Friday, July 18, 2014.  I read an excellent book several years ago within whose pages I saw myself mirrored back to me.   A good thing?  I would say no, but it was an essential thing.

I absolutely do not believe that I was born autistic, yet the author’s experience of herself in her life was so familiar to me I ended up underlining many of her words as I wrote comments about my similar feelings and perceptions in the book’s margins.

I HATE the fact that I know much of what this woman knows.  It is a reality for me that I do, and a very sad one.

Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism Paperback – March 22, 2005

by Dawn Prince-Hughes Ph.D.


I recommended the book to a friend of mine who has read it and today sent me the link to this NOVA video:

Watch What Happens When This Gorilla Is Reunited With The Human Who Raised Him. So Many Feels.

It was the moment when the gorilla has his loved one wrapped tightly in his arms that cut through to the deep infant-child abuse trauma-created sadness in my heart as if my being was sliced open.  This video touches my own wound that evidently will never heal in this lifetime (I turn 63 at the end of August).

I WANT to love and to feel loved in THIS way!  That ability was taken away from me.

Such a love.  It appears so organic.  So primal.  So essential.  Necessary.  Easy?

I know for a fact that for someone like me this kind of love – the EXPERIENCE of this kind of love – is not a part of reality.  I am not saying that it COULD not be, but given the conditions of American culture and the life that I lead here what I WOULD need to heal the depths of my love-wound is not available.  Therefore I will never know if my wound could heal under the right conditions.

So – for me – I just know it’s impossible.  I am not going searching for words to explain what I mean.  I am convinced that those readers who watch this video and feel this kind of powerful, profound, pervasive sadness that I feel will know exactly what I am talking about.  It is a part of who we are.

But I do not say it is a “bad” thing.  It is a REAL thing.  And it is a sad one.  Tragic.  Tied to profound grief for what we missed and for what was done to us to rob us of the innate experience of love-experience.  Abuse of infants and children NEEDS TO STOP!


Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase –


It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  Reviews for the book on the Amazon.com site are welcome.


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