http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131
Is my ‘problem’ about forgiveness, especially as it relates to my mother, really the problem that I never was mad at her in the first place? Does forgiveness require stages like they say the grief process does? Is there something wrong that I went to the empathy and understanding place first, having bypassed anger?
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You make a good point. If someone is hurt and they choose not to get angry/take offense, is there really anything to forgive? I remember you made a point in a previous post that as a child, you were never angry at your mistreatment. As a child, you accepted the way things were.
As an adult, you look back and realize how much harm was done to you. You see how your mother singled you out for abuse for 18 years and beyond. Are you angry now? That’s the million dollar question!
You mentioned not understanding forgiveness. I think of your story about your little son. You became angry with him one day and knocked him off the stool with your hand. You immediately felt terrible and went to comfort him. You probably said you were sorry and asked him to forgive you. He probably said ‘it’s ok mommy”. You asked for forgiveness and you received forgiveness. You probably have done the same things many times in your life as we all do.
Defining forgiveness seems easy until someone actually asks you to define it. I have a 10 year old son and we are practicing Catholics. If he asked me to explain forgiveness,
I would tell him that forgiveness is “letting go” of the hurt and anger that can happen when someone hurts you. I would tell him that holding onto anger can make you feel sick like when you have a tummy ache. Forgiveness is a choice that we have because we have free will. Choosing to forgive someone might end up making your tummy feel better so you can focus your energy on fun things like video games and not be bugged by that hurt feeling anymore. He would agree because no one forgives more completely and more sincerely than a child.