+LIVING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF INFANT-CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND TERROR

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In light of the formative nature of the mother-infant interactions that lead to the development of the human right limbic emotional-social brain as presented in my last post, +HOW DOES THE SELF GET FORMED? HERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF IMPORTANT INFO, it is perhaps one single range of related emotions that creates the most ongoing, lifelong problem:  Terror.

See search:  fear and infant brain development

For those of us who were maltreated as infants, it might well be that this emotional range was not only NOT regulated by our interactions with our mother as this last post describes, but our terror was also AMPLIFIED by the very person who was supposed to protect us and keep us safe and secure.

I suspect that within this emotional range related to terror we live the rest of our lives with both the inability to adequately regulate it — but also with far more terror experience built into us that most people might be able to imagine.

The terror range includes not only fear, anxiety and panic, but also dread, foreboding and uneasiness that includes the sense that we are always waiting for something bad to happen – something scary and overwhelming.

As my last post explained, these emotional reactions were created in us long, long before the reason-able abilities of our brain were formed and developed.  They exist on a very physiological level within our body itself.  Our body, in its feedforward and feedback information signaling loops, keeps us continually aware that danger and threat are not far away.  We cannot rest, relax, or ever assume that we are safe and secure.  Instead, we are always prepared to survive what we cannot see – that which we have anticipated (and often received) since the earliest times of our life = trauma.

Ours is a cellular early warning system.  Ours is a continual state of warning and high alert, operating often well outside our range of conscious awareness.

Our terrorizing and terrifying experiences happened to us often way before we had words to think thoughts with.  They happened while the very brain that we NOW think with was forming itself.  If the mothering we received was inadequate and/or scary, the nameless fear became a fundamental part of who we are from the time of our beginning.

Most of us are thus naturally so used to the presence of this ‘structural terror’ that we cannot imagine ourselves in the world feeling any other way.  This state is a ‘given’ one for us.  If we can be honest with our self, the times when we have truly felt (while not under the influence of a drug) absolutely safe, secure, relaxed and calm are the exception in our life rather than the rule.

If we don’t consciously feel this state of ill-at-ease all of the time, we know it is never far away because we know we risk this terror state overwhelming us unexpectedly and often seemingly out of nowhere.  Our entire body-brain-mind-self exists as a trauma alarm system that never runs out of batteries and never turns itself off.

We can experience this undercurrent of trauma-response in our body as a hypersensitivity to anxiety (e.g. anxiety, PTSD) or as a hyposensitivity (e.g. depression).  If our earliest caregiver-infant interactions were not as positive as the one’s described in my last post, we need to understand and expect that our vagus nerve system and its connection to our autonomic nervous system (ANS – ‘stop’ and ‘go’ branches) have been disrupted.

I just wanted to point this out today in response to the post I just published.  I KNOW what this chronic state of underlying dread feels like.  I live with it nearly every single moment of my life.  I have become unbelievably aware of this fact since my children have all left home.  During the 35 years of my adult life I had dependent children living in my home, my caregiving system’s operation superseded my awareness of my chronic inner state of alarm.  Now that they have left home and live on their own, I notice that my alarm system runs nearly all of the time.

Being able to dissipate the power my inner alarm system has over my states of being requires nearly continual conscious monitoring.  I do not know how to shut it off or how to regulate this inner state of foreboding so that it will go away.  I doubt that is even possible.  At least by studying the kind of information I posted earlier today I at least have a much clearer understanding of where this alarm system came from and how it was formed very early into my right limbic emotional-social brain and body through traumatic early experiences with my out-of-control violent and abusive mother.

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+HOW DOES THE SELF GET FORMED? HERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF IMPORTANT INFO

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Browse through or study the information presented in this post about attachment and the early forming right brain – but it is IMPORTANT!  There is a nitty-gritty to attachment and the part it plays in our brain-mind-self development.  When we think about our own self in the world, and as we interact with our self and with others, we are exercising our attachment system as it formed us and formed itself into us.  Empathy may well be what connects the operation of our emotional and social brain – because these operations happen in the same place – our earliest forming right limbic EMOTIONAL-SOCIAL brain.

The information I am going to present today seems complicated because we are not used to thinking about ourselves and others in the terms that most accurately describe our human, social specie’s inner workings – or the behaviors and actions that we accomplish because of how our body-brain actually works.

This information today comes from the writings of Dr. Allan N. Schore, presented in his book, Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self (2003).  This information comes from the second chapter in his book:  Minds in the Making:  Attachment, the Self-Organizing Brain, and Developmentally-Oriented Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy (pages 33-57)

There’s plenty to think about here.  I left some of my own musings in italics interspersed within these quotations from when I first encountered this information several years ago.  Bold type and underlining throughout is mine.  This is as close to a human operating manual as I think we could find.

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IMPORTANT

++ the attachment relationship directly shapes [through certain maternal behaviors] the maturation of the infant’s right-brain stress-coping systems that act at levels beneath awareness (schore/ar/44)

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The orbital cortex matures in the middle of the second year, a time when the average child has a productive vocabulary of less than 70 words.  The core of the self is thus nonverbal and unconscious, and it lies in patterns of affect regulation.  (schore/ar/46)”

++++

“If attachment is interactive synchrony, stress is defined as an asynchrony in an interactional sequence, and, following this, a period of reestablished synchrony allows for stress recovery. (schore/ar/39)”

[This is what Schore elsewhere calls ‘rupture and repair’.]

++++

“Indeed, psychobiological attunement, interactive resonance, and the mutual synchronization and entrainment of physiological rhythms are fundamental processes that mediates attachment bond formation, and

attachment can be defined as the interactive regulation of biological synchronicity between organisms…. Attachment is thus the dyadic (interactive) regulation of emotion….(schore/ar/39)”

++++

“Thus, regulation theory suggests that attachment is, in essence, the right-brain regulation of biological synchronicity between organisms. (schore/ar/41)

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Schore wrote this chapter in 2001, a presentation for the Seventh Annual John Bowlby Memorial Lecture

Bowlby’s ideas on attachment are “the dominant model of human development available to science”  (schore/ar/33)

Research is demonstrating the “clinical relevance of the concepts of mental representations of internal working models and reflective functions” are two fundamental characteristics of “minds in the making”  (schore/ar/33)

“…the new developments that are recoupling Freud and Bowlby come from neuroscience.  (schore/ar/34)”

Schore states that in his ongoing writings he writes “from a psychoneurobiological point of view, a specification of the structural systems of the developing unconscious in terms of recent brain research.  This work on “the origin of the self”…attempts to document the ontogenetic evolution of the neurobiology of subjectivity and intersubjectivity, which I equate with specifically the experience-dependent self-organization of the early-developing right hemisphere.  (schore/ar/34)”

“the structural development of the right hemisphere mediates the functional development of the unconscious mind…. [and is] the repository of Bowlby’s unconscious internal working models of the attachment relationship.  (schore/ar/34)”

“…the system unconscious” … has, according to Schore’s discussion on Freud’s work, “regulatory structures and dynamics”  (schore/ar/35)

is describing a scientific trend toward convergence of “the study of the brain and the study of the mind.  (schore/ar/35)

“The early developing right brain…is the neurobiological substrate of Freud’s system unconscious….A body of research now indicates that the right hemisphere is dominant in human infancy, and indeed, for the first 3 years of life.  (schore/ar/35)

I feel as though I am on the trail of unraveling a great mystery as I approach this chapter.  I want to understand how it was possible that I had so little independent thought before the age of 18.  I want to understand how I endured the thousands of hours of enforced isolation as a child.  I want to understand how I could sit on the side of a mountain at 18 and not think a thought.  I want to understand how exactly I GOT my mother’s mind.  And I want to understand how she GOT her own.

“the right hemisphere contains an affective-configurational representational system, one that encodes self-and-object images

“while the left utilizes a lexical-semantic mode.  In (schore/ar/35)

“greater right than left hemispheric involvement in the unconscious processing of affect-evoking stimuli” in (schore/ar/35)

“unconscious processing of emotional stimuli is specifically associated with activation of the right [unconscious mind] and not left hemisphere [conscious response]” in (schore/ar/35)

“…I suggest that structure refers to those specific brain systems, particularly right-brain systems, that underlie these various mental functions [such as internal cognitive processes like representations and defenses, and content like conflicts and fantasies].  In other words, the internal psychic systems involved in processing information at levels beneath awareness…and structural …models, can now be identified by neuroscience.  (schore/ar/36)”

“…one of the major questions of science, specifically [is], how and why do certain early ontogenetic events have such an inordinate effect on everything that follows?  (schore/ar/36)”

“period of the brain spurt that continues through the second year of life” in (schore/ar/36)

“attachment transactions mediate “the social construction of the human brain” in (schore/ar/36)”

“specifically the social emotional brain that supports the unique operations of “the right mind.”  Attachment is thus inextricably linked to developmental neuroscience.  (schore/ar/36)”

Bowlby placed “attachment at the center of human development.  In (schore/ar/36)

We now know that an infant functions in a fundamentally unconscious way, and unconscious processes in an older child or adult can be traced back to the primitive functioning of the infant.  Knowledge of how the maturation of the right brain, “the right mind,” is directly influenced by the attachment relationship offers us a chance to more deeply understand not just the contents of the unconscious, but its origins, structure, and dynamics.  (schore/ar/37)”

“attachment theory is fundamentally a regulatory theory.  (schore/ar/37)”

“…the psychobiological regulatory events that mediate the attachment process and the psychoneurobiological regulatory mechanisms by which “the right mind” organizes in infancy.  (schore/ar/37)”

++++

“The essential task of the first year of human life is the creation of a secure attachment between the infant and primary caregiver.”

“Indeed, as soon as the child is born it uses its maturing sensory capacities, especially smell, taste, and touch, to interact with the social environment.  (Schore/ar/37)”

++++

“But at 2 months a developmental milestone occurs in the infant brain; specifically, the onset of a criticalperiod in the maturation of the occipital cortex …  This allows for a dramatic progression of its social and emotional capacities.  In particular, the mother’s emotionally expressive face is, by far, the most potent visual stimulus in the infant’s environment, and the child’s intense interest in her face, especially in her eyes, leads him/her to track it in space, and to engage in periods of intense mutual gaze.  (schore/ar/38)”

“The infant’s gaze, in turn, reliably evokes the mother’s gaze, thereby acting as a potent interpersonal channel for the transmission of “reciprocal mutual influences.”  (Schore/ar/38)

“…Face-to-face interactions, emerging at approximately 2 months of age, are highly arousing, affect-laden, short interpersonal events that expose the infants to high levels of cognitive and social information.  To regulate the high positive arousal, mothers and infants…synchronize the intensity of their affective behavior within lags of split seconds.”  (schore/ar/38)

“In this process of affect synchrony, the intuitive … mother initially attunes to and resonates with the infant’s resting state, but as this state is dynamically activated (or deactivated or hyperactivated) she fine tunes and corrects the intensity and duration of her affective stimulation in order to maintain the child’s positive affective state.  As a result of this moment-by-moment state matching, both partners increase together their degree of engagement.  The fact that the coordination of responses is so rapid suggests the existence of a bond of unconscious communication. (schore/ar/38)”

“In this interpersonal context of “contingent responsivity” the more the mother tunes her activity level to the infant during periods of social engagement, the more she allows him/her to recover quietly in periods of disengagement, and the more she contingently responds to his/her signals for reengagement, the more synchronized their interactions becomes…. The primary caregiver thus facilitates the infant’s information processing by adjusting the mode, amount, variability, and timing of stimulation to its [the infant’s] actual temperamental-physiological abilities.  These mutually attuned synchronized interactions are fundamental to the ongoing affective development of the infant.  (Schore/ar/39)”

Reciprocal facial signally thus represents an open channel of social communication, and this interactive matrix

promotes the outward expression of internal affects in infants.

In order to enter into this communication, the mother must be psychobiologically attuned not so much to the child’s overt behavior as to the reflections of his/her internal state.[I don’t have a clue what this means?  I’m probably running into my own “wall of damage” here – How could the infant’s overt behavior deviate from it’s internal state at this point?  Wouldn’t they naturally be in sync?  An infant at this age would not be able to lie!] In light of the fact that misattunements are a common developmental phenomena, she also must modulate nonoptimal high levels of stimulation that would trigger hyperarousal, or low levels that engender hypoarousal in the infant.  (schore/ar/39)”

“Most importantly, the arousal-regulating primary caregiver must

participate in interactive repair to regulate interactively induced

stress states in the infant.  If attachment is interactive synchrony, stress is defined as an asynchrony in an interactional sequence, and, following this, a period of reestablished synchrony allows for stress recovery.  [Boy, I sure missed this one, too!!  Yet I am sure I had lots of “interactively induced stress states” from my mother’s abuse of me!  I am sure I had lost of stress states, and they sure weren’t repaired!  All asynchrony, no synchrony.}  In this reattunement pattern of “disruption and repair” the “good-enough” caregiver who induces a stress response in her infant through a misattunement, self-corrects and in a timely fashion reinvokes her psychobiologically attuned regulation of the infant’s negative affective state that she has triggered.  [My mother certainly invoked a lot of stress with no repair.] The key to this is the caregiver’s capacity to monitor and regulate her own affect, especially negative affect.[And in course when parents were abused themselves as infants, they lack this ability – except with “earned attachment.”] (shore/ar/39)”

“These regulatory processes are precursors of psychological attachment and its associated emotions.

“An essential attachment function is “to promote the synchrony or regulation of biological and behavioral systems on an organismic level”…  Indeed, psychobiological attunement, interactive resonance, and the mutual synchronization and entrainment of physiological rhythms are fundamental processes that mediates attachment bond formation, and attachment can be defined as the interactive regulation of biological synchronicity between organisms….(schore/ar/39)”

IMPORTANT

“To put this another way, in forming an attachment bond of somatically expressed emotional communications, the mother is synchronizing and resonating with the rhythms of the infant’s dynamic internal states and then regulating the arousal level of these negative and positive states.

Attachment is thus the dyadic (interactive) regulation of emotion ….  The baby becomes attached to the

psychobiologically attuned regulating primary caregiver who not only

minimizes negative affect but also

maximizes opportunities for positive affect.  Attachment is not just the

reestablishment of security after a dysregulating experience and a stressful negative state; it is also the

interactive amplification of positive affects, as in play states.

Regulated interactions with a familiar, predictable primary caregiver create not only a sense of safety, but also a

positively charged curiosity that fuels the burgeoning self’s exploration of novel socioemotional and physical environments.  (schore/ar/40)”

“Furthermore, attachment is more than overt behavior, it is internal, “being built into the nervous system, in the course and as a result of the infant’s experience of his transactions with the mother… in (schore/ar/40)”

“…transfer of affect between mother and infant…processes whereby the primary object relations become internalized and transformed into psychic structure…. Work of Trevarthen on maternal-infant protoconversations…”The intrinsic regulators of human brain growth in a child are specifically adapted to be coupled, by emotional communication, to the regulators of adult brains:….  In these transactions, the resonance of the dyad ultimately permits the intercoordination of positive affective brain states.

“Trevarthen’s work underscored the fundamental principle that the baby’s brain is not only affected by these transactions, its growth requires brain-brain interaction and occurs in the context of an intimate positive affective relationship.  These findings support Emde’s assertion that “it is the emotional availability of the caregiver in intimacy which seems to be the most central growth-promoting feature of the early rearing experience” (1988, p. 32) in (schore/ar/40)

“There is consensus that interactions with the environment during sensitive periods are necessary for the brain as a whole to mature.  But we know that different regions of the brain mature at different times.  (schore/ar/40)”

right hemisphere matures before the left – infant’s emotional experience is stored in the right brain in sounds, pictures and images during early brain formation stages —  primary process

left matures later – secondary process functions

“I suggest that in these affectively synchronized, psychobiologically attuned face-to-face interactions the infant’s right hemisphere, which is dominant for the infant’s recognition of the maternal face and for the perception of arousal-inducing maternal facial affective expressions, [boy, talk about magnified arousal when the infant is so sensitively attuned to the mother’s face and her face is full of hate, rage and violence!} visual emotional information, and the prosody of the mother’s voice, is focusing her attention on and is therefore regulated by the output of the mother’s right hemisphere, which is (schore/ar/40) dominant for nonverbal communication, the processing and expression of facially and prosodically expressed emotional information, and the maternal capacity to comfort the infant.  (schore/ar/41)

“In support of this, Ryan and his colleagues, using electroencephalogram (EEG) and neuroimaging data, reported that “the positive emotional exchange resulting from autonomy-supportive parenting involves participation of right hemispheric cortical and subcortical systems that participate in global, tonic emotional modulation” …  In (schore/ar/41)  [this quote isn’t saying if this is in the adult, in the infant’s brain, or in both]

IMPORTANT

CONSCIOUSNESS

SHARING A MOTHER’S BRAIN

“There are clear experimental and theoretical indications that this emotional exchange also effects the development of the infant’s consciousness…. Tronick and his colleagues described how microregulatory social-emotional processes of communication generate

intersubjective states of consciousness in the infant-mother dyad.  In such there is “a mutual mapping of (some of) the elements of each interactuant’s state of consciousness into each of their brains” ….  (schore/ar/41)

++++

“Tronick and his team (1998) argued that the infant’s self-organizing system, when coupled with the mother’s, allows for a brain organization that can be expanded into more coherent and complex states of consciousness.  I suggest that Tronick was describing an expansion of what the neuroscientist Edelman (1989)

called primary consciousness, which relates visceral and emotional information pertaining to the biological self to stored information processing [what does “stored information processing” mean?] pertaining to outside reality.  Edelman lateralized primary consciousness to the right brain.  (schore/ar/41)

++++

“Thus, regulation theory suggests that attachment is, in essence, the right-brain regulation of biological synchronicity between organisms. (schore/ar/41)

According to Schore, Bowlby (1969a) asserted “…that attachment behavior is organized and regulated by means of a “control system” within the central nervous system.  (schore/ar/41)

BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

MATURATION OF AN ORBITOFRONTAL REGULATORY SYSTEM

Mature orbitofrontal cortex – “acts in “the highest level of control of behavior, especially in relation to emotion: … and plays “a particularly prominent role in the emotional modulation of experience” …  (schore/ar/41)”

“The orbitofrontal regions are not functional at birth.  (schore/ar/41)”

Over the course of the first year, limbic circuitries emerge in a sequential progression, from amygdala to anterior cingulated [is this the limbic cortex?  See figure 22 p. 43] to insula and finally to orbitofrontal …  And so, as a result of attachment experiences, this system enters a critical period of maturation in the last quarter of the first year, the same time that working models of attachment are first measures.  (schore/ar/42)”

++++

below – this is all one paragraph

“The orbital prefrontal cortex is positioned as a convergence zone where the cortex and subcortex meet. (schore/ar/42)”

It is the only cortical structure with direct connections to the hypothalamus, the amygdala, and the reticular formation in the brain stem that regulates arousal, and through these connections it can modulate instinctual behavior and internal drives.  (schore/ar/42)”

++ The orbital prefrontal cortex is positioned as a convergence zone where the cortex and subcortex meet.

++ only cortical structure with direct connections to the hypothalamus, the amygdala, and the reticular formation in the brain stem that regulates arousal

++ through these connections it can modulate instinctual behavior and internal drives

But because it contains neurons that process face and voice information, this system is also capable of appraising changes in the external environment, especially the social, object-related environment.  (schore/ar/42)”

++ contains neurons that process face and voice information

++ capable of appraising changes in the external environment, especially the social, object-related environment

Due to its unique connections, at the orbitofrontal level cortically processed information concerning the external environment, (e.g., visual and auditory stimuli emanating from the emotional face of the object) is integrated with subcortically processed information regarding the internal visceral environment (e.g., concurrent changes in the emotional or bodily self state).  (schore/ar/42)”

++ cortically processed information concerning the external environment is integrated with subcortically processed information regarding the internal visceral environment

In this manner, the (right) orbitofrontal cortex and its connections function in the “integration of adaptive bodily responses with ongoing emotional and attentional states of the organism” ….  (schore/ar/42)”

++  (right) orbitofrontal cortex and its connections function in the “integration of adaptive bodily responses with ongoing emotional and attentional states of the organism

++++

“The orbitofrontal system is now described as “a nodal cortical region that is important in assembling and monitoring relevant past and current experiences, including their affective and social values”  .….”(T)he orbitofrontal cortex is involved in critical human functions, such as social adjustment and the control of mood, drive and responsibility, traits that are crucial in defining the ‘personality’ of an individual”  ..  (schore/ar/42)”

++ assembling and monitoring relevant past and current experiences, including their affective and social values

[I did not have a sense of my self over time.  My memories were not connected to one another or to me.  Every incident of abuse was a “first time”]

++ is involved in critical human functions, such as social adjustment

++ control of mood

++ drive

++ responsibility

++ traits that are crucial in defining the ‘personality’ of an individual”

[Well, this area of my brain was damaged —  this has something to do with time – past and current experiences – it must have something to do with what I call dissociation, then – if all the experiences are just left somewhere to languish, without ever being “assembled” and nothing was ever considered “relevant” —  nothing had value —  I had no “right” to be a person, no right to value anything – and I could not override my mother’s injunction that I was not worth anything, and therefore nothing mattered to me – no value, no matter.

The word “drive” is in here – but if this part of the brain is not functioning at birth, do we have any drives at birth?]

++++

cortical-subcortical limbic network

“This frontolimbic cortex is situated at the hierarchical apex of an “anterior limbic prefrontal networkinterconnecting the orbital and medial prefrontal cortex with the temporal pole, cingulated [limbic cortex] and amygdala.  “This cortical-subcortical limbic network is involved in “affective responses to events and in the mnemonic [related to memory] processing and storage of these responses” …  (schore/ar/42)”

++ affective responses to events

++ the mnemonic [related to memory] processing and storage of these responses

[I did not have a sense of my self over time.  My memories were not connected to one another or to me.  Every incident of abuse was a “first time”]

“The limbic system is thought to be centrally implicated in the implicit processing of facial expressions without conscious awareness … in the capacity “to adapt to a rapidly changing environment,”  and in “the organization of new learning” …(schore/ar/42)”

[++ implicit processing of facial expressions without conscious awareness — reading social cues?

++ adapt to a rapidly changing environment — this is very hard for me, part of what is hard about the substitute teaching (that I am going to try again) —-  also, maybe why it takes me more time to answer a question!

++ organization of new learning —  reminds me of this summer, and of learning trig!!]

“Current findings…the limbic system is the site of developmental changes associated with the rise of attachment behaviors.  Indeed, it is held that “The integrity of the orbitofrontal cortex,” the highest level of the limbic system, “is necessary for acquiring very specific forms of knowledge for regulating interpersonal and social behavior”  … in (schore/ar/42)”

++ the limbic system is the site of developmental changes associated with the rise of attachment behaviors

++ the orbitofrontal cortex is the highest level of the limbic system

++ its integrity is necessary for acquiring very specific forms of knowledge for regulating interpersonal and social behavior

++++

Western (1997, p. 542) who asserted that “The attempt to regulate affect – to minimize unpleasant feelings and to maximize pleasant ones – is the driving force in human motivation.”  (schore/ar/46)”

++++

“The orbitofrontal system, the “Senior Executive” of the social-emotional brain, is especially expanded in the right cortex (Falk et al., 1990), and in its (schore/ar/42) role as an executive of limbic arousal it comes to act in the capacity of an executive control function for the entire right brain.  This hemisphere, which is dominant for unconscious processes, performs, on a moment-to-moment basis, a “valence tagging” function, in which perceptions receive a positive or negative affective charge, in accord…with a calibration of degrees of pleasure-unpleasure [pleasure seeking or avoiding]…. It also contains a “nonverbal affect lexicon,” a vocabulary for nonverbal affective signals such as facial expressions, gestures, and vocal tone or prosody …. (schore/ar/43)”

++ orbitofrontal system is Senior Executive” of the social-emotional brain, especially expanded in the right cortex

++ role as an executive of limbic arousal  and has role of executive control function for the entire right brain

++ This hemisphere is dominant for unconscious processes,

++ performs, on a moment-to-moment basis, a “valence tagging” function, in which perceptions receive a positive or negative affective charge

++  in accord…with a calibration of degrees of pleasure-unpleasure [pleasure seeking or avoiding]….

++ It also contains a “nonverbal affect lexicon,” a vocabulary for nonverbal affective signals such as facial expressions, gestures, and vocal tone or prosody

[I think this is what goes way back to the beginning of human life.  SEEKING attachment as a basic survival drive to meet the need of belonging, from which we will assign, discover, discriminate, differentiate all other positive or negative things the rest of our lives.  This is NOT a minor aspect of what is damaged and skewed with infant abuse.  It is core and central.  “appraisal and arousal” system

“good-enough” attachment lets this valence tagging system work well enough for us to function in the socioemotional world.  Without it, we will never be able – automatically or simply or accurately or quickly – to discriminate between what gives pleasure and what doesn’t – what to approach and what to avoid]

“The right hemisphere is, more so than the left, deeply connected into not only the limbic system but also both the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) that are responsible for (schore/ar/43) somatic expressions of all emotional states.  For this reason, the right hemisphere is dominant for a sense of corporeal and emotional self …  Indeed, the representation of visceral and somatic states and the processing of “self-related material” … are under primary control of the “nondominant” hemisphere.  The ANS has been called the “physiological bottom of the mind” …  (schore/ar/44)”

++ right hemisphere is, more so than the left, deeply connected into the limbic system

++ right hemisphere is, more so than the left, deeply connected into both the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) [physiological bottom of the mind]

++ that are responsible for somatic expressions of all emotional states

++ right hemisphere is dominant for a sense of corporeal and emotional self

++ right hemisphere is responsible for representation of visceral and somatic states and the processing of “self-related material

[I did NOT have a sense of self]

“…connections of the highest centers of the limbic system into the hypothalamus (the head ganglion of the ANS and anatomical locus of drive centers)…central role of drive in the system unconscious.  The fact that the right hemisphere contains “the most comprehensive and integrated map of the body state available to the brain” (Damasio, 1994, p. 66) indicates … “drive” as “the psychical representative of the stimuli originating from the organism”… [reaches] the “right mind” …”  (schore/ar/44)”

++ right hemisphere contains “the most comprehensive and integrated map of the body state available to the brain”

++ connections of the highest centers of the limbic system into the hypothalamus (the head ganglion of the ANS and anatomical locus of drive centers)…

++ “drive” as “[to Freud] the psychical representative of the stimuli originating from the organism”… [reaches] the “right mind”

“For the rest of the lifespan, the right brain plays a superior role in the regulation of fundamental physiological and endocrinological functions whose primary control centers are located in subcortical regions of the brain.  Because the hypothalamo-pituitary-adrenocortical axis and the sympathetic-adrenomedullary axis are both under the main control of the right cerebral cortex, this hemisphere contains “a unique response system preparing the organism to deal efficiently with external challenges”  …and thus its adaptive functions mediate the human stress response.  It therefore is centrally involved in the vital functions that support survival and enable the organism to cope actively and passively with stress …  In support of Bowlby’s speculation that the infant’s “capacity to cope with stress” is correlated with certain maternal behaviors (1969a, p. 344), the attachment relationship directly shapes the maturation of the infant’s right-brain stress-coping systems that act at levels beneath awareness.  (schore/ar/44)”

++ For the rest of the lifespan, the right brain plays a superior role in the regulation of fundamental physiological and endocrinological functions whose primary control centers are located in subcortical regions of the brain

++ Because the hypothalamo-pituitary-adrenocortical axis and the sympathetic-adrenomedullary axis are both under the main control of the right cerebral cortex, this hemisphere contains

++ “a unique response system preparing the organism to deal efficiently with external challenges”

++ and thus its adaptive functions mediate the human stress response

++ the right hemisphere is centrally involved in the vital functions that support survival and enable the organism to cope actively and passively with stress

IMPORTANT

++ the attachment relationship directly shapes [through certain maternal behaviors] the maturation of the infant’s right-brain stress-coping systems that act at levels beneath awareness

“The right hemisphere contributes to the development of reciprocal interactions within the mother-infant regulatory system and mediates the capacity for biological synchronicity, the regulatory mechanism of attachment.  Due to its role in regulating biological synchronicity between organisms, the activity of this hemisphere is instrumental to the empathic perception of the emotional states of other human beings…..According to Adolphs and colleagues, “Recognizing emotions from visually presented facial expressions requires right somatosensory cortices” and in this manner “we recognize another individual’s emotional state by internally generating somatosensory representations that stimulate how the individual would feel when displaying a certain facial expression”  (2000, p. 2683).  The interactive regulation of right brain attachment biology is thus the substrate of empathy.  (schore/ar/44)”

++ the right hemisphere mediates the capacity for biological synchronicity, the regulatory mechanism of ++ the activity of the right hemisphere is instrumental to the empathic perception of the emotional states of other human beings [mindsight]

++ right hemisphere somatosensory cortices are required for us to recognize visual presentation of facial expressions

++ we recognize others’ emotional states by internally generating somatosensory representations that are simulations of how that person would feel when displaying that particular facial expression [how did I learn what I did learn of this?  It is an area of shortcoming/disability for me at times.  I understand this to be the beginnings of “thought” – is that why I did not think?  Wonder?  I was thinking today, one must have some experience of something that is different or “other” in order to miss it, or even to imagine it – certainly to be able to hope for it or to have any expectations]

++ The interactive regulation of right brain attachment biology is thus the substrate of empathy [again, this makes me wonder about earned attachment – did I just watch my children and follow their lead?  Did I “join” with them?]

++++

MEMORY

“The right brain stores an internal working model of the attachment relationship that encodes strategies of affect regulation that maintain basic regulation and positive affect even in the face of environmental challenge (schore, 1994).

Because the right hemisphere is centrally involved in unconscious processes and in “implicit learning” … this unconscious model is stored in right-cerebral implicit-procedural memory.

Neuropsychological studies now also reveal that the right hemisphere, “the right mind,” and not the later forming verbal-linguistic left, is the substrate of affectively laden autobiographical memory …  (schore/ar/45)

[So what on earth happens if there is no attachment relationship?  Therefore no encoding of strategies of affect regulation that maintain basic regulation — and certainly no positive affect no matter how challenging the environment is!

Does this lack, then, also affect the right-cerebral implicit-procedural memory storage process?  AND, I did not, for 18 years, have “affectively laden autobiographical memory.”  I never thought about what happened to me.  But I do remember like in 5th grade imagining that I was kidnapped and left alone tied up in the back of a large truck – wondering and hoping if my parents would even care about me to look for me – let alone find me – and the strange thing is, I couldn’t imagine anything else but just this one thing – and I WANTED them to find me.  I wanted them to love me.  Yet even now, I can’t really handle it when people, even my kids, love me – like that part of me is numb, dead, or never developed that had the ability to feel love.  That is a tragedy of my life.  I have no trust of anyone. How do I know that I love others, what I feel is a HUGE feeling, but not be able to feel it if/when somebody loves me?  I think this is related to earned attachment and borrowed attachment. All I know is that I begin to feel a great sadness as I write this, and I fight to keep my distance from it – is it the hopeless despair I am really feeling?

This is part of where I think the “contamination” in professional thinking is – is this truly dissociation, not to remember the incidents once they occur?  And because they are not remembered, there was no possibility that they would or could be linked together.  I would think this would be a huge aspect of having no continuity, no continuousness, no coherent life story!  What does this have to do with consciousness?

Makes me think of that one time I was a senior and I stood and looked at the bathroom in our apartment and said to myself, “Now I am going to look at this and make a choice and decision to remember it.”  I still do.

Which reminds me of what happened – that whole summer of torture – related to leaving that note torn up in that bathroom’s wastebasket.  Why did I leave it there?  I had no consciousness –of the possible, probable consequences – so how well did I know mother’s mind – or my own?  (No reflective function – see below)]

++++

Psychobiological models refer to representations of the infant’s affective dialogue with the mother that can be accessed to regulate its affective state [NOPE, didn’t happen – unless I had models both of her public interactions with me and of her terrible private ones?] …  The orbitofrontal area is particularly involved in situations in which internally generated affective representations play a critical role …  Because this system is responsible for “cognitive-emotional interactions” … it generates internal working models.  These mental representations, according to Main, Kaplan, and Cassidy (1985), contain cognitive as well as affective components and act to guide appraisals of experience.  Recent findings – that the orbitofrontal cortex generates nonconscious biases that guide behavior before conscious knowledge does … codes the likely significance of future behavioral options … and represents an important site of contact between emotional information and mechanisms of action selection …– are consonant with Bowlby’s (1981) assertion that unconscious internal working models are used as guides for future action.  (Schore/ar/45).”

++ orbitofrontal area is particularly involved in situations in which internally generated affective representations play a critical role

++ this system [orbitofrontal area] is responsible for “cognitive-emotional interactions”

++ this system [orbitofrontal area] generates internal working models

++ mental representations contain cognitive as well as affective components and act to guide appraisals of experience

++ orbitofrontal cortex generates nonconscious biases that guide behavior before conscious knowledge does

++ orbitofrontal cortex codes the likely significance of future behavioral options

++ orbitofrontal cortex represents an important site of contact between emotional information and mechanisms of action selection

++++

SOCIAL EDITOR

“According to Fonagy and Target (1997), an important outcome of a secure attachment is a reflective function, a mental operation that enables the perception of another’s state.  [And, as Siegel certainly states, of one’s own mind] Brothers (1995, 1997) described a limbic circuit of orbitofrontal cortex, anterior cingulated gyrus, amygdala, and temporal pole that functions as a social “editor” that is “specialized for processing others social intentions” by appraising “significant gestures and expressions” (Brothers, 1997, p. 27) and “encourages the rest of the brain to report on features of the social environment” (p. 15).  The editor acts as a unitary system “specialized for responding to social signals of all kinds, a system that would ultimately construct representations of the mind” (p. 27).  Neuropsychological studies have indicated that the orbitofrontal cortex is “particularly involved in theory of mind tasks with an affective component” (stone and the others) and in empathy (Eslinger, 1998).  (Schore/ar/45)”

++ limbic circuit of orbitofrontal cortex, anterior cingulated gyrus, amygdala, and temporal pole that functions as a social “editor” that is “specialized for processing others social intentions” by appraising “significant gestures and expressions and “encourages the rest of the brain to report on features of the social environment

++ The editor acts as a unitary system “specialized for responding to social signals of all kinds, a system that would ultimately construct representations of the mind

++ orbitofrontal cortex is “particularly involved in theory of mind tasks with an affective component and in empathy

[So, do I have empathy?  I don’t know!  I think I have compassion – but I don’t really know anything at this point except that I know I have damage here – I have great difficulty with social intentions and the social environment.  How could I not?  I had no social environment – after the first grade coat abuse I never dared play at school again!

I can’t even understand what most people “mean” when the ask me a question – there are always so many possible meanings – and possible answers to each of those possible meanings – at the same time!  (like the Sioux Falls video store incident when I was there with Jan)  I can’t understand humor.  I can’t tell if people mean what they say – not even if they say they love me.  I mean, not even my siblings or my kids!  Love is a social emotion —

Trouble:  limbic circuit of orbitofrontal cortex, anterior cingulated gyrus, amygdala, and temporal pole that functions as a social “editor]

++++

“As previously mentioned, the orbitofrontal control system plays an essential role in the regulation of emotion.  This frontolimbic system provides a high-level coding that flexibly coordinates exteroceptive and interoceptive domains and functions to correct responses as social conditions change; processes feedback information; and thereby monitors, adjust, and corrects emotional responses and modulates the motivational control of goal-directed behavior.  It thus acts as a recovery mechanism that efficiently monitors and regulates the (schore/ar/45) duration, frequency, and intensity of not only positive but negative affect states.  Damasio has emphasized that developmental neurological damage of this system in the first 2 years leads to abnormal development of social and moral behaviors ….  (Schore/ar/46)”

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] provides a high-level coding that flexibly coordinates exteroceptive and interoceptive domains and functions to correct responses as social conditions change

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] processes feedback information

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] thereby monitors, adjust, and corrects emotional responses

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] modulates the motivational control of goal-directed behavior

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] acts as a recovery mechanism that efficiently monitors and regulates the duration, frequency, and intensity of not only positive but negative affect states

++ orbitofrontal control system [frontolimbic system] neurological damage in first 2 years of life leads to abnormal development of social and moral behaviors [this happens when there has been an insecure attachment – or no attachment — with a primary caregiver who has had misattuned interactions with the infant in abusive, neglectful, and traumatic environments]

++++

CORE SELF FORMED

++++

below here is all one paragraph

The orbital cortex matures in the middle of the second year, a time when the average child has a productive vocabulary of less than 70 words.  The core of the self is thus nonverbal and unconscious, and it lies in patterns of affect regulation.  [So, if there has been no affect regulation, I guess that means there is no self by this age.  And if whatever interactions that have occurred between infant and caregiver are extremely violent and terrifying, and peritrauma is chronic, then the brain must, to my thinking, form itself in disassociated fragments – although I don’t think schore uses “disorganized” in this book]

“This structural development allows for an internal sense of security and resilience [NOPE!] that comes from the intuitive knowledge that one can regulate the flows and shifts of one’s bodily based emotional states either by one’s own coping capacities or within a relationship with caring others.

“In developmental neurobiological studies, Ryan, Kuhl, and Ceci (1997) concluded that the operation of the right prefrontal cortex is integral to autonomous regulation, and that the activation of this system facilitates increases in positive affect in response to optimally challenging or personally meaningful situations, or decreases in negative affect in response to stressful events.

“Confirming earlier proposals for a central role of the right orbitofrontal areas in essential self-functions … current neuroimaging studies now demonstrate that the processing of self occurs within the right prefrontal cortices … and that the self-concept is represented in right frontal areas (…  (Schore/ar/46)”

++ orbital cortex matures in the middle of the second year, a time when the average child has a productive vocabulary of less than 70 words.

++ core of the self is thus nonverbal and unconscious, and it lies in patterns of affect regulation

++ This structural development allows for an internal sense of security and resilience that comes from the intuitive knowledge that one can regulate the flows and shifts of one’s bodily based emotional states either by one’s own coping capacities or within a relationship with caring others. [this is the ideal, and happens when there has been a secure attachment with a primary caregiver who has facilitated attuned interactions with the infant in adequate ways – happens in 50 – 55% of the population – otherwise, there are degrees of damage to this region of the brain and its functioning]

++ operation of the right prefrontal cortex is integral to autonomous regulation

++ activation of this system facilitates increases in positive affect in response to optimally challenging or personally meaningful situations

++ activation of this system facilitates decreases in negative affect in response to stressful events.

++ central role of the right orbitofrontal areas in essential self-functions

++ the processing of self occurs within the right prefrontal cortices

++ the self-concept is represented in right frontal areas

++++

“The functioning of the “self-correcting” orbitofrontal system is central to self-regulation, the ability to flexibly regulate emotional states through interactions with other humans (interactive regulation in interconnected contexts via a two-person psychology) and without other humans (autoregulation in autonomous contexts via a one-person psychology).  The adaptive capacity to shift between these dual regulatory modes, depending upon the social context, emerges out of a history of secure attachment interactions of a maturing biological organism and an early attuned social environment.  The essential aspect of this function is highlighted by Western (1997, p. 542) who asserted that “The attempt to regulate affect – to minimize unpleasant feelings and to maximize pleasant ones – is the driving force in human motivation.”  (schore/ar/46)”

++ the orbitofrontal system has a “self-correcting” function that is central to self-regulation

++ the ability to flexibly regulate emotional states through interactions with other humans (interactive regulation in interconnected contexts via a two-person [and on a more social level, more than two people] psychology)

++ and without other humans (autoregulation in autonomous contexts via a one-person psychology)

++ The adaptive capacity to shift between these dual regulatory modes, depending upon the social context, emerges out of a history of secure attachment interactions of a maturing biological organism and an early attuned social environment.

++ “The attempt to regulate affect – to minimize unpleasant feelings and to maximize pleasant ones – is the driving force in human motivation,” and is the essential aspect of this “self-correcting” function

[I suspect that I found a way to “self-correct” as an infant in a world of the monster and me.  There wasn’t anyone else there to help me do it.  It was like being given a spoon and being told to go dig the Panama Canal.  But I did it.  My brain built itself the best way that it could under those conditions.

Now at 55 as I attempt to discover what happened to me and what really went wrong, through studying these books that I have found because I have no other alternative or option available to me, I look around at the people I encounter in the world around me and I don’t see their “affect.”  I see people in “social” environments all being “smiley” to one another.  I don’t see people being real.  And I think to myself, “This must be because I don’t know what their version of being “real” is.”

How could I?  I didn’t get anything like what most of them did.  Not what at least 85% of the population around me did.  I got what the invisible rest of us 15% got, what the “experts” call “suboptimal parenting.”  I received disorganizing chaos of violence and trauma, and I am being told by these books that the only way to “fix” what ails me is to spend lots of time in long-term therapy with the best psychotherapist money could buy.

++++

“optimal developmental scenario[s]…[facilitate] the experience-dependent growth of an efficient regulatory system in the right hemisphere that supports functions associated with a secure attachment. (schore/ar/46)”

“On the other hand, growth-inhibiting environments negatively impact the ontogeny of self-regulatory prefrontal systems and generate attachment disorders, and such early disturbances of personality formation are mechanisms for the transmission of psychopathology.  (schore/ar/46)”

[So he is saying that there is a direct link between disturbances of personality formation and the negative impact on the early development of the self-regulatory prefrontal systems – which generates attachment disorders AND “are mechanisms for the transmission of psychopathology.  He is not specifying WHICH “level” of attachment disorder (or type).

Does one have an “altered” personality under these circumstances, then?  Especially when the SELF does not develop by 18 months correctly?  Or is it that at 12 months, if there is an insecure “enough” attachment that the self doesn’t form?]

“Very recent neuropsychiatric research demonstrates that reduced volume of prefrontal areas serves as an “endophenotypic marker of disposition to psychopathology” …

“…various forms of attachment pathologies specifically represent inefficient patterns of organization of the right brain, especially the right orbitofrontal areas…(schore is quoting himself with refs here)  (schore/ar/47)”  refers here to his writings on trauma

“Yet all [forms of attachment pathologies] share a common deficit:  Due to the impaired development of the right-cortical preconscious system that decodes emotional stimuli by actual felt emotional responses to stimuli, individuals with poor attachment histories display empathy disorders, the limited capacity to perceive the emotional states of others.  An inability to read facial expressions leads to a misattribution of emotional states and a misinterpretation of the intentions of others.  Thus, there are impairments in the processing of socioemotional information.  (schore/ar/47)”

“In addition to this deficit in social cognition, the deficit in self-regulation is manifest in a limited capacity to modulate the intensity and duration of affects, especially biologically primitive affects like shame, rage, excitement [anticipation], elation [joy-enjoyment], disgust, panic-terror, and hopelessness-despair [hopeless despair].

[He is saying “like” here, not that these are all of them – but these are, in slight variation, all he has mentioned thus far]  Under stress such individuals experience not discrete and differentiated affects, but diffuse, undifferentiated, chaotic states accompanied by overwhelming somatic and visceral sensations.  The poor capacity for what Fonagy and Target (1997) called “mentalization” leads to a restricted ability to reflect upon one’s emotional states.  Right-cortical dysfunction is specifically associated with alterations in body perception and disintegration of self-representation (Weinberg, 2000).  [not that I had a self-representation in the first place}  Solms also described a mechanism by which disorganization of a damaged [this is the FIRST I have seen them use this word – oops, go back to quote from top of p 46!!!]  or developmentally deficient right hemisphere is associated with a “collapse of internalized representations of the external world” in which “the patient regresses from whole to part object relationships” (1996, p. 347), a hallmark of early forming personality disorders.  (schore/ar/47)”

[OK and WOW!  That is quite a paragraph!]

++ growth-inhibiting environments generate attachment disorders

++ attachment disorders are attachment pathologies of “various forms”

++ attachment disorders are early disturbances of personality formation – early forming personality disorders

++ attachment disorders are mechanisms for the transmission of psychopathology

++ attachment disorders all share a common deficit

++ attachment disorders represent inefficient patterns of organization of the right brain

++ especially the right orbitofrontal areas

++ growth-inhibiting environments negatively impact the ontogeny of self-regulatory prefrontal systems [making them literally smaller, of “reduced volume”]

++ development of the right-cortical preconscious system that decodes emotional stimuli by actual felt emotional responses to stimuli is impaired

++ right-cortical hemisphere — is centrally involved in attachment functions — is dominant for the perception of the emotional states of others — by a right-posterior-cortical mechanism involved in the perception of nonverbal expressions embedded in facial and prosodic stimuli – is also dominant for “subjective emotional experiences (quoting Wittling)” – and for the detection of subjective objects (quoting Atchley)” – interactive “transfer of affect” between right brains of members of a dyad best described as intersubjectivity” (schore/ar/48)”

++ attachment disorders cause individuals to display empathy disorders

++ their capacity to perceive the emotional states of others is therefore limited

++ an inability to read facial expressions leads to a misattribution of emotional states and a misinterpretation of the intentions of others

++ thus there are impairments in the processing of socioemotional information

++ this is a deficit in social cognition

++ attachment disorders have a deficit in self-regulation

++ this manifests in a limited capacity to modulate the intensity and duration of affects

++ especially biologically primitive affects like shame, rage, excitement [anticipation], elation [joy-enjoyment], disgust, panic-terror, and hopelessness-despair [hopeless despair]

++ under stress such individuals experience not discrete and differentiated affects, but diffuse, undifferentiated, chaotic states accompanied by overwhelming somatic and visceral sensations

++ attachment disorders create a poor capacity for “mentalization”

++ a restricted ability to reflect upon one’s [or others’] emotional states [not having the ability to have a “theory of mind,” which is probably a distinctly human ability]

++ attachment disorder create right-cortical dysfunction, which is specifically associated with alterations in body perception and disintegration of self-representations

++ attachment disorders create a mechanism by which disorganization of a damaged or developmentally deficient right hemisphere can cause a “collapse of internalized representations of the external world” in which “the patient regresses from whole to part object relationships”

++ this is a hallmark of early forming personality disorders

++  I would also add that there is an interference with the development of “consciousness” and “awareness” and there is an interruption in processing the passage of time.  There is also great difficulty with “transitions” between “states of mind.”

++++

“There is consensus that the psychotherapy of these “developmental arrests” [remember:  Damasio has emphasized that developmental neurological damage of this system in the first 2 years leads to abnormal development of social and moral behaviors …Schore/ar/46)” and “Solms also described a mechanism by which disorganization of a damaged or developmentally deficient right hemisphere is associated with a “collapse of internalized representations of the external world” in which “the patient regresses from whole to part object relationships” (1996, p. 347), a hallmark of early forming personality disorders.  (schore/ar/47)”] is directed toward the mobilization of fundamental modes of development … and the completion of interrupted developmental processes …  This development is specifically emotional development. (schore/ar/47)”

[If they are ONLY talking about delay of emotional development, that is ONE THING.  But I believe that as the severity of infant abuse increases, and the severity of insecure attachment increases, so also does the severity of the damage.  If there is ONLY a delay in developing skills to regulate emotions, that is one thing.  Even though these authors are agreeing that a part of the brain, specifically, has not developed properly, I think there is much much more to the picture – and it is a continued disservice to people and to clients not to recognize and then communicate the WHOLE truth – that there is STILL much we don’t know, and that in the more severe situations, it is not merely a “developmental delay” or a “developmental arrest, “ or an “emotional immaturity” that is the problem.  It is in severe cases irreversible brain changes and/or damage.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER; LINKS TO INFO ON BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

++++++++++++++++++++++

In memory of my mother, and of the monster that ate her, here are some links I am behind on (catching up!) on information about Borderline Personality Disorder.

++++++++++++++++++++++

But — First This, with gratitude to the person who sent me this link:

Eavesdropping on Happiness

Well-Being Is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations

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From Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD

Your Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder.

It is not uncommon for people with BPD to be misdiagnosed with another disorder before getting the correct diagnosis. Many clinicians who are less familiar with BPD might assign someone a diagnosis of chronic depression, or bipolar disorder, or even an anxiety disorder. Learn more about diagnosis of BPD.

BPD and Violence – The Facts, Not the Stigma Do men and women who have BPD commit more violent acts that the general population? Are all people with BPD violent? To what kinds of violence are people with BPD most prone?

Understanding the Cluster B Personality Disorders While BPD is associated with impulsive violence, there are other personality disorders that are associated with premeditated violence. Learn more about the Cluster B personality disorders.

What is Phone Coaching and How Can It Help You? One important aspect of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for borderline personality disorder is phone coaching. What is phone coaching, and how can it help you cope with symptoms?

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Learn more about the symptoms and associated features of borderline personality disorder, including emotional and relationship instability, impulsivity, suicidality, self-harm, and more.

Proposed Revisions to the DSM – Are Big Changes on the Way? The American Psychiatric Association (APA) recently posted the proposed changes to the upcoming edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (fifth edition). Find links to the relevant changes and share your reaction.

The Current BPD Diagnostic Criteria If you want to see just how big the changes are, here are the DSM diagnostic criteria for BPD as they currently stand.
What’s In a Name? Many are surprised that the term “borderline” is not being replaced in the DSM-V. Learn more about the history of the name controversy here.
Stigma and BPD For years, in the United States and abroad, public information campaigns have tried to combat the stigma associated with mental illness. Unfortunately, these campaigns don’t seem to have been successful.

BPD versus Bipolar Disorder – How to Tell the Difference The primary reason that some clinicians confuse BPD and bipolar disorder is that they share the common feature of mood instability.

Learn how to tell the difference between BPD and bipolar symptoms.

How is a BPD Diagnosis Made? How is BPD diagnosed? What symptoms contribute to a BPD diagnosis? And who made up these diagnostic criteria anyway? Learn all about BPD diagnosis.

What to Expect from a Good BPD Assessment Many people have been misdiagnosed after an inadequate or incomplete assessment. What should an assessment look like? How do you know you’ve been thoroughly assessed? These guidelines will help you understand how to get a good BPD assessment and what to expect.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Learn more about the symptoms and associated features of borderline personality disorder, including emotional and relationship instability, impulsivity, suicidality, self-harm, and more.

How to Create a Safety Plan This article covers the steps in making a clear and comprehensive safety plan. This is not something that can be done when you are already in the midst of a mental health emergency.

If you don’t already have a safety plan, bring this article to your therapist!

The Pros and Cons Tool This is a great tool to add to your safety plan – at lower levels of crisis, the pros and cons tool helps you make decisions about high risk behaviors.

Build a Social Support Network A key to a good safety plan is to have many sources of social support to rely on so that someone is always available (and so that you don’t burn-out existing supports). But how do you find support when you need it?

For Family and Friends of Individuals with BPD Does someone you care about have BPD? BPD can affect all types of relationships, including friends, family members, and romantic partners. Learn more about how BPD may be affecting your relationship, how to cope when a loved one has BPD, and how you can help..

Must Reads

What is BPD?
Symptoms of BPD
Diagnosis of BPD
Treatment of BPD
Living with BPD

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+LINKS: CHILD ABUSE AND CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION

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I am getting way behind on posting information links on child abuse prevention and Child Rights.   Here’s a post for catching up!!  Just click, roll and scan – follow any links that appeal to your interests.

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New Site about Kids’ Health for Parents

Posted: 10 Mar 2010 08:40 AM PST on Prevent Child Abuse New York’s Blog

Many parents, upon discovering their child’s stuffy nose, rising fever or latest injury, retreat to the computer to do some research. Other parents may consult Google to find answers about developmental questions, potty training or sleeping difficulties. While this can be helpful, the sheer volume of information available on the internet can be overwhelming and at times inaccurate. Good news, parents. The search for reliable information about child health and development just got easier.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recently launched a website that’s backed by 60,000 pediatricians. Healthychildren.org offers detailed answers to questions that parents have about their child’s well being. This website encourages parents to be proactive about their children’s health, providing reliable, up-to-date information.

Healthychildren.org is divided into multiple, easy to use sections, which include Ages and Stages, Healthy Living, Safety and Prevention, and Health Issues.

Although Healthychildren.org is an easy and convenient way to receive the up-to-date information, parents should always consult with their own pediatrician as well.

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Excellence in Child Abuse Prevention Awards

Posted: 15 Mar 2010 12:19 PM PDT on Prevent Child Abuse New York’s Blog

Do you know someone who has made an exceptional difference in the lives of New York’s children and families? Who works tirelessly to see that children live in families that love, nurture and protect them? Who has made their community a better, more supportive place for parents and kids? If so, we want to hear about them!

Prevent Child Abuse New York and New York’s Children and Family Trust Fund are proud to announce the 15th annual award recognition of excellence in the field of child abuse prevention in New York State.
Qualified nominees will have had an impact on any of four levels:

  • Societal issues, such as social norms or public policies.
  • Community issues, such as community development.
  • Personal relationships, such as family or peer-to-peer interactions.
  • Individual knowledge, attitudes, skill, or behavior about children or maltreatment.

The awards will be presented at the 15th Annual Child Abuse Prevention Conference, Education, Inspiration & Solutions , being held at the Marriott Hotel in Albany, New York, April 26-28, 2010.

Individuals, organizations and companies are all eligible for nomination.

For more information about the NYS Child Abuse Prevention Conference and the Excellence Awards, please call 518-445-1273.

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From CRIN – Child Rights Information Network

9 March 2010 – Child Rights at the Human Rights Council 58

Side event on national violence strategies [news]

A side event at the 13th Council session tackled the issue of violence against children, with delegates discussing the publication and implementation of the Council of Europe’s new Council of Europe Policy guidelines on integrated national strategies for the protection of children from violence.

Hannu Himanen, Permanent Representative of Finland to the United Nations Office, began the event by quoting the 2006 UN Study on Violence Against Children, which emphasised that action on violence requires an integrated plan. He said: “A piecemeal approach does not do the job.”

“For example”, he said, “in Finland, my country, the governement banned corporal punishment in 1984. This was an important step, but still it occurs. A recent study showed that one quarter of Finish adults accept the notion of corporal punishment.”

Mr Himanen said that a quote from Thomas Hammerberg, Commissioner for Human Rights at the Council of Europe, at the 20th CRC anniversary conference, had stayed with him. Mr Hammerberg said: “It is paradoxical and an affront to humanity that the smallest and most vulnerable people should have less protection from assault than adults.”

Lothar Friedrich Krappmann, of the Committee on the Rights of the Child, said: “The adoption of these guidelines is a significant step in the protection of violence against children.”

He went on to emphasise that: “No violence against children is acceptable. All violence against children is preventable.” Mr Krappmann said this was not limited to physical violence, but also mental abuse.

He said there had not been enough coordination between different initiatives, programmes and policies. “These guidelines affect more than 200 million children,” he added.

Marta Santos Pais, Special Representative to the Secretary General on Violence Against Children, also presented at the event. She said: “Regional organisations such as the Council of Europe can have a huge influence in regional implementation of standards, and aid cross fertilisation.”

The Council has been very influential in promoting a regional platform, she continued. In 2010, many countries have not adopted a violence strategy, even though the UN Study on Violence Against Children stated all countries should adopt a strategy by 2007. This should also include laying down markers for implementation. These European guidelines help to address some of these requirements and are relevant everywhere, she added.

She said: “I believe that promoting the dissemination of these guidelines will help us move forward on implementing the UN Study’s recommendations, and could provide a good framework in countries all over the world.”

Lioubov Samokhina, Head of the Children’s Rights Policies Division at the Council of Europe, spoke about the development of the guidelines, and the approach taken in the drafting process. “The main objective of the guideline is to promote a culture of respect for the rights of children, and to stimulate change in the attitude towards children and childhood,” she said. The main aim of the guidelines, she added, was to encourage States to develop a multi-faceted and systematic framework.

Idália Moniz, Secretary of State for Disability, Portugal, spoke of her country’s efforts to adopt an integrated and model strategy. She emphasised the importance of redefining budgets. Portuguese criminal law was changed in 2007 to outlaw all forms of corporal punishment. Cooperation is needed on all levels, from local researchers to policy and decision makers, she said.

NGO role

Peter Newell, of the NGO Advisory Council on Violence Against Children, spoke of the role of the non-governmental sector.

He said: “We are speaking about all violence, however slight. There is an adult tendency to draw a line between so-called softer forms of violence.”

He said the biggest role for NGOs was advocacy. “I think these guidelines are an advocacy tool of great value,” he added.

Mr Newell said there is still a long way to go, within the Council of Europe, and everywhere else. Mechanisms are still not being used to promote an end to all violence against children, and no country can claim to have an effective strategy against violence against children when some forms of punishment are still legally endorsed.

Twenty seven of the 47 Member States have still not prohibited all forms of violence against children, and in many countries corporal punishment is still permitted in institutions such as care homes. It is inconceivable that States would defend legalised violence towards any other groups, such as women, people with disabilities or elderly people, Mr Newell said.

Retrospective research studies interviewing young adults about their childhood show many had experienced sexual assault and other forms of violence, but they did not report it, in part because of a mistrust of social services. He said: “Proper child protection systems must involve children being systematically invited to give their views on such systems.”

Mr Newell said it was important that, while it is usually NGOs that facilitate child participation for government programmes and policy, it should really be governments themselves that are involving children directly.

“It is fine for NGOs to provide demonstration and pilot projects, but in doing so it is important we are not colluding with governments in their failure to fulfil their obligations,” he said.

A change in attitudes requries long-term campaigning. Mr Newell also mentioned how some church and faith groups were embracing an approach against violence, while evidence of abuse in such institutions is becoming more publicly acknowledged.

He said he felt conspiracy laws should be used against those groups that attempt to cover up evidence of sexual exploitation and other forms of violence towards children.

During the discussion following the presentations, a delegate asked if there had been any positive examples of the international dissemination of the guidelines. Ms Samokhina spoke of plans to organise events on the guidelines, inviting international representatives from a range of countries and organisations.

Mr Krappmann said it is “such a hard job” to eradicate violence against children, and that it is “not just the job of European States, but of all States.”

Ms Santos Pais noted that international cooperation was also essential in respect of the migration of children.

About the guidelines

In line with the recommendations of the United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child and of the United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children, these guidelines were developed to promote the development and implementation of a holistic national framework to safeguard the rights of the child and to eradicate violence against children.

The guidelines are based on eight general principles (protection against violence, the right to life and maximum survival and development, non-discrimination, gender equality, child participation, a state’s obligations, other actors’ obligations and participation, best interests of the child) and four operative principles (multidimensional nature of violence, integrated approach, cross- sectoral co-operation, multi stakeholder approach). These have been mainstreamed throughout, including into sections on integrated national, regional and local action; education and awareness-raising measures; legal, policy and institutional frameworks; research and data collection.

Further information

For more information, contact:
Council of Europe
Building a Europe for and with children, DG III- Social Cohesion / Council of Europe, B Building – Office B137, F – 67075 Strasbourg Cedex
Tel: +33 3 88 41 22 62; Fax: +33 3 90 21 52 85
Email: children@coe.int
Website: www.coe.int/children

Visit: http://www.crin.org/resources/infoDetail.asp?ID=22119

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NGO statements

OMCT: Violence against children in detention

ECPAT : Children’s right to protection from sexual violence

Defence for Children International: Statement on Prosecution of children in military courts

Women’s World Summit Foundation: Statement on violence against children

Further information

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COUNCIL OF EUROPE: Call for papers on ending sexual violence
[news]

This call for papers is addressed to legal, health, social, research and education professionals wishing to contribute to a Council of Europe study on sexual violence against children. The study will serve as a background for the Council of Europe awareness raising campaign to stop sexual violence against children.

The Council of Europe campaign

The Council of Europe Strategy on the Rights of the Child (2009-2011) has amongst its major focuses that of eradicating all forms of violence against children. In particular, it calls for launching comprehensive awareness-raising actions to prevent and combat sexual exploitation and sexual abuse of children.

In response to this mandate, in autumn 2010, the Council of Europe will launch a pan-European campaign to stop sexual violence against children. The campaign’s overall objective will be to raise European societies’ awareness of the full extent of sexual violence against children and to equip them with knowledge and tools to prevent it. The campaign will address the various forms of sexual violence including child pornography, child prostitution, online grooming, child sex tourism and child sexual abuse.

The future study

Given the complexity and sensitivity of the issue at stake, the Council of Europe wishes to prepare a study to inform and guide the campaign. The study should cover inter alia the following dimensions:

  • Overview of the extent of sexual violence (sexual exploitation and sexual abuse) in Europe;
  • Overview of the legal framework (global and European) to combat sexual violence against children;
  • Sexual violence reporting and referral mechanisms;
  • Rehabilitation services for child victims of sexual violence;
  • The range of services available for children exhibiting sexually harmful behaviour;
  • Training of professionals to identify and report sexual violence;
  • Internet dimensions of sexual violence against children;
  • Support services for potential and actual adult perpetrators of sexual violence;
  • Data collection on violence against children;Communication and awareness raising campaigns against sexual violence in Council of Europe member States.
  • Sexual education and prevention of sexual violence

The proposed length for research articles addressing one of the aforementioned issues should be no more than 8,000 words (about 15 to 16 A4 pages, normal spacing) and should be submitted in one of the official languages of the Council of Europe, i.e. English or French.

Following the selection procedure, a limited number of experts will be invited to work with the Council of Europe on a contractual basis, during the period between April and June 2010.

Building a network of professionals

The experts who will contact us will be also invited to express their interest in cooperating with the Council of Europe in the various projects and activities to be launched during the campaign, the objective being to build a network of professionals wishing to bring their expertise and the results of their work to a community of practice at European level.

How to contact us

Please fill the document enclosed and send it, accompanied by your CV to Ms Marie-Francoise GLATZ (marie-francoise.glatz@coe.int) by 31 March 2010 at the latest.

For more information, contact:
Council of Europe
Building a Europe for and with children
DG III- Social Cohesion / Council of Europe
B Building – Office B137
F – 67075 Strasbourg Cedex, France
Tel: +33 3 88 41 22 62; Fax: +33 3 90 21 52 85
Email: children@coe.int
Website: www.coe.int/children

Visit: http://www.crin.org/resources/infoDetail.asp?ID=22165

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Further information

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+LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN A CHILD AND THE LAND – MY AGE 6 DRAWINGS

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I just discovered these drawings I created in pencil when I was six – what a treat!

from Age 6 – April 1958

We had lived in Alaska nine months when I drew these pictures that I just found in one of the letters my mother wrote to my grandmother in April 1958.  I had turned 6 the 31st of August 1957.

It delights me to discover these pictures almost 52 years to the date later.  It’s obvious to me that I was already in love with Alaska.  Our family had not yet staked claim to the homestead.  April 1958 is the month my father hiked back into the valley and discovered the piece of land that he then laid claim to (I had not seen the homestead when these were drawn).

When we love, we love with detail, and in the specifics of my drawings I can see that love I had and still have for the natural world.

I wonder if that creature I drew with a snail-like head was a moose! Drawn April 1958 (age 6) of the Alaska I loved. Looking closely, I see that I even added grass along the ground line in front of the house, along with the 'ravine' lines on the peaks, and the detail of the jags on the one peak. I was also aware that the bearing-fruit tree had a root structure with an indication that the tree had leaves, branches, fruit AND roots. No eyes on the creature, though!
This is drawn on the other side of the page April 1958 (age 6) with my version of birds at top left, mountains reaching far back with attention to the edge of a ravine, a tree-lined river and a tree with branches. I took a lot of time to carefully draw in all that water!

I believe this land saved me along with this love that I had for this land.  I was absolutely attached to the place of Alaska – everything about the natural world made perfect sense to me.  It fit within me and I fit within it.  We were perfectly made for one another.

What would have happened to me if we had not moved to Alaska and the same abuse had occurred to me without this place and my love of it to sustain and nurture me?  Was I able to utilize some very ancient ancestral DNA memory of being fundamentally connected to the natural world that is, in our culture, being nearly forgotten?  A mother’s love for her child returned here in these 2 simple images.

NOTE:  Interesting, not a flower in sight!  Drawings seem very structural to me, solid, well framed, but no ‘frivolous’ flowers!

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+GENUINE EMPATHY AND COMPASSION: THE ROLE OF ATTACHMENT AND ‘EFFORTFUL CONTROL’

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“…effortful control has been related to higher levels of emotion regulation, sympathy and prosocial behavior, internalized conscience, committed compliance, and social competence.”

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My thinking never wanders very far away from wondering about how some people react to other people in their lives.  Being somewhat aware of the trauma, drama, stress, distress and duress my daughter is in the middle of right now with her premature newborn, Connor, in neonatal intensive care where she still cannot even HOLD him, kept me from being able to sleep well last night.  As a result, I came into the kitchen for my first morning cup of coffee today with far more questions in my thoughts than I had answers for.

Always when I discover that someone I care about and who is (or has been) an important figure in my life acts (or did act) in ways that are beyond my ability to comprehend I have to wonder what happened ‘way back then’ in their lives that supports and in-forms how they act in their life.

Specifically this morning I was wondering about true and genuine empathy and compassion.  I think again about Dr. Dacher Keltner’s writings even about the difference between a phony smile and the only true and genuine smile – the D-smile.  A genuine smile cannot be physiologically faked.  It corresponds to actual and very real operations within a person’s body and brain that occur in one way and in one way only.

Although we do not pause every time we see a person smile and consciously analyze whether their smile is fake or genuine, this extremely fast (in the fraction of a millisecond range) response is immediately analyzed by us within our own social-emotional body-brain response system so that we KNOW without question – automatically and correctly – how fake or genuine anyone’s smile is as we see it.

Yet all the other human behaviors that are physiologically linked into the same body-brain vagus nerve and autonomic nervous system responses most often are not as clear to us.  A smile, as a single, simple human emotional-social response, is just one of many, many human responses that happen through these same response systems.

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I am thinking about my daughter’s heart wrenching sobs that consumed her last night in her grief of not being able to hold her newborn.  As hard as it is for her, this grief is a welcome, most appropriate and necessary response.  If she felt detached and blithe about the absence of her tiny infant from her arms, that baby would be in big, deep trouble.

Yet even in thinking about my daughter right now, I also think about the response of others surrounding her in her life.  Watching the near pandemonium that has resulted from the unanticipated too-early birth of this baby, I can see the difference between what is a natural unfolding drama, and what is happening with others in her life that reeks of trauma drama.

How can we tell the difference?

When do we see overlapping dramas unfolding around us?

My guess is that as we learn to discern the difference between genuine responses to another’s distress from ‘fake’ ones we can at the same time let ourselves know that we are watching the effects of past unresolved traumas operating.  The problem is, if the traumas happened early in a person’s development, particularly in the first year or two of life, the responses that we may be victim to or witness of are not under the conscious control of those displaying them.  The behaviors are automatic and completely tied into the physiological construction of the body brain of the ‘actor’.

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Just as we can actually say that a fake smile is NOT a smile – because the only true smile is a genuine D-smile, we can also say that any and all displays connected in their origins to our vagus nerve and autonomic nervous system as they, in turn, connect to our brain result in EITHER a genuine and real display of empathy and compassion, or they result in FAKE empathic and compassionate actions that are not the real thing.

How can this be possible?

I suspect that people can ACT in ways that mimic empathy and compassion in the same way we can mimic a smile.  People can DO things that appear to be generous and considerate, can appear to happen with another person’s interest (rather than self interest) in mind — but in fact, when we analyze the entire picture of the presence or absence of trauma drama in the expression, we can see and know the difference.

Most simply, I can think about how my mother laundered clothes, prepared meals, taught table manners, or accomplished any of the so-called mothering duties that she knew how to perform – and did for her family.  And yet I cannot ever assume that she performed these actions with genuine, empathic, compassionate concern for the well-being of her family.

I do not believe my mother had the physiological body-brain capacity to experience empathy or compassion (in part as shown by her inability to experience true embarrassment or to ever admit she was wrong).

True, real and genuine consideration and caring for other people happens, in my thinking, when people can access the calm, connecting operations of their nervous system and brain.  Some peoples survival and stress response are active ALL of the time.  Everything they do, every action they perform, ALL OF THEIR CONCERN is really about their own survival in the world.  They are constantly assessing the degree of danger and threat their SELF might be in.  Everything they do and say includes on some level (rarely conscious) a consideration of their own – NOT THE OTHERS – degree of well-being.

These people’s inner resources are depleted to the extent that they cannot ever genuinely be concerned for another person’s welfare.  True, they can TRY to do good, feel good, be good – but trying to do and actually doing are not the same thing.  This all becomes most obvious under circumstances when another person is in great need, such as my daughter is right now.

When other people around her go through the motions of caring about her, and even as they try to help, the relative position of the helper’s self to the ‘helpee’ can be seen.  When on any level the helper needs to be congratulated, appreciated and/or recognized for their ‘good deeds’ or ‘good intentions’, suspect that early developmental traumas interfered with the development of the helper’s ability to experience true empathy or compassion.

What is really happening is that the helper-giver feels continually depleted and thus continually needs replenishment from outside of their own self – from others – even the needy one they are trying to offer something good to.  Sometimes the neediness of the helper-giver will show up as passive-aggressive pleas for attention and recognition.  Sometimes it will show us as sarcasm, irritability, even sabotage within the giving situation.

Sometimes it happens that the person who needs assistance simply finds no response helpful forthcoming from those they might expect to help them, or even rely and depend on to help them (as with inadequate parenting of children).

According to attachment experts, when a person has an insecure attachment and their attachment needs are thus never adequately or completely met, this person’s caregiving system will never be able to be activated appropriately, either.  In cases of so-called earned secure attachment, or what I call ‘borrowed attachment’, it is possible that the caregiver’s insecure attachment system (that is never actually deactivated) CAN still caregive.

But at the same time their are inner costs to be paid by both giver and receiver when this pattern exists.  Most simply put, at least within these altered patterns of caregiving past unresolved trauma, and their corresponding trauma dramas are not at front and center.  They simply hang around in the wings exerting less of an influence on ongoing relationships — but they are not absent completely.  As a result, these caregiving patterns can be very precarious, fragile and vulnerable to easy upset should the right conditions show up in the present that threaten these kinds of secure attachment relationships (such as I had and have with my children).

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It is completely natural that we hope for, desire, want and at times truly NEED a caregiving response from other people in our lives.  But we need to pay attention to what our gut tells us.  We can tell the difference between giving presented by securely attached versus insecurely attached people in our lives – as surely as we can all, REALLY, tell the difference between a fake and a genuine smile.

When people deprive us of care we need, such as abusive and neglectful parents do to their dependent offspring, these patterns of inadequate caregiving are obvious.  But as adults, these patterns can be far more difficult to detect because of both the subtleties and the complexities of the relationships with have with others.

Any time we sense something negative within our own self tied to any kind of assistance we receive from another, we need to trust this sense.  It is real.  As we become more clear and conscious about how we feel in relationship to how others act toward us, we can become more clear about how UNCONSCIOUS those other people probably are about their own intentions and actions.

Most often we are unaware of how it feels within our own self to have our attachment system activated.  At those times WE NEED from others.  At those times our own caregiving system is either off completely or on idle.  When we are in a state of need ourselves, it can be extremely difficult to give to others.  Yet most of the time we can be completely unaware of how all these related caregiving versus personal need transactions are happening.

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Because our emotional-social brain, and all the nervous system connections within our body, were formed during our earliest stages of development, we are most often not going to have the ability to notice how we are responding to those around us.  These early developments within our body-brain were (and are) designed to operate automatically.  We have to choose to become in-formed about how they take over our lives – including our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

I am going to introduce a simple concept here today (click on the title of the article or go to this blog’s page +Effortful Control for the full manuscript) that is really taking a look at how and where the ability to experience true and genuine empathy and compassion for another person originates.  This glimpse, however, as you will see as you take a look at the following notes from the article, is taking place ‘down the road’ from the earliest brain-nervous system development that takes place from conception to age (about) of six months to a year of age.

Already by the age of toddlerhood the fundamental experience of being a self with emotions has already been built into the body-brain.  What this article is explaining is how outward behavior can already be changed from optimal due to ineffectual and inadequate early attachment patterns with early caregivers, particularly with the mother.  This has to do with our progressed abilities that are built upon the ability to recognize and regulate emotions, an ability (or not) that is built into the earliest forming right limbic emotional-social brain and that affects our abilities to interact with our own self and with others for the rest of our life.

Notes from taken from the article:

Relations of Maternal Socialization and Toddlers’ Effortful Control to Children’s Adjustment and Social Competence

Effortful Control

Some researchers have conceptualized emotion regulation in terms of children’s effortful or voluntary control as opposed to more reactive forms of control

Effortful control has been defined as “the efficiency of executive attention, including the ability to inhibit a dominant response and/or to activate a subdominant response, to plan, and to detect errors”

Effortful control is characterized by the ability to voluntarily focus and shift attention and to voluntarily inhibit or initiate behaviors, and includes behaviors such as delaying; these processes are integral to emotion regulation

For example, effortful attentional processes can be used to regulate emotions, such as turning away from something distressing

Empirical work has shown that orienting behaviors serve a regulatory function during an anger inducing task in infancy

In comparison to emotion regulation, the construct of effortful control is viewed as a broader construct that includes an array of skills that can be used to manage emotion and its expression

Whereas effortful control is seen as reflecting voluntary behavior, reactive control refers to aspects of functioning such as impulsivity and behavioral inhibition

Reactive control refers to behavior in which individuals are undercontrolled and are “pulled” toward rewarding situations (i.e., impulsivity) or behavior in which individuals are overcontrolled and are wary in response to novelty, inflexible, and overconstrained (i.e., behavioral inhibition).

Reactive control is not considered to be part of self-regulation, and reactive undercontrol and effortful control are generally negatively related

Reactive processes seem to originate primarily in subcorticol systems, whereas executive attention, the basis of effortful control, is believed to be situated primarily in the cortex (e.g., the anterior cingulated, lateral ventral, and prefrontal cortex

effortful control is thought to emerge in late infancy and to develop rapidly during the toddler years.

Improvements in inhibitory control are exhibited between 6 and 12 months of age, and it is believed that more mature effortful control is partially evident by 18 months of age and continues to improve greatly from 22 to 36 months of age

Moreover, individual differences in toddlers’ effortful control are relatively stable in the early years and from early childhood to adolescence and adulthood

On the other hand, reactive control likely develops earlier than effortful control and may be intimately related to emotional reactions, such as fear, seen in infancy

The Relations of Effortful Control to Children’s Social Functioning

– attentional regulation (one component of effortful control)

– inhibitory control (another component of effortful control).

– internalizing problems in toddlers (separation distress)

– reactive overcontrol (inhibition to novelty).

– separation distress probably involves the inability to control negative emotions such as anxiety or sadness/depression

Children who are able to control their attention and behavior are expected to manage their emotions, plan their behavior, and develop and utilize skills needed to get along with others and to engage in socially appropriate behavior.

Indeed, effortful control has been related to higher levels of emotion regulation, sympathy and prosocial behavior, internalized conscience, committed compliance, and social competence.

The Relations of Maternal Emotion-Related Socialization to Children’s Effortful Control and Social Functioning

Although children’s effortful control reflects constitutionally based individual differences in temperament, the environment also plays a role in the development of these characteristics maternal sensitivity has been linked with infants’ and young children’s self-regulation and a reduction in negative emotion.

In toddlerhood, children with more responsive mothers have been found to display higher effortful control maternal warmth/support observed in the early years has predicted children’s ability to shift attention at 3.5 years of age, and parental warmth has been linked to children’s appropriate affect expression and regulation of positive affect.

The main goal of the current study was to examine whether toddlers’ effortful control mediates the relation between mothers’ supportive socialization strategies and four constructs reflecting the quality of toddlers’ socioemotional functioning (i.e., separation distress, inhibition to novelty, externalizing, and social competence).

In summary, in this study, we examined the relations of maternal supportive parenting to toddlers’ effortful control and social functioning at 18 months of age and 1 year later.  We began the study when children were quite young because effortful control is thought to make significant improvements in the 2nd year of life, and toddlers’ problem behaviors have been found to predict maladjustment years later.

We chose to measure children’s internalizing and externalizing problem behaviors because these problems often reflect children’s deficiencies in controlling emotions and behavior.   In addition, children’s effortful control likely facilitates social competence. Finally, we used multiple reporters and included observational measures of toddlers’ effortful control and maternal supportive parenting.

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As we begin to pay closer attention both to how we interact with others during times of needs, and to how they interact with us (and in our thinking about how our abusive early caregivers interacted with us), we can begin to see that when trauma built the body-brain, effortful control has been affected.  As difficult as it might be to accept, this means to me that perhaps most behavior that harms others IS NOT INTENTIONALLY designed to harm another person.

This is NOT to say that ‘reactive control’ behaviors are not harmful.  What I am seeking to better understand is how these behaviors can happen AT ALL, particularly when they occur in situations where a person is vulnerable (including infant-childhood).  All the above information relates to later, adult stage enactments of trauma dramas.

When true consideration for another person’s feelings and needs cannot overcome a trauma-built person’s OWN feelings and needs, true empathy and compassion cannot exist.  All attachment disorders include some component of this fact.  As a consequence, everyone with an insecure attachment pattern, built into their body-brain through less than optimal early caregiver interactions, suffers from an empathy disorder.

That certainly includes me and many people that I know.

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CHILD’S BOOK ON COMPASSION:

Tenzin’s Deer by Barbara Soros and Danuta Mayer

More Children’s Books about Compassionate Action

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+SOME MORE INFO ON MUSIC, VOICE AND THE BRAIN

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In light of the posts I have written about the changes in right brain development that can happen to abused and traumatized infants, and in light of my postings about the harm caused by verbal abuse and the corresponding healing that can happen through music, I want to highlight the link my sister sent me earlier today.

This comes from the following blog, hosted and tended by an Irish gentleman named Kevin Mitchell.  He states this about his blog:

Wiring the Brain

This blog will highlight and comment on current research and hypotheses relating to how the brain wires itself up during development, how the end result can vary in different people and what happens when it goes wrong. It will include discussions of the genetic and neurodevelopmental bases of traits such as intelligence and personality characteristics, as well as of conditions such as schizophrenia, autism, dyslexia, epilepsy, synaesthesia and others.

The specific article my sister referred me to is today’s post on this blog entitled, Wired for Music.  It’s a wonderful post that presents the human being’s ability to recognize patterns of music in the right brain that corresponds to the area we use from before birth to recognize prosody, or ‘the music of speech.”

When very young infants and children are exposed to verbal abuse and nasty, traumatizing alterations in the sound of the human voice, this section of the brain is affected.

Kevin Mitchell writes:

Music has a bizarre power to engage and affect us – to move us emotionally or literally, whether it’s foot-tapping, finger-drumming or booty-shaking.  It seems to have properties that make it automatically and powerfully salient for human beings.  An obvious question is whether this reflects some innate properties of the human brain or whether it emerges over time due to experience with types of music.  Put another way, does the brain shape the music or the other way around?  Does music show particular structures because those are inherently salient and pleasant to humans or is this reaction caused by the brain’s tendency to specialise in processing stimuli that occur with some statistical regularity in its environment?”

Please click here to read this complete post, which includes this wonderful photograph guaranteed to make you smile:

There are plenty of interesting and informative articles in his posts for his blog – please take a look – and enjoy!

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I also want to mention that my first grandchild, little boy Connor, was born yesterday at 5:22 in the morning.  He is currently in neonatal intensive care as he is premature.  He weighed 5 pounds, 13 ounces and was 19 ½ inches long, so he’s well on his way!  He just needs a little more time and some very specialized care to grow a little bit bigger and stronger so he can join his loving family at his own home!

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+NOTHING SIMPLE ABOUT THE TOPIC OF ‘PRIDE’

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How necessary is the “Who is proud of whom for what?” game?

I feel strange.  I am face-to-face with some part of my self that can do things some other parts of my self know nothing about.  I was going to back for a few minutes today and write about something I introduced the other day when I mentioned feeling proud for our children (an for our self?).

From the blog post:  Pride in the successes, achievements and accomplishments of one’s child is just another emotion and state of being that abusive parents are deprived of.  The children of these parents are then deprived of having parents who truly appreciate them for the wonderful people that they are.

I was going to return to one of the chapters I skipped in Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.  He included a chapter on ‘awe’ that I wanted to read this morning because I suspected that the ability to feel awe, an experience connected to the feel good-be good happiness, compassion and connection arm of our vagus nerve system is involved in the experience of pride as well as of awe.

Problem is for me at this moment, I cannot find his book anywhere in my house.  True, I was having problems sorting out what I could believe, accept and understand in Keltner’s writing from what I suspected was grounded in arrogance and bias, but how did I manage to vanquish this book from my sight at the same time I have no memory of doing so?

I have many books on trauma on my book shelves.  Keltner’s book is not among them.  I have searched through every pile of papers, on every table top, every book shelf, in short I have looked everywhere in my house where I could have possibly placed that book once I was done reading it, and the book is nowhere to be found.  I can’t believe I would have either trashed or donated the book without having some memory trace of having done so.  Evidently I really DIDN’T like that book!  Hum…….

So I guess I will have to wing the writing of this post about pride and the vagus nerve as I figure out what I know on my insides about this experience.  Meanwhile, this me of today is very curious about where Keltner’s book is eventually going to make its reappearance in my life!  It HAS to be here some place, but I sure have managed to hide it from myself.

This experience of missing this book makes me wonder how much can we and do we manage to hide from our own self in our life, not even realizing that we are doing so?  I have to wonder at this moment.  How much do we put away, disguise, place ‘out of sight, out of mind’ in our life because our ability to tolerate has diminished something to the point we simply cannot or will not deal with it any more?  (Was I THAT sick of Keltner?)

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So at this point, as I continue down the pathway of “What is pride?” on my forensic autobiographical journey, I call not Keltner as my first witness, but my dear sister, Cindy.  When we spoke about the topic on the telephone last night, she mentioned that from the Christian training she had in her young adult lives, she knows that the word and concept of RESPECT is directly tied in its roots to AWE.

She also affirmed that never once to her knowledge was my mother ever proud of me.  Also, in her memory, she knows of only one single instance where she knew absolutely that our mother was proud of her.  That happened when my sister trained our family’s dog for an obedience dog show and they won first place.  Mother didn’t SAY anything to Cindy, but Cindy knew mother was proud of her.

One of my own questions about pride enters my thoughts right now, though I’ll wait for a moment to consider it.  I find myself wondering, “Is the feeling of being proud of another person tied more to conditional love than it is to unconditional love?  Is there a difference between the experience of feeling proud – really for the other or for one’s own self – based on a conditional valuing based on what a person DOES rather than on who a person IS irregardless of what they actually DO?”

But, first, to finish the thoughts from last night’s conversation with my sister, I have to mention that she told me that in all her 56 years, it has been her observation that the topic of pride is a VERY SENSITIVE ONE to many if not most people.  She believe that all of these people suffer their entire lives from a wound that means they continually ACT in ways that they WANT to create a demonstration of pride for them from their parents.

The saddest part of this is that this lack of feeling ‘proud for’ existed in their earliest years and continues to be a part of adults’ feeling reality for their entire lives – and is rarely if ever fulfilled so that the DESIRE is gone.  As a consequence, people then feel empty in a place that is never filled.  It sounds to me like there’s a wound that never heals about this, a hole that’s always there, a continually unmet attachment need that then affects how a person IS in their body, in relationship with their own self and with others, for their entire life time.

My sister understands for herself that the root of ‘awe’ that is a part of ‘respect’ means that when we hear someone say to us, “That is awesome,” we are really receiving from that person a fundamental recognition of our worthiness based on fundamental respect.  My sister believes that once we lose respect for another person, our relationship with them changes – often instantaneously – forever.  Evidently being able to have respect for another person is somehow directly tied to our ability to feel pride for them.

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If this is true, I have some searching to do in order that I can understand with clarity within my own self how this respect-awe-pride pathway might actually work.  Even though I cannot locate Keltner’s book anywhere in my house, I know he connected ‘awe’ to the healthy operation of the vagus nerve system just as he did embarrassment, genuine D-miles and compassion – or he would not have included a chapter on ‘awe’ in his book.

I already know that something was wrong with the operation of my mother’s feel good-be good vagus nerve system branch.  I can understand that her stress response was “ON” all of the time.  As a result, her “STOP” arm of her vagus nerve system and of her autonomic nervous system (ANS) could never be activated toward true peaceful calmness and connection to others.  She was not safely and securely attached to her own self or to anyone else.

Now I can add her lack of ability to feel pride for me, and just barely for any of her other children, to the list of ‘symptoms’ of her infant-childhood changed growth and development from trauma, abuse and neglect.

++++

From this point forward in today’s writing I have to make it clear that I think the way I do in a particular way that gives me a bias on the topic that most people do not have – either most fortunately or most unfortunately.  I evidently have some strange immunity regarding the subject of whether other people feel proud of me or not that came from my mother’s abuse of me.

I have written in previous posts that my mother’s demise that led her development down a pathway where she was incapable of experiencing either well-being for her own self or in connection to anyone else happened (I suspect) because of the very traumatic experiences she had with her earliest caregivers as they gave her so-called love that was insanely and unreasonably conditional.  She grew up believing that her personal ‘badness’ caused her caregivers to hate her.  If she could only be ‘good enough’ she could bask in the warmth of their love.

Hers was an environment of terrible and terrifying betrayal.  This betrayal broke her.  I had the benefit of having never been betrayed.  I knew she hated me from the first breath I took.  My mother did not vacillate.  She did not wander away from her first stated course of action toward me from the time I was born.  My mother never swerved off of her course.  In her mind, I was not human.  I was the devil’s child, bad beyond possibility of redemption.

I was never tricked into believing in any way, ever, that there was anything I could do NOT to be hated and abused.  I was never fooled into believing that if I could be ‘good enough’ that she would love me.  I was never given false hope either than I was loveable or that my parents could possibly love me.

True, I am painting a grim picture almost beyond belief.  I can see this even though I know that the picture I am painting was absolutely real.  At the same time I am saying that the absolute devastation of my infant-childhood gave me at the same time the possibility of surviving it as I grew into the person I am now.

I will give you this bizarre yet accurate image:  If we could imagine an infant being born into a world where no air was ever available either that infant would die or it would find a way to endure in spite of the absence of air.  If this is the reality this infant faced, and it did manage to adapt and survive anyway, the concept of ‘air’ and the experience of needing it or of being dependent upon its presence would simply never exist.

Of course we know no human can live without air.  But if we substitute love for air in this image, I can assure you humans can manage to endure without it.  I basically did.  What little bit of love-air I found came from my 14-month-older brother, and very occasionally from contact with my grandmother and father.  Eventually I became an absolute professional at being able to endure and survive on such a pitifully inadequate supply of love-air that it’s almost beyond belief.  But because it was love that I was deprived of rather than of air, my body kept on enduring and growing through its developmental stages because it could adapt to these devastating conditions.

++++

As a consequence, I cannot conceive of the world the way my sister seems to, or in the way that evidently MOST people do.  I have no ability to imagine ever wanting or desiring my mother or father to feel proud of me.  It is not possible for me to do so.  Therefore, I cannot probably empathize with all the other people who ‘have issues’ concerning their need or desire for this ‘feeling proud’ of them by their parents – or anyone else.

On some levels, having just realized this about my self is very scary.  Yet at the same time the benefit of the pattern of abuse I received seems obvious to me.  Nothing my mother did or did not do to me altered my ability to feel proud of or for my own children.

That’s pretty darn amazing!  I could call this miracle, but I understand that in no possible way are my abilities, as they are so different from my mother’s, a miracle.  My abilities, as are everyone’s, lie within me because they are physiologically possible.  My mother lacked these abilities because they were physiologically impossible for her.

My body-brain-mind-self development did not ever include the possibility of my mother loving me, or with the possibility she could be correspondingly proud of me.  Impossible is exactly just that – impossible.  Only when the POSSIBILITY exists of something happening do we ever wish for it, desire it, hope for it, anticipate it, or expect it.    I knew from the moment I was born there was no possibility my mother loved me, conditionally or unconditionally.  Her love for me or her lack of it was never an issue.  Things were simply the way that they were and that was that.

In other words, the issue of ‘sometimes’ or of ‘some of the time’ didn’t exist for me.  Ever.  My mother did not play the tug-o-war, and I mean WAR, game with me of ‘sometimes I will love you’ or of ‘some of the time I love you’ or of ‘I would and could love you if only……”  She just fundamentally hated me.  How strange, and looking at this from this present moment, how freeing for me this ACTUALLY was.

I did not learn how to conditionally love.  I did not learn how to conditionally BE loved.  At the same time, though I don’t call it a miracle, I will say the blessing of this whole pattern in combination with my own particular makeup as a person was this:  I came out of my infant-childhood completely free to love, and I DO.  How cool is that?  Cool, I would say, beyond words or measure!

++++

Physiologically, even though I suffer from trauma and abuse in-built anxiety problems of many kinds, my vagus nerve system as it connects with my STOP and GO autonomic nervous system remained able to operate so that I am free to feel a range of emotion that includes the feel good-be good emotions and their corresponding range of options for actions.  My problem lies in that RECEIVING love and affection in all its forms is difficult if not impossible for me to FEEL.  But I CAN feel these feelings for others, and if I had to make a choice, this is the better one.  It means I can offer to others what I never had myself.

++++

I want to go back for a moment here to the ideas contained in the words ‘respect’, ‘awe’ and ‘pride’ and to very real human experience of and with them.  I suspect that my sister’s thoughts on the root of ‘respect’ might be tied to the Bible’s Hebrew translation into English text rather than to the roots in English of the word itself.  I turn to Webster’s:

RESPECT

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- + specere to look — more at spy

Date: 14th century

1 : a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>
2 : an act of giving particular attention : consideration
3 a : high or special regard : esteem b : the quality or state of being esteemed c plural : expressions of respect or deference <paid our respects>

This description doesn’t go back far enough in its origins for my liking (14th century).  I’ll follow ‘respect’ back to ‘spy’:

SPY

Etymology: Middle English spien, from Anglo-French espier, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German spehōn to spy; akin to Latin specere to look, look at, Greek skeptesthai & skopein to watch, look at, consider

Date: 13th century

transitive verb 1 : to watch secretly usually for hostile purposes
2 : to catch sight of : see
3 : to search or look for intensively —usually used with out <spy out places fit for vending…goods — S. E. Morison>intransitive verb 1 : to observe or search for something : look
2 : to watch secretly as a spy

This goes back further, to the 13th century, but this still isn’t far enough for my liking.  I want to find the connections as far back as the dictionary will track them (before the 12th century) because only then to I feel at rest knowing I am getting at a root image and concept.  I find that both the word ‘look’ and ‘see’ originated in the English language before the 12th century:

LOOK

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lōcian; akin to Old Saxon lōcōn to look

Date: before 12th century

SEE

Etymology: Middle English seen, from Old English sēon; akin to Old High German sehan to see and perhaps to Latin sequi to follow — more at sue

Date: before 12th century

Under ‘see’ I can follow ‘sue’.  I find we are now moving forward in time to the 14th century and away from older images in the word, except any reference in word origins to Sanskrit always intrigues me:

SUE

Etymology: Middle English sewen, siuen to follow, strive for, petition, from Anglo-French sivre, siure, from Vulgar Latin *sequere, from Latin sequi to follow; akin to Greek hepesthai to follow, Sanskrit sacate he accompanies

Date: 14th century

The word ‘accompany’ connects to ‘companion’:

COMPANION

Etymology: Middle English compainoun, from Anglo-French cumpaing, cumpaignun, from Late Latin companion-, companio, from Latin com- + panis bread, food — more at food

Date: 13th century

And here I find what makes me happy – a reference to a fundamental image – FOOD!  The necessity for, the procurement, provision, consumption and sharing of this basic element of FOOD is connected to safe and secure attachment in and to the world:

FOOD

Etymology: Middle English fode, from Old English fōda; akin to Old High German fuotar food, fodder, Latin panis bread, pascere to feed

Date: before 12th century

++++

OK, so I don’t see ‘awe’ in this family of word connections in relationship to ‘respect’.  What do I find if I specifically follow the meanings and origins of this word, ‘awe’?  This is interesting, and not what I would have expected (someday if I find Keltner’s book it will be interesting to see how he defines ‘awe’.):

AWE

Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse agi; akin to Old English ege awe, Greek achos pain

Date: 13th century

1 : an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime <stood in awe of the king> <regard nature’s wonders with awe>
2 archaic a : dread, terror b : the power to inspire dread

Uh-oh!  Follow that link to pain and find reference to ‘punishment’ and ‘grief’.  So, what about the word ‘pride’ itself?  Can this idea, with roots in our language before the 12th century, be in any way connected to a sense of amazement and awe at and for another person?  The concepts of ‘pride’ and ‘proud’ are fully RELATIONSHIP oriented, contextual ideas that involve social judgment:

PRIDE

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English prȳde, from prūd proud — more at proud

Date: before 12th century

1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c : delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship <parental pride>
2 : proud or disdainful behavior or treatment : disdain
3 a : ostentatious display b : highest pitch : prime
4 : a source of pride : the best in a group or class
5 : a company of lions
6 : a showy or impressive group <a pride of dancers>

PROUD

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English prūd, probably from Old French prod, prud, prou advantageous, just, wise, bold, from Late Latin prode advantage, advantageous, back-formation from Latin prodesse to be advantageous, from pro-, prod- for, in favor + esse to be — more at pro-, is

Date: before 12th century

1 : feeling or showing pride: as a : having or displaying excessive self-esteem b : much pleased : exultant c : having proper self-respect
2 a : marked by stateliness : magnificent b : giving reason for pride : glorious <the proudest moment in her life>
3 : vigorous, spirited <a proud steed>

Pause for a moment and take a look at the social judgment loading and weight related to this concept.  Look at the synonyms and try to imagine how it is possible that beginning from the time of our birth, as social beings in social interactions beginning with our earliest caregivers, we might move through our childhood and into our adulthood REALLY being able to both understand these concepts let alone being able to negotiate the billions of ways human interactions involve them:

synonyms proud, arrogant, haughty, lordly, insolent, overbearing, supercilious, disdainful mean showing scorn for inferiors. proud may suggest an assumed superiority or loftiness <too proud to take charity>. arrogant implies a claiming for oneself of more consideration or importance than is warranted <a conceited and arrogant executive>. haughty suggests a consciousness of superior birth or position <a haughty aristocrat>. lordly implies pomposity or an arrogant display of power <a lordly condescension>. insolent implies contemptuous haughtiness <ignored by an insolent waiter>. overbearing suggests a tyrannical manner or an intolerable insolence <an overbearing supervisor>. supercilious implies a cool, patronizing haughtiness <an aloof and supercilious manner>. disdainful suggests a more active and openly scornful superciliousness <disdainful of their social inferiors>.

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We have to consider the cultural environment that creates the social context of our human interactions – including the religious underpinnings of our culture.  These look to me to be anything but serene, calm, peaceful, safe and secure waters to negotiate!!  How can a very young child, moving through its age 4-6 stage of developing a workable Theory of Mind, even begin to comprehend what’s what socially?

My guess is that for anyone who has a reason to think about the idea of feeling proud for self or others, or of having others feel proud of them, would benefit from taking some time to explore in the real world, in real time, and in the language of the REAL words we use to talk and think about the topic, how incredibly complex it is.  We need to understand that when considering the idea of ‘proud’ we are considering what really is a war zone with mine fields of explosively emotionally dangerous, if not devastating, concepts.  This idea, ‘pride’ and feeling ‘proud’ deserves a warning:  DANGER ZONE!  HIGH RISK HERE!

++++

While all this might look like a Pandora’s Box, if I look among the above definitions carefully, I find the words that can best assist me in my thinking about the topic.  They are not the bold-typed words; they are the humble ones:  ‘just, wise’, ‘reasonable’, ‘having proper self-respect’.  Even the word ‘bold’ is up there, having to do with our ability to exercise our courage (within the origins of the word ‘proud’).  These, to me, are the important words related to the healing possibilities of how we can learn to think about our concerns related to absence and presence of ‘pride’.

These words are connected to the center point of calm in our vagus nerve and autonomic nervous system as they connect our experience within our body and brain.  They reside in the quiet, in the place of cooperation and acceptance, not of competition and judgment.  These are not frenetic words.  They are not restless or demanding words.  At the same time, we need to realize that at whatever point in the continuum of the pride-proud spectrum we stand as we consider our potential related losses and our gains, it is our ability to reach that center point on the teeter-totter that truly matters.

THAT point is where, I believe, our hope for increased resiliency and well-being lies, not with our worrying about who has what or who gives what to whom.  In the end, once a pride-proud transaction has occurred, what matters is that we feel safe, secure and attached within our own self with and to those we care most about.  This is an experience of acceptance, or peaceful ‘OK-ness’ in the world.  What matters is the love expressed, felt and shared.

++++

When I said the other day that abusive parents are deprived of the feeling of being proud of and for their offspring, which then deprives the offspring of the feeling that their caregiver IS proud of them, what we are talking about is actually degrees of love and of attachment as they connect to our emotional experience negotiated in our body-brain by our vagus nerve and autonomic nervous system.

The presence or absence of the positive transactions related to pride-proud happen physiologically just as the shame reaction does.  Both are about ‘rupture and repair’, rejection and acceptance.  Both of these are STOP and GO interactions that share their existence in the same physiological systems that our rest and stress responses do.  We can pay attention to the emotions (and how they feel to us in the body) as we experience them related to both kinds of experiences.

How our earliest caregivers treated us had HUGE influence on how our physiological body-brain developed, but our body-brain-mind-self BELONGS to us, not to them.  My mother’s hate-full treatment of me did not fill me with hate.  Yes, there are many levels of my being that are connected to my corresponding RAGE from being traumatized by her the way I was, but rage is not the same thing as hate.  But even the word ‘hate’ cannot be dissociated from its fundamental root concept in ‘care’:

HATE

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hete; akin to Old High German haz hate, Greek kēdos care

Date: before 12th century

1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy : loathing <had a great hate of hard work>
2 : an object of hatred <a generation whose finest hate had been big business — F. L. Paxson>

Looking carefully at what it says here I have to think about my mother’s hatred of me, and what her hatred REALLY tells me – not about me, but about her:  “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.”

Not even a consideration of the word ‘care’ or of all the actions that are connected to it – including early caregiver interactions that we experienced from infant-childhood (and beyond) is a simple or straightforward one:

CARE

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English caru; akin to Old High German kara lament, Old Irish gairm call, cry, Latin garrire to chatter

Date: before 12th century

1 : suffering of mind : grief
2 a : a disquieted state of mixed uncertainty, apprehension, and responsibility b : a cause for such anxiety
3 a : painstaking or watchful attention b : maintenance <floor-care products>
4 : regard coming from desire or esteem
5 : charge, supervision <under a doctor’s care>
6 : a person or thing that is an object of attention, anxiety, or solicitude

++++

Over and over and over again I will say that if there is any one single simple idea I can help to introduce to people, especially to survivors who have suffered early trauma and abuse, it is the idea of what I call INFORMED COMPASSION, which is a reason-able response.

Being gentle and kind within our own self as we seek to heal and grow DEMANDS AND REQUIRES of us that we learn how to expand this gentle kindness to a consideration of those who harmed and hurt us.  I don’t think we can grow gentle kindness within our own self while at the same time withholding it from the stance we take regarding others – because this stance we take comes from within our own self.

Compassion comes from the same systems in our body that create our stress and calmness responses.  It is an option we can exercise with our conscious intention, will, awareness and reflective abilities.  Informing ourselves by thinking about the words we use to think WITH is a critical part of this healing process.  It’s a part of our continued growth and development.  It’s a part of our continuing to grow up as we ‘grow out’ an expanding circle of understanding how incredibly complex it is to be a human being, let alone to be one WELL, in multiple senses of this word.

When we think in terms of pride and proud, we are really at the threshold of thinking about our truest concern:  Are we accepted or isolated?  Are we together-with or isolated and alone?  Are we approved of?  Are we deemed and proved worthy of being a part of the whole – which has to do with our very survival?  Because if we follow these concepts far enough back in our language that is what we are really talking about:  To be or not to be.  It’s about living or dying, being built up or being destroyed.

Fortunately, I was so busy growing up with my own survival in mind that I didn’t have time to learn to worry if the same woman who was so busy trying to destroy me was at the same time feeling proud of me for avoiding her destruction.  (Or proud of me for any other reason:  She was not a reason-able person.)  Looking at the roots of the word ‘proud’, it is my ability to recognize what is wise and just, along with my ability to be bold in pursuing what I know in my own self to be GOOD that I have, access and use my own power.

Nothing my mother did to me took these abilities away from me.  Her unconditional hatred of me seems to have been better for me that would have been her conditional love.  The trade-off seems to be that I have the ability to love unconditionally, which means I feel proud of and for my children because I CAN.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+LETTER FROM A PROUD MOTHER

+++++++++++++++++

Pride in the successes, achievements and accomplishments of one’s child is just another emotion and state of being that abusive parents are deprived of.  The children of these parents are then deprived of having parents who truly appreciate them for the wonderful people that they are.

+++++++++++++++++

March 10, 2010

Bisbee High School:

Greetings from the proud mother of Jay, a 2004 graduate of Bisbee High School (he completed his required courses December 2003) who this month completed his six years of service to the U.S. Air Force as an in-flight refueler – Boom Operator.  He served our country with many deployments to Iraq during this time.

Although Jay did not study music at Bisbee High School, our family is donating this guitar, stand, small amp, guitar tuner and several books to the school’s music department as our way of saying thank you to Bisbee High School for the excellent education he received that is providing the platform for his accomplishments.  Jay plans to move to Seattle to complete a fine arts BA degree in Industrial Design at the University of Washington.  He completed an AA degree in the Air Force.

Given that recent studies show that 75% of our nation’s 17 to 24-year-olds are now unfit for military duty due to lack of adequate education, criminal record and/or mental and physical unfitness, we wish to at least express our great appreciation for the fantastic job Bisbee is doing in educating youth.  At this point fully 1.8 million of our nation’s teenagers are not completing school and are not working.  I personally believe that there is little better for young people than a background in the study of music.  Our hope is that our small contribution will be of assistance to your music department – and perhaps to a student with financial obstacles that might prevent them from purchasing an instrument.

Please address any appreciation for the contribution to Jay.  I would most hope that some of the teachers and staff that knew him while he attended Bisbee High School might include a small note of compliment and encouragement for his future education with recognition of his excellent contribution to our national defense.  As Jay’s mother, I just want to say “Thank You” to everyone at your school who helped my son through his high school years!

Most sincerely,

Jay’s Proud Mother

+++++++++++++++++

+STOPPING INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA – EVEN WHEN THE CHOICES ARE HARD

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The thing about trauma triggers is that they create a break in one’s pathway through life beyond which we cannot easily pass in the present moment.  They always come because the trauma from the past has not been able to resolve itself within us.

Today might be one of those tests of the healing power of writing.  Will I be more whole at the end of this post than I am right now as I start it?

My dear daughter who is pregnant with her firstborn, a son who will be named Connor, who was due to pop into this world on April 20th.  Because of a surgery my daughter had last year everyone has known from the beginning that he would be born c-section.  All has been well through the pregnancy, and all is well with mother and baby at this moment.  The only problem is that my daughter’s water broke last night and her labor began early.

In today’s world of modern medicine I guess any delivery after 34 weeks is considered to be very low risk, even though the babies have to spend the first two weeks of their lives not cuddled within their loving mother’s tender arms, but instead have to live inside a neonatal intensive care ward being watched over as their temperature is artificially regulated as their lungs continue to develop.

There are evidently times when a person can know too much.  I know how critically important mother-infant bonding is to the well-being of both baby and mother.  One of the biggest risk factors there is for attachment disorders is complications at birth.

++++

So this brings me head-on to my own trauma triggers and my natural tendencies to overlay my past experiences onto a situation in the present that really is NOT about me, and in fact really has nothing to do with me, even though this infant is my first grandchild.  I am not his mother, and what happened to me and my firstborn daughter has nothing to do with either of THESE children – my daughter or her son.

Last night when I spoke with my daughter, who lives well over a thousand miles away from me (I’m on the Mexican border and she’s nearly on the Canadian border), I could hear all the love and connection in that hospital room where my daughter and baby have to live for as long as it takes for this process to play itself out.  My son, soon to be 25, is out of the Air Force and moved in to stay with his sister and brother-in-law in their home a week ago.  He was there.  My oldest daughter was also there.  Father of the baby was there.  His very best friend, like a brother, was there, so excited that he could barely contain himself!

So much love.  So, so much love.

It is such a miracle to me that given my own past of an infant-childhood of 18 long years of hatred and abuse from the first breath I took that I could have participated in the creation of a family where there really is NOTHING but love between my three children and those who love them.  While I know it really isn’t a miracle in some sort of objective, detached way, but rather is a consequence of lots of choices that everyone has BEEN ABLE to make along the way that were so different from the unconscious ‘choicelessness’ that was the way of my mother and father regarding me.

++++

My daughter has been given antibiotics.  She was given a shot to stop the labor.  She is not allowed to leave the hospital now.  The clock is ticking.  Everyone will do whatever is in their power to keep that little boy, who is a healthy six pounds, 11 ounces, inside of his mommy for as long as is safely possible.  Nobody knows now if that will be 3 more hours or three more weeks.

My daughter has excellent insurance, but no paid maternity leave and very high bills.  Her husband is underemployed, and like nearly every young family they have little savings and already worry about daycare and separation of mother and child because my daughter will have to go back to work shortly after Connor is born.  I certainly am poor and have nothing to offer them financially.

My daughter and her husband are in their early thirties.  They waited to have children until they were more mature, and I can count absolutely on their maturity.  That is something I did not have when I got pregnant, unmarried, at 18.  My daughter does not have a background of trauma and abuse.  She does not have an attachment disorder.  But what she evidently now will have is a major challenge to get through the first two weeks of her son’s life without him in her arms.

My daughter is very wise, very practical and very resilient.  She and her husband are very much in love and have been together over 12 years already.  They have close and dear friends.  My daughter has a flexible and supportive work environment.  She is in good health.  There is nothing about my worrying that is helpful right now.

Yet how do we get ourselves internally to an emotional hands-off state when the need arises?  Faith and hope and trust are all about our increasing our margin of feeling safe and secure in the world no matter WHAT is going on.  Admitting helplessness and an inability to affect outcomes is never easy when there is an investment of love and caring.  I will, of course, not rest until this whole birthing drama has completed itself and everyone is fine.

++++

Life is full of risk factors and their corresponding resiliency factors.  As parents, we continually work to build up the latter while trying in any way we can to lessen the possibility of the former.  Giving birth to a preterm baby is a risk factor.  Interference with the natural bonding process at birth is a risk factor.  Even the fact that in our nation we do not put preterm babies into rocking incubators is a decreased resiliency factor for the infant.  I would want to send my daughter links like these, which of course I won’t:

Tips on Sensory Stimulation of Your Premature Infant in the NICU

Common Drug For Stopping Preterm Labor May Be Harmful For Babies

Infant Massage Research

INFANT HOSPITAL BED

At birth, the rich intrauterine environment is suddenly replaced with a whole new world of sensations. The gamut of stimuli given the fetus before birth suddenly stops. Recent investigations indicate that kinesthetic stimuli such as touching, movement, sound and definition of space, stimuli provided by rocking.”

++++

My daughter’s life is hers.  I can’t be up there with her, which of course is hard.  It is hard knowing that I, as her mother, have such a trauma-changed body-brain that I’m not much good, honestly, in any kind of crisis.  That makes me mad and sad, but it’s a reality.

The other part of this relates to the ‘preoccupied insecure attachment’ pattern I mentioned in my recent post.  My own birthing experiences with my first born were traumatic.  Her current circumstances are triggering all my memories of that experience.  Most simply put, it all went something like this:

I was oblivious at 18 when I left home both about the 18 years of abuse I had just survived.  I had no frame of reference that would have allowed me to know how terribly hurt I was.  Four months out of Naval boot camp I was pregnant.  I carried the baby with no family support, not even from the father.  I was terrified about the future, and didn’t know if I could keep my child.

I counseled with a social worker through the pregnancy who told me that I did not have to rush to make any decisions.  She told me that I even could wait until the baby was born, hold the infant in the hospital, and make my decision then.

Because I conceived while still in the military (in those years a woman was thrown out if she got pregnant, married or not), the military was committed to covering my delivery.  I entered Balboa Naval Hospital in hard labor on a Monday afternoon.  I was left in hard labor, all alone, until late Wednesday afternoon before they finally decided to take X-Rays to find out what was wrong.

My daughter’s head was pushing hard against my spine and could not come out on her own.  The treatment I received during my extensive labor was anything but kind or compassionate, or even helpful.  When they decided to take the baby by turning her with forceps, they gave me a spinal block.  Once she was born, the doctor ripped the afterbirth out of my body.  I remember the flashing stabbing pain and then I was gone.  I woke up late the following Saturday, having spent the interim days unconscious and hemorrhaging.

I had friends who had driven me to the hospital but because they were not family the hospital refused to release any information to them about what had happened to me or to the baby.  I didn’t dare tell my parents I was delivering.  Their reaction to my pregnancy had been abusive and terrible.  Obviously I could have easily died in there and nobody would have known.

Once I was placed in a regular hospital room I waited for my daughter to be brought into me.  I watched one by one while all the other babies were wheeled down the hallway past the doorway of my room in their little bassinets to their mother as I eagerly waited for mine.  No baby came, and nobody would tell me why not.

I was an incredibly passive victim, but eventually I found my demanding rage.  Only when I began to scream, cry, yell and shout for my BABY did the pediatrician enter my room to tell me the following as he stood in the doorway of my room:  “You are an unwed mother and your baby is going to be given up for adoption.  She has a cut on her cheek for her forceps delivery, and if I allow you to touch her that cut will become infected and she will have a scar on her cheek for the rest of her life.  What prospective adoptive family is going to want a baby with a scar on her cheek?”

For the first time in my life I erupted with emotion.  I picked up the full stainless steel pitcher of water on the table next to my bed and screamed “You mother f****r” at him as I heaved the pitcher at his head.  I missed him by a fraction of an inch.  The pitcher dented the wooden door jam and crashed to the floor.  The doctor disappeared.

During the next several days I was in the hospital I was allowed to touch my healthy, beautiful nine pound baby girl only once.  In the middle of one night a nurse wrapped me in a sterile gown, put a sterile mask over my face, and quietly led me into a room off of the nursery as she settled me in a rocking chair.  She brought me my baby and a bottle of milk so I could feed it to her.

I can never describe how I felt in those few stolen moments.  But the next day, somehow, the doctor found out that nurse had broken his law and I could hear him screaming at her from a hallway away.  She came to talk to me later, apologizing from the bottom of her heart for how my daughter and I were being treated, and told me she had been put on probation.

I left that hospital without my baby girl.  She went into a foster home for the first month of her life.  But as I had stood with my face pressed to the glass of the hospital nursery window and watched my daughter – not crying, looking around as if she owned the place – I had vowed to her that if this was the kind of world she was going to get adopted into, there was nothing worse I could do to her if I raised her even though I had absolutely nothing to give her.

Nobody had told me how to prepare for a baby.  In my destitution and confused aloneness while being pregnant, I had not been able to take a single step in preparation for OUR future.  Looking back now, I can see that I might as well have been living in a next of poisonous vipers.  That’s how dark and lost and traumatized I was as a terrible abuse survivor.

I was not mentally capable of conceptualizing ANY future, let alone one that included me as a mother of a child.  Nobody helped me.  But I went home, took a city bus to the local Salvation Army office, and received an entire baby layette with hand crocheted blanket, sweater, bonnet and booties.  It had bottles and diapers, everything we needed except for what we needed most:  Love, guidance, connection, and hope for the future.

I had thought I would bring my daughter home from the foster home during the second week of her life.  There’s an entire story about what happened then, and why it took another two weeks before a social worker came to pick me up and drove me over to the foster parent’s home.  I never entered that house.  The social worker retrieved my daughter and brought her to me and laid her in my arms as I stood on the side of the road outside the social worker’s car waiting.

Thirty nine years later the rest is history.  Included now in this history is the moment-by-moment wait while my second daughter is watched over with her own tiny boy inside of her.  My heart aches knowing my own pain of separation I went through with my first newborn baby.  I see no way that my daughter and her son are not going to experience some of these feelings if he does have to stay in a preterm incubator without her.

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It is not ideal that I am not up there with my children right now, either.  What I am describing to you here is a big part of the reason I am not.  I can never magically evaporate the effects my traumatic past has had on me.  There is no magic wand that can make me forget, and no dissociation so complete that I can be in my daughter’s presence without my own emotional turmoil being present with me.

Right or wrong, I am here and she and baby are there.  I have, in effect banished myself because I know full well that I cannot predict or control how my posttraumatic stress disorder can or could or might or will manifest itself, and I want no part of the presence of my trauma in her life at this critical point in her and her husband’s new parenting experience.  I absolutely trust that they will work out every single tiny detail, each instant of this process, together – and well, no matter how this all plays itself out.

Nothing I am going through HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY DAUGHTER.  Nothing.  I do not wish to have any part of my trauma, as it is contained in the body of my daughter’s mother, to have any chance in HELL of contaminating or toxifying what she is going through right now.  Of course I am sad.  Very, very sad.  But this sadness belongs to the relationship I had with my own mother.  Her trauma and traumatized reactions did this to me – and now through intergenerational ripple effect is depriving both my daughter of having a happy, healthy present mother beside her right now as it deprives me of being there.

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So, where does writing this post leave me?  Mostly in a state of resignation.  My own integrity, the same integrity that has given my children a chance at a better life that they have grabbed and run with, does not let me ever lie or pretend with my children.  I am not a carefree mom.  As much as I might WISH that I could set aside all of my own problems to benefit my daughter right now, reality is that my absence is what is best for all of us.

Just because the psychotic break my mother suffered in her difficult labor with me prevented her from ever boding with or loving me, and just because the difficulties of my 18-year-old mothering life complicated my bonding with my firstborn, does not mean that my daughter NOW won’t be perfectly able to establish the vitally critical bond with her own son when he is born — even if she cannot hold him in her arms for the first two weeks of his life — that this little boy will need to experience his own life in the fullest.

But at the same time I am perhaps more consciously aware of the risk factors present, the resiliency factors needed, and of the obstacles that my daughter (and her husband) will have to overcome to create a bonding after birth with her newborn than nearly anyone else could possibly be.  When push comes to shove, and the most important priorities of life are considered, other than the most basic, fundamental necessities that staying alive in a body require, there is NOTHING in this world more important than the bond a mother has with her newborn.  NOTHING.

I think more than any other time in my life with my daughter, this time – exactly NOW – is the testing point.  Every resource she has a person will be tested, both inside and outside of herself.  Life has its critical moments, and this is certainly one of them.  I have always done the best that I possibly could to parent my children well so that they could live their own life in the best way they possibly can.

My daughter has her wings.  I know that.  She can fly.  It is my job as her mother to let her.

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