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Here’s the next letter that follows the one I mentioned in the last post.  When I write about ‘where was my grandmother to protect me?’ – even after our move away from her to Alaska – my mother’s attitudes are clear in her words here.  This battle ‘over Linda’ between my mother and her mother had been going on since the day I was born.

November 26, 1957 Tuesday

“Dear Mother,

Bill brought home ‘the letter’ last night that you addressed wrong – isn’t it funny how you can do something like that.  I did it many times last summer.

I am glad I wrote my recent letter and hope you fully understand so I won’t have to repeat myself in the future.  You’ve always been far overly concerned with LINDA’S actions anyways.  I am not nearly as concerned with ‘tom boyishness’ which is not as prevalent now anyways as with poor behavior in school and traits and personality.  It takes far more anyways than ‘a pretty dress and a pretty face’ to be nice.  She does wear pretty dresses to school and looks like a Princess in her beautiful jacket (when it’s clean!!)  I no longer wish to discuss it with you and I will appreciate no further comments and psychological theories from you!  Save them for the Cahill’s [her brother’s family] – I’m sure they’ll welcome them – I never have and I especially don’t now.

We feed, clothe and love our children and we will discipline them and reward them as WE see fit now and in the future!!!!!  They are our responsibility – we brought them into the world – they’re NOT your children ‘only your grandchildren’.  PERIOD.

* * * * *

The weather has turned cold here but we like it.  The temperature has gone down to 18° nights and 20° and 22° days.  There’s no snow on the ground – although weather report predicts it today.  But it looks as if it’s snowed as the ground has a thick white coat of frost which remains all day now and the trees are also heavy with frost.  The creek is partially frozen and has widened considerably.  Parts of the surface are ice but the water still runs swift beneath and around the ice.  In places there are big chunks of ice and icicles hand around edges and from trees where water has splashed.  It’s fun to watch the changes – it looks more like a pond now, in places and although rough in spots will be good place for children to learn to ice skate when frozen solid!”

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Talk about crazy making!  It was like  the terrible abuse did not exist.  My mother could wave her magic wand and VOILA!  We are NOT talking about the terrible things done to me, we are talking about the marvels of today’s Alaskan weather!  See:  *AGE 6 – FIRST GRADE — NIGHT ON THE STOOL

My mother would probably have ACTUALLY liked to KILL her own mother for her interfering ‘on behalf of me’ – but she didn’t have to.  My mother simply CONTROLLED her mother.  Like a baseball mis-hit that disappears out of sight – nobody bothers to look for it – life just keeps on going.  In cases of severe infant-child abuse, that’s mostly what I believe DOES happen.  (These are NOT easy letters for me to read.)

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At the end of this November 26 letter, mother adds a postscript, which in my thinking is a complete sham.  The  concern for my mother actually has nothing to do with money.  Her concern is that my grandmother be prevented from ever ‘interfering’ with how my mother treated me, as she had made clear at the beginning of this same letter.  Everything in this postscript is a deflection away from THIS fact:

“P.S.  I hope I never have to mention again about children.  I don’t want to feel I can’t tell you about children or say something without a barrage of letters of advise following.

So once and for all:

We want no financial assistance in any way from now on.

Only birthday and Xmas etc. gifts and those inexpensive and no more spent on our children please by you than we can spend on them!  I don’t want Grandma giving them expensive gifts – love and thought count just as much.

We’re tight financially now and will be for two years but even if I were a millionaire I want children to learn the value of $ and saving and spending own allowance etc. – also to be considerate, polite and thoughtful.  I want to bring them up the way WE see fit – it’s one reason we wanted to come up here.

* In order to bring up our children in our own way – as we see fit!!!

I don’t want them to be materialistic or have false standards – I think it will be far more possible here than in Southern California.

We intend to scrimp and save and don’t want you (please) influencing them in any way!

You’re their grandma – their only one now – and they need grandmotherly love and we need love too.

Use your well-earned $ $ on yourself.  Take trips, buy pretty clothes for you.  Do things! – Go places!

From now on let’s limit your Birthday gifts to children to 10.00 or under and Xmas 5.00 a piece.  NO MORE!!”

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