This entire post has been moved to the section on my childhood stories. Please follow this link to read it from this location:
Month: April 2009
+Giving “Taking Care of….” Back Its Good Name
Writing for the ‘many’ from the point of view of the ‘one’ presents the problem that I can’t make any blanket statements and at the same time know they are ‘true.’ I therefore suspect that living in a culture that was formed by people who had something to gain by leaving some place to travel to some place else, also had an ability to both carry their attachments within themselves and to break their physical and emotional attachment links when necessary.
Those that felt they had to leave possibly carried a grief with them at their corresponding losses for the rest of their lives. People could not do the coming and going that we often take for granted today with our improved transportation opportunities. In addition to those who traveled here by choice, many others came because they were kidnapped and stolen. torn from their attachments to home and kin and forced into slavery, military conscription, or forced to work for another with low wages and no hope of reprieve.
Even so, we find ourselves today living in a nation whose dominant value was the pioneering and adventurous spirit as it brought people to this new land and allowed them to settle its vast areas after they got here. I am not a political person but I imagine that not only democracy, but also materialism, capitalism and consumerism became intimately intertwined with the value structure of our nation in part because our brains contained some particular genetic underpinnings that had the effect of making us as a nation a people with high reward motivation and high risk taking behavior. We were geared to think ‘something new’ and had the genetic backing to accomplish what we wanted in the ‘new world.’
Looking back into our human history we know that our species spent millions of years evolving in Africa where our needs were met to the point we could eventually ‘hatch’ and leave it when climatic changes and growing population required that action of us. Interestingly enough, parenting experts refer to the stage of an infant’s life when it begins to arch its back while sitting on its caregiver’s lap so it can force-slide itself off the lap into the ‘new world’ it wants to discover, the HATCHING stage. It’s as definable a stage in human development as is the stage that women know of as the quickening when a mother feels her unborn infant’s movements within her womb for the first time.
So it’s not too far of a stretch for me to suggest that we follow these patterns from past into future individually as well as collectively. Our species hatched out of Africa and migrated and traveled from that home to another, and then another, etc. The National Geographic Society’s Genographic Project
https://genographic.nationalgeographic.com/genographic/index.html
is discovering the exact steps our species took as we moved and settled around the globe. They are able to tell us now where and when we stopped along the way and stayed put, and where we passed through as we journeyed on. For example, they found a man in Afghanistan whose father’s specific DNA code first appeared in that same place 40,000 years ago. I can assure you, it wasn’t in my ancestor’s genetic code to stay in a single place 4 years, let alone 40,000! (But even our family found itself at the end of an era I call the ‘land rush-land grab’ connected to our species’ movements around the globe, as we received probably one of the very last full titles to land granted under the US government’s Homesteading Act.)
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Each in their own way, succeeding generations of Americans have been able to satisfy what might well be our genetic ‘calling’ for more, different and better, if by no other avenue in recent history, then at least by remaining mobile enough to relocate our housing and jobs (and often our relationships), and by purchasing new and different ‘stuff’ that we have bought bought bought and consumed consumed consumed.
Taken in that light our current economic downturn simply reflects that we have reached the material end of our pioneering, enterprising, ancestral movements. We followed a particular pathway to its end and did so with fairly smooth transitions between kinds of things we were going after. NOW WHAT?
I suspect that we will have to pursue a new occupation as a people. We will have to begin to take care of what we have before there’s nothing left to take care of. We have run around in circles exercising our consumption behavior until we have very nearly filled the land space, consumed the planet’s forests and resources, poisoned our water or sucked it dry, changed our climate, made great strides in destroying the natural habitat of many species and thus also in destroying those species, broken apart our relationships, communities, families and broken our bodies by damaging our health. We have acted like spoiled children with no parent to guide us.
Now we are running out of a capitalistic materialist’s most prized possession — MONEY! So now what do we do? It is time for us to put our energy into taking care of our planet, ourselves, our children, our neighbors — of all species the world over. It is time for us to reinstate our attachments to life rather than to the pursuit of material objects.
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I see ABUSE as always being about an imbalance of resources. This pattern is ancient history. We like to think that we are no longer captives of our genetic codes? Not so. All the given parameters of what keeps a species intact and alive is contained in its genetic memory. Just because many of us have specific genetic combinations that were often of such vital use to a growing species does not mean that they are destined to lead the way — physically — forever.
Now we have to access a different array of abilities contained within the human gene pool and use our abilities in new and different ways. We are a flexible and adaptive species. It’s a new arena of discovery because the human race has reached the STOP sign of unending pursuit of MORE.
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Raising the standard of living and the quality of life for the many people of our world living in threat of starvation and death from a wide array of causes that the rest of us are not thinking about because we don’t HAVE to, does not mean that pathway to accomplishing these improvements will happen because of a MORE MORE MORE mentality. I believe it will happen when all the HAVES make the transition to a new way of being in the world based, rather, on SHARE SHARE SHARE.
We are going to be forced to take care of the problems in this world. We are running out of rope, and might just have enough left to hang ourselves with if we aren’t careful. Our species has always known how to take care of business so that offspring could survive and we could ‘go on being’. But those of us on the risk taking end of the genetic spectrum have about used up our usefulness. We might not give up our ‘control’ of the business of taking care of the world willingly, but I suspect we will do it.
++
There is an equally vast genetic pool of useful information contained within our species about ways of being in the world that are wisely preservation based, and we need to allow those people to direct the flow of traffic in a world of increasing billions of inhabitants. They might take care of business in a different way than the rest of us are accustomed to, but if they have the answers we need to take care of the world’s problems, it’s time to listen to them and let them take what to the rest of us might appear to be — a new course of action.
Consumption and conservation are not enemies of one another. They are part of the cycle of balance in life. We can no longer continue to have one while ignoring the other.
++
This post is dedicatecd to the polar bears. Having grown up in Alaska, they are dear to my heart. How much damage is ENOUGH already!
++
This on the press today:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090422/ap_on_bi_ge/us_world_economy
+THE RESILIENCY MYTH
If you weighed one hundred pounds and someone placed you on one end of a teeter totter facing a thousand pound gorilla on the other end, and then told you to get both of your feet on the ground, how exactly would you do that?
Our expectations of recovery for our selves and for others after exposure to major traumatic events can be this ridiculous. Just saying or thinking, “Oh well, they should have been more resilient,” does more harm than good. It only shows that we are talking to the wrong end of the horse.
Read the rest of the story here.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+TAKE CARE OF MOTHERS
In the end the final and greatest belief that I have, and the greatest area of focus for my work, would be to reintroduce into public awareness something our species has ALWAYS known. To the degree that we lose sight today of what still needs to be the greatest focus for our species, taking care of mothers, our species will decline.
Over the millions of years that we have been evolving and enduring, we have beat out probably at least 17 other hominid species. Climatic changes, being in the right place at the right time, perhaps (some would say) the assistance of destiny all played a part.
But in the end I believe that why we have our amazing mental abilities, our ability to use words, to continue to develop tools, technologies included, is because as a species we always FIRST took care of mothers.
In a world of increasing billions of people we can lose sight of this fact. But when it comes to the individual quality of life for our species’ members, having mothers that have the resources to take care of us still really means the difference between life and death, even if that happens mostly on a mental and psychological level.
It is, to me, the surest sign that any society is being stressed to nearly its capacity when infants are not receiving the kind of mothering care, essentially during pregnancy and an infant’s first 2 years of life, that our species has prepared us throughout evolution to receive. The topic gets hot and bothered, with lots of controversy, but nature knows what is best and always has. At the point humans did the mothering to near perfection, nature allowed us to go on and improvise for ourselves. This happened because we reached a point as a species where we could make improvements on what nature could provide for us.
At the point that we begin to make choices that are more detrimental for us than what nature has provided for other species, we will have to become accountable for our wrong choices and mistakes. I think we are at, or are very nearly at, that point.
When I consider the horrific abuse I received daily for 18 years, I can trace the genesis of it back to my mother’s childhood. She was born to a ‘professional’ woman of means who had her masters in 1918 and probably NEVER wanted children. A nanny raised my mother from birth thanks in part to the availability of bottles for feeding. My mother was not mothered. She did not have her developmental needs met, she was not protected, and in the end the adjustments she had to make activated mental illness genes that I don’t believe would have ever bothered her if her first 5 years had been right.
She should probably never have had children, either. Once she did, there was nobody there to take care of her as she mothered. Intervention did not happen. Abuse, terrible abuse, was the consequence.
As a society we can first of all overcome our social taboos against realizing that infants have very specific needs and sometimes these needs are not met and that infant, if it survives, will suffer from corresponding detriments for the rest of their lives. Infants ARE abused. Our minds do not want to consider this possibility, and we do not want to think that we are ‘accidentally’ participating in this crime.
Ignorance, denial and wishful thinking are not going to solve the problem. We need forums for considering the facts, the problems and the solutions. Because of our newly implemented technologies we are now able to extend the forces of our mind out into a big, broad world. And in this process we can help make positive changes, no matter what we are doing that brings in our paychecks.
+TRAUMA TRIGGERS and REACTIONS
I wanted to write for a moment about trauma triggers from my point of view. Part of what makes unresolved trauma such a problem in our lives is that not only do the triggers seem to have a life of their own, but our internal processing of these trauma triggers also seems to have a life of its own.
During my research I often encountered ‘helpful’ information on PTSD
(SEE: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=22491)
that suggests one method of resolving the recurring problems of unresolved trauma is to work on the fear conditioning that traumas can create. From my own point of view, this suggestion seemed not only ludicrous but almost humorous. This is an example of how vital it is that we know our own experience and reality and honor this for ourselves.
In my case, my mother’s abuse of me was so chronic and pervasive that it INVADED nearly every corner of my brain and its operation from the time I was born. Nearly every single USUAL ordinary experience was tied to my mother’s psychotic intervention within my reality. The result is that nearly every single aspect of being alive in a body has a pathway and a track in my brain and nervous system back to a traumatic experience. The only way that I can begin to separate the trauma from myself and from my life in the present is to be absolutely as conscious as possible of myself and my responses to these millions (yes millions) of triggers.
Nobody who grew up from birth (and before) in a safe and secure environment can really imagine what life in the world for the rest of us who were born and raised in a DANGEROUS world of constant terrorism was like. Nor can they imagine what it’s like to live within our bodies with these brains. I am hard pressed to think of one object or one daily activity that I participate in that doesn’t have a trauma memory attached to it like a gigantic monster fish at the end of every fishing line I throw out as I live my life. This obviously means I am connected within myself not to a safe and secure platform of being in my body in this world, but rather that the platform of my being rests on terror, threat, and the threat of threat of danger.
I mean what I am saying literally. I can’t touch a hairbrush or put on a belt (sometimes the trigger is noticing somebody else’s belt!), use a coat hangar, wash my hair, do the dishes, eat food, be in a car, put on my clothes, go to bed, wake up from a deep sleep, read a book, watch TV — and on and on and on — without some part of my being having the job of blocking the traumatic reactions so that I can be here in the present having experiences without being caught in some version of a dissociative, trauma reaction experience.
We are meant from birth to connect all of our experiences together both in terms of the feelings these experiences create in us (with their correspondingly crucial information about ourselves in the world – these being our immune system responses), and how we connect all of our experiences together in our memory systems — which are connected to our reactions.
Traumatic reactions to triggers in our environment are memory reactions. My memories did not get linked together in a ‘normal’ way. There was no order in my world from birth, only chaotic, unpredictable violence (with a few moments here and there of my mother being ‘nice’ to me, usually as they happened in some public situation).
When was my world rational and ordered? Never. Therefore most of my memories have a life of their own as if they swim randomly around in a gigantic guppy tank until one of them is caught in the moment by some experience that seems related to the information about life they hold within them.
I imagine it that the people who were raised from birth in predictable, safe and secure environments really had the opportunity to form a brain where all the separate experiences of their early lives became linked together HELPFULLY so that they just grew up with a whale of a body — one connected, competent system that lets them get around in the world pretty much just fine.
For those of us who formed brains while living in hell, we ended up with the guppy tank. It is NOT that our way of being in the world isn’t HELPFUL, but it’s only helpful, really, if we live in a world today that matches the one our brain was built in, by and for in the first place. Perhaps that’s part of the reason we survivors often find ourselves in all kinds of extraordinarily stressful and traumatic situations in our adulthoods. Those really are the only kinds of experiences our brains were prepared to survive in.
But this is another example of how knowing our own pasts is our greatest asset. The understandings of why and how I live in a state of constant foreboding makes perfect sense to me now. My mission now is to make every choice I can to separate my reactions from what has been built into me so that I can try to live a different way today.
But it takes SO MUCH ENERGY, and so much attention. It requires of people like me a constant monitoring of ourselves in the world that ‘normal’ people NEVER have to do. That’s part of why their lives seem to be so much better than ours.
The human brain is an instrument of almost unlimited capacity for growth and change. Knowing that fact allows me to focus my efforts not so I can ‘be like everybody else,’ but so I can use as much of my own potential for positive change as I can discover and use in the span of each day (and night).
Believe me, for all the thousands and thousands and thousands of hours I was made to stand like a statue in some corner — put there by my mother before everyone else got out of bed and made to stay there until everyone but her was sound asleep at night — some few times being allowed to leave it to go to the bathroom or eat or go to school…..
Or being made to lie in bed from the time I was very young as if I was in a coffin (SEE, for example, THE BUBBLE GUM), and when I was in a deep sleep in the middle of the night being yanked out of bed by my hair as I came awake in the middle of some violent beating because I had been sleeping on my back with both arms raised beside my head, which to my mother meant I was pretending to be a baby……..or just experiencing this kind of violent awakening just because she was in a rage and wanted to beat me……. How do I overcome this ‘phobia’ or change lying in my bed so it’s NOT connected to these memories? I tell you, lying in bed during chemo for my cancer had this horrible triggering attached to it!
These experiences and memories do not have any value to me today as some form of ‘sob story’, I assure you. These kind of experiences do not belong in that kind of category for any one who have been in some way where I’ve been. What is crucially important is that we recognize the pervasiveness of trauma triggers and recognize that they will follow us for the rest of our lives. We will do battle with both the reality of what happened to us and the reality of what it did to our brains and our body reactions forever in this lifetime.
We cannot minimize this kind of impact. We can never be ‘deprogrammed’ completely, not even for one single one of these triggers. If abuse happens to children BEGINNING particularly after the age of one, and also importantly after another crucial brain-growing period that happens from age one to two, at least that older child has a platform within their bodies to stand on to fight back. Very early abuse interferes with the development of our very essential self as it exists in our forming brain and body. Do not underestimate the impact of infant and toddler abuse if you suspect you were its victim. Please.
And the younger we are when we understand the platform within us that is the basis of our experience throughout our lifespan, the better chance we have of taking control of our trauma reactions and freeing ourselves to live a more positive life freer from our instinctive trauma reactions.
+FACING OUR OWN IDEAS ABOUT MONSTERS
There’s a woman who comes to the small free art class I voluntarily teach on Saturday afternoons whose entire being lights up when she talks about gardens. Not any old kind of garden, but rather truly beautiful ones, hidden ones, secret ones, places where people could come to find peace and beauty and untroubled sanctuary.
This same woman always thinks about gates and doorways at the same time. The images are connected. These gates are not ordinary, either. Down here in the southwest we perhaps have more images in our minds about walled courtyards and gates that are sealed off from public view by all manner of creative and appealing gates. Some have small windows in them up high where adults can peer through to see into the secret places.
This woman has never read the children’s story or seen the movie of ‘The Secret Garden,’ though I am recommending it to her as a homework assignment to discover this story. While in art therapy graduate school we learned much about how the psyche of humanity communicates to us in and through image. Neuroscientists are now beginning to suspect that our brains process all incoming information into memory storage in a poetic, metaphoric fashion. All this information is stored in our limbic, emotion, right brain and is only available to our left ‘logical’ brain when we talk about something very specific that is in some way connected to our metaphoric memories.
In the case of secret gardens and private sealed off worlds, I think about the ‘bigger picture’ of the history of two things in our collective minds: mazes and labyrinths. Mazes are often about what amazes us. This might be something that we have puzzled about and are at the edge of understanding but not quite there yet. What kinds of things amaze us? What things capture our imaginations and captivate our thoughts? Things that we wonder about in the world. Wonder is an amazing mental operation of its own, and something that I as a child abused from birth could not do. I had no points of comparison so there was no wonder in my young life.
I think about Pelzer’s book, “A Child called It,” and about how he fought back against his abuse even in his mind. One has to have some means to compare one’s own experience in their private world with what one knows others experience in the public world. If a child is abused from birth and there is no reprieve, no opportunity to spend lengths of time in interaction with a sane caregiver, then that infant’s brain will simply accept as reality all that it has experienced and had built into its brain about what the world is like. We never question a certain reality unless our minds have the freedom to reach toward and devour the possibility that there are worlds ‘out there’ that are different.
Along with this student’s delight in imagining secret gardens comes the collective imaginal idea of labyrinths. If you do a Google search for “labyrinth minotaur” you will bring yourself face to face with a world of not only delightful possibilities, but also bring yourself to a place that presents a collective image of the monster within us. At the center of the labyrinth our imagination holds there an image of the minotaur, a horrible creature that both scares us nearly to death and one that is also our strongest ally and protector.
Someone mentioned to me the other day that as I clarify and focus my blog and my thoughts about who I am really writing for, I will find that my section, + Art and Creativity, is out of place and does not belong on my site. The brain of our species is the most complex and creative ‘object’ in existence on our planet. I believe that to live our lives to the fullest we need to exercise our connection between the two hemispheres of our brain so that we know more and more about who we are and how we are in the world.
Through artistic exploration we allow the more hidden (in our American culture) aspects of ourselves access into our lives. Most of us keep our own poetry, our own metaphor perspectives on our lives, sealed and walled off from the world in our internal secret gardens and labyrinths. When we allow our images to come forth, even through the spoken word, we can honor ourselves by encouraging not only further and continued access, but also exploration of meaning for ourselves.
If a person has these particular hidden, secret garden and maze-labyrinth images popping around where they can actually recognize them consciously, then a further pursuit into the images can connect to all sorts of fascinating wisdom.
As the world acclaimed astrologer, Zane,’ (SEE: http://www.zanestein.com/CentaureanAstrology.htm) describes in relation to the asteroid Nessus, we all have a monster inside of ourselves that we usually cannot face. In Carl Jung’s thinking, this monster lies sealed off in our personal shadow, a place that he says we put all that we are afraid of about ourselves — both the best of us and the worst of us. If a student begins to allude through their art exploration to something like mazes and labyrinths, it becomes a fascinating study to encourage that student to pursue the images until they can present into consciousness the reality of whatever ‘mythological’ base they are connecting to.
Through the infant brain development and growth years a person learns what to do with the ‘devil and the angel’ within themselves. Normally we make adjustments so that our mind knows (coming from the operation of our brain) how to live in a world of extremes. An infant’s brain knows at a very early age, usually beginning clearly by the third month of life, who is safe to trust and who is not. If an infant is growing in a malevolent world this distinction obviously becomes impossible to make in a useful and healthy way.
A growing child’s brain has to learn how to sequence and prioritize information — both what is coming in from the outside and what is accumulating in ever increasingly complex formats on their inside. If an infant and then later a young child is being raised in an environment of conflict, torture, and terrorism, it is obvious that these processes are either aborted or completed in unhealthy and inadequate ways.
But we need to know that ALL of us have a Jungian shadow, and all of us have a secret garden and a secret labyrinth whose center contains a monster that we believe is us. This monster has power — power to destroy and power to protect. If our brains were allowed to at least develop a minimal pathway through our cortex that allows us to use our higher cortical thinking abilities, we do not allow the monster to wreck havoc in our own or anybody else’s life. But because our relationship to these ‘states’ was set in motion from birth, we must work as adults to access all the information that we know about these things and bring them into consciousness as we learn who, in fact, we are, who we fear we are, who we fear we could become, who we hope we could become.
I don’t know what my student holds behind the secret door in her being. If she chooses to explore through the images in art work what she knows ‘in there’ we will all be able to share in her process. If a young child is being raised by monsters, the boundaries between one’s own monster/protector and the monster/protector of its caregivers will be all mixed together in some kind of very nasty and unpalatable soup. But we can never just throw the whole pot out and start over. We have to work with what we were given beginning at the time of our birth.
We have not only the ability to safely and wisely do this work, but we have the obligation and right to do it. Safely is the key word here. It is because we were not SAFE from birth that we have the nasty soup in the first place. But even if we were safe, as social beings in a social world we all made distinctions between what was acceptable about us and what wasn’t. Most of us never go back as adults and take a good, creative look behind the secret doorways. We need to, because what motivates us and creates our highest priorities lies in there — whether we know it or not, or even WANT to know it or not.
+WHICH HAND DO YOU USE?
Actually, handedness is crucially important when considering the way the brain processes all kinds of information. In my personal studies about posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) I found that the following search led me off into some fascinating areas. If you do a Google search for ‘ptsd lateralization risk’ you will get the gist of what researchers are discovering. In light of the risk factors for developing PTSD being greatly increased for anyone with left and/or what they call mixed handedness, I suspect that similar factors probably affect us as far as depersonalization and derealization are concerned, as well. I don’t understand why all militaries, for example, don’t simply screen for handedness and then they would prevent serious trauma reactions if they did not send anyone into combat that wasn’t entirely right handed with a right handed parental history. The processes that determine our lateralization or handedness are triggered as humans when we are only 4 cells old, and are the same processes that make sure all the organs of a species end up in the same place. They tell cells to go either up or down, forward or backward, right or left as we develop. I guess if one could put all critters in nature in a line facing the same way, they all have the same strong side and the same weak side. (I am getting practice with this as I have been learning from being with horses how this works for them.) Because nature used this process so effectively throughout evolution, all critters naturally know their own strong side and their prey’s weak side. In natural order, critters don’t have time to stop and think about this as they attack or are being attacked. I suspect that it is probably only we humans, due to our many gifts of intelligence, that have managed to survive with 10% of our species being left handed and even more being mixed handed. How this relates to depersonalization and derealization will be discovered through further research, I have no doubt.
NOT THE USUAL INFORMATION ABOUT TRAUMA
I am, at this point, quite convinced that I ‘have’ to talk about something that nobody else is talking about. That makes even blogging difficult because I don’t care about my personal daily activities as subjects to write about. Those things I do because I HAVE to. Working on my ‘mission’ is something I do because I both HAVE to — in an entirely different way — and because I HAVE to do this writing then I WANT to do this writing.
But I have never been a trivial minded person. I was robbed of that luxury by growing up under constant threat of terrible abuse in every arena of my life — except for what precious few hours I escaped to school. That was it. That was the only chance I had to escape from my abusive mother.
I know now that our brains are developing during all the experiences we have as very young people. After we are 2, we are building a life using everything that was inputted into us by the age of 2. But even after the age of 2 I was still in the same traumatic environment and things didn’t get any better. So I never had a chance to build and develop a ‘social brain’, and I don’t have one now.
I am mostly all business. My ability to focus is amazing. I had the potential and had plenty of experience in being able to focus in order to stay alive. This ties into the fact that what I feel I HAVE to do might as well be what I WANT to do because the focus is in me. It is me.
When I say nobody is talking about what I feel I NEED to talk about I am talking about something that is so thought provoking people have not realized yet they need to think about it. If they aren’t thinking about it, then they won’t be talking or writing (or blogging or twittering) about it, either.
What I know, and what I have to, want to, and need to say — if an when people out there pick up on the facts and then begin to think about them — has the potential to turn much about how we view ourselves and one another within our society.
We need to know what our mother’s environment was like while she carried us, because her level of stress hormones affected how our DNA expressed itself as our bodies grew. We need to know her state of being when she delivered us, and how she — or any other early caregiver interacted with us.
We need to know WHO any other possible early caregivers were, and how they treated us because how they treated us determined how our bodies, including our brains (as a part of our nervous system), our entire nervous system and our immune system developed.
If we did not get our basic needs met on a regular basis as little tiny people, the environment that we were in basically communicated to us that we were evolving/developing to face a hostile world. We therefore ended up with a very different body on all levels than we would have developed if we had been taken care of as nearly perfectly as is possible.
I say this thinking can change our society because once we know this crucial early information about our beginnings, we can look at how our lives developed from that point onwards. If we have troubles in our lives — with our emotions including grief, sadness, depression, rage, aggression, isolation and loneliness, motivation, attention, general states of being related to anxiety and phobias, feeling overwhelmed and over stressed and often with a sense of foreboding for the future moment by moment — troubles with our relationships, friendships, with our children and parents, with ourselves — if we have (prior to this economic near-mayhem) had trouble with work, with peers, with our income, suffered from extremes of poverty and deprivation — committed crimes, violence, ended up in the criminal justice system — have repeatedly relocated due to stress or have been or are homeless, have mental health diagnosis, troubles with addictions — if we have to rely on psychiatric medications to maintain anything like a balanced equilibrium — then we DO NOT have optimal well being.
Chances are when we go back and realize that the brain (etc.) that we were forced to develop during very early infanthood and toddlerhood changed the trajectory of our lives and basically sent us off without all we needed to live the best life we deserved. Once we realize this fact, we can begin to link up categories mentioned above and begin to understand the common ground so many of us are standing on.
At present, when I attempt to search the web for connecting factors I find isolated sites devoted to a focus on their particular piece of the broken or breaking puzzle. If we don’t consider fully the impact of our early experiences, consider the kind and quality of the caregiving we received as infants and toddlers and young children — then we are missing the most important piece of information that can help us understand how our current life difficulties started in the first place and how they changed the very brain we use to face every aspect of our life.
If we are honest with ourselves, we know who we are. I suspect that most people are already using nearly every bit of courage they have to get from morning to night each day. We mostly know that no adequate care exists or is accessible to us to help us untangle the many tangled ties we have that connect us from the moment of our birth to our present situation. We have been willing participants — because we have to or want to or need to — in the ‘substance consumption’ plan of getting through life. It mostly seems more possible to take prescribed drugs, smoke pot, consume other illegal drugs, drink too much, eat too much, etc. than it is to make the changes we need to make in our lives to be happy, to live in a state of well being.
SEE: http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/07/09/antidepressants/index.html
None of us are getting any younger. None of us are going to get another chance to go back in time and make changes we wish we could. So we keep on blindly struggling through our lives while rarely having the time or the means or the motivation to look at the bigger picture, to see how what’s wrong in our lives now is directly connected to what was wrong in our lives during our first 2 years of life — the very essential brain development and formative years that gave us the brain we use to get us through this very moment.
When a few people died as a result of someone tampering with aspirin bottles by adding poison on the west coast in the early 70s ALL human consumption industries figured out immediately how to protect us from such a problem happening again. Maybe 4 people died?
What kind of mass actions do we take to address all the social and psychological problems (as mentioned above) that continue to plague our society? What kind of dedicated effort do we put into making sure that EVERYONE has the same chance to grow up in a safe and secure home so that they can develop the best brain possible to have the best future in a benevolent world?
What are your thoughts? What do you know? What are your questions?
Based on what you know of the first 2 years of your life, did you get to grow a benevolent brain or one designed in, by and for a malevolent world? Have you always thought that there was something more unfortunate about your life — then and now — than the lives other people get to live?
There is NOTHING wrong with knowing the truth about these things. It is most helpful, actually, to admit the facts. Facts are a good thing to know! What were the factors that put you at risk for living a life more of struggle than of ease and well being? Are you afraid to look back there? It all ties together, what happened to you in those first 2 years. Our caregivers download their own minds into ours, and if theirs was built in a hostile world chances are they were lacking in what they needed to give you the best start possible. Believe me, it affected you. Way back then, and it affects you now. The beginning is the essential place to start anything like a recovery, change or healing effort.
Article on Homelessness
When considering the range of quality of life issues, one has to consider the increasing rate of homelessness in our country…
http://homelesstales.com/2009/03/section-8-housing-applications-closed-nationwide/
An excellent site
Child abuse and the lifelong plague
Child abuse is most often linked to a cycle, but when considering a cycle where do we break into the loop to start our investigation?
I want to make the point that what comes around goes around – but it all starts somewhere so can also end somewhere.
Before someone figured out that rats carried the plague nobody could attack the terrible problem at its roots. I believe that we have to, as parents and adults, recognize the true reality of our own childhood traumas so that we can understand how they have impacted us. Child abuse does not just hurt little people. When those little people grow up they carry those wounds with them for the rest of their lives. So far, I don’t see that we understand exactly how these consequences are all linked together. Advances in developmental neuroscience tell us that child abuse, especially to infants and the very young during brain developmental changes, in fact gives the survivor a brain built for a malevolent rather than a benevolent world.
Until we educate ourselves about this fact we are in effect killing the horses and sparing the rats that are the cause of the plague among us in the first place. A malevolently-formed brain is designed for a different world. If we don’t understand this we are screaming our loudest across a chasm trying to change those who hurt the little ones without realizing they truly aren’t able to hear what we are saying to them. Their brains hear and understand information differently. It’s our job to face this truth so that we can find a way to reach the abusers who were themselves abused. Otherwise – and obviously – the cycle is not only continuing but is growing in force and magnitude.
Most of the time we are ‘preaching to the choir’ about child abuse. Those 50% at the top of the heirarchy who came from safe and secure childhoods are screaming to those down below about what to do and what not to do. Those at the very bottom can never hear those words. It’s time we empower those at the bottom, those who had truly horrific childhoods from birth, to know their own reality and do their own screaming from the bottom up. Will those at the top hear us?
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