to clear the supposed toxin.

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+’SUPER INFANT-CHILD ABUSE’, WORSE THAN WAR CRIMES, IN THE REALM OF GENOCIDE-INFANTICIDE

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The comments that have grown at the end of yesterday’s post, +WHAT MY MOTHER FORGOT TO WRITE IN HER NOVEMBER 1957 LETTERS, are about a kind of ‘borderline’ that I believe exists within the mind of most members of ‘the public’.  If the kind of abuse parents like my mother was cannot be imagined, conceived of, or even BELIEVED by ‘the public’ there will not be much hope of true recovery for survivors of this kind of abuse or protection for its current victims.

Although I posted an allusion yesterday to this type of parental abuse as being more closely related to War Crimes (see +THE GENEVA CONVENTION – WE NEED WORDS TO PROTECT ABUSED CHILDREN) than it being related to the ‘species’ of child abuse most members of ‘the public’ might imagine, abuse (which is in itself far to minor a descriptive word) perpetrated against infants and children by parents like my mother was is, in my thinking, even so far PAST war crimes that if it hadn’t happened to me I probably wouldn’t be able to imagine, conceive of or believe it even could be possible myself.

Members of ‘the public’ are, by and large, reasonable (reason-able) people.  They exist on one side of this ‘borderline’ I mention in regard to coming to terms with the possible ranges of infant-child abuse (as well as with the far ranges of ANY kinds of abuse humans can perpetrate).  On the other side of this ‘borderline’ are people like my mother was who have what Dr. Martin Teicher’s Harvard research group names ‘an evolutionarily altered brain’.

But it certainly isn’t JUST their brain that is altered.  It is their ENTIRE physiology.  Once this kind of abusing adult has been created within the malevolent environments of their own early developmental caregiver relationships, the degree of change that might be possible down the road of their lives (much past the age of three, I believe) is minimal — and WILL NEVER make these people magically into SAFE infant-child caregivers.

The kinds of crimes they are capable of committing against their offspring are so far past what ‘the public’ could even begin to imagine as being even ‘war crimes’ that reason-able people cannot usually conceive of them.

No matter how despicable, how devoid of ordinary human conscience any ‘war crime’ might be, if the crimes are committed against adults they are of a different nature than the kinds of infant-child ‘abuse’ that I am talking about.  The kind of trauma altered evolutionarily altered brain that Teicher refers to IS one adapted (along with all the rest of a survivor’s physiology) to continued existence in the worst kind of malevolent world possible.  When this adapted-to malevolent environment does not contain within it even the most essential resources to ensure continued survival – elimination of offspring can very easily be the end result FOR MOTHERS.

This is, of course, not a consciously recognized aspect of the kind of ‘mind’ my mother had, but this obliviousness to FACT does not make the FACT any less real.

On this level I would say that we are not talking about ‘ordinary ranges’ of infant-child abuse.  We are not even talking about ‘ordinary ranges’ of war crimes.

The only closest collection of information that ‘the public’ might be able to reach for, accept and rely upon in their consideration of the kinds of parents I am talking about and the ‘outside-the-range of ordinary’ treatment of their offspring would be to include in their consideration all information currently available about both GENOCIDE and INFANTICIDE.

Such a ‘trauma changed mother’ operates with a physiologically-based biological imperative to eliminate offspring (one or all) in the same way an animal in the wild would (or our ancient ancestors) should life within a hostile, malevolent environment be just about as hard as possible.  The BODY that took this evolutionary detour in its earliest development CANNOT BE CHANGED BACK AGAIN to become at some later date a benevolent-environment body-brain-mind.

(It seems entirely possible to me that the genetics behind suicide and well as perhaps genetic combinations (not yet identified) behind self-harm and eating disorders might also be connected to the permanent ‘evolutionary alternative developmental changes’ related to the influencing physiological (epigentic?) factors that are involved in adaptation to early malevolent environments.)

(Another critically important factor to consider is what Tomkins describes when he says that a human infant’s adrenal gland ‘system’ is 2 1/2 times ‘more powerful’ during the earliest developmental stages in proportion to its body size than it is in our adulthood, making sure that stress-related responses to malevolence within the early environment that require adaptations-changes to best ensure survival happen as FAST, as early in development and as permanently as possible.)

That human infant-children do somehow OFTEN manage to in fact physically stay alive and survive the malevolent treatment that was done to them does NOT exclude the range of ‘abuse’ from the arena of considerations related to GENOCIDE and INFANTICIDE.  In cases such as my mother’s was, the ONLY reason she did not actually eliminate my body from the world of the living is because of her narcissistic desire to avoid reprisal for her actions.

When an infant-child is NOT actually physically killed, this means that the level of suffering from torture, terrorism, ‘abuse’ and malevolent treatment continues on and on and on and on……..  The fact that these survivors did indeed survive in NO WAY lessens the reality of the acts toward GENOCIDE and INFANTICIDE that these ‘super abusing parents’ commit.

Perhaps, I mentioned in one of my replies connected to yesterday’s post about what my mother ‘forgot’ to tell my grandmother, ‘the public’ is perfectly fine with allowing for a range of ‘acceptable losses’ related to allowing the worst of the worst possible infant-child abuse to continue – in effect, right under our noses.

When thinking about Universal Human Rights of Children we must at the same time consider that when these rights are massively denied and the reverse of human rights is what is actually happening to infant-children, we need to begin to understand that we need the equivalent of a Geneva Convention’s rules for what is to be done on behalf of these ‘super survivors’ of ‘super abusive’ parents — and what is to be done to, with and about these parents, as well.

NOTE:  I nearly always add to my posts over time once they are published – best to come directly to this site to read the up-to-the-minute versions!

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+THE GENEVA CONVENTION – WE NEED WORDS TO PROTECT ABUSED CHILDREN

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Having just posted +WHAT MY MOTHER FORGOT TO WRITE IN HER NOVEMBER 1957 LETTERS, which follows the series of selections from my mother’s letters last week about me, ‘my clothes’ and my grandmother has led me in one direction, and one direction only.  While NO child should EVER have to experience abuse of any kind – no PERSON – abuse does continue to happen.

As I work toward the publication of my books I am realizing that some child abuse (and other domestic abuse situations) lie closer in their reality to conditions surrounding being held as a Prisoner of War than they do to any other situation we could think of.

I am including in this post the wording at the beginning of the Geneva Convention relative to the Treatment of Prisoners of War.  Victims of severe infant-child abuse and other domestic violence victims are attacked by armed force.  While I don’t know if anyone has come up with a version of the Convention’s wording as it might relate to civilian attack, even reading these words as they were designed to address circumstances of adult armed conflict gives me a lot to think about as a survivor of my mother’s nearly unimaginable attacks of abuse against me over the 18 years of my infant-childhood.

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From the University of Minnesota Human Rights Library

Geneva Convention relative to the Treatment of Prisoners of War, 75 U.N.T.S. 135, entered into force Oct. 21, 1950.

PART I

GENERAL PROVISIONS

Article 1

The High Contracting Parties undertake to respect and to ensure respect for the present Convention in all circumstances.

Article 2

In addition to the provisions which shall be implemented in peace time, the present Convention shall apply to all cases of declared war or of any other armed conflict which may arise between two or more of the High Contracting Parties, even if the state of war is not recognized by one of them.

The Convention shall also apply to all cases of partial or total occupation of the territory of a High Contracting Party, even if the said occupation meets with no armed resistance.

Although one of the Powers in conflict may not be a party to the present Convention, the Powers who are parties thereto shall remain bound by it in their mutual relations. They shall furthermore be bound by the Convention in relation to the said Power, if the latter accepts and applies the provisions thereof.

Article 3

In the case of armed conflict not of an international character occurring in the territory of one of the High Contracting Parties, each party to the conflict shall be bound to apply, as a minimum, the following provisions:

1. Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria.

To this end the following acts are and shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever with respect to the above-mentioned persons:

(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;

(b) Taking of hostages;

(c) Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment;

(d) The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.

2. The wounded and sick shall be collected and cared for.

An impartial humanitarian body, such as the International Committee of the Red Cross, may offer its services to the Parties to the conflict.

The Parties to the conflict should further endeavour to bring into force, by means of special agreements, all or part of the other provisions of the present Convention.

The application of the preceding provisions shall not affect the legal status of the Parties to the conflict.

Article 4

A. Prisoners of war, in the sense of the present Convention, are persons belonging to one of the following categories, who have fallen into the power of the enemy:

1. Members of the armed forces of a Party to the conflict as well as members of militias or volunteer corps forming part of such armed forces.

2. Members of other militias and members of other volunteer corps, including those of organized resistance movements, belonging to a Party to the conflict and operating in or outside their own territory, even if this territory is occupied, provided that such militias or volunteer corps, including such organized resistance movements, fulfil the following conditions:

(a) That of being commanded by a person responsible for his subordinates;

(b) That of having a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance;

(c) That of carrying arms openly;

(d) That of conducting their operations in accordance with the laws and customs of war.

3. Members of regular armed forces who profess allegiance to a government or an authority not recognized by the Detaining Power.

4. Persons who accompany the armed forces without actually being members thereof, such as civilian members of military aircraft crews, war correspondents, supply contractors, members of labour units or of services responsible for the welfare of the armed forces, provided that they have received authorization from the armed forces which they accompany, who shall provide them for that purpose with an identity card similar to the annexed model.

5. Members of crews, including masters, pilots and apprentices, of the merchant marine and the crews of civil aircraft of the Parties to the conflict, who do not benefit by more favourable treatment under any other provisions of international law.

6. Inhabitants of a non-occupied territory, who on the approach of the enemy spontaneously take up arms to resist the invading forces, without having had time to form themselves into regular armed units, provided they carry arms openly and respect the laws and customs of war.

B. The following shall likewise be treated as prisoners of war under the present Convention:

1. Persons belonging, or having belonged, to the armed forces of the occupied country, if the occupying Power considers it necessary by reason of such allegiance to intern them, even though it has originally liberated them while hostilities were going on outside the territory it occupies, in particular where such persons have made an unsuccessful attempt to rejoin the armed forces to which they belong and which are engaged in combat, or where they fail to comply with a summons made to them with a view to internment.

2. The persons belonging to one of the categories enumerated in the present Article, who have been received by neutral or non-belligerent Powers on their territory and whom these Powers are required to intern under international law, without prejudice to any more favourable treatment which these Powers may choose to give and with the exception of Articles 8, 10, 15, 30, fifth paragraph, 58-67, 92, 126 and, where diplomatic relations exist between the Parties to the conflict and the neutral or non-belligerent Power concerned, those Articles concerning the Protecting Power. Where such diplomatic relations exist, the Parties to a conflict on whom these persons depend shall be allowed to perform towards them the functions of a Protecting Power as provided in the present Convention, without prejudice to the functions which these Parties normally exercise in conformity with diplomatic and consular usage and treaties.

C. This Article shall in no way affect the status of medical personnel and chaplains as provided for in Article 33 of the present Convention.

Article 5

The present Convention shall apply to the persons referred to in Article 4 from the time they fall into the power of the enemy and until their final release and repatriation.

Should any doubt arise as to whether persons, having committed a belligerent act and having fallen into the hands of the enemy, belong to any of the categories enumerated in Article 4, such persons shall enjoy the protection of the present Convention until such time as their status has been determined by a competent tribunal.

READ REST HERE

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+WHAT MY MOTHER FORGOT TO WRITE IN HER NOVEMBER 1957 LETTERS

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This is what my mother forgot to say in her letters to her mother in November of 1957, two months after my sixth birthday when I was in the first grade.  She forgot to tell her mother that she had beat her skinny little daughter so hard that she could barely stand up and until it really hurt her to sit down.

She forgot to say that she left bleeding gashes in her little girl’s arm from digging her sharp fingernails into her skin as she dragged her around the kitchen while she beat her with her other fist.  She forgot to say that she slapped her face so hard it made her little girl’s nose bleed all over her crying face and into her mouth.  She forgot to say that she screamed her rage so loudly that if there had been any neighbors in hearing range maybe they would have come racing through the woods to see what all the terrible noise was about.

She forgot to say that she propped her little girl on the tall kitchen stool in the dark back hall and made her sit there while she returned to the kitchen to make everyone else some supper.  She forgot to say that the rest of the family ate all that good smelling food but Linda didn’t get any.  She forgot to say that Linda was ignored by everyone, even her father, not only during supper, but for all the time the dishes were being washed and the others watched TV and then went to happily off to bed after all the lights were turned off.

She forgot to say that her firstborn little girl spent the whole night awake even though she was very tired, sitting on that stool.  She forgot to say that her little girl’s stomach hurt very much, not because she was still so hungry, but because the terror stayed in there growing and growing and growing.

She forgot to say that her little girl needed to go to the bathroom but stayed frozen on that stool, terrified to move because she had been told to SIT THERE OR ELSE.

She forgot to say that she was a stupid, evil, very mean mother for buying a little girl who traveled more than two hours a day on a filthy Alaskan school bus some city girl’s turquoise jacket with white fake fur ruffs on the sleeves and around the bottom edges and inside the hood.  She forgot to say that it was IMPOSSIBLE for this little girl to find a way to keep this jacket clean but that didn’t matter and nobody told Linda THAT.

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+FOUND THE LETTER – not a good one

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Filling in the blank spots, and this one is about the turquoise coat – this letter was in the ziplock of undated letters – figured out where it goes [I had just turned 6, first grade]:

November 11, 1957

“Linda is driving us crazy.  Mom she’s a TOM BOY and acts as such at school.  I’m determined for her not to wear levis to school (most do).  But she ruins everything she wears:  tears, holes, ground in dirt.  She’s harder on clothes than John is!  I don’t dare let her wear skirt you sent except to Sunday school!  I’ve lectured, explained, preached and spanked.  Well, she no longer lies – I’m thankful for that and is sweet and helpful in house but oh you should see her come home!

Her beautiful turquoise jacket and white fur is filthy.  First day she ruined it, I washed it heartbroken (it’s a beauty and expensive) and made her wear old jacket for one week.  Then let her wear it again – same thing – and always blames other children!  I gave up.

Then I bought her a lovely pair of garbardine [sic] beige pants and plaid flannel – 5.00 and I need some myself as I only own levis (one pair).  Yesterday she came home and two holes right through in knees.  I never would’ve treated my clothes like that!

So levis for her!!  And she doesn’t care!  Why try?

Today I’m going to try to get refund on lay-a-way of her clothes to apply to others.  It’s no use – we can’t afford to buy her things to ruin first day.  Maybe when she’s older she’ll care!

Meanwhile oh how I need things.  I don’t even have overshoes yet – whole family is outfitted and I have no winter coat even or wool slacks.  I’m tired of it, believe me and Bill says nothing ‘til I have money.  Meanwhile Linda ruins her clothes! ! ! !

Well, from now on I think more of myself and less for her! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Must close.  Much love Mom and thanks a million for your letters.  Give love to Cahills and next I write to Charlie.  Give HIM my love Please!

P.S.  Forgot to tell you she was crawling on cement on school pretending she was a dog! ?”

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*Age 6 – Mother’s letter – purchase of the turquoise coat

*Age 6 – Jan. 1958 First Grade in Mother’s Letters

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